Blessing Bears

After Dennis' dad died, his sister heard of a woman who made teddy bears from a loved-one's old shirts.  His sister had one made for all the siblings and his mom.  His mom absolutely loves the bear and it brings her great comfort.  So when my dad died, I decided to make teddy bears for all my siblings and my mom.  Finished them and mailed them on the 20th.  My siblings should start receiving them today in the mail.

In the process of sewing the bears, I've decided to start a home business of making teddy bears and calling it Blessing Bears.  My next bear will be made from left over material from various outfits I've made for Megan over the years.  Then, I'll do the same for Theresa.  Then I'll make some Christmas bears and hopefully I'll begin to get some orders for other bears.

Here's the Blessing Bears I made for my family:

 

      

God Is Our Refuge

In God is my safety and glory,

The rock of my strength.

Take refuge in God, all you people.

Trust him at all times.

Pour out your hearts before him

For God is our refuge.

~Psalm 62: 8-9

Reassuring way to start the morning.  My sense of time is all out of whack.  After spending 17 days in Omaha and now having been up at the hospital with the Imp the last 3 nights, I feel like time has been suspended.  Haven't watched the news or read the paper(although I have kept up on the Rays...just one game back.  They've been playing some great ball) and it's hard to believe it's August 4th already.  
The Imp was looking really good last night.  Looks more peaked this morning and while she's had real food the amount is minuscule.  My mantra as I watch my little one has been, "I trust in you, O God"  It lowers my stress and gets me focused on the important stuff.
We are so fortunate that she is in a private room.  Been looking for the bright spots in all of this.  The doctor said well know a lot more tomorrow as to how long the drain has to stay in and whether she can start to be weaned to oral vs. the IV antibiotics.  
Hubby is coming up to the hospital after church and I'll run down to the Mass here in the hospital chapel at noon.  I'm hoping to go home shortly after that so I can do some laundry and pick up milk and such from the store.  Planning on a nap in there somewhere, too.

Nights in the Hospital

I am once again sitting up in a hospital room in the middle of the night.  Lots of time to think when the rest of the world sleeps, except I'm not sure anyone sleeps in a hospital.  Where we are now is incredibly loud and active for two o'clock in the morning.
I've lived in Tampa the last 18 years and this is the first time I've been up in a room.  Very fortunate not to have had to come before, yet this is the 3rd hospital I've spent significant time in this year.  I guess I'm making up for lost time.
The Imp is resting, but was up a few minutes ago.  The activity woke me from my latest nap and now I've had just enough sleep to feel a little tired but not sleepy.  And truthfully the 'sleep chair' here in her room isn't comfortable enough for sleep unless you're exhausted.  On the positive side of this hospitalization is the fact that tomorrow the Singer will come up to the hospital and I can run home to take a real power nap.
This year really has been surreal.  If I start to list all that's happened in the past 12 months it sounds made-up.  It was a year ago that Hubby's dad began his real decline and Hubby spent the month of September up in Sharon, PA.   What a good decision that was.  He will always be thankful for that time with his dad.  And for the time with his mom and his in-town siblings.  But it seems we've gone from crisis to crisis since then.  We both love routine, planning, and structure.  We miss it terribly.
The plan was for the Imp to return to Jacksonville tomorrow.  Not looking like that's going to happen and we really can't plan on when she'll return till we get her well.  So much for routine, planning and structure.
My poor Imp hasn't been very imp-ish lately.  Surgery on July 9, then laparoscopy on the 19th, fever starting on the 23rd, and back in the hospital on August 1st.   She's been a trooper but has no reserves left.  She's lost a lot of weight, too.  I am looking forward to her impish ways returning as she begins to feel better.  Not sure exactly what is going to happen in the morning, but I think a drain will have to be put in.  She's already had 4 regiments of antibiotics tonight and her fever is gone.

I feel bad for the Singer as well.  I haven't had much time with her.  In fact we had annex a little
mom/daughter time this evening, before we ended up in the ER.  Guess we'll try for tomorrow.   She leaves for Murray State on the 10th.

