Christmas Peace

I just read Cindy's post.
I wanted to comment on Christmas and the sad memories it can generate. It is very sad for us to remember hard Christmases. The Christmas after my brother, Chris, died was very hard. But that is what Christmas is for: to let us know that the sadness is temporary and something so much better awaits. While I teared up reading Cindy's post (especially when reading about Ellen), I also felt God's peace. Christmas is not the gifts and parties and cookies and tinsel and all the other material goodies that abound. "Peace on Earth" is what the angels said Jesus was to bring. When I remember Ellen and Chris and others I love that are no longer here, I am filled with personal sadness...my loss of their presence. But I am also filled with such a peace. I am not perfect and there are days when I think my heart will literally break with sadness over my losses. But Christmas is a time of peaceful contemplation over God's plan. Our pastor said in today's sermon, "Christmas is the most peaceful celebration of the year." If it's not peaceful, I've lost sight of the meaning. And yes, I often lose sight, and am very stressed trying to make happy memories of the season. But when I stop and reflect, and sit outside and look up at the sky and hear the quiet and think of the joy brought by any baby, Christmas: Jesus' birth, brings me contentment.
I say all this as I stress over the Singer still not being totally better and worry about our trip north on Tuesday and how I'm going to get everything done.

More Stones?

Wednesday saw the Singer getting progressively better throughout the day. Even though she had not specifically seen the passage of a stone, we thought she must have passed it as she was doing so much better. Thursday she woke up and went and took her exams. After coming home, she began to have pain again. Last night the pain was bad and she had to take medication so she could sleep. Today, the pain is better, but she is a bit nauseous. We're not sure if she has another stone, or if the first one is just taking its time to move along. We're pumping fluids into her (although, it's harder today with her being nauseous), and praying. She looks peaked. The sad part is she spent Thanksgiving vacation recovering from her wisdom teeth out, now she's spending Christmas vacation laid up in pain. I wish I could make it all better for her.

The Imp turns 13 today. She's spending the day watching PG-13 videos of movies she wanted to see at 10, 11 and 12 but wasn't permitted to. The Singer was suppose to have the movie-marathon party with her, and she is in the same room, but not exactly with-it.

I got Christmas cookies baked, but now they need decorating. Usually this is a family affair. I think I may be doing it solo this year. The weather is overcast and it's humid and sticky outside. The weather and the Singer's illness are getting me down. I'm trying to focus on the reason for the season and look on the bright side of things.

Kidney Stones

We've had a fun couple of days. The public school children have been on vacation since last Friday (12/15). My girls have exams this week. They are not happy at all. The Singer, known for keeping things (especially unpleasant things) close to her chest, came in my room at 1:00 am this morning crying in pain. "It hurts, Mom! It hurts!" After waking up to realize what is going on, I try to assess the situation. Her pain is in the abdominal region, front and back. I immediately think of kidney problems. As I had a severe kidney infection when I was pregnant and 3 rounds with kidney stones afterwards, I know kidney pain is excruciating. [When I had my kidney infection, I told my husband, if this is what giving birth is like, I'm not doing it. Fortunately, giving birth isn't as painful.] Hubby, knowing the Singer would never have come in our room in the middle of the night, unless she was really hurting, was getting dressed, as I continued to probe for information. 5 minutes after she came into my room, the two of them were off to the emergency room. It is a terrible feeling to be at home, knowing your child is in pain and not knowing for sure what the problem is. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep. Hubby called a while later saying she had a kidney stone. He also told me she was acting like Hermione, worrying about the exams that were scheduled for today. A chip of the ole' block. I was so glad it wasn't appendicitis or worse, a ruptured appendix. They got home about 4:15 am and then Hubby ran to the pharmacy for meds. He finally got into bed about 5 am. He's sleeping now. The Imp slept through it all. If the stone passes and she's feeling better, the Singer will take her last 2 exams tomorrow. If not, she won't take them until after Christmas break. She just got up and is fretting over finishing her Christmas presents (she's making something for Hubby and the Imp). Not too driven, is she?
I'm tired, but up now. I may be able to nap later, but there's no way I can go back to sleep, now. I've got cookies to bake, and presents to buy. Not to mention the Imp's birthday on Friday!
Better go get started.

The Little Things

Somehow, it is always the little nit-picky things that drive me crazy. Maybe this gets my emotions out so I can stay calm for the big issues and disappointments in life. Hubby thinks I'm going to make myself sick when I get stuck on Angry over the "little" things. The Imp is a great kid. She's had some trouble doing as well as she normally does on her reading tests this year (tests about stories they've read in class). Her text is actually divided into a group of smaller books. They're working out of Book 2 now. Semester exams are coming up. The exam will cover the same material she didn't do well on the first time around. So, I decided she and I would review the stories together and correct her previous tests to prepare her for the exam. I thought that was a reasonable idea. So she went to her teacher to ask to take Book 1 home so she could study. She was told, "No." Perplexed but not undaunted, I e-mailed her teacher, asking for a copy of the stories (I don't care if I have the book, copy the stories on the copier, the Imp needs the stories to study). After getting no reply for 2 days, I sent another request. The response, "She doesn't need the stories to study because we're reviewing in class." Huh? Since when do teachers discourage extra studying at home? I really don't get it. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out the rationale. Why say no? At the end of her response she said if I still had questions to come in this afternoon. You bet I will. But that in itself is what pushes the anger buttons. Like we all (I know she's busy, too) don't have enough to do without me having to spend all this time so my kid can have the materials necessary for her to reread some stories before an exam! It really irks me that I'm going to have to go in to school and literally demand/beg for materials for my child to study. This is a private school. I'm paying money to be treated this way. Because the Imp is intelligent and tends to do well, teachers sometimes brush issues off with, "She'll do good enough." I'm sorry, this really isn't about the grades, it's about preparing for exams. And shortcuts is not what I want to teach her. So, I'll spend today stewing over this, trying to stay calm. I have no desire to treat anyone unkindly, but it's these little things that really drive me batty.

The Best of Times; the Worst of Times

December is my favorite month out of the year. December is also the month where I sleep the least and am in a perpetual state of angst. I absolutely love all the holiday preparations. I love to make gifts (I'm making the girls and Hubby something...can't say what 'cause they may read this), I love planning the gift-giving, I enjoy the lights and the music everywhere, I love the parties, the baking and the school performances. I love the wrapping and bow-tying. Decorating the house is pure fun. And the festive attitude is refreshing. So how can such wonderful things cause such angst in me? It's simple, I want to do everything...I want to go to the zoo and see Santa's reindeer, I want to go to the free Christmas concert downtown and the one the next night at church. I want to drive leisurely through neighborhoods looking and exclaiming at the outdoor lights and decorations. I want to bake cut-out cookies from scratch and decorate them. I want to bake Polish sweet bread, geiba, which is an all day messy affair (my recipe makes 12 loaves, and you have to wait for the dough to rise and everything). I want to make crafts for everyone and everything. I want to volunteer at Santa's workshop where little kids shop for their parents. And amidst all that, I still have to do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, make dinner and check homework. The girls still need to go to swim and voice and dance and whatever. I still have to prepare lessons for church classes. That's the part I don't like. Can someone please figure out how to put all that day-to-day stuff on hold during December? Summer vacation is great. I think we should have December off so we can enjoy it! I made beef stew yesterday in the crock pot. Great smells permeating the house. But, I'm ready for a dinner-making vacation. When I said that out loud, the Singer said, "Great, we'll eat out every night!" Not exactly what I was thinking (unless she'd like me take the money budget ted for her gifts to pay for all the junk. Besides, fast food has really lost it's appeal to me. I use to love it all, but everything is too salty and greasy and not tasty enough). So my pie-in-the-sky dream is to have a personal assistant during December to grocery shop, chauffeur, cook regular meals, clean the house, etc so I can do all the fun stuff. Gotta run be Santa's helper at school.

Fender Benders

We finally got the car fixed after the Singer ran into a parked car. The accident isn't quite as clueless as it sounds, but it has taken me a while to stop the recurring "How did you hit a parked car?!" running through my head (with a sore tongue from biting these words back from being yelled at the Singer). A huge monster truck was parked (perpendicular)with its "tail" sticking out and a huge trailer hitch sticking out from underneath its bumper. Sitting low in the car (as opposed to the high view of the minivan) the Singer didn't see the hitch and scraped the right front fender up against the hitch. The truck and hitch were totally unaffected. The fender was bent in such a way as to make it impossible to open the front passenger door. Hubby and I debated the pros and cons of getting a 10 year old car with 100,00+ miles on it fixed. If the door would have opened, it would have been a no-brainer (spray rust-oleum on the fender to prevent rust and leave it). However, Hubby drives the girls to school every morning in the car, and having the front passenger door not open wasn't appealing to him for a long-term option. So we had it fixed. There went 1/2 our Christmas budget. And yes, the Singer is paying us back, but it's on the installment plan. Add to that the cost of having 4 wisdom teeth removed and painting the outside of the house and finances seem tight now. I said "seem" because we are financial conservatives and our definition of "tight" is not the same as others. Hubby and I went out to Village Inn (Perkins type restaurant) for a piece of pie and coffee to plan our holiday budget. This is an annual tradition. First, by going out, we know the girls won't hear, and it makes us stay calm since we're in a public place. It went pretty well, but neither of us enjoyed seeing our current balances in our checkbook or on the Visa card.
The girls are busy making the gifts they'll give to their friends. They're both making pillows for their friends and we're making "Cookie mix in a jar" for the teachers.
Hubby's out finishing up painting the trim on the house. It's cloudy with a 30% chance of rain, but we're praying for it to hold off. The Imp is at the local high school taking the SATs. She'll be exhausted when she gets home. And I'm putting off doing my online work. There's just over a week left in the course and I'm getting inundated with people turning in 10 assignments at a time (half of which will only be 1/2 done). But duty calls. So I'll go.

