Christmas Peace

I just read Cindy's post.
I wanted to comment on Christmas and the sad memories it can generate. It is very sad for us to remember hard Christmases. The Christmas after my brother, Chris, died was very hard. But that is what Christmas is for: to let us know that the sadness is temporary and something so much better awaits. While I teared up reading Cindy's post (especially when reading about Ellen), I also felt God's peace. Christmas is not the gifts and parties and cookies and tinsel and all the other material goodies that abound. "Peace on Earth" is what the angels said Jesus was to bring. When I remember Ellen and Chris and others I love that are no longer here, I am filled with personal sadness...my loss of their presence. But I am also filled with such a peace. I am not perfect and there are days when I think my heart will literally break with sadness over my losses. But Christmas is a time of peaceful contemplation over God's plan. Our pastor said in today's sermon, "Christmas is the most peaceful celebration of the year." If it's not peaceful, I've lost sight of the meaning. And yes, I often lose sight, and am very stressed trying to make happy memories of the season. But when I stop and reflect, and sit outside and look up at the sky and hear the quiet and think of the joy brought by any baby, Christmas: Jesus' birth, brings me contentment.
I say all this as I stress over the Singer still not being totally better and worry about our trip north on Tuesday and how I'm going to get everything done.

More Stones?

Wednesday saw the Singer getting progressively better throughout the day. Even though she had not specifically seen the passage of a stone, we thought she must have passed it as she was doing so much better. Thursday she woke up and went and took her exams. After coming home, she began to have pain again. Last night the pain was bad and she had to take medication so she could sleep. Today, the pain is better, but she is a bit nauseous. We're not sure if she has another stone, or if the first one is just taking its time to move along. We're pumping fluids into her (although, it's harder today with her being nauseous), and praying. She looks peaked. The sad part is she spent Thanksgiving vacation recovering from her wisdom teeth out, now she's spending Christmas vacation laid up in pain. I wish I could make it all better for her.

The Imp turns 13 today. She's spending the day watching PG-13 videos of movies she wanted to see at 10, 11 and 12 but wasn't permitted to. The Singer was suppose to have the movie-marathon party with her, and she is in the same room, but not exactly with-it.

I got Christmas cookies baked, but now they need decorating. Usually this is a family affair. I think I may be doing it solo this year. The weather is overcast and it's humid and sticky outside. The weather and the Singer's illness are getting me down. I'm trying to focus on the reason for the season and look on the bright side of things.

Kidney Stones

We've had a fun couple of days. The public school children have been on vacation since last Friday (12/15). My girls have exams this week. They are not happy at all. The Singer, known for keeping things (especially unpleasant things) close to her chest, came in my room at 1:00 am this morning crying in pain. "It hurts, Mom! It hurts!" After waking up to realize what is going on, I try to assess the situation. Her pain is in the abdominal region, front and back. I immediately think of kidney problems. As I had a severe kidney infection when I was pregnant and 3 rounds with kidney stones afterwards, I know kidney pain is excruciating. [When I had my kidney infection, I told my husband, if this is what giving birth is like, I'm not doing it. Fortunately, giving birth isn't as painful.] Hubby, knowing the Singer would never have come in our room in the middle of the night, unless she was really hurting, was getting dressed, as I continued to probe for information. 5 minutes after she came into my room, the two of them were off to the emergency room. It is a terrible feeling to be at home, knowing your child is in pain and not knowing for sure what the problem is. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep. Hubby called a while later saying she had a kidney stone. He also told me she was acting like Hermione, worrying about the exams that were scheduled for today. A chip of the ole' block. I was so glad it wasn't appendicitis or worse, a ruptured appendix. They got home about 4:15 am and then Hubby ran to the pharmacy for meds. He finally got into bed about 5 am. He's sleeping now. The Imp slept through it all. If the stone passes and she's feeling better, the Singer will take her last 2 exams tomorrow. If not, she won't take them until after Christmas break. She just got up and is fretting over finishing her Christmas presents (she's making something for Hubby and the Imp). Not too driven, is she?
I'm tired, but up now. I may be able to nap later, but there's no way I can go back to sleep, now. I've got cookies to bake, and presents to buy. Not to mention the Imp's birthday on Friday!
Better go get started.