Independence vs Dependence

I am intrigued at how different people handle stress.  
With the Imp's surgery fast approaching, I find myself just wanting to either keep very busy or be very withdrawn.  I'm not really wanting that in-between down time when my imagination can go wild.
We fly out to Omaha early Sunday morning.  Her first surgery is 7 am on Tuesday.  This is to remove her endometriosis and her ovarian cysts.  10 days later she'll have a laparoscopy to remove the Gore-Tex material put on her ovaries to prevent scar adhesions.  
I've spent the last few weeks creating her a Surgery Survival Bag.  When the girls were little I found the summers exhausting with all the requests for different outings (movies, ice cream, Bush Gardens, etc) so I started the tradition of Summer Survival Bags.  Included in them were gift cards to the movies, Dairy Queen, Blockbuster, as well as sunscreen, small pool or beach toys and homemade coupons for things like 'a week doing no chores' or 'unlimited reading coupon' where they were allowed to stay up as late as they wanted reading.  These gift cards and coupons took the pressure off of me: they had their options available and could decide whether to go to movie A or movie B, and whether to use their gift card to go in June or July.  I was no longer the bad-guy saying 'no' all the time (since they'd ask about every movie).
The bags were a big hit and something the girls looked forward to.  They are in our past since they are grown.  But with the surgery, I decided to make a Surgical Survival Bag.  Included in it: new fingernail polish (something she can do without much movement) and fingernail polish remover pads.  Fun colors like orange and pearly grey and a DVD of Despicable Me with inflatable minion (she's gonna love this).  iTunes gift cards for her to purchase music or movies to enjoy and Amazon gift card to purchase books to read on her kindle.  I also made new coverings for our ice packs so they're nice and soft against her skin.
Thinking about what else I could ad to the 'bag' to make the 2 weeks in Omaha more pleasant keeps my brain occupied.
I've also started a new crochet project...again to keep me busy (and something constructive to do in Omaha).  2+ weeks in a hotel room in Omaha is not really a vacation but the Imp is so laid back that we'll have a great time.  The hardest part will be that laughing hurts after surgery and we like to laugh.  We are planning an outing to see Despicable Me 2 the day before her second surgery hoping it won't be too painful to laugh through that movie.

Today is July 4th...Independence Day, but a meditation I read today touched on the fact that Christians need to be dependent...on God.  And that some of our problems today stem from our desire to be totally independent from any constraints...not realizing that true freedom can only be achieved if we live out a life we were designed for...that is a life in harmony with God's plan for us.  Sounds contradictory to say a life of freedom comes from living according to God's rules, but it's true.  I'm very aware of my dependence on God with the trip and surgeries.

I'm enjoying our study at church, 'Engaging the Struggles of Your Heart' by Ascension Press.  This week's 'struggle' is fear.  How appropriate.  Just like working out physically regularly just 'feels' good, so does actively strengthening my faith.  It just feels good.

50

I will be 50 years old on this Saturday.  That sounds much older than I feel: physically or emotionally.  I can remember being 25, 30 or even 35 and thinking that by the time I'd hit the ripe ol' age of 50 I would be mature and have things all figured out.  Not sure why I thought that, as even then I was surprised at how as I knew more I knew how little I knew.  
We will celebrate in a low key way, which if you knew me and my family, is a little surprising.  But with everything else that has gone on this year, it's the right thing to do.  Besides, Hubby went all out celebrating my 40th.  I turned 40 mere months after my brother John was diagnosed with ALS.  This coming a short year after my brother, Chris, was killed in a car accident.  How fragile life was could not be ignored.  Hubby and I had discussed how we fail to tell people how much they mean to us, and then heap praises on them at their funerals.  What a waste.  So Hubby contacted friends and family far and wide and asked them to write to me and tell me how much I meant to them.  What a gift!  If you have someone special in your life (and especially if their Love Language is Words of Affirmation) this is a great idea.  I spent hours reading about my impact on others' lives.  Wow.  
It's 10 years later.  John is gone, as is my dad and Hubby's dad, and numerous friends.  And I find myself constantly trying to balance "Live like today is your last day" and "Be prepared to live to 100".  Not always easy.  But my brothers' deaths at a young age does have me working harder to share with others how much they mean to me.  
So I'll be 50.  Seems like I should know where I am going more than I do.  When I make a jigsaw puzzle (a favorite activity) I constantly check the picture.  When Hubby and I were first married, he said I was cheating.  I was amazed that people made puzzles without looking at the picture.  Well my life is now like making a jigsaw puzzle without the finished picture in mind.  Each day I pick up the pieces I have near me and try to fit them to each other and fit them into the puzzle that is my life so there is indeed a recognizable picture.  But I have no idea what the finished product will be.  Drives me absolutely crazy!  'Guess this is where trusting God comes in.  For a control freak like me, not exactly my strong suit.
There is nothing special about turning 50.  Nothing magical will happen to me on Saturday (although wouldn't it be nice if my fairy godmother came and bestowed on me wisdom and grace).  Turning 50 will be no different than turning 49 years 364 days.  Changes come through my effort and not through mere passage of time.