Reason for the Season

Last week I complained about the commercialism today (people camping out for a game!). Yesterday, I received an email that let me know there is still hope for the world and that there are many young people willing to make a difference. I received my niece's Christmas wish-list. She's a senior in high school, and obviously very grown up. Her wish list is for people to contribute to World Vision (buying things like vaccinations, books, animals, etc). The kicker and the part that makes you believe in Christmas is her closing comments, "What's great is it's perfectly fine if more than one person gets the same thing! Please note that this is not in addition to another gift--this is what I want for Christmas, so please treat this like you would any other gift. There should be no "material accompaniment." This is a serious request, not merely politeness. I got this idea after my experiences in Peru this summer; I want to see that at least some children get what they need this Christmas instead of myself receiving things I don't." Viva l'esprit de noël.

Lauren, thanks for making my day, my week, my season.

On a lighter note, this calendar entry is for Cindy.

Its COLD

The Singer seems to have survived her surgery to remove her wisdom teeth just fine. She had sedation before the Novocain in the oral surgeon's office and felt quite good for a while. Yesterday afternoon she was in pain and we gave her percocet. Today, she gets Tylenol. Her face is not that swollen and I think she'll be just fine.

Last week, PlayStation released a new game system. It claims to have incredible graphics, speed, and so on. PlayStation released a limited number. So people camped out to be the first in line to buy this! We're not talking about 20 year-olds (who always do crazy stuff...part of the definition of 20). There were some youngsters there, but there were also 40 and 60 year-olds! Today's columnist, Daniel Ruth, describes my feelings pretty well.

It may be very expensive. It may be technologically the mother of all whiz-bangs. It may be this season's Cabbage Patch doll, only with more bells and whistles.
But PlayStation 3 is still nothing more than a toy.
So you there; yes, you, the 44-year-old cyber-geek with a mortgage, and diapers to change, and, like, you know, a real job: Stop it. Stop it right now!
Altogether Now
Stop standing in line like some refugee waiting on a bowl of gruel, all to blow between $500 and $600 on - altogether now - a toy!
This may come as something of a Saul falling off his horse on the way to Damascus epiphany moment for you, but in time Sony will make enough PlayStation 3s so that anyone who wants one will be able to purchase the toy.
Fights have broken out. Riots have erupted. Shots have been fired between PlayStation 3 suckers eager to be either the first one on their block, or in the morgue, to possess - yes, once again, a toy would be the operative word here.

Still, do you know what will happen if there is no PlayStation 3 left behind by Santa? Nothing, that's what.
Locusts will not descend upon the fruitcake. The sun will rise. The umpteenth rendition of chestnuts roasting over the open fire will still drive you crazy, and your brother-in-law, the one with the ankle monitor, will still drink all your liquor.
And if that perfectly dreadful imp in your life still wants to throw a post-assassination attempt Saddam-esque hissy fit because you failed in your effort to become a homeless person for the sake of an overpriced soon-to-be obsolete TOY, here's what you tell the ungrateful kiddo:
"Life is full of disappointments, my child. And you just experienced one of them. It could be worse. You could be in Iraq. You could be some orphan in Darfur. Tom Cruise could be your father. Are you getting the drift of this?
"Instead, all that happened is you didn't get a toy. Stop whining. Go clean your room. And here, have some fun with this piece of coal.

Thursday is Thanksgiving so the "give mes" have arrived. Every store, every commercial will tell you and your child (or other loved ones) that without this one gift you either aren't loved or don't love others enough. The latest commercial that has me hitting the remote when it comes on is for a jeweler. It uses the great, classic scene from "It's A Wonderful Life" [You want the moon? I'll lasso the moon for you] to sell their jewelry. Let's leave the classics out of this, could we please? I'll be using the remote often in the next few weeks, as I can't stand so many ads because they appeal to a mentality of greed and materialism. Ugh.

Time to go paint the house. We got it pressure washed yesterday and the cracks filled in. Now we need to protect the deck out back from the paint splatters and hopefully it will be warm enough to paint then. It is down right cold here in Florida. We don't normally see these kinds of temperatures until January. It was in the low 40s last night with wind chills in the 30s [news flash: we don't do 30s in Florida...it's why we moved here!]. The high today is suppose to be 60. The normal high is in the 70s. And it's windy and cloudy. It's dreary. If I wanted this I'd live in New England.

Best news of the weekend: the Buccaneers beat the Redskins. (Sorry John). The worst news, we still have to watch them play 6 more games!

Maturation

It takes me a while to type my blogs. My mind works so much faster than my fingers that I often lose my train of thought (my mind is on subject #8 and my typing is still back on subject #2 and then I forget what subjects #3-7 even were). I spent about 30 minutes yesterday typing along. I'm not sure what I hit, but I lost it all. :-( I was not a happy camper.

Friday, the Imp got stung by a wasp as she was getting into the car on her way to school. This was her first wasp-sting and fortunately her reaction was relatively mild. I'm always on high alert when my kids get bit or stung. They're both asthmatic and my brother, Kev, carries (or carried) an epi-pen because of his strong reaction to a bee-sting. So Friday, I whisked the Imp in the house, put alcohol on the sting, and gave her benadryl. I had her sit on the recliner as I did my morning kitchen chores so I could keep my eye on her, asking every few minutes, "How's your breathing? Is your chest tight? How's the arm?, etc" It was driving her crazy. After 20 minutes, I figured she was alright and I jumped in the shower so I could take her to school. She slept about 45 minutes (the benadryl). She was fine. In fact, there wasn't much swelling when I picked her up from school Friday afternoon.

Saturday night was another first. The Singer took the Imp out to the movies. Just the two of them. [They saw "Flush" and both were disappointed with it.] I am definitely entering (in the middle of?) a new phase of my life. My girls are very independent and my role in their lives is more along the lines of advisor/big limit enforcer than the micro-managing required when they were younger. Hubby and I went to a "Smart Discipline" presentation at the Imp's school on Friday night. After listening, it became clear that we were beyond many of the things discussed. We worked very hard when they were little and it seems we are reaping the benefits. Oh, we still have run-ins and problems with the girls...but they're not the rule and having to remind them to do the dishes or get to bed seems pretty minor, especially because when they are reminded, they tend to say "Okay" and do it! The Singer has become the confidant of the Imp. They really do like each other and have fun together. They both wanted to go to the movies together and both had fun on their "sister-time." Sunday, they were the cantors at church. A number of people came up to Hubby and I afterwards to comment on their obvious affection towards each other. I'm not kidding myself into thinking that my job as parent is over. It's just very different than previously. It takes some getting use to. There is a certain amount of sorrow over the passing of what was, and a certain amount of amazement of where we are. (Sort of like dropping them off at kindergarten for the first time).
As I'm entering this new phase, the next phase (the kids out of the house) looms over me. What will I do then? I don't ask that as if I will have nothing to do, but more there will be so many possibilities, of those choices what will I do? Will I go back into the classroom? Not really appealing right now. Will I get my master's so I can be marketable to become a trainer? Get my master's in another field? Get an office job, 9-5, no emotional ties and commitments like in education? Continue doing what I'm doing? I have 6 years to figure it out. No rush. But it's closer than it was and the signs of the girls' maturation are all there. I better be ready when they move on.

Not My Job

I thought this picture just about sums up what is wrong with the world today. "It's not my job!"

Teaching Frustrations and Rewards

I spent over an hour yesterday dealing with a teacher in my on-line course who simply did not want to take responsibility for her own work. It was exhausting and frustrating that I had to spend that much of my time telling her, yes I do expect her to complete the work as described in the course, and yes I will return work that does not satisfy requirements. She repeated a few phrases over and over. One was "but I'm not even getting college credit out of this course," as if it is only appropriate to do professional work if you get college credit. She does get 60 in-service points (which implies 60 hours worth of work and is considered equivalent to 3 college credits). She was complaining that I was sending too much of her work back to her to redo. I think I'm sending too much back, too, but for different reasons. I think if you can't follow directions, after about the 4th time you fail. I didn't tell her that, but really, how hard is it to follow directions? I suggested she simply reread the directions before sending me her work and double check that she had done everything as asked. Her response "I spend so much time doing the work and you want me to spend more time!" I then suggested that taking the few minutes then could save much time later as she wouldn't have work sent back to her. I spent 30 minutes preparing for my telephone conference, reviewing exactly what I had written to her, what I had returned and why. 2 activities were returned because she labeled them incorrectly (and she has to turn in a final portfolio of her work, so labeling correctly is important). All she had to do on those 2 items was correct the label. One activity was returned because she sent me a blank chart as part of the activity. The completed chart was the bulk of the activity. Then 3 others were returned for not following directions. One activity had them summarizing internet articles. The URL address was required. She didn't include them. She said I was being nick-picky. I replied that I couldn't evaluate her summaries without seeing the original. She then got indignant and said, "Are you accusing me of making the summaries up?!?!" "No, I'm trying to do my job professionally!" UGH. I had to get that out of my system. I have 29 participants this course. 4 have already successfully completed the course and have turned in some great work. But there are always a few that drain you. There is a lot of resistance from some teachers about this course because it is required in order for them to keep their certificates. The courses are about teaching English Language Learners (students whose first language is not English). It is a new law (5 or 6 years old) and the first deadline that will result in losing your teaching certificate is approaching. So I get teachers who don't want to take the course, who don't like having ELL students in their classes, and don't want to be bothered. If they turn anything in they think that's good enough. So I'm the bad guy. Most people think since I work with adults it is easier than when I was in the classroom with children. Not really. You have the same distribution of personalities, but you tend to expect more of adults so are frustrated more easily with their shenanigans.

