I hate it when I let something I know I shouldn't, get me down. Friday I found out that my homeowners' association dues are being raised, significantly. The reason...because so many people didn't pay their dues last year...primarily because they foreclosed on their houses. Ugh. I play by the rules and I get to pay MORE? My pollyanna view of life doesn't think life should be this way, but as I often tell my children...life isn't fair and trying to make it so will only frustrate and exhaust you and life will still be unfair. But I'm still angry over this and it's not like my anger is doing anything except raising my blood pressure. And once I got angry about this it seemed there are a lot of other things to be frustrated/angry about.
We had our annual extended family Christmas get together yesterday, and overall it was great. I love getting ready for it, even though I tend to drive my immediate family crazy the week of the party. I enjoy cooking and baking for it and I tend to enjoy the 20 people who tend to come. But as I was still reeling from the unfairness of large increase in my dues, every little thing set me on edge. I was feeling "put upon" because I'm the only one who will host this get together...and let's face it, the hostess does a whole lot more than everyone else, even when the dinner is potluck. Then little comments drove me batty. And I was left wondering where is the line between letting little comments slide and acquising to a view I don't believe in. Just because we're family doesn't mean we agree on anything much less everything. But if someone knows I am a happily practicing Catholic, why would they dis the Catholic church? I don't want to start a huge philosophical debate but when do the little digs they make about the Catholic church reach a point where not saying something suggests I agree with them. Let's face it, it's fun to tell Sr. Mary Elizabeth stories and the like. And an organization as large as the Church is an easy target. But when are do the jokes cross the line into true harsh criticism and denunciation of the Church? And I knew I was in a 'bad' mood going in...so I felt my ability to distinguish degrees of acceptability to be lacking. So I found myself leaving many conversations to "check on the food" so I wouldn't scream. And then negative people try my patience anyway so by the time everyone left at 9pm, I was totally exhausted. Thinking over yesterday, I still don't have a definitive way to decide when to let comments slide and when to take a stand. I like to have clear cut rules to live by. This has left me unsettled. And I'm not happy one little bit.
On a positive note, another old friend contacted me on Facebook. This is someone who made my first years of college so good. I consider her a dear friend and am glad we'll do more than exchange Christmas cards, now that we've connected through Facebook.
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