Power of Songs

I am so thankful the amazing Christian music groups.  Their songs help me so much.  They offer comfort, and hope; remind me of God's love for me; challenge me to live a better life.  I can't count the number of times a phrase from a song comes to mind as I encounter things throughout the day.  I get fixated on certain songs at different times.  I just figure I need to hear the message of those songs.  
The first time I heard (or actually listened to the words of) Laura Story's Blessings was the week my dad went into the hospital.  In fact, it was within the hour after Brian had called to tell me Dad was admitted to the hospital.  

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, 

protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, 

for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, 

we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home'

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the achings of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

"What if the greatest disappointments ... is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy." That line is one that keeps resonating with me, as well as, "...pain reminds this heart that this in not, this is not our home..."  Definitely a line I cling to when I'm missing my dad.

The title song from the movie Courageous, by Casting Crowns (one of my all-time favorite groups) keeps coming to mind.  "Where are you men of courage," I always want to answer that my dad was a man of courage and in fact exemplified the phrase. I wanted to include this somehow in the eulogy I gave, but just couldn't get my brain to work well enough to do that. 

We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains

We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall

We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of god arise

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees, with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your god

Seek justice. love mercy
Walk humbly with your god

In the war of the mind I will make my stand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your god)
In the battle of the heart and the battle of the hand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your god)

In the war of the mind I will make my stand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your god)
In the battle of the heart and the battle of the hand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your god)

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees, with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

We were made to be courageous
In the war of the mind I will make my stand (seek justice. love mercy. walk humbly with your god)

Might just have to watch Courageous tonight.  Awesome movie.  And thinking of the great movies made by Sherwood Production, reminds me how much the hospital in Sumter reminded me of scenes from the fictional hospital in Fireproof.  

Today is filled with house-cleaning, laundry and ironing.  And good Christian music in the background feeding my soul.

Walking Toward Eternity

Ascension Press has become my favorite publisher for spiritual studies.  I generically call them "Bible Studies" partially because I started with their Great Adventure Bible Timeline study.  (Then studied the Gospel of Matthew and then Acts of the Apostle.)  They are well prepared, the resources well produced and the courses have been an immense benefit to me on my personal journey of faith.

Dennis and I act as facilitators for our Thursday night group.  Working through these studies with him is just an added bonus.  (Yes, I know, I have the best husband ever.  I am so blessed that he takes his role as a Christian man seriously and endeavors to live that role daily.)

From January - March, our group began a new series that Ascension Press has, Walking Toward Eternity.  I cannot praise this program enough.  It is advertised as giving practical ways to put your faith into practice.  It is that, and so much more.  That I can extol this program having missed 5 of the 8 classes (remember this was Feb-March when my life was in chaos and I wasn't in town) is amazing.  Dennis and I are finishing up the study at home (one of the perks of being facilitators is having the DVDs readily available).  

From the Publisher:  Walking Toward Eternity: Daring to Walk the Walk is an inspiring series designed to help you live your faith more fully. Through daily prayer and meditation with Scripture (lectio divina), you will be drawn into an intimate and life- changing encounter with Christ.

Daring to Walk the Walk introduces seven key virtues and outlines practial steps for living them out in your life.