I am having fun teaching Adult Confirmation. Right now I only have 5 people in my class. They are all so wonderful. Most have not been active in learning about their faith since they were in elementary school. Most are in their mid-20s. They are hungry for information and ways to strengthen their faith. Last night, we did an activity that involved a lot of Bible verses that they had to look up. They loved it! It feels great watching them discover things. A definite high point after yesterday afternoon.

The weather is gorgeous today. We had lots of rain yesterday, which we desperately needed and today the air is clear and brisk. Makes me want to spend the day outdoors. Right now I have to go back some cookies for a school function. I'm trying to get that done quickly so I can spend some outside time before going to my hair appointment and then afternoon pickup.

Head Lice and Hairdryers

Yesterday as I was reading the paper I came across an article about killing head lice with a hairdryer. For those of you, who have never dealt with head lice, be thankful. For those of you who have dealt with head lice, things are looking up. I have two daughters with very thick hair. Florida is a haven for all sorts of critters, lice included. Every spring there seems to be an outbreak of lice at one of the school's. When they were little we had quite a few infestations. [When the Singer was in Kindergarten she had them 3 or 4 times...I finally figured out one her best friends had it and was really never lice-free]. The amount of time required in removing head lice from a child with long thick hair is incredible. This doesn't take into account the time in cleaning the bedding, any clothes worn in the last week (jackets, hats, etc), cleaning brushes, etc. But great news....a scientist has created a hairdryer to kill lice! My brother, Kevin is just bemoaning that this wasn't discovered 10 years ago when as a single Dad he got to deal with lice on a little girl with super, super thick blonde hair (blonde hair makes seeing nits difficult). Lice still give him nightmares, I'm sure. As usual, just talking about head lice makes my head itch. Ugh.

I'm not sure where the time goes. I work on a lot of different projects/committees and find that it takes longer to do 4 hours worth of work on 4 different projects than to do 4 hours worth of work on one project. The time it takes to get materials out for each project and the time it takes getting into the mind-set for each project adds significantly to the overall time. I think I may need to curtail my involvement for my sanity. Last week, I taught the Adult Confirmation class (I write the lesson plans), ran a meeting for a intergenerational catechesis (I also type the minutes and email reminders about 'to dos' for everyone), went to a class I'm taking, and presented a 2 1/2 hour workshop on teaching tips to volunteers who teach "Sunday School." In between, I kept up on my moderating my online course, ran the house [car-pool, dinner, clothes,]. I would have preferred to have spent the same amount of time and energy on one activity than being spread around.

Both girls have decided to join the club swim team. Last night we sat down with our current schedule to see when they could fit swim in. The Singer thrives on keeping a busy schedule, and in years past, has done better academically when she's busy. I think when she's busy, she knows she has to plan and use her time wisely. When her schedule is more open, she tends to put work off with the thought of "I can do that later," and then she runs out of time. The Imp has never had this much extracurricular activities, but she wants to give a try. I told her she's got to stick it out until Christmas. [Club teams swim year-round, so you can't really say stay until the season ends.] They're both starting voice lessons, too. The Singer has had lessons before, and is thrilled to be going back. The Imp would like to get a speaking role in her school's production of Beauty and the Beast this spring. The Imp thinks confidence (stage presence) is something she needs to improve and thinks voice lessons will help that. The voice teacher, Miss Melissa, is wonderful. Not just as a voice teacher but as a role-model and responsible adult figure in their lives. I know the Singer talks to Miss Melissa about problems and issues in her life. It's an outlet for her and a support for her.

I'm so looking forward to December. I'll be finished with the course I'm taking, my online work finishes up (and won't start again until January), the intergenerational event at church will be over and I'll get to spend time baking and preparing for Christmas. I just have to make it through November.

Talent Show, Swim Meet and Homecoming

Somehow we survived the weekend and now I'm looking forward to being able to catch my breath (maybe). The Singer (Driver) competed in the school Talent Show last Tuesday night. She sang "The Wizard and I" from the musical "Wicked." She won 3rd place. 1st and 2nd places went to dancers. She was so happy, because she won money. As she's paying for much of her Homecoming experience, a few extra dollars was nice.
Friday was planned out to the minute. The girls have a small job at the church straightening the books and picking up trash. They normally do this on Friday afternoon. So Friday, the Singer was driving to school and then picking Hubby up from work and meeting the Imp and I at the church to clean and then get home for a quick bite to eat, load up the car and head to the Homecoming game and then off to Ft Myers for the swim meet. The Singer gets out of school at 3:10 and was suppose to pick up Hubby around 3:30. At 3:35 I get a call. "Mom, I messed up." Of course, I was thinking accident...hopefully a fender bender as she's calling me. My heartbeat is suspended as I wait for her to finish. "I left the lights on all day and the car won't start." I was so relieved that it wasn't worse, but somehow the stupid little inconveniences are worse. Somehow we manage to rise to the occasion when something catastrophic happens, but when it's an annoyance, we, well, get annoyed. That was me on Friday. I couldn't believe it! Our perfectly timed afternoon was shot. Ugh. After the coaches jumped started the car (they wanted her out of the parking lot as they were setting up for the game!) we spent the rest of the afternoon rushing around trying to make up for lost time. Somehow we managed to get it all done, and get the Singer to the game so she could sing the National Anthem. We left at half-time for the trip down to Ft. Myers. The trip was hard because it was very windy. We got to the hotel about 11:15pm. We went to check in and the young man at the front desk said, "You already checked in." No, we hadn't. Fortunately, after checking the room, he determined it was a clerical error and no one was actually in our room. We were settled and ready for sleep by midnight.

The entire swim season has been unsettling because it seems the coach doesn't really know what she's doing. Either that or she just can't/doesn't communicate what she knows to the team. The Singer gets to the meet and finds out they're swimming the 200 m free relay, not the 400. Now, I don't know if our coach broke any rules, but the Singer has never been on the 200 m relay. She certainly was not on that team for Districts, so she didn't qualify for the 200 m relay. But that was what the 4 girls were going to swim. As they didn't come close to making it to the finals, I wasn't too concerned and the coach said all was within the rules. (She wasn't convincing to me). So we drove 2 1/2 hours, stayed overnight in a hotel, watched 4 hours of swimming, all so we could watch the Swimmer for the 3o seconds she was in the pool (2:00 for her team)so we could then drive home for 2 1/2 hours. Once home the Singer began the process of preparing for Homecoming. I did her hair and make-up and off to her friends for pictures. I obviously didn't take this seriously enough. I only brought one camera, and didn't insist on the 28 different poses for the Singer to be in. Hubby talked to the Singer's "date" (a friend not boyfriend) and made sure he knew he was responsible for keeping the Singer safe. And we went home to wait to go pick her up from the friend's after-dance get together. When the Singer got home, I asked how it went. She told me dinner with her group of 10 friends was great and lots of fun. Then said that she didn't understand the whole hoopla around Homecoming dance and that she didn't really enjoy going somewhere to "watch so many people trying to have sex with their clothes on." She would have preferred to hang with her friends for the rest of the night. She loved getting dressed up, and she loves dancing. She didn't like the atmosphere of high school Homecoming.
I'm tired today, but from doing things for my family. It feels good. My heart goes out to Cindy and her family that have been going from crisis to crisis. My thoughts and prayers are with them all today.

This and That

I am so tired of my swollen, itchy eye. It has gotten progressively better each day, but still is driving me crazy.

The weather is gorgeous and sitting out by the pool is definitely on my lunch time plans.

It's nice having Hubby home. We originally thought this would be a calm week as swim was suppose to have ended. But since the Driver made it to Regionals on her 400 m free relay team, they've continued practicing. She is now wanting to join her old club team so she can swim year-round. The good thing about that is the club team practices 3 miles down the road (the school team practices near the high school...9-10 miles away). With the club team, she can come home from school and then drive herself to and from practice later. We're off to Ft. Myers for Regionals tomorrow night, after the Driver sings the National Anthem at the HOmecoming game. Warm-ups for swim start at 7:30 am on Saturday. Then after the meet we'll drive home in time for the Driver to get all dressed up so she can go to the Homecoming Dance. 'Sure hope she doesn't have too much homework this weekend.

I'm busy developing a workshop for our catechists. I'm suppose to teach them how to be more effective teachers in their religious ed classrooms. Most are simply volunteer parents with no educational backgrounds, so they are eager for any tips or help that come their way. So, I'm searching through my stuff trying to pick those ideas that will help them the most. I have 2 hours to present. Not really much time at all.

