Another Funeral

I found out yesterday that another teen from my church died. Arielle was 17. She and her twin sister were in the church choir in middle school. 2 years ago March, Arielle was crossing the street in front of her high school (not waiting for the crossing light) and was hit by a car (travelling approx 45 mph). She was in a coma for a few months and then has been home since. Her dad quit his job to stay home and care for her and work on her rehabilitation. There was brain damage and apparently she had a lot of physical pain. This past week she developed an infection, and Saturday she died. So tomorrow I go to yet another funeral. The Singer again will be singing with many others from the choir that Arielle was in. My heart breaks at the struggles this family has had to face these past 2 years and for the pain they are dealing with now. Death is never easy to deal with no matter how strong your faith. But, the death of a child makes me ask the age-old questions...How could God allow this?...Why didn't God answer the prayers of all those praying for her? I hold tight to the knowledge that God's way are not our ways and that my little brain may never understand the why of many things during this life. I have to cling to my faith that God is indeed all-loving and that he has great love for each of us, as unique individuals. I trust He knows best, while still grieving and still angry that these things happen.
The only 'good' thing about this, is that the Imp is away this week at a retreat and will not feel compelled to attend the funeral. She so wants to believe that life is wonderful and does not want to have to face the sadness of death. She was convinced that James' death 3 weeks ago was going to be her last funeral for a while. She kept saying that Uncle John (my brother) died a year ago and that started a terrible year filled with funerals and that James' death (a week before the one year anniversary of John's death) was to end the year and that there were to be no more deaths of people she knew. I'm with her. Enough already! Not having anyone I know die within the next year would be greatly appreciated.

Letting Go

I spent yesterday and today at the University of South Florida with the Singer for Freshmen Orientation. After the two days, the Singer is walking on cloud nine and is super excited about going to college. YEA! It's so fun to watch her get so excited! The students and parents were separated for most of the 2 days, getting much of the same info...just presented differently. I felt like I wasted 2 days...I kept shaking my head, thinking...my parents never did this for me, they dropped me off, attended a brief 'orientation' meeting, paid the bill (thanks Mom and Dad) and left. I was 500 miles away from home, no immediate family in the area. I was on my own as far as figuring it all out. But hey, if I couldn't figure it out, why was I at college? During the "Emergency Plan" session (where the college tells us what their plan is in case of natural emergencies, i.e. hurricanes, or Va Tech type emergencies) we were told students would be encouraged to go home if a hurricane was predicted to hit Tampa. A father asked, "If my son's roommate is from out of state, is it alright if I take him home?" The police officer didn't understand the question. I did, the man had the mentality that his son's roommate would need parental permission to leave campus with this man. No parental permission is needed...the guy is 18...he can do what he likes...this is NOT elementary school. And by the way, no one is making sure your kid is going to class, either. But that, too was a question. "When will I be notified if my child is failing his class." Uuummm...when grades are posted. But the parent wanted to know ahead of time so they could make sure their child didn't fail. Huh? Then, when the health services said they couldn't give medical information to the parents unless the student signed a release, parents were aghast. "But they're on my insurance." Yea, but they have privacy...they're 18. If you don't want to pay if you can't know, don't. During one session, we read potential scenarios we may face this year (kid calls home for money, homesick, etc). One was...you call his dorm and he doesn't answer. In fact, you call 3 days in a row and no answer...what to do? First, I thought the scenario was out-dated...with cell phones this was very unlikely. All kinds of advice was offered. (Including very good advice to get your student's roommate's cell #.) Then the moderator asked how many parents expected to call their child every day. A good 3/4 of the parents raised their hands. I couldn't believe it. I love the Singer, I enjoy her company, but she needs me to back off so she can figure out things on her own. If she calls me every day...great. But I certainly won't call her each day. Not because I don't care but because she needs to make decisions that are hers, not mine. Then another scenario was about the student having trouble with a professor calling them unfair or too hard. After all the discussion, the moderator said "Now, remember unless it is a very serious issue like sexual harrassment, etc, please let your child handle it. If you feel you need to step in, please don't call the president of the university first." Again, huh?
Today the students went to register for classes. Parents were not allowed. Parents were outraged. "But what if they pick the wrong classes!?!" Well, they worked their schedules out with an advisor and if they chose poorly, they'll figure out how to do better next time. I guess I am in the minority. I think if you can go to college, then you need to handle certain things on your own. I expect the Singer will make some mistakes...and I expect she'll learn from them. I know I am blessed with an intelligent and mature daughter, but I also think many of these parents were hovering and refusing to let their kids go. And as far as I'm concerned the Singer is reponsible for what goes on at college. She needs to keep her grades up to keep her scholarships...if not, she's got to find a way to replace that money. She knows this. She'll keep those grades up. Or not. She also knows that if something extraordinary happens (car accident, long illness, etc) that contributed to a low GPA, we'd help out. But this is her college education, the responsibility is hers. On a lighter note, the moderator was talking about keeping in touch and mention texting and instant messaging. Then she said, "and of course you can use the more conventional methods like email." I must be getting old, I don't think of email as a conventional method of ocmmunication. Go figure.

Graduation Pictures

Megan and Theresa's cake. Party May 18


Graduation bubbles for the party. Megan's request.


Graduation caps made from mini brownies, chocolate covered graham cookies, fruit roll-ups (sliced), and m & m's.


Grandma, Theresa and Grandpa



Theresa and Mom at her graduation, May 13. In Sacred Heart Church.




Theresa and Megan

Megan and Theresa cutting their cake.












Megan singing the National Anthem.






After Meg's graduation.

Mark, Grandma and Theresa




Graduation Week (May 13 - 21) was marvelous. It was so great to have my parents and my brother, Mark here with us. The party was a huge success. I over-prepared with the amount of egg rolls I'd made, but they freeze well.

I'm working on posting Megan's singing of the National Anthem. She sang the school Alma mater, as well, but...we won't post that.

After taking a few days to recover from the festivities, we were hit with bad news. Two young brothers (13 and 14) from our church and that swam on the same swim team as the girls, were in a terrible jet ski accident Memorial Day weekend. The older brother, James, was taken off life-support this past Saturday and died. The younger one is home from the hospital. The Singer was asked to sing at the wake and funeral. The family is very active in our church and school. There were well over 700 people at the wake and funeral. It was heart-wrenching. As the anniversary of my brother's death approaches, it really hit me hard. The father spoke at the end of the funeral and said "At 14 he was a better man than I'll ever be." Very reminiscent of my dad's comments when asked what he wanted included in John's eulogy. James really was an exceptional young man. In addition to the 2 brothers, there are 2 younger siblings. The 4 year old has Downs Syndrome. When his father was explaining to James (at age 10) that his baby brother would always be disabled, James told his dad not to worry. That even though his mom and dad would die before the 4 year old, he (James) would take care of him. He was a Jr Olympic qualifying swimmer, top of his class, volunteered with Special Olympics and volunteered at church regularly. I've been really down about this. My faith has not been shaken, I just feel a little overwhelmed with the sadness of it all.