The Little Things

Somehow, it is always the little nit-picky things that drive me crazy. Maybe this gets my emotions out so I can stay calm for the big issues and disappointments in life. Hubby thinks I'm going to make myself sick when I get stuck on Angry over the "little" things. The Imp is a great kid. She's had some trouble doing as well as she normally does on her reading tests this year (tests about stories they've read in class). Her text is actually divided into a group of smaller books. They're working out of Book 2 now. Semester exams are coming up. The exam will cover the same material she didn't do well on the first time around. So, I decided she and I would review the stories together and correct her previous tests to prepare her for the exam. I thought that was a reasonable idea. So she went to her teacher to ask to take Book 1 home so she could study. She was told, "No." Perplexed but not undaunted, I e-mailed her teacher, asking for a copy of the stories (I don't care if I have the book, copy the stories on the copier, the Imp needs the stories to study). After getting no reply for 2 days, I sent another request. The response, "She doesn't need the stories to study because we're reviewing in class." Huh? Since when do teachers discourage extra studying at home? I really don't get it. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out the rationale. Why say no? At the end of her response she said if I still had questions to come in this afternoon. You bet I will. But that in itself is what pushes the anger buttons. Like we all (I know she's busy, too) don't have enough to do without me having to spend all this time so my kid can have the materials necessary for her to reread some stories before an exam! It really irks me that I'm going to have to go in to school and literally demand/beg for materials for my child to study. This is a private school. I'm paying money to be treated this way. Because the Imp is intelligent and tends to do well, teachers sometimes brush issues off with, "She'll do good enough." I'm sorry, this really isn't about the grades, it's about preparing for exams. And shortcuts is not what I want to teach her. So, I'll spend today stewing over this, trying to stay calm. I have no desire to treat anyone unkindly, but it's these little things that really drive me batty.

The Best of Times; the Worst of Times

December is my favorite month out of the year. December is also the month where I sleep the least and am in a perpetual state of angst. I absolutely love all the holiday preparations. I love to make gifts (I'm making the girls and Hubby something...can't say what 'cause they may read this), I love planning the gift-giving, I enjoy the lights and the music everywhere, I love the parties, the baking and the school performances. I love the wrapping and bow-tying. Decorating the house is pure fun. And the festive attitude is refreshing. So how can such wonderful things cause such angst in me? It's simple, I want to do everything...I want to go to the zoo and see Santa's reindeer, I want to go to the free Christmas concert downtown and the one the next night at church. I want to drive leisurely through neighborhoods looking and exclaiming at the outdoor lights and decorations. I want to bake cut-out cookies from scratch and decorate them. I want to bake Polish sweet bread, geiba, which is an all day messy affair (my recipe makes 12 loaves, and you have to wait for the dough to rise and everything). I want to make crafts for everyone and everything. I want to volunteer at Santa's workshop where little kids shop for their parents. And amidst all that, I still have to do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, make dinner and check homework. The girls still need to go to swim and voice and dance and whatever. I still have to prepare lessons for church classes. That's the part I don't like. Can someone please figure out how to put all that day-to-day stuff on hold during December? Summer vacation is great. I think we should have December off so we can enjoy it! I made beef stew yesterday in the crock pot. Great smells permeating the house. But, I'm ready for a dinner-making vacation. When I said that out loud, the Singer said, "Great, we'll eat out every night!" Not exactly what I was thinking (unless she'd like me take the money budget ted for her gifts to pay for all the junk. Besides, fast food has really lost it's appeal to me. I use to love it all, but everything is too salty and greasy and not tasty enough). So my pie-in-the-sky dream is to have a personal assistant during December to grocery shop, chauffeur, cook regular meals, clean the house, etc so I can do all the fun stuff. Gotta run be Santa's helper at school.

Fender Benders

We finally got the car fixed after the Singer ran into a parked car. The accident isn't quite as clueless as it sounds, but it has taken me a while to stop the recurring "How did you hit a parked car?!" running through my head (with a sore tongue from biting these words back from being yelled at the Singer). A huge monster truck was parked (perpendicular)with its "tail" sticking out and a huge trailer hitch sticking out from underneath its bumper. Sitting low in the car (as opposed to the high view of the minivan) the Singer didn't see the hitch and scraped the right front fender up against the hitch. The truck and hitch were totally unaffected. The fender was bent in such a way as to make it impossible to open the front passenger door. Hubby and I debated the pros and cons of getting a 10 year old car with 100,00+ miles on it fixed. If the door would have opened, it would have been a no-brainer (spray rust-oleum on the fender to prevent rust and leave it). However, Hubby drives the girls to school every morning in the car, and having the front passenger door not open wasn't appealing to him for a long-term option. So we had it fixed. There went 1/2 our Christmas budget. And yes, the Singer is paying us back, but it's on the installment plan. Add to that the cost of having 4 wisdom teeth removed and painting the outside of the house and finances seem tight now. I said "seem" because we are financial conservatives and our definition of "tight" is not the same as others. Hubby and I went out to Village Inn (Perkins type restaurant) for a piece of pie and coffee to plan our holiday budget. This is an annual tradition. First, by going out, we know the girls won't hear, and it makes us stay calm since we're in a public place. It went pretty well, but neither of us enjoyed seeing our current balances in our checkbook or on the Visa card.
The girls are busy making the gifts they'll give to their friends. They're both making pillows for their friends and we're making "Cookie mix in a jar" for the teachers.
Hubby's out finishing up painting the trim on the house. It's cloudy with a 30% chance of rain, but we're praying for it to hold off. The Imp is at the local high school taking the SATs. She'll be exhausted when she gets home. And I'm putting off doing my online work. There's just over a week left in the course and I'm getting inundated with people turning in 10 assignments at a time (half of which will only be 1/2 done). But duty calls. So I'll go.