Word has it that my brother and his wife are celebrating their anniversary at the beach. Sure hope they have great weather and time to relax. They both deserve it.

Hubby is planning on taking off of work the whole week of Thanksgiving. We're planning on painting the outside of the house. Not something I'm necessarily looking forward to (I like the painting part, I don't like the prep, the set up and the clean up to that activity, and the planning of how to keep the house running even if I'm spending the day painting). Our goal is to be finished before Thanksgiving Day.

Hubby's Home

I got the girls into bed and headed to the airport last night to get Hubby. Not only was his flight on-time, it landed a few minutes early which meant, as I walked to the "gate" (as close to the gate as they allow non-ticketed people), people were coming off the plane. We watched the luggage go round and round on the conveyer belt, but no Hubby suitcase. Fortunately, it was at the airline office by the baggage-claim. We got home and enjoyed tea and hot chocolate as we watched the highlights from the Buccaneers' game. I could watch that 62-yard kick over and over. Watching Ronde Barber's 2 interceptions was fun, too. I could skip watching the missed tackles, though. To the defense's defense, it was one hot and humid day. The field temp was 100 degrees. The humidity was close to 80% (not as bad as our summer 98%, but still noticeably sticky). The personal note on our kicker, Bryant: his son, who was born prematurely, just came home from the hospital this week. Things seem to be looking up for him. He's actually got quite the story with working at a pawn shop while trying to make it in pro football. He played in arena football and in the European league. Gotta love that kind of tenacity.

With Hubby home, I slept better last night than I have all week. It would have been nice to sleep longer, but the quality was definitely there. My eye is still swollen, but seems like it doesn't itch as much. I'll probably give it another day before seeking professional opinions. The Imp, who is very empathetic and hates to see anyone uncomfortable, kept asking me yesterday if she could do something for me. I kept telling her, I just had to tough it out. Then she asked me if I put anti-itch cream on it. I told her, I don't put things near my eyes, unless told to by my doctor. When I explained that you wouldn't want to accidentally get any in your eye, she immediately got it and said, "Ewww, that would be worse than it itching." You got it.

Our week is underway. I didn't get much done on my consulting work this weekend, so am behind and need to give it a good 3 or 4 hours today. I'm selling Homecoming tickets at lunch at the Driver's school. And I have to bake something for Bible Study for tomorrow morning (also have to finish the questions). I'll wait until tomorrow afternoon to flush out my lesson plan for tomorrow night's Adult confirmation class. Sure glad I don't do any work.

Tomorrow night is the Driver's Talent Show. She's singing "the Wizard and I" from "Wicked." I'll have to miss it. I'm going to try to talk Hubby into buying a camcorder before then. I really want to see and hear her. I can't believe I have to teach. We have tapes and tapes of home videos from when the girls were small. About 6 years ago our camera's audio recording sort of died. So we don't have any recent video. I also want to get the tapes transferred to DVD. I like watching even if it bores everyone else.

62-Yard Field Goal

What an end to the game. Buccaneers beat the Eagles in the last seconds of the game! I couldn't believe it. The Buccaneers have been disappointing fans for years (only a few years that they haven't). After 10 years of awesome defense, they didn't show up this year until last week. Missed tackles almost cost us the game again today with Westbrook's TD. He should've been tackled 4 times before he hit the endzone. Ugh. But Bryan putting up a 62-yarder after choking the first 4 games of the season was unbelievable. I had the TV on but refused to watch, but looked up as the ball cleared the uprights. WOW! Now if the Redskins can win (they're up 14-13 at the half) today will have been a really good day.

Eye--strain

My brain races with ideas and when I slow down to put them into words on the page; I lose so many strands of my thoughts. I usually have lots of different ideas twirling around in my head. Hubby asks me "What are you thinking about?" and my standard response is "In which millisecond?" Today, I'm having more trouble than normal in organizing my thoughts in such a way that will make sense others. I don't know what happened, but my right eye is all swollen. It's my upper eyelid. When it started bothering me yesterday afternoon, I thought I'd gotten a bug bite. But there's not an obvious bite site. And it itches all over my eyelid, especially right under my eyebrow. About an hour ago, my other eye started itching, but I'm telling myself it's sympathetic itching and that this problem won't spread. Itching is one of those things that would be a great torture mechanism. It takes all my concentration not to scratch it (and I've stopped to but ice packs on it a number of times to try to freeze the itch away). Fortunately, it's not too swollen. I can still open my eye easily. I can tell it’s swollen, but it's not like when I was 7 and got poison ivy all over my face and my eyes were almost swollen shut (or like when my sister had a reaction to eye make-up remover and her eyes were swollen shut). In addition, my allergies are in high gear, so my whole head feels heavy. I just want to lie down on the couch all afternoon and watch football. No such luck. Too much to do.

Hubby comes home tonight. Finally. It's lonely in the house without him. The Driver is talking of driving to school this week. She got use to having access to the car. She's not gonna like that her dad has first preference on that vehicle.

Friday was one of those days from hell. I spent the day doing my weekend housecleaning as the Imp was bringing friends home before their dance. To prove Murphy's Law, the toilet in the girl's bathroom got clog...and good. I really hate low-flow toilets and often wonder how much water they really save, when you often have to flush multiple times and when they get clog so easily. This toilet has always seemed more prone to clogging than the one in the master bath (or is it because kids use that one and adults use the master bath? I wonder). I've got a call into a plumber to come out this week to check and make sure we don't have root problems, or something because this commode has become clog on a regular basis this past month. Friday afternoon, I spent at least an hour trying to unclog the toilet to no avail. Finally, we had to leave for the dance. When I got home, I spent another one or so working with a snake and plunger. No luck. I was near tears. Time came for me to pick up the girls and still the toilet was clogged. After picking up the Imp from the dance and the Driver from Hallowscream, I came home and tried again. Sometime around 12:30 am I finally got it working. So what did you do on Friday night? I guarantee it was more fun than what I did.

Having Netflix is a great thing. I've "ordered" lots of old shows to watch (and to introduce my children to, so they have some cultural literacy). I watched the first few shows from Mork and Mindy last night. Robin Williams was soooo young, and so incredibly funny. The story lines are corny, but the one-liners cause belly-ache laughs. The Driver came in and actually watched a whole show. She was laughing out loud, too.

I was helping out at school last week and a mother who had taken the afternoon off of work, commented "sure wish I was a stay-at-home-mom so I could just volunteer whenever I wanted." The image of bon-bon, soap-opera watching women is still strong in society. I can't volunteer at my daughter's school "whenever" because I have a number of other volunteer obligations that I do during the school day. In addition, I stay at home to make our quality of life better. So it's my job to get basic household chores complete, so when we're home as a family we're not spending all our time keeping our house up. Additionally, I spend time preparing meals, sewing costumes, and yes, I even bake cookies for my family. I worked full time with kids. It was not fun. It's extremely stressful. I constantly felt that I wasn't doing what I should both at home and at my job. I made my kids a priority, but still could not give them the time and effort I do now. The Imp use to get up and sit in my lap for 15 minutes as she woke up. After those 15 minutes, I was out the door. So if she wanted 5 extra minutes, I really couldn't give them to her. And even rocking her and cooing to her, my mind would be on my job that day. Hubby and I could have more stuff (better vacation, clothes, cars, etc) if I went back to work. And the lack of structure and the lack of a sense of accomplishment with being a stay-at-home mom aren’t easy. But we, as I've mentioned before, went back to our family life plan...."to raise our children to know, love and serve the Lord." When you have a mission statement, it's easier to decide what the right thing to do is.

Great News

Got great news from two fronts today. My sister-in-law once removed (my brother's wife's sister), Cindy, is home from the hospital. All her children are still in one piece, and it seems her tumor was benign. Doesn't get much better. My 84 year old father-in-law had a heart catheterization today. The doctor says his heart looks good. [The worry persists, if it wasn't his heart, why is his blood low on oxygen...hoping for a better update later). As November 1 approaches (the anniversary of my brother's death), I'm so happy to hear good news in the health department.

The week continues to be a whirlwind affair. I feel emotionally drained. Nothing really out of the ordinary has happened, but just dealing with all the ups and downs of two teenage daughters is exhausting.

The Imp got her hair cut Tuesday. We braided her hair and then chopped it off. She gave the 10 inch braid to Locks of Love. The Driver had done the same thing last year. Well, the Imp was not happy with the outcome of the haircut. First, more hair was cut-off than she anticipated (what part of '10 inches' off don't you understand?) and she decided the cut she wanted wouldn't work on her hair with it so short. So she settled on a bob with bangs. When the hairdresser was all done, Theresa felt like she looked about 5 years old. She wasn't amused. To her credit, she didn't complain and took it in stride. She came home, jumped in the shower, washed her hair and spent the next few hours playing with her hair. She finally decided the best look was two small pony-tails at the back of her head. It was almost more draining on me, watching her take it so well, when I knew she wasn't happy, than if she had screamed, yelled and cried. Don't tell her, but I think she looks cute (and she did have the same haircut at 5).

