Portable Shelters?

Unbelievably, school is right around the corner. The Imp starts next Thursday (next Tues night is "Back to School Night" where we go and get to see what homeroom she's in, and there is a parents' meeting. The Imp, sharing characteristics of her mother, came into my room at 1:20 am this morning, telling me she couldn't sleep. The pre--school jitters have begun. Once school begins, she'll be fine, but the next week or so could be rough...on both of us. I don't do well on interrupted sleep. Not to mention, she comes into my room, stands by my bed puts her face very close to mine and whispers, "Mommm" "Momm" so I open my eyes and find myself staring into a face. Inevitably, I jump. Because of this response, my kids don't like to wake me up in the night (I've told them that standing back a little might help....).
The Singer is off to Music Ministry Alive. She is sooo excited. She was chosen to sing a solo at the closing program. She's pretty happy. It seems she's been gone a lot this summer...getting us ready for her going off to college, I guess.





Check out this story about PODS. No, not Portable On Demand Storage, although the same company, but Portable On Demand SHELTERs. Make sure to watch the video, it gives a tour of these cozy "homes". It sounds intriguing, having a small space to stay in, on your own property, as you recover from a catastrophic event (hurricane, wild fire, etc). I wouldn't want to stay in one for long, but having them so easily portable is really a plus. Here in Tampa, we know that hurricane season starts in May, but we don't usually start watching until August. August and September are the months we tend to get hit. Wonder if there's a way to tie this into solving the homeless problem?

Production vs Service

My first few days at work have been interesting. I still don't know what my job title is or job description or job expectations (other than "jack-of-all-trades"). But despite the lack of concrete, sequential, neatly packaged directions (which I thrive on), I'm still having fun. I enjoy being with other adults during the day. I also enjoy being able to contribute to my family's finances even just a little. Being a stay-at-home mom has been/is very important to me, but a continual struggle has been feeling like a "free-loader." I know all the arguments about the economic (not to mention emotional and spiritual) value to my family because of me being at home. I believe it and know my decision is right and am not sorry for choosing this life at all. However, "Pull your own weight." echos in my mind and in a society that values production over service and money over ... well just about anything, it is easy to fall into the trap of feeling unproductive. Being at home also means that I spend most of the money. I do the shopping and get the car fixed and pay the bills and pick up the dry-cleaning and so on. Hubby puts gas in the car and while that has become a bigger expenditure than it use to be, it doesn't add up near as quickly as all of my purchases. The Imp needed a new uniform skirt, new tennis shoes, and new uniform shirt. The Singer needed new school shoes and new tennis shoes. Those purchases plus the various school supplies that they need, and I've spent significantly more than I do in a "normal" month. My paycheck will make me feel better and provide us with the ability to do some of the extras (family vacation, to name one) we haven't in a while. I'm very blessed.

The Gift of Grief

The Unwanted Gift of Grief is a book I picked up in Chicago last week. Saturday night (while still in Tampa) a group of friends of mine were discussing grieving. Another friend lost his mother a few months ago and some people couldn't understand the length and depth of his grief. Walking through the grief process myself, I know that grief is ultimately personal and individual. My grief for John is different than my grief for my brother, Chris....for a number of reasons ranging from the suddenness of Chris' death to the fact that I'm 5 years older than I was when Chris died. I began reading this book and kept saying "YES! That's exactly it!" I'm tempted to write all the passages I've already highlighted in the book, but I've highlighted too much and cannot pick the most pertinent or most moving quote. For anyone who's lost someone...even a long time ago, and for anyone who knows someone who's lost someone, this book is a must. To me, this book approached grief intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. It has made me feel better simply because it has validated my grief process.

Chicago was wonderful. The details are unimportant. I had much time of sharing with friends, made new friends and had time to personally think. I spent one morning at the Loyola Museum looking at an exhibit on John Paul II and his friendship with a Jew, Jerzy Kluger, who ultimately helped JPII visit Israel. It was so interesting and provoking. I'm such a history buff, that the history itself was intriquing. But to recognize what the Pope went through before becoming pope was inspiring. Near the end of the exhibit, there was a model "Wailing Wall" like the wall in Israel where John Paul stopped to pray. There was paper for you to write a prayer on and put it in the wall. The museum will be taking all those prayers to the Wailing Wall in Israel when the exhibit closes. Pretty neat. Yes, I left a prayer.

What Marriage Should Be

A week ago, I headed off to SC by myself to share the 4th with my family. My brother, Mark, from California had already made plans to visit before John's death. Hubby and the Singer couldn't take more time off of work after the week in June, and the Imp decided to stay home. So I found myself, once again, driving from Tampa to Sumter (about a 485 mile trip). I've made that trip about every 2 months for the past 4 1/2 years...often alone. As I was driving, it was surreal, it was hard for me to get my head around the fact that I wouldn't see John once I finally got there. With 9 hours of driving time, I had lots of time to think, and remembered many of my trips to SC and things I did with John. Of course, I remembered the trip to Ward's Bar-B-Que the last time I was there. John was craving fat-back (a southern delicacy?) and Elaine and Essie (John's nurse) and I took him out to Ward's so he could get a taste of fat-back (think pork rinds, only more fat --ugh). But it was a great memory and I know John enjoyed the outing and the food. I also thought of older memories...of when we were little. I didn't really appreciate John and his sense of humor and his decidedly different approach to life until we were both approaching 30. I always loved him but didn't quite "get him" until I matured. It was sad to think how often he frustrated me during those first 30 years, when if I had only relaxed a little, I could have laughed both at and with him. Makes me look at others who walk to the beat of their own drummer a little differently.

I enjoyed my time in SC immensely. I got to spend time with Mark and my parents. With Mark being 8 years older and living 3000 miles away, we don't spend lots of time together. It was good to catch up with him. My mom and I hit the mall and I got some great "end of summer sale" stuff. But I really enjoyed my time with Gwyn, my sister-in-law. She and I went out to dinner and then sat in her back yard (one of John's favorite places) and got to talk. I've always liked Gwyn, but the last 4 years, I've tried hard to visit John while Gwyn's at work and give Gwyn and John their time...knowing that their time was limited. We visited, but rarely just the two of us. I really enjoyed my time with her last week, and am more convinced then ever that marrying Gwyn was one of John's best decisions. Last week on Oprah, I saw Bob Woodruff and his wife, Lee, speak about his recovery from a head injury in Iraq. At one point, Oprah stated that it was inspiring to see Lee stick by Bob through this ordeal. Lee's response was great...one of surprise that sticking by Bob was seen as extraordinary. She loves him, she's married to him, they're part of each others' lives. OF COURSE she'd be there. The same reaction occurred with Gwyn and John. When John was first diagnosed, people would ask if he were married and if his wife was staying with him. I was confused...Yeah! She's his wife. She loves him. They're in this together...whatever "this" is. They each worked every day trying to make the situation better for the other. John wished he could somehow make it so that Gwyn wouldn't have to see him deteriorate, that he could somehow ease her work-load knowing that it grew each day as his abilities diminished. Gwyn approached her increased work-load as a matter of course....it needs to be done...so let's do it. Their time together was obviously tainted by ALS, but they both worked to make the time they had good and not only about ALS. It is inspiring...because this is what marriage should look like. They demonstrated love. Just makes my heart break to know she has lost her best friend.

While the trip to SC was good and I did have a good time, I am so, so, so happy to be home. Hubby and I have said at least 10 times a day to each other, "It's just good to be with you." We've done nothing exciting or extraordinary, but I'm definitely glad to be home.

Tomorrow night, the Imp has convinced us to all go to the opening night of the new Harry Potter movie. We're going with Hubby's cousin and his family. I can't remember the last opening night I've been too...and in fact, I'm not sure I've ever been. I'm not a crowd person and usually prefer to wait until the theater won't be totally full. But...it should be interesting.

Worrying

I think I may finally be growing up. I have always been a consummate worrier. Stressing about possible happenings that rarely, if ever, occur. Worrying gains us nothing but stress. We're told to trust in God and NOT to worry. So for years, I've been working on this problem of mine.
Having said all that, I do believe there is a thin line between worrying and planning. Thinking of possible outcomes to plan for them is different than worrying, although I often find myself crossing between planning and worrying and back again.
Being a stay-at-home mom has made me worry a little less, especially financially. Living on one income is not easy, especially if you play the comparison game to other families. We give up much by having me be at home. But, if I really look, I lack little, if anything in my life. Our financial situation seems to be cyclical. We do well...budget balanced, few "catastrophic" bills, etc. and we feel like we're doing great. Then within a few months, a number of things will happen (like the year our van needed hundreds of dollars of repairs, our tenants moved out of our rental home in the middle of the night without saying anything, and school tuition rose 10%). But, looking back, somehow things worked out. A few years ago when Hubby and I were weighing our options, we decided that plan A was the right plan, but that somehow I'd have to bring in $2,000 in the next 10 months. I had no obvious opportunities immediately in front of me, but we made the decision anyway, with the idea I'd begin looking for work shortly. Not 2 weeks later, I was offered a contract for curriculum work...for $2,000.
Here we are again, sailing along for the last two years with little true concerns. Then our home owners insurance tripled in February, unexpected travel out of town, wedding anniversaries and weddings, the Singer banging up the car...and once again the financial mountain seems to loom ahead. Troubles with my certification making my contract work unavailable indefinitely. Ugh. Then, 2 weeks ago, a friend called me, asking if I'd be interested in working part-time (4 days a week, 9am - 3pm) with flexibility based on the girls' school calendar. Her office is a mere 5 minutes from the Imp's school. It's a small office (two full time employees), and I'd be doing a lot of organizing and cataloguing...my strengths for sure. We met for lunch on Tuesday and I start training mid-July and begin in earnest when the girls return to school in August. Wow! What timing!
I'm not trying to be Pollyanna. Things COULD have been different. If I hadn't been offered this job, we'd have to cut back on things. I don't sit around waiting for God to solve my problems, but trusting in God makes the problems seem more manageable and helps me put the proper perspective on the issues. Does it really matter if we get a new couch, or replace our worn carpet, or take a trip to New York City or buy the new bestseller, or drive a beat up car, or miss the latest movies at the theater? We've got each other and a roof over our heads, and food on the table...the rest is gravy.

Caffeine withdrawal

I've had no real caffeine since my Friday morning coffee. I've heard caffeine withdrawal is the worst the first 2 days...not for this girl. Maybe I still felt so bad from the sinus infection, the caffeine withdrawal didn't hit me, but with only 2 pieces of chocolate as my caffeine intake, I'm really craving a real cup of coffee (I've made myself the decaf kind for the last few mornings hoping to psyche myself out...no such luck) or some cola.

The Singer is Super Seventeen today, so I'm off to gather the ingredients for a shrimp pasta salad (her favorite...the Imp doesn't like it...so the Singer and I will enjoy it tonight on her real birthday and we'll have burgers tomorrow for the family birthday celebration). I'll get some fresh green beans, as well and saute them with a little garlic and butter, another favorite of the Singers. I'll also order the cookie cake we'll be sharing tomorrow night with the cousins, too. I can't believe it's been 17 years since I held her in my arms the first time. Time flies...enjoy them while you can.

Walk by Faith not by Sight

On the Saturday afternoon of June 9, 2007, when I got the call that John "had joined the angels," I had yet to read the devotional from my book, A Catholic Woman's Book of Days by Amy Welborn. In fact, the book stayed on my nightstand, unopened until my return from John's funeral a week later. On the 16th, late at night, I began to read the entries I'd missed and this was the entry for June 9th.

So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the
body we are away from the Lord -- for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we do
have confidence and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the
Lord.

--2 Cor 5:6-8

And the commentary:

A friend of mine once gave her opinion of the concept of
reincarnation. "I love life, but really, once is enough. I'll be
ready to be with God and stay there!"

In addition to being such an appropriate reading for the circumstances (as John's body had become such a prison for him), Second Corinthians is a favorite Letter from the Bible for John. The beginning of this letter has Paul explaining why we suffer.

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our
brother, To the church of God which is at Corinth with all the saints who are
throughout Achaia:
Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord
Jesus Christ.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our
affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction
with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
For just
as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is
abundant through Christ.
But if we are afflicted, it is for your
comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort,
which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also
suffer;
and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are
sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.

--2 Cor 1

Sinus Infections and Gifts

It's been a whirlwind week. After arriving home at 4 pm on Friday and getting the Imp to dress rehearsal by 5:30 pm and then surviving 2 performances Saturday. Sunday, Father's Day arrived. Thankfully all Hubby wanted was a quiet day at home. Some grilled steaks, potatoes, green bean casserole plus his gifts (new garden hose, nozzle, and home hair-cutting kit, a Toby Mac CD courtesy of the Imp and a guitar chord poster)plus watching the US Open and he was content. The week flew by as we prepared for Hubby and the Imp to leave early Thursday morning for PA and a wedding on his side of the family. Multiple trips to the library, a trek to Bush Gardens (the Imp and her male cousins have a goal of visiting Bush at least once a week throughout the summer and I'm designated driver. Hey this is why I don't work outside the home...but I could've used a break), laundry and packing and I got them to the airport early Thursday. Then I spent Thursday and Friday preparing for the Princess party for the Singer. This included pool deck cleanup as well as the house. Through all this I wasn't feeling the best. Frequent headaches...behind the eyes..which I attributed to the frequent crying and the attempts not to cry. By Thursday the pain was beginning to radiate through my check and jaw bones and my teeth began to ache. That was a sign...I needed to see a doctor. I have a sinus infection and was put on an antibiotic and steroid. Between the two of those drugs the side effects are less than pleasant. I'm to stay out of the sun because of sun-sensitivity, I'm to avoid caffeine (WHAT?) because of sleeplessness (and it's not like I've been sleeping well anyway), and nervousness, dizziness and irritability are also listed. That's not to mention the nausea, and other gastrointestinal reactions! Oh joy! I guess it's a good thing Hubby's in PA. After preparing for the party and welcoming the guests, I disappeared into my room, figuring that was better than showing my irritability. My doctor said "Think of a bad case of PMS...that's how you'll feel." Swell! I actually thought I did okay until the sleepover part and their laughter waking me at 2 am, 3:45 am and 5 am.

The party was a success! They played Pretty Pretty Princess and each guest was assigned a Disney princess before the party. Once here, they were given a quiz about their princess. Prizes included Princess bubbles and a Disney Princess paddle ball. They were going to swim, but a huge thunderstorm rolled in and forced them inside. Fortunately, the Singer had poster-sized coloring book with pictures of Disney Princesses to color. Yes these rising seniors in high school had a great time listening to music, talking and coloring! They also made foam tiaras. They had a blast and I got time alone...a win/win situation.

The one of the best things about today was I got my hair done. I had an appointment scheduled for the week of John's funeral