Stormy Boat-rides

Today's Gospel reading and homily really hit me. The reading was Mk 4:35-41
The priest talked about how we can take God for granted and push Him into a "sleeping" mode within our lives (we know he's there but we aren't interacting with Him in an intimate way). And then, suddenly (or so it seems) something "terrible" happens in our lives and we quickly exclaim, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" We act incredulous that we, as believers, as good Christians have problems. The priest reminded us that we are not in heaven, but still on earth and therefore will always have problems. He then said, Jesus told his disciples “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” The priest said that we are not promised a trouble-free life, but with more faith and less fear we are promised a life with God. That by putting aside our fear and trusting in God's good plan for us, we increase our faith and have a better life. I think of all the good people I know. And all of them have troubles. Some of gargantuan proportions. It was not a lack of faith that brought those problems, it is their depth of faith that allows them to deal with and live with the trials. Faith doens't make the trouble disappear, it allows us to believe that all is part of God's plan and that He knows better than we do.
How easy it is to say that. "God know better than I do" How hard it is to live that. As Americans, we pride ourselves on our independence and ingeniuity. It is so hard for me to walk the line between trusting God, but using all He has given me to handle a situation and using all He has given me to handle a situation and beginning to trust in myself instead of God.
The Gospel example of the stormy boat-ride brought back very personal memories of stormy boat-rides. When I was in high school, my father had a 27-foot sailboat. He loved sailing. I liked it and enjoyed spending time with him on the boat. Somehow it was decided that my dad, my older brother Kevin and I were going to sail the boat from Charleston, SC to Hilton Head, SC. We were going to be sailing "close to shore" but not in site of shore. It started out so well. What an adventure we were embarking upon. But during the night (maybe 11 PM or midnight) we were all still up and a huge storm came. There was lightning all around us. The front sail (jib) needed to come down, but in order to do so, someone had to climb to the front of the boat. My dad told us he was going and then tried to review what Kev and I would do if he fell overboard. (Remember it's night, it's storming, there is no light except from the lightning as no stars are visible and we can't see the shore) Kevin and I, both novice sailors at best, looked at each other and thought...if he goes over...we're all doomed because there is no way we'll ever find him and we definitely can't get this boat turned around in this storm). Somehow the sail got down and we all stayed aboard. I'm not sure I've ever been so scared in my life. After taking down the sail, my dad was soaked and tired. The storm was dying down and he said, "I've got to sleep. You have to take turns at the tiller. Just make sure you keep our heading. If you don't we could end up in the middle of the Atlantic" Such comforting words. Absolutely no pressure there. So Kevin and Dad went below to sleep and I was praying harder than I ever had. I was on my own. But not really...I knew, if I really needed help, I could wake my dad. He was there. And so was God. I don't ever want to experience that kind of trip again. But I'm glad I had the experience. It taught me alot, about myself, about my dad and about God. I think Kevin still has nightmares about that trip, too.