It's been wonderful having the Driver able to help make our divergent schedules work. She is still enamored with driving, so is willing to drive almost anywhere for any reason. Yesterday afternoon she had some time on her hands, so she went and cleaned out the inside of the car (the vehicle she prefers to drive) and then washed the outside, too. She claimed she was doing it so when Hubby came home (4 days later) he'd have a clean car.

I got to scrapbook today for a few hours before heading off to the Imp's school to help sort and organize the fund-raiser orders. That actually went better than expected. Everyone was willing to work hard and easily understood how we were running things. We got done faster than expected...always a pleasant surprise.

The Driver is off to Hallowscream at Bush Gardens tomorrow night. I'm betting she won't enjoy it, but she has to find out for herself. She doesn't like to be scared, and doesn't enjoy gore. I'm just hoping she can sleep afterwards. The Imp slept with me last night, claiming she couldn't sleep with Dad not home. She doesn't like it when our family is apart. If it were up to her, we'd all sleep in the same bed together every night. Cuddling, snuggling and being able to reach out and touch someone are important for her.

The Imp is having 3 other girls come home with her tomorrow so they can get ready for their school dance all together. Pizza for dinner sounds about right. Then just 2 more days until Hubby is home.

Life with Hubby Away

Saturday's Fall Festival at the Imp's school was loads of fun. The weather was mild (it could have been a little cooler) and the atmosphere wonderful. I won the cake decorating contest. I'll publish pics when I get them. The best part of that was I received a gift card to Target. I can't wait to go spend it.
Sunday was spent running around helping Hubby get ready for a week away in San Diego. The girls petitioned all day for the Driver to be able to use the car all week and drive the two of them to school and wherever else they needed to go. Actually, that's why I took the Driver to get her license. I knew having her able to drive herself would make this week tolerable.
As I looked ahead to my week, I was little dismayed. I have something every evening this week. I hate going out at night. I had a planning meeting (that I ran) for an upcoming church event on Monday. Tuesday I teach adult catechism. Tonight I have a PTA meeting at the Imp's school (report cards will be distributed). Tomorrow I go to take a class to become a certified catechist. Friday night has the Driver planning on attending Hallowscream at Bush Gardens with her friends and the Imp is bringing a few friends home from school so they can get ready together for the school dance that night. Saturday, I may just get to relax (but I'm really not counting on that...a lot can happen between now and then).
The Driver had District swim meet yesterday. The club pool where it is held is about 3 miles down the road from us, so the Driver had 2 friends come over Monday night to sleep over since they live about 20 miles away. Then after the morning heats, 4 of the swimmers came and hung out at our house until finals at 4:30pm. The Driver didn't qualify for finals in "her" event (200m free) but did qualify with her 200m free relay team.
While that is going on, I've got the Imp taking her to get her hair cut. She had 10 inches cut off to send to Locks of Love. She wanted a contemporary haircut with layers, but couldn't explain it and didn't have a pic, so she got a bob. She's not thrilled with it, so I had to spend time convincing her she didn't look "stupid." On our way home from the hairdressers, we stopped to pick up take-out Chinese (the Driver's favorite place) for dinner. I had 20 minutes to eat before having to go teach my class. When I left, the Driver was still at the swim meet.
Last spring we finally splurged and bought family cell phones. We've been trying to instill in the kids proper cell phone etiquette. Not easy. They are for important info. We can survive without constant contact. Don't ignore those you are with and don't be calling Mom and Dad continually. We've had some problems with cell-phone overuse and we're working on it.
People who use cell phones constantly really irritated me. You can give an hour of your time to a meeting, church, or whatever, without having to talk on your phone. I normally turn my phone off during meetings. But as Hubby is out of town and the Driver was out there on her own for the first time(s) really, I had my phone on during my Monday night meeting (that I'm running). The meeting began at 7:00 pm. At 7:15, my phone vibrates. My heart stops as the different awful scenarios play out in my mind as I pick up the phone. It's MY HUBBY! He's at the Houston airport and was calling just to pass the time. Ugh. Fortunately, as soon as I said, "I'm at my meeting." he knew just to hang up. Now it's Tuesday night and I'm standing in front of my adult class. Again, I feel my phone vibrate. Again, I think "car accident", "house fire" and so on. I answer, and I hear a bee-bopping excited screech, "Mom, guess what?" I could tell right away it's not bad. "I'm in class. Is this an emergency?" "No, but I want to tell..." I say "good-bye" I get home 2 hours later and the Driver says "I forgot you were teaching." Where did she think I was? But the good news is that her relay team made it to Regionals, to be held on Oct. 28. Which immediately brought up issues as that is Homecoming. Regionals will be held in Fort Myers (a few hours south of here). I told her we'd work it out.
Amidst the craziness of getting ready for Hubby to be gone a week, I find out my grandmother had passed away (not totally unexpected) in Louisiana. So I spend a few hours trying to figure out how I can make it to LA while Hubby is in San Diego and keep my kids safe. The $1000 airfare helped me decide to stay put. One of the problems of families being spread out across the country.
I never sleep well when Hubby is gone, so I'm a bit tired. The best part is that the hardest part of my week is over. The things I have to go to tonight and tomorrow, I attend as a participant, not a leader. BIG difference. So now I can spend today working on my online work and doing a little house-cleaning.
I miss Hubby and just having him to share with. Due to the time difference it's hard for us to even talk. He's working 8 am - 9 pm essentially (part of this trip is to get to know a new guy he'll be working with in the future as his old co-worker is handing over the project, so dinners together is part of the job. And of course, he's still responsible for doing his other work, too.). By the time he gets back to his hotel room, it's after midnight here. He calls during breaks in his day, but the conversations are short and tend to focus on tasks, not really sharing. My brother traveled extensively for a few years (almost every week) while my sister-in-law stayed home with a baby (from when he was 6 months to when he was over 3). I don't know how they did it. And I know it's hard to travel...I still say it's harder to be the one who stays at home. I know I'd have complained non-stop if I'd been in her shoes. She took it all like a real trooper. My sister-in-law deserves some sort of medal. Sure hope my brother realizes the gem he's got in her.

The Singer is Now the Driver

Sometimes my days seem so average and normal, that I don't write about it, but as part of the reason for this blog is so my family can take a peak at what's up in my life, I guess I shouldn't decide what's newsworthy or not.

The girls had no school yesterday (teacher work-day). The Imp spent the night on Thursday with a friend, so she wasn't around yesterday morning so I took the Singer to get her drivers license. We now have the DRIVER. She asked five times last night, "Are you sure you don't need anything from the store? I'd be glad to go get it." I'm looking forward to taking advantage of that. Today the Driver had SATs. So last night, I asked if she wanted to drive. She immediately said "NO! I have enough stress going to take the test." I was a little disappointed as her driving would have saved me froming having to get up and dressed at 6:30 on a Saturday morning to get her to school (8 miles away) by 7:45am. Hubby would normally take care of such a task, as he is a morning person, but he had to oversee an installation of new code, and had to be at his computer at 7:30 this morning. The alarm sounded early this mornign.

I spent my yesterday baking for the Imp's school's Fall Festival. There is a cake decorating contest. So I made a "Pool Party" cake; including Teddy Graham swimmers and lifeguard. I'll post pictures when they're developed. It was an all day event between baking the cake and icing it and filling the middle with blue jello and then putting it all together. I also made mini cupcakes with green icing and the candy-corn-flavored pumpkins on top. I was tired of cake and candies and icing by last night, but I really had fun putting it all together.

The weather is absolutely gorgeous today. Crisp cool air. Wow. Another perfect day in paradise. This afternoon and tonight should be perfect weather for the festival. Some years it's been so hot, it was hard to enjoy the evening.

Hubby and I are trying to get him ready to be gone a week. He leaves Monday morning and returns the following Sunday night. Ugh. It's hard being a single parent, especially when you're use to having someone else to help out. I really can't imagine the stress of single parenthood. I rely on Hubby so much. And I'm not talking about the car-pooling and such (all though that is helpful), but am refering to having him to talk to about what is going on with the kids and having him to lean on. It's nice to know there is someone on my side after a blow-out with one of the girls. In addition to missing him because of parenting issues, I'll miss him because he is so much a part of my life. Our conversations will be limited because of the time change. He'll be in California, so when he's finishing up work and dinner (a continuation of work) at 9:00 pm it's already midnight here. When I get up and leave to take the girls to school, it'll be 4:10am in CA. Oh well. It's not much to complain about, but I'll still miss him.

Hubby's dad is having heart problems again. He's scheduled to have heart surgery on Thursday. The doctors suspect some form of blockage that needs clearing up, again. He'll be 84 at the end of this month and had his first heart surgery at least 12 years ago. So we worry and pray and again, wish Hubby and I would be together on Thursday. One of Hubby's sisters (he has 3) who lives in the same town in PA with his parents will spend the day with his mom at the hospital. It's nice to know she's there. Hubby is planning a big present for his parents 60th anniversary in May. He's having all the kids (9 of them) make a few pages for a scrapbook to give them. We're also trying to get all 9 kids to PA for the anniversary. That'll be hard, but we'll try.

