The Four Agreements

Cindy's Adoption blog today was about kids "not loving you." I'm reading a book The Four Agreements. .
It's quite interesting. I've read the book before and am in the process of re-reading it and am actually re-reading and trying to absorb the section on the Second Agreement. It states: "Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." In fact it's quite egotistical to believe that someone's actions is because of you. This idea actually tags onto the idea I wrote about a few weeks ago. If I have multiply choices in how I will act/react in a given situation, so do others. Therefore their actions are based on their choices, not me. This agreement is hard to digest sometimes because I so want to say, "But, if so and so hadn't have done whatever, I would have reacted differently." But then that's stating that my actions are not under my control.
Especially in the role of parent or teacher, kids often see us as Charles Schultz portrayed adults in Charlie Brown: faceless identities that squawk at them. We are "parent" or "teacher" not a person. It is a joy when a child grows beyond seeing us simply as the role we have and instead sees us as a unique person, but in reality, while living at home, that rarely happens.



The Four Agreements TM

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.