You will learn how to walk in:

• Love • Humility • Forgiveness • Prayerfulness

• Faithfulnesson• Sacrifice • Thankfulness

We completed the lesson on 'sacrifice' last night, so I've been pondering this idea the past week (as I completed the 4 different days of assignments) and have just had so much click into place from years of learning about sacrifice.  Jeff Cavins does a great job of explaining exactly what it means when someone says to 'offer it up' (a Catholic mom-ism for sure).  The connection between sacrifice and servant is so obvious but I'd never quite put them together this way.  I am certain that the lesson resonated with me because of the months of turmoil I just went through. And it has help me process and deal with all that has come my way.

It is hard to pinpoint 'the' best part of the program, but that each lesson ends with you spending time in prayer with God discerning what you need to work on, how you plan to work on it and when you will implement the plan is definitely the part that I love.  I'm great at the head knowledge of faith, but this puts it into heart/soul knowledge....conversion at it's best.

So today I'm infinitely thankful for this program and am eager for next part of this program, Engaging the Struggles of Your Heart.  We start May 30!

Carded at 50

I think the thing I like most about my husband is his ability to laugh (and get me to laugh with him).  I so believe that laughter is a balm for the soul.  It's been a rough few months, so finding things to laugh about is crucial.  Well, Friday night Dennis and I went grocery shopping to pick up essentials: beer, ice cream, milk, bananas and cantaloupe.  I was standing by the credit card reader with the shopping cart behind me and Dennis was behind the cart.  The cashier looks at me and says, "Do you have ID?"  I thought she was joking!  I know she knew I was over 21, but the sign says "We card anyone who looks younger than 40" and as I am a month away from 50, it's pretty funny to get carded.  Funnier still, I didn't have any ID, so I tell the cashier, "No, but he does," and I felt 20 again going to get alcohol with my 21 year old friends.  We chatted with the cashier and told her we thought it was funny.  She was so relieved.  Apparently people get offended when they get carded... not sure why.  So I think we made her day brighter.
I'm thankful for laughter and a sense of humor.  And thankful for my husband.

Texting While Driving

I heard on the news yesterday that Florida is trying to get a law passed that makes texting while driving illegal.  Florida remains one of the few states that does not currently have such a law.  Having driven up and down I-95 several times in the last few months, it made me think of the large sign you see when entering Georgia: "Texting while driving in Georgia is illegal"  The sign makes me laugh....I think it should have a second half, "Texting while driving in Georgia is illegal, and texting while driving anywhere is just plain stupid."
Had a marvelously uneventful weekend.  Felt like Dennis and I relaxed the whole weekend, yet last night when we listed what we accomplished, it was quite a bit.  Amazing what you can get done when not unpacking from a trip, or packing for an upcoming trip.  Garden is weeded and tended, lawn mowed, flower bed weeded, laundry clean, great dinners cooked, pool cleaned, patio washed down, scrap book stuff organized.  We still have a list of to do's in order to catch up from our absences from home, but we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Looking forward to lunch with a good friend today.  She lost her dad a year ago October.  It's nice to have someone who has been through the emotions of losing their dad.  I know people sympathize with my loss, but there is a connection that is only there with someone who has actually experienced it.

Castle

For the past 6 weeks I've been on an emotional roller-coaster.  And my faith in God and the support (both literal and prayer) I've gotten from Dennis and my friends have gotten me through it.  But I've also needed an escape.  A 'safe-place' to go.  A place where I don't have to think.  That place has been the TVshow, Castle.  

I guess I had heard about the show when it began 5 years ago, but I didn't watch it until last Fall/Winter.  When Dennis spent the month of September in PA with his parents, his sister told him all about it and said we would love it.  Sometime after Dennis' dad died in November, we ordered Season1 from Netflix.  And I fell in love with the show and the characters and preceded to watch Seasons 2, 3 and 4.  The writing is really good.  The banter entertaining and inevitably it causes me to laugh out loud.  I am a firm believer that laughter is necessary for a healthy life.  And that laughter helps us maintain a balance in our emotions.  So when my life started unravelling, and we had just finished watching Season 4 on Netflix, my husband went out and bought me Season 4 to take with me on my travels.  As my life continued to become crazy and I was spending more and more time in hotels, he went and got me Season 3...I now have Seasons 1-4.  I spent a lot of time with Castle and Beckett (aka Caskett according to Richard Castle, since they're now a couple) the last weeks, especially in Omaha where it was 17 degrees.  