Lambasting the Police

Yesterday at Bible study we were discussing Hebrews 4 and why it was important that Jesus had suffered as a human. The dicussion went to the fact that we tend to judge others by our own experiences. This is not necessarily bad, but when so many of us such limited experiences it often makes our judgement incorrect. Someone who has been betrayed many times, may judge a new person in their life as untrustworthy. And people who have lived a sheltered middle-class American life often cannot get beyond their own experiences and so judge others very harshly. "I would NEVER do that!" Well, live their lives and then tell me that. So many examples come to my mind. People judging Cindy's kids as ungrateful because of their tendency to act out during times of stress. Dear Abby today, where a teen-age girl complains about the behavior of her friend. Her friend's mother has been dead for years and her father has a drug problem. The teen-age girl (and her family) took her in. The teen-age girl cannot imagine why the friend would do hurtful things. She can't imagine it, because she can't imagine what the friend's life has been like. About two weeks ago a deputy and his canine partner were shot and killed during a "routine" traffic stop. The next day, following an extensive manhunt for the killer, a 10-man SWAT team (walking in a row shoulder-to-shoulder in their search) found the gunman. When told to surrender, the gunman weilded a gun. The members of the SWAT team fired. The suspect was shot 68 times. 110 rounds were fired. The family of the suspect, Freeland, are now suggesting that this was excessive. They've hired a lawyer. Ugh. This puts us back to viewing life only from your personal experience. Many in the community are supporting the Freelands. How many of these people have ever gone searching for someone they knew was not afraid to kill them? How many are willing to put their lives on the line everyday for the safety of the community? Police are taught to shoot to kill. It is not because of some deep-rooted hatred of people. It is not because police love the idea of killing someone. It is because, once you are in a shot-out, your survival often depends on the other person's demise. Computing an average of shots, each officer fired about 11 times. That happens very quickly. It's not as if Freeland was shot and they saw him laying on the ground and they continued to fire at him. Each man fired as if he were the only one firing and it was over very quickly. Not really relevant, but Freeland shot Officer Williams 8 times. After shooting him in the leg, arm, chest, neck, Freeland than went up to Williams and shot him in the back of the head execution style. So I am upset that the Freelands are suggesting the police did something wrong. But, that is me looking at it from my life experience. As a military brat, my perception of law-keepers and public officials is much different than many others. So I can begin to understand the feelings of Freeland's family when I look at it from their view. From the articles, it appears they are probably lower-middle class African-Americans. Freeland has been in trouble with the law before. That family's culture says not to trust the law. I still don't agree with what they are doing, but am less likely to lambaste them, even if they lambaste the police.

Abusing Volunteers

I'm fed up. And now about more than one thing. I just wrote a long blog about volunteer "abuse" and somehow hit some key inadvertently and lost the whole thing. Ugh.

I'll try to recapture the tone and nuances (although my indignation seemed to dissipate as I wrote).

I am so tired of people telling volunteers they aren't doing enough. This is not a new phenomenon. I recall being at PTA meetings in years past (at a school we are no longer with) the 'regulars' consistently complaining about how other parents didn't do enough. Comments like, "Jane only volunteers for the fall event and never for the spring event" or "Suzy never comes to the meetings" or "Debbie is never available, and only sends in donations." I would tell them that we don't know what these people's lives hold. They could be caring for an elderly parent. They could be having marital problems. Or dealing with serious children issues (drugs, pregnancy, learning problems, and mental health issues). Or they have a true fear of public involvement. Or they have a disease that prohibits it and they don't want to share it. Or WHATEVER. It doesn't matter what. One of my favorite Bible verses is "Different gifts but the same Spirit." Some people have more to give (more time, money and talents) than others. If someone is giving, how dare anyone else question their gift! There are people who choose one organization and give their all to it. And thank goodness. We need zealots to chair and lead the organizations. But don't look down on those who are not zealots, who belong to many organizations and give a little to each. Let's not vilify volunteers for not giving more. Has this happened to me? Yes. Hubby and I devote one entire weekend each year to this organization (in the past we've given more time, in fact have been local coordinators as well as various other positions). At the meeting I kept hearing how people who only (only?) gave one weekend a year weren't really committed to the organization and that people needed to step up and take responsibility, etc. I was ready to stand up and scream, "Fine, I quit. You don't want what I have to give, don't take it!" Unfortunately (or fortunately) I believe in this organization and ministry so I didn't, but I did let my feelings known. People give what they can. We can't judge whether they can or should do more.

Full of Hatred and Emptiness

Listening to the radio the other day, I heard this description of too many people of the world: "They are full of hatred and emptiness." Now, I know that technically you can be full of emptiness and yet I found it a compelling and accurate depiction of many people. People are empty. We could debate the reason(s). I believe some of them include the concerted effort by many to remove God from everything; the ever growing division, world-wide, of the haves and have-nots; and the growing use of more and more powerful/destructive drugs (although this could be a cyclical argument, drug use causing emptiness and emptiness encouraging drug use). People strive to fill that emptiness with whatever is available and there are too many people/groups that are standing by waiting to fill up that emptiness with hatred. Hatred of what is not important. Because once you're filled with hatred, your targets soon become almost insignificant. You just hate. And the more you use the hatred to fill yourself up, the more you lose yourself and become consume with hatred. This description of hatred and emptiness was used to describe the church group (oxymoronic title at best) that wanted to picket the Amish girls’ funerals to promote their anti-gay sentiments. This group has made statements that they pray (to God?) that the people of Pennsylvania will continue to suffer to show them that gays are bad. It's illogical, but then hatred is. The Amish, fortunately, offer a glimmer of sanity amidst this. The Amish are not empty. They have a definite purpose (and their tie to the land may contribute to that) and are filled with love. Children need to be filled with a purpose for their lives. As a parent or any adult who interacts with children you can fill children up with love or hatred. Do you spout love or hatred? Do you live love or hatred? Are you more like the church group or the Amish? May you make room in your heart for God and love, so there is no space for hatred.

Delayed Post

When I sit down to my computer and hook up to the internet, one of the first things I tend to do is check Cindy's blog. Often, I find myself chuckling even over less than humorous events, because of the way she describes it. I also find I use laughter as a way to deal with events in my own life. I can describe the night the policeman came to tell me of my brother's death in a car accident. Trust me; there was nothing funny about it. But looking back on it, it is interesting to note human nature and subconscious actions. The policeman came after both my children were in bed asleep (maybe 9:30) and he pounded on the door. This was Nov 1 and my first thought was, "what high school darlings are playing trick or treat a day late?" Then as I looked through the peep hole and saw a police officer, my heart stopped. I instinctively knew "this is not good." But my first thoughts went to a troubled student I'd had the year before (now, why a police officer would come to my house at night because of this troubled young lady, I don't know, that's what makes you want to chuckle). I opened the door and the officer asked to come in. My protective instincts did not want anyone to enter my house while my children slept. But Hubby and I let him in. But only in the front room. I did not welcome him into my home. He knew I didn't want him there. When I think back and see me ushering him into my front study with only 2 desk chairs and only the light from the front hall shining in (no, I didn't turn on the light. Weird, huh?). It looks funny. By the end of the policeman's spiel I felt bad for him. He was very young and I bet he drew "inform the family" short stick.
Besides often giving me a good chuckle, Cindy's life helps me put perspective on my own. How can I complain about anything that happens in my house? It's all so 'normal:' lost homework, hormonal huffs, broken toilets, driving mishaps. The things that make up parenthood for the majority of us.
So I was going to blog about the inconvenience of having only 1 toilet for the 4 of us. Guess I'm a spoiled American, through and through. Tuesday, as I was getting ready for Bible Study, I noticed the toilet was "running." So, I took off the lid to the back tank and jiggled the little doohickey to make it stop. I couldn't get it to stop, so I tried bending the arm with the little plumb on the end. Well, I bent it to the point of breaking it off. Now, without that mechanism, there is no way for the water to stop at all. Our house was built at the end of 1995. The building industry in Florida was trying a new pipe system in homes...use PVC and rubber tubing through the attic of the home, instead of the work required to have it underground. The idea being repairs would be less expensive and easier. As part of this experiment, (or maybe this is standard today) our toilet does not have a shut off valve between the wall and the toilet. You have to go to the garage and turn off the water at a box similar to a circuit breaker box. There are rubber pipes coming out of a central box, each labeled for different spickets in the house. Now the problem arises because our garage is very small and when we pull our van into the garage (as we do each night) you can't get to the water main box. Add to this fact that I was doing all this fiddling with the toilet unclothed as I was getting ready to get in the shower! I have a toilet that isn't just dripping water, it's seriously running and each second I hear the water bill going "ching, ching". So I throw some clothes on, jump in the van, back it out of the garage and take 5 minutes trying to identify "master toilet." Somehow I manage to be only 5 minutes late to Bible Study. Not too bad.
Here it is Thursday and I still don't have a working toilet in the master bath. The fact that I haven't been home long enough to fix it could be why. Actually, Hubby and I went to work on it Tuesday night (after the swim meet) about 9:30pm. Halfway through we realized we needed a tool we didn't have. Too late to call anyone, but not too late for 24-hour Wal-Mart. Alas, Wal-Mart did not have what we needed. No problem, we'd fix it Wednesday. Wednesday morning I'm off to Home Depot for a big enough pipe wrench. On the way, the "tire pressure warning light" comes on. So before going into Home Depot, I check the tires. The rear right tire looks a little lower than the others. "I'll take the actual pressure when I get home," I say to myself. Coming out of Home Depot 15 minutes later and the tire is significantly lower than before I went in. I have 10 minutes to make it to my hair appointment (that is two weeks overdue) a few miles down the road. So, I hop in the van and as I'm driving, call Hubby and tell him all. Since my hair appointment includes color, cut and dry I will be there about 1 1/2 hours. So Hubby says he'll come change the tire while I get my hair done (told you I was spoiled). We have road hazard insurance on our tires through Sears, so I agree to head to Sears after my cut and take care of it. Hubby comes into the hair dressers all sweaty with greasy hands. He tells me that 2 of the lug-nuts are stripped. It took him forever to get them off and they are not totally back on. As we just had our tires rotated and balanced at Sears two weeks ago, he has the look of someone not happy. He tells me HE will go to Sears and I can pick him up there. So at pick-up time, I have our little Toyota Corolla and am driving to get the Imp and her friend, with the idea of picking up Hubby and dropping Hubby at home, the friend at dance and go back for the Singer at swim. As I'm driving, the Singer calls to say she's not well. So we got to drive the 10 miles from Hubby's work with 5 of us in the car. Thank goodness the trunk was empty and could hold the 3 backpacks, 2 gym bags, 3 lunchboxes, a briefcase and laptop.
No mishaps today. The Singer stayed home with a fever. No strep per the doctor. I went cropping late, but still got to do it. Picked up the Imp, got her to dance, and picked up snacks for the church meeting I'm running tonight, gave the Singer some Tylenol and TLC and now am determined to finish this blog I started on Tuesday before I fly out the door.
Hopefully I'll see my Hubby about 9 pm tonight.

