Portable Shelters?

Unbelievably, school is right around the corner. The Imp starts next Thursday (next Tues night is "Back to School Night" where we go and get to see what homeroom she's in, and there is a parents' meeting. The Imp, sharing characteristics of her mother, came into my room at 1:20 am this morning, telling me she couldn't sleep. The pre--school jitters have begun. Once school begins, she'll be fine, but the next week or so could be rough...on both of us. I don't do well on interrupted sleep. Not to mention, she comes into my room, stands by my bed puts her face very close to mine and whispers, "Mommm" "Momm" so I open my eyes and find myself staring into a face. Inevitably, I jump. Because of this response, my kids don't like to wake me up in the night (I've told them that standing back a little might help....).
The Singer is off to Music Ministry Alive. She is sooo excited. She was chosen to sing a solo at the closing program. She's pretty happy. It seems she's been gone a lot this summer...getting us ready for her going off to college, I guess.





Check out this story about PODS. No, not Portable On Demand Storage, although the same company, but Portable On Demand SHELTERs. Make sure to watch the video, it gives a tour of these cozy "homes". It sounds intriguing, having a small space to stay in, on your own property, as you recover from a catastrophic event (hurricane, wild fire, etc). I wouldn't want to stay in one for long, but having them so easily portable is really a plus. Here in Tampa, we know that hurricane season starts in May, but we don't usually start watching until August. August and September are the months we tend to get hit. Wonder if there's a way to tie this into solving the homeless problem?

Production vs Service

My first few days at work have been interesting. I still don't know what my job title is or job description or job expectations (other than "jack-of-all-trades"). But despite the lack of concrete, sequential, neatly packaged directions (which I thrive on), I'm still having fun. I enjoy being with other adults during the day. I also enjoy being able to contribute to my family's finances even just a little. Being a stay-at-home mom has been/is very important to me, but a continual struggle has been feeling like a "free-loader." I know all the arguments about the economic (not to mention emotional and spiritual) value to my family because of me being at home. I believe it and know my decision is right and am not sorry for choosing this life at all. However, "Pull your own weight." echos in my mind and in a society that values production over service and money over ... well just about anything, it is easy to fall into the trap of feeling unproductive. Being at home also means that I spend most of the money. I do the shopping and get the car fixed and pay the bills and pick up the dry-cleaning and so on. Hubby puts gas in the car and while that has become a bigger expenditure than it use to be, it doesn't add up near as quickly as all of my purchases. The Imp needed a new uniform skirt, new tennis shoes, and new uniform shirt. The Singer needed new school shoes and new tennis shoes. Those purchases plus the various school supplies that they need, and I've spent significantly more than I do in a "normal" month. My paycheck will make me feel better and provide us with the ability to do some of the extras (family vacation, to name one) we haven't in a while. I'm very blessed.

The Gift of Grief

The Unwanted Gift of Grief is a book I picked up in Chicago last week. Saturday night (while still in Tampa) a group of friends of mine were discussing grieving. Another friend lost his mother a few months ago and some people couldn't understand the length and depth of his grief. Walking through the grief process myself, I know that grief is ultimately personal and individual. My grief for John is different than my grief for my brother, Chris....for a number of reasons ranging from the suddenness of Chris' death to the fact that I'm 5 years older than I was when Chris died. I began reading this book and kept saying "YES! That's exactly it!" I'm tempted to write all the passages I've already highlighted in the book, but I've highlighted too much and cannot pick the most pertinent or most moving quote. For anyone who's lost someone...even a long time ago, and for anyone who knows someone who's lost someone, this book is a must. To me, this book approached grief intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. It has made me feel better simply because it has validated my grief process.

