Illogical choices of this Christian

I read Cindy's blog regularly. As the mother of older adoptive kids, much of her blog concerns dealing with the struggles of trying to raise children who have huge emotional issues caused by the painful emotional scars from their early childhood. As the parent of 2 biological girls, it would seem I have little in common with Cindy, yet I frequently see myself in her description of her kids. Hear me out. I was not abused as a child. I come from a very loving family and have had an 'easy' life. But when Cindy describes the frustration of trying to help/love her children and how so many of them throw her love right back at her, abuse her verbally and physically, refusing to accept the gift she is so willing and so determined to give, I see God dealing with me. I imagine God throwing up His hands, shaking His head, knowing that I am human and that I have an emptiness inside me that He is so willing and wanting to fill/fix. He can fill/fix me, but I must let Him. He won't force it. Yet, for some reason, I resist Him. To totally accept Him into my life, to allow a true conversion, I have to give up parts of myself that have helped me survive thus far. I KNOW turning my life over to Him completely is the best choice. I KNOW God loves me. I KNOW listening to Him in all things would make my life more fulfilling and content. But it's scary to give up the little control I do have in my life. So I see us all as damaged from Original Sin, and struggling to give up our illogical ways. If we know God is the answer, why would we continue to try to do things our own way? Yet I know I do. So thanks, Cindy. You've given me a great 'meditation' theme to chew on today. Why am I so illogical with God's gift?