Sooner is Not Better

Wow, a whole week since I last sat down to write. It doesn't seem that long. I drive around town and put many miles on my van taking my children places. Half the time, I'm alone and this gives me lots of "think" time. I've started writing my blogs in my head as I'm driving and when I get home and have the demands of motherhood in front of me, blogging gets put on the back burner as it feels like I've already written it. When 11pm rolls around, I'm too tired to type out my thoughts.

I was pretty much exhausted after my trip to SC. Tuesday saw me taking a wonderful and much needed 3 hour nap during the day. It wasn't until Wednesday that I really felt human again.

The Singer made us all proud with her 1st place finish in the 200m freestyle race on Thursday. Her 400m freestyle relay team also placed first. Her 200m time was 7 seconds faster than at the previous meet and an all time best. It was awesome! Maybe I need to start calling her the Swimmer.

The Singer is planning on going to Homecoming. We spent hours shopping for a dress this weekend (so did every other teen-age girl in Tampa). We actually had to wait in line for a dressing room! Ugh. We found a number of "okay" dresses and felt that this one dress was perfect, if only in a different size. Nope, they didn't have that size. We hit Dilliards, JC Penneys, Ross, Macy's and even strolled through Saks. I knew the dresses would be expensive, but didn't realize the cheapest would be $400. And, neither the Singer nor I thought their dresses were very attractive. We came home empty handed. We're heading off again next Saturday morning and I told her we will come home with something, if only an "okay" dress.

I was reading Newsweek the other day (the September 11, 2006 issue) and was saddened, and appalled, and shocked, and in a state of disbelief over the article about 1st grade. I have voiced my opinion before about my thoughts on kindergarten. Kindergarten should be a time of exploration and acclamation. Most children are not wired to learn to read in Kindergarten, yet that has become our goal of Kindergarten. Now 1st graders are being tested on their skills (and surprise, surprise) they're falling short of these unreasonable expectations. Kindergarten and 1st grade are critical years for students. The best teachers should be teaching this age. These teachers should be making more money. These 2 years lay the foundation of the student's view of school AND learning. We've now created a system where few students will finish 1st grade believing learning is fun. And most of the students will believe school is an uphill, often losing battle. When a child's brain is not developmentally able to grasp all the abstract notions needed to read, and when that child is then told they SHOULD be able to read, what other conclusion can the child come to than that he/she is a failure. Sooner is not better. There is no empirical evidence that reading at a younger age brings any kind of lasting benefit. Earliest readers are not necessarily the best high school or college students, and don't earn more money statistically than late readers. But we do know that if a child repeatedly fails, the child will give up, and in fact become a failure. So why are we doing this? Because Johnny can't read in high school. Starting earlier doesn't make Johnny a better reader. Let kids be kids. Learning to read at the end of 1st grade, or taking Algebra 1 in high school (as opposed to 7th grade, as is being pushed in many schools) does not indicate intelligence or future success. Sooner is not better. Elementary school children should have recess, everyday, and for the youngest, twice a day. Why? Because children need to move around. Because they need time to create their own games with their friends, or collect rocks and compare them, or watch the ants at the anthill scurry around, or just to breathe the air, or time to digest what they have learned and have a break from performing for the teacher. When you go to your doctor, do you ask "When did you learn how to read?" "Did you take all advanced courses in high school?" You don't really care. You care if they are competent and caring. Sooner is not better.
Let your kids go outside and play today.

Limos and Homecoming

After driving 500 miles yesterday, I'm still exhausted. I had loads of things to write about as I drove through South Carolina, Georgia and Florida. Now, I can't recall anything.
When I got home last night, I got a phone call from one of the Singer's friend's mother. (The friend is one of about 8 kids who do a lot together, but the friend is not that close to the Singer). As she introduced herself as friend's mother, I'm trying to figure out why she's calling me. Well, she was calling because a few of the group want to rent a limo for the Homecoming Dance. Hubby and I told the Singer she wasn't going. The general understanding amongst her friends was that we said no because of the price ($50 a person....the Singer has a date that makes $100!). That definitely was part of our decision, but not the only reason. So this mother was trying to talk me into letting the Singer go in the limo because they'd found a better price. I was so tired, I tried to be polite. I thanked her for thinking of us, but Hubby and I were driving the Singer. She went on. I said again that the Singer was going with her dad and me. She went on. [I wondered if I were speaking in a different language. What part of "she's not going in a limo," don't you understand?] This was at 8:30 or so. Shortly afterwards, the phone begins ringing for the Singer. All her friends are now calling her, telling her how to get me to say yes to the limo. I was really taken aback. I could see calling my high school child's friends' mothers if there were a serious issue on the table, or if one of the friends were having a party, etc. But about a limo?!? I don't get it. If the Singer's friends' parents said they couldn't go to Homecoming, I wouldn't get involved. These parents are too involved in their children's lives. What do these parents care if my daughter goes in the limo? Hubby's theory is that they need the extra couple to keep their costs down. And that the parents want the limo for their kids for their own status and standings. (They can tell everyone how Suzie Jane went to the dance in a limo.) I don't know. It just seems so odd to me. Hubby and I told the Singer, a limo is 'over the top' and unnecessary at this point in her life. I always felt that the Singer's friends were down-to-earth and not overly materialistic. After the last few weeks, I'm not so sure. The Singer has a gorgeous dress she got for Homecoming last year. Her friends have told her she simply CAN'T wear it this year, too. The Singer has saved her money and is going to go spend it on a dress she'll wear once. That her friends tell her she has to maintain a certain status bothers me. I thought friends were the people who liked you even if you didn't have new clothes.

Because It's the Right Thing To Do

"Because it's the right thing to do" is not a phrase used very often anymore. As I drove to SC I listened to a few Christian talk-shows on AM radio and listened to a book on tape (Mister God, It's Me Anna). All that got me thinking about the relative morality of today's society. Few people make decisions based on morality (something is right or it is wrong) but instead list pros and cons for themselves and then make the decision accordingly. I was getting my hair done and told my hair stylist that I was traveling to see my brother. She queried, "Again?" Yea, again. She said that she didn't know many people who would travel as much I did. I replied, "But, it's the right thing to do. It helps my brother and my parents, and it's what families are about." She agreed it was the right thing to do, but still insisted not many people would do it. Sad. I was talking to Hubby about this on the phone and we recalled when we were tempted to make a pretty big decision for our convenience. We were out walking the neighborhood (children don't overhear those conversations) and I said, "But if we do A for the Singer, I won't be able to do B. I've been waiting 5 years to do B. We've worked for it. I'm tired of taking backseat to our kids." (Okay, not my best parental moment). Hubby looked at me and said, "What's our goal for our kids?" "That they know, love and glorify God." (It's our 'rule of life' so to speak). So he says, "Which choice helps us achieve that goal." Okay, I admitted choice A was the right thing to do. [And as God had planned it, I got B, too...just a little later]. In order to do the right thing in difficult situations, you need to know in your heart what your goal in life is. Assuming your goal relates to some higher being and reaching some-sort of heaven in the here-after, right will be whatever helps you achieve that goal.
The Imp didn't want to go to a group meeting last week. I made her go. "Why?" she whined (as only a 12-almost 13-year old can do). "Because it's the right thing to do." It didn't help further any cause for herself, didn't help me. In fact, it inconvenienced us both. But it WAS the right thing to do, so I made her do it. That's what builds character. My girls aren't perfect. But they know there is right and wrong. They know their goal in life is to know, love and glorify God. I don't worry too much about their ultimate future.

Rain, Rain Go Away

Oh, how I wish the rain would go away. That's difficult for me to say, because it hasn't been that long since we've had draught conditions. And it was from 1998-2002 that we had a draught. But enough is enough. I've drained the pool multiple times this past month. As I sit here writing, the pool is filling to the lip again. Mold and mildew have flourished everywhere. Ugh. Between yesterday afternoon and this morning, about 4 inches of rain has fallen. The ground is saturated so there is no where for the water to go. There's 2 inches of water in our street (our street didn't flood with Hurricane Jeanne!) I just want my typical Florida weather back, so I can complain of the heat and humidity while sitting out at my pool enjoying the sun.

