Valentine's Day Hype

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we're now being inundated with all kinds of ads telling us that things say "I love you!" Yeah, right. I've always felt uncomfortable about Valentine's Day...if you have to be told to say "I love you," how much does it mean? Fortunately, Hubby shares my views (and he actually is thrilled that his love will not be measured by what he does or doesn't do or buy for Valentine's Day). Would I be hurt if the day weren't acknowledged at all? Probably. I like getting the cards and the gooey words. I don't mind getting a box of candy or a teddy bear to add to my collection. But I definitely do not need a diamond, or a trip or 12 dozen roses or anything else. Hubby tells me he loves me each day...in words and actions (Yes, hearing "I love you" is very important to me). I'd much rather get the day in and day out little declarations of love that to only get them on "special" occasions.
There's a great book about love called the Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. Gary Smalley actually has written lots of good books about relationships in general and marriage in particular. My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. Tell me "Good job." or "I really appreciate you doing..." and you've charged me up for quite a while. By the same token, if you yell at me or suggest by your words that I'm not doing good enough... I take it to heart and tend to be crushed. Hubby's primary love language is Acts of Service. Many guys have this as their primary love language. They like to DO. So at the beginning of our marriage, I'm drowning him with all these words, and he's busy doing things. I'm hurt because I'm not getting the words I need and he's not responding to my demonstrations of love. He's upset and feels unappreciated because he's not getting the "brownie points" for doing all these things for me. So we had to become bi-lingual. I needed to recognize his little actions (making me coffee, or doing the dishes, or taking out the trash) were great declarations of love and needed to try to do the same for him (fill up his gas tank, move the car seat back after I drove his car, get up first to turn the heat up in the morning). He could understand those things easier than words. Actually, the more proficient you become in each of the languages makes all relationships easier. If you figure out what "speaks" to the other person you can tailor your interactions with them. If they speak Gift Giving then you better have gifts on Valentine's Day (although gift-giving doesn't mean expensive...it's the presentation...Here I have something for you...a flower picked from the yard is a gift). I think Physical Touch is the language that is the hardest to work with. If your primary language is Physical Touch, you really need it. If Physical Touch is not a language you speak at all, someone hugging on you all the time is overwhelming. So you withdraw, and then the other person feels extremely unloved because withdrawing physically is with-holding love. If you can learn the love languages of your children, it's great and helps you figure out how to reach your child easier. (Smalley has a book on Children's Love Languages as well). I know I've blogged about this before but it's so true and impacts my life so much and I was thinking about it again, I had to write more.