Letting Go

I spent yesterday and today at the University of South Florida with the Singer for Freshmen Orientation. After the two days, the Singer is walking on cloud nine and is super excited about going to college. YEA! It's so fun to watch her get so excited! The students and parents were separated for most of the 2 days, getting much of the same info...just presented differently. I felt like I wasted 2 days...I kept shaking my head, thinking...my parents never did this for me, they dropped me off, attended a brief 'orientation' meeting, paid the bill (thanks Mom and Dad) and left. I was 500 miles away from home, no immediate family in the area. I was on my own as far as figuring it all out. But hey, if I couldn't figure it out, why was I at college? During the "Emergency Plan" session (where the college tells us what their plan is in case of natural emergencies, i.e. hurricanes, or Va Tech type emergencies) we were told students would be encouraged to go home if a hurricane was predicted to hit Tampa. A father asked, "If my son's roommate is from out of state, is it alright if I take him home?" The police officer didn't understand the question. I did, the man had the mentality that his son's roommate would need parental permission to leave campus with this man. No parental permission is needed...the guy is 18...he can do what he likes...this is NOT elementary school. And by the way, no one is making sure your kid is going to class, either. But that, too was a question. "When will I be notified if my child is failing his class." Uuummm...when grades are posted. But the parent wanted to know ahead of time so they could make sure their child didn't fail. Huh? Then, when the health services said they couldn't give medical information to the parents unless the student signed a release, parents were aghast. "But they're on my insurance." Yea, but they have privacy...they're 18. If you don't want to pay if you can't know, don't. During one session, we read potential scenarios we may face this year (kid calls home for money, homesick, etc). One was...you call his dorm and he doesn't answer. In fact, you call 3 days in a row and no answer...what to do? First, I thought the scenario was out-dated...with cell phones this was very unlikely. All kinds of advice was offered. (Including very good advice to get your student's roommate's cell #.) Then the moderator asked how many parents expected to call their child every day. A good 3/4 of the parents raised their hands. I couldn't believe it. I love the Singer, I enjoy her company, but she needs me to back off so she can figure out things on her own. If she calls me every day...great. But I certainly won't call her each day. Not because I don't care but because she needs to make decisions that are hers, not mine. Then another scenario was about the student having trouble with a professor calling them unfair or too hard. After all the discussion, the moderator said "Now, remember unless it is a very serious issue like sexual harrassment, etc, please let your child handle it. If you feel you need to step in, please don't call the president of the university first." Again, huh?
Today the students went to register for classes. Parents were not allowed. Parents were outraged. "But what if they pick the wrong classes!?!" Well, they worked their schedules out with an advisor and if they chose poorly, they'll figure out how to do better next time. I guess I am in the minority. I think if you can go to college, then you need to handle certain things on your own. I expect the Singer will make some mistakes...and I expect she'll learn from them. I know I am blessed with an intelligent and mature daughter, but I also think many of these parents were hovering and refusing to let their kids go. And as far as I'm concerned the Singer is reponsible for what goes on at college. She needs to keep her grades up to keep her scholarships...if not, she's got to find a way to replace that money. She knows this. She'll keep those grades up. Or not. She also knows that if something extraordinary happens (car accident, long illness, etc) that contributed to a low GPA, we'd help out. But this is her college education, the responsibility is hers. On a lighter note, the moderator was talking about keeping in touch and mention texting and instant messaging. Then she said, "and of course you can use the more conventional methods like email." I must be getting old, I don't think of email as a conventional method of ocmmunication. Go figure.