In addition to the really crummy weather we're having, I can't even watch a good football game. The Buccaneers look absolutely terrible! It's painful to watch them play. Then my other team, the Redskins, are doing too well either. I guess things can only get better from here. I don't even mind the Bucs losing (well, I do mind, but...) when it's a good game. But they aren't playing good ball. It is not entertaining and I've had to turn the game off, they're so bad. The rest of my family (the guys, anyway) are into college ball. I've never followed college ball and it just doesn't appeal to me. The great thing about the NFL is that there are so few teams. I can keep track of the whole league. College ball and the whole ranking system is Greek to me.

High school football has gone to national television. A local game was broadcast on ESPN on Friday night. High school football should be local. Way too much emphasis and importance is placed on the game when it's televised nationally. My second year teaching (at one of the schools that played Saturday night) I was told to change the grade of a few football players. These guys had done nothing in my class. I wouldn't change the grades, (although I did offer to make a deal...a certain amount of work and a passing grade. No deals) so my principal did! All so we could win that game. It's depressing to think about it.

I leave today for SC to see my brother John. His 41st birthday is Sunday. We're having a picnic celebration in his back yard on Saturday. My baby brother, Brian (aged 33) and his wonderful wife and 2 little boys are coming in from Charlotte plus my mom and dad. I'm sure John's wife's family (her sister and parents) will be joining us as well. The weather looks wonderful for SC...Basically highs will be in the low 80s and lows in the sixties. Beautiful!

Birthday Bashes

The article in Sunday's paper about the amount of money parents spend on their children's birthday's supported my idea that parents today make so many decisions for their children that make them (the parents) feel good and whether it is beneficial to the child is incidental. I'm all for making my child feel special on their birthday (and as I went over-the-top with the Singer's 16th birthday, in some ways I fall into this category) but I think buying "feeling special" is a dangerous and unhealthy thing for our kids. I believe I’ve always thrown great parties for my kids. I love planning the theme and creating fun things to do. But I create the party and in doing so, I am giving of myself (not necessarily my money) to my child. That's the gift. I had a Pretty Princess party where the kids made princess hats from poster boards and streamers (cost was very minimal). I've had a Little Mermaid party where they decorated their party bags with sand and shells. I had a Super Sleuth party where I made code books and then left clues in code that they had to decipher and follow to lead to the final treasure. I enjoyed doing these for my children and feel I taught them the power of giving of yourself. Now, I do admit, I may have jumped out of the boat and into the water with the big bash for the Singer's Sweet 16. And it cost more than I ever thought I'd spend on a birthday party. But I view it differently than what the article refers to. The Singer doesn't know how much the party cost, because I put the party together, piece by piece. What made her feel special weren’t the things of the party, but the time and effort I put into it. She will not be looking for next year's party to top this year's. How much money I spend on you is not an indication of how much love I have for you. That is the danger of the super birthday bashes of today. Too often I hear, "Well, I can afford it, so why not give it to him/her?" I'll tell you why. Because you give them nothing to work for, to dream for, to look forward to. If you have a limo pick them up from school on their 13th birthday (and I have seen it happen), then what do you do for the 16th birthday? Or their wedding? Shouldn't a wedding be in a class all by itself, to show the importance and significance it has in your life? Of course, this would mean you believe your child will marry once and live their married life as a sacred covenant and not just a convenient temporary living arrangement. Children learn so much from their parents. I don't think I want to teach my kids to equate money with love, or teach them that they are entitled to anything in this life. It saddens me that so many grow up with those attitudes (and worries me about the potential spouse-pool being created for my kids).

The Purpose Driven Life

I received the following in a forwarded email this morning. I'm copying the last paragraph and putting it on my mirror in my bathroom as a reminder. I've highlighted some of the phrases that really stood out to me.

Subject: Rick Warren and The Purpose Driven Life
Enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having "wealth" from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life " author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California. In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life?

And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body--but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,"which is my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money ,notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings. Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD. Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments, TRUST GOD. Every moment, THANK GOD.

Accelerated Reader

I don't like swim season. The Singer loves it and I'm thrilled for her that she has the opportunity to do something she loves. It's great for her physically, and emotionally. But I still don't like swim season. It seems I never see my Singer. Hubby drives her to school in the morning, she's at school all day, she goes to the library after school to do homework, catches a ride to the pool and then Hubby drives her home, arriving here 12 hours after she left. As most parents know, car-time is precious time with your kids. By the time the Singer gets home, she has already told Hubby all the happenings of the day, and she just wants to eat dinner and then relax or finish her homework. If I start asking about her day, I get the one or two word answers. Come November, I will get a chance to know my daughter better. Sharing the 30+ minute drive home gives us the time to share with each other. It's hard to tell how things are going when I only see her when she's struggling to shake off sleep in the morning, or ready to collapse at night. So I miss her, even though I see her everyday.
I enjoyed my Bible Study yesterday. My group seems to be a good one. I love the fellowship of Bible Study. Because I attend mid-morning in the week, the group isn't very heterogeneous. It's basically stay-at-home moms, older women, and a handful of retired gentlemen (and yes, the men all fit the description of gentlemen). But it's comforting and supportive to share faith with other women. I love hearing the women older than me, share their trials and victories on their faith journey. And while I don't feel old, at 43, I have "young 'uns" (the mom's in their 20's and early 30's) who look to me to share my experiences. I love the continuity represented. I am so thankful for my faith. When I struggle with my issues, I constantly wonder how someone without faith deals with the difficulties of this world. I know that my faith has gotten me through much. Without faith, I don't have a real purpose in my life.
The Imp is struggling to complete her AR (Accelerated Reader) goal for school. I think this program is a wonderful way to monitor and encourage children to read. I fear, however, that the whole concept is going to backfire for the Imp. The Imp is an avid reader, but because of the situation she's in, she has begun complaining about reading. She has a high reading level; therefore her goal requires her to get quite a few points. The problem is not getting her to read, the problem is the limited number of AR tests the school has at her reading level fitting her interests. So she ends up reading books that aren't necessarily ones she would pick in order to be able to take the tests to get the points to reach her goal. Because she does have books she wants to read, she "rewards" herself for a successful AR test by reading one of her own books. The problem is there just isn't enough time. Her goal requires her to read about a book a week. So she is frustrated that she can't read "her stuff" and has begun looking at AR as an academic endeavor. The concept behind AR is to have tests on popular children's literature so students can read what they want. The problem is she has been participating in AR since 4th grade and has taken many tests already. At a small private school, the media center doesn't have the resources to purchase all AR computer tests. Put that together with the fact that she's in 7th grade and the school only goes to 8th grade, the books (and tests) the school has for her level are limited. This quarter has been rough going. Because there were books she really wanted to read, she put off AR. The Imp in now in the position of reading 2 books a week in order to reach her goal. I'm not looking forward to the rest of this quarter or this year. I've had to limit our trips to the public library. A definite hardship for my family.

Family Ties

I love that I am from a big family--7 siblings. I love that Hubby is from a big family--9 siblings. I moved often while I was growing up: 13 times before I went to college. It wasn't always easy leaving friends, going to new schools, etc., but my sense of security wasn't shaken. I had my family...everything else was just the extra stuff. I think family is very important. The great thing about big families is the number of people to interact with, get advice from, depend on and help. The bad thing about big families is the number of people to interact with, get advice from, depend on and help. My brother John's birthday is coming up and I have been looking forward to going to see him and celebrate with him. The bonus of the trip is that there is a high probability that Brian (another brother) and his wonderful family will be there as well. I'd get to see my mom and dad. Just lots of good feelings and happy expectations all around. Added to this pull of going, is also the fact that my brother is ill. I want to take advantage of seeing him as much as I can. John has constantly said that he understands if I can't come. He doesn't seem to understand that visiting him is good for me. If he also enjoys it, all the better. Visiting gives me something to actively do to help him deal with ALS. It makes me feel better. Hubby has been working very hard. He has this major project coming due next week and has been working incredible overtime. He was on a conference call last night from 7 pm - 11 pm. When I leave town, Hubby picks up extra work with shuttling the girls around to their activities. Add to that our tile installation has been postponed until next week when I'm supposed to be gone. So, I have two pulls on me: my brother and Hubby. The pulls are so very different they're hard to compare. It makes me think of the "what if" questions posed..."Who would you save if you were drowning, the Singer or the Imp?" My answer is, "I pray to God I never have to find out." I hear the argument saying "Once you're married your husband always comes first." I hear the argument "You can visit John anytime." But I also hear the comment made to me at my sister-in-law's funeral "When you moved away, she felt so abandoned." (My family moved to Florida a little over a year before she died.) The person making the comment was filled with grief and is not a malicious person, but the statement has stayed with me. What should I have done? Is there a right and wrong decision? Or in cases like this, does the decision just need to be made and I just need to accept that I won't be happy with either one. Hubby doesn't know, yet, that I'm contemplating not going to see John. He would tell me to go. John would tell me to stay home with Hubby. Either way, I'll feel I'm letting someone down.