In one of episodes, it is mentioned that Richard Castle's books helped Kate Beckett get through her mother's death...and escape.  Well, the TV show Castle has helped me through this time and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this show, and let's face it, turning to a TV show to numb my emotions for a while, sure beats the alternatives.

It's A Small World

Saturday night I was honored to watch my niece, Lauren, fully enter the Catholic Church with her Confirmation and First Communion.  The entire Easter Vigil celebration is absolutely beautiful.  The whole experience left me amazed at how small the world really is.  We went to the church hall after Mass and met a friend of Lauren's grandma who came to see Lauren.  The grandma did not know Lauren personally but the grandson had blogged about Lauren so the grandmother came.  As it so happens, this friend of Lauren's actually graduated from Belmont Abbey with my Megan.  Then to really be amazed at connections, the woman that brought the grandmother to Mass was Lauren's kindergarten teacher!  What a small world.

I just got home from the dentist.  Finally finished with a process that began Feb 13 (just days before my trips away from home began).  I had a root canal.  Then had a temporary crown put on.  I had to cancel my appointment for my permanent crown as I was in Sumter with my dad.  While in Sumter, my temporary crown broke and I had to go get another temp put on in Sumter.  Then between my dad's funeral and my trip to Nebraska, I went to get my permanent crown put on, only to have the crown not fit.  So... I got ANOTHER temp crown put on and today I finally had my permanent crown put on.  I hate going to the dentist and to have to go 5 times instead of 3 does not make me happy.

It's raining today.  My garden looks dead after we were gone for 6 days and we got no rain while we were gone.  I was thinking of giving up on my garden since I know I'll be gone for a two-week period later this summer, but if the plants bounce back after this rain, I guess I'll keep working the land.  I know the food tastes better and is better when it's from my garden, but it is super frustrating to put so much time into the process and have the plants die because I must travel.  My tomato plants were doing so well, too.  

Looking forward to having dinner with a friend tonight and lunch with another friend Monday.  I feel like I've been on an island with only my family.  I haven't spent any time with my friends for ages.  I'm thinking I'll feel lots better after getting to spend time with some girlfriends.

He Is Risen! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Happy Easter!
How on earth could I have survived the last weeks without the promise fulfilled that is Easter.  How bittersweet to stand on the altar last night with my niece as she entered the Catholic Church, knowing her first choice of sponsor was my dad.  How beautiful to know he really was standing with us.  How sad that Lauren will never get to go to Mass with her grandpa as a Catholic. 
I'm looking forward to Tuesday night.  I'll be back home and barring unforeseen circumstances, I'll be there for the rest of the month. 
The Easter Vigil Mass last night at St. James in Falls Church was absolutely 'the most noble of liturgies' as the priest said.  The church building itself is gorgeous, the choir added to the celebration.  I simply love the ritual and symbolism and tradition and the 'pageantry' of the entire celebration.  Starting in darkness, hearing Salvation History story through numerous Old Testament readings, lighting the church, the Good News of the Gospel proclaimed, the renewal of our Baptismal promises, just everything points to the Glory of God.  Definitely the best celebration of the year. (I say that every year, too).
Now we get to celebrate the Easter season for the next 50 days.  Yea!  I had a very different Lent this year, but one that caused me to grow closer to my God.  And really, that's what it's all about.
Happy Easter!

