Family Ties

I love that I am from a big family--7 siblings. I love that Hubby is from a big family--9 siblings. I moved often while I was growing up: 13 times before I went to college. It wasn't always easy leaving friends, going to new schools, etc., but my sense of security wasn't shaken. I had my family...everything else was just the extra stuff. I think family is very important. The great thing about big families is the number of people to interact with, get advice from, depend on and help. The bad thing about big families is the number of people to interact with, get advice from, depend on and help. My brother John's birthday is coming up and I have been looking forward to going to see him and celebrate with him. The bonus of the trip is that there is a high probability that Brian (another brother) and his wonderful family will be there as well. I'd get to see my mom and dad. Just lots of good feelings and happy expectations all around. Added to this pull of going, is also the fact that my brother is ill. I want to take advantage of seeing him as much as I can. John has constantly said that he understands if I can't come. He doesn't seem to understand that visiting him is good for me. If he also enjoys it, all the better. Visiting gives me something to actively do to help him deal with ALS. It makes me feel better. Hubby has been working very hard. He has this major project coming due next week and has been working incredible overtime. He was on a conference call last night from 7 pm - 11 pm. When I leave town, Hubby picks up extra work with shuttling the girls around to their activities. Add to that our tile installation has been postponed until next week when I'm supposed to be gone. So, I have two pulls on me: my brother and Hubby. The pulls are so very different they're hard to compare. It makes me think of the "what if" questions posed..."Who would you save if you were drowning, the Singer or the Imp?" My answer is, "I pray to God I never have to find out." I hear the argument saying "Once you're married your husband always comes first." I hear the argument "You can visit John anytime." But I also hear the comment made to me at my sister-in-law's funeral "When you moved away, she felt so abandoned." (My family moved to Florida a little over a year before she died.) The person making the comment was filled with grief and is not a malicious person, but the statement has stayed with me. What should I have done? Is there a right and wrong decision? Or in cases like this, does the decision just need to be made and I just need to accept that I won't be happy with either one. Hubby doesn't know, yet, that I'm contemplating not going to see John. He would tell me to go. John would tell me to stay home with Hubby. Either way, I'll feel I'm letting someone down.