Chicago was wonderful. The details are unimportant. I had much time of sharing with friends, made new friends and had time to personally think. I spent one morning at the Loyola Museum looking at an exhibit on John Paul II and his friendship with a Jew, Jerzy Kluger, who ultimately helped JPII visit Israel. It was so interesting and provoking. I'm such a history buff, that the history itself was intriquing. But to recognize what the Pope went through before becoming pope was inspiring. Near the end of the exhibit, there was a model "Wailing Wall" like the wall in Israel where John Paul stopped to pray. There was paper for you to write a prayer on and put it in the wall. The museum will be taking all those prayers to the Wailing Wall in Israel when the exhibit closes. Pretty neat. Yes, I left a prayer.

What Marriage Should Be

A week ago, I headed off to SC by myself to share the 4th with my family. My brother, Mark, from California had already made plans to visit before John's death. Hubby and the Singer couldn't take more time off of work after the week in June, and the Imp decided to stay home. So I found myself, once again, driving from Tampa to Sumter (about a 485 mile trip). I've made that trip about every 2 months for the past 4 1/2 years...often alone. As I was driving, it was surreal, it was hard for me to get my head around the fact that I wouldn't see John once I finally got there. With 9 hours of driving time, I had lots of time to think, and remembered many of my trips to SC and things I did with John. Of course, I remembered the trip to Ward's Bar-B-Que the last time I was there. John was craving fat-back (a southern delicacy?) and Elaine and Essie (John's nurse) and I took him out to Ward's so he could get a taste of fat-back (think pork rinds, only more fat --ugh). But it was a great memory and I know John enjoyed the outing and the food. I also thought of older memories...of when we were little. I didn't really appreciate John and his sense of humor and his decidedly different approach to life until we were both approaching 30. I always loved him but didn't quite "get him" until I matured. It was sad to think how often he frustrated me during those first 30 years, when if I had only relaxed a little, I could have laughed both at and with him. Makes me look at others who walk to the beat of their own drummer a little differently.

I enjoyed my time in SC immensely. I got to spend time with Mark and my parents. With Mark being 8 years older and living 3000 miles away, we don't spend lots of time together. It was good to catch up with him. My mom and I hit the mall and I got some great "end of summer sale" stuff. But I really enjoyed my time with Gwyn, my sister-in-law. She and I went out to dinner and then sat in her back yard (one of John's favorite places) and got to talk. I've always liked Gwyn, but the last 4 years, I've tried hard to visit John while Gwyn's at work and give Gwyn and John their time...knowing that their time was limited. We visited, but rarely just the two of us. I really enjoyed my time with her last week, and am more convinced then ever that marrying Gwyn was one of John's best decisions. Last week on Oprah, I saw Bob Woodruff and his wife, Lee, speak about his recovery from a head injury in Iraq. At one point, Oprah stated that it was inspiring to see Lee stick by Bob through this ordeal. Lee's response was great...one of surprise that sticking by Bob was seen as extraordinary. She loves him, she's married to him, they're part of each others' lives. OF COURSE she'd be there. The same reaction occurred with Gwyn and John. When John was first diagnosed, people would ask if he were married and if his wife was staying with him. I was confused...Yeah! She's his wife. She loves him. They're in this together...whatever "this" is. They each worked every day trying to make the situation better for the other. John wished he could somehow make it so that Gwyn wouldn't have to see him deteriorate, that he could somehow ease her work-load knowing that it grew each day as his abilities diminished. Gwyn approached her increased work-load as a matter of course....it needs to be done...so let's do it. Their time together was obviously tainted by ALS, but they both worked to make the time they had good and not only about ALS. It is inspiring...because this is what marriage should look like. They demonstrated love. Just makes my heart break to know she has lost her best friend.

While the trip to SC was good and I did have a good time, I am so, so, so happy to be home. Hubby and I have said at least 10 times a day to each other, "It's just good to be with you." We've done nothing exciting or extraordinary, but I'm definitely glad to be home.

Tomorrow night, the Imp has convinced us to all go to the opening night of the new Harry Potter movie. We're going with Hubby's cousin and his family. I can't remember the last opening night I've been too...and in fact, I'm not sure I've ever been. I'm not a crowd person and usually prefer to wait until the theater won't be totally full. But...it should be interesting.