Love My Family

Still trying to figure out what day of the week it is.  It was 4 weeks ago today that I decided to go to SC to see my dad in the hospital.  In the last 28 days, I've been to SC two times and Omaha once and I've home for 8 of them.  It's no wonder I don't know which way is up.
The last 4 weeks have been surreal.
But they have also demonstrated to me how lucky (blessed) I am.  I have always known that I have the best husband in the world, bar none.  When I talked to my husband about going to SC, he immediately offered to do whatever I needed so that the trip would be easiest for me.  Then when the whole family was called when my dad took a turn for the worse, he readily picked up the Imp on his way to SC.  Then when it became obvious that my dad would likely survive the weekend, and all my siblings agreed someone should stay with my mom, he offered (yes, offered...didn't have to be asked) to stay with me and work remotely.  Wow.  If the whole situation wasn't so somber, I would have been on cloud 9 at the generosity of my husband.
By Friday night (2/28) my whole family had gathered at my dad's hospital bedside.  Everyone offering to do whatever was necessary.  Yvonne and Richie made dinner for everyone (20) Friday night, and then all offering to help pay.  There was no "Not me" or "I can't."  But definitely, "Whatever needs to be done."  And included in that 'everyone' is also the in-laws.  How lucky, I've got great siblings who've chosen great mates.  Gwyn, especially comes to mind.  My brother's widow, she lives in the same town as my parents and is always there for them, and was there for all of us the entire time of my dad's hospitalization.  Then there's Tracy, who kept the home front going with 2 active boys, as Brian did almost daily commutes to and from Charlotte.  It is so evident that Brian is his father's son.  I've heard many stories of siblings back-stabbing each other during difficult times...can't even begin to imagine that.  Having 2 doctors in the family, definitely made navigating the medical information easier.  I know both Elaine and Mark provided key info for my mom.
The days I was in Sumter after my siblings left town are a blur and run together.  Get up, go to the hospital, try to get my mom to go home and rest (which just wasn't happening), go to dinner with Dennis, go back to the hospital, go to back to our room, go to sleep, and then start over.  I'm sure the 16 days my dad was in the hospital are a blur to my mom, too.  She left only to go shower and get essential things done at home.  Otherwise she was at the hospital with my dad.  61 years, and it was clear to all that they loved each other.  How blessed am I to have this family.
Not sure what to give my attention to anymore.  My garden is growing, but with me leaving again on Thursday I'm hesitant to get too excited and worried the condition of it when I return.  My cukes need transplanting.  Hoping to have time tomorrow to get that done.
I'm enjoying my time in my own bed.  Also glad to be back in moist warm Florida.  My skin and nasal passages were  suffering in the cold weather and dry, heated indoors.
A few pictures from my dad's funeral.

Outside my parents' apartment at Covenant Place

My dad's deacon mouse.

Andrew and Christopher

Christopher will miss my dad.

Theresa, Grandma, and Lauren

Me, Grandma, Elaine, Yvonne and the boys in front.

I'll be trying to process this past month in the next few days.

It's Cold in Omaha

Sitting in this hotel room in cold Omaha (32 degrees; wind-chill much colder) as Theresa recovers from her surgery at Creighton University Medical Center, my life seems surreal.  The last 6 weeks have been a constant blur.  I'm not sure I've processed any of the emotions that have been churning.  But I have survived and am still striving.
Theresa has endometrial ovarian cysts which have been causing her great pain.  Mainstream doctors' answer to almost any female problem remotely associated with her menstrual cycle is 'the pill.'  So back in May 2011, after a cyst ruptured, we went to THE ovarian cyst specialist in Tampa.  Her answer: the pill...for the entire reproductive part of Theresa's life (except when she actually wanted to get pregnant).  This, in itself, is amazing to me.  But we aren't even talking the normal use of the pill the cessation of all periods.  The doctor wanted Theresa to prevent ovulation and menstruation perpetually.  Then the doctor had the chutzpah to look me in the eye and tell me it was perfectly safe.  Citing Theresa's young age and non-smoker status as lowering the risk of blood clots (as if that were the only risk associated with the pill).  But even if it were, Theresa cannot stay in the young category forever.  The doctor wanted Theresa to fill her body with hormones continuously from the age of 17-50+.  30+ years on the pill...but 'it's perfectly safe.'
Fortunately I'd heard of a doctor in Clearwater who practices NaPro Technology.  (Check it out)  This concept was started by Dr. Hilgers of Omaha and the Pope Paul VI Institute.  After extensive fact-gathering over a period of time, Dr. Hilgers recommended a laparoscopy.  Dr. Hilgers performed the surgery this morning and we meet with him tomorrow morning to discuss the results.  Unfortunately it looks like more surgery is in the works.
Sitting in a waiting room while your daughter is in surgery isn't much fun, so I spent most of the time in the Chapel.  I certainly can't imagine how I would have handled the last weeks without God.  My faith gives me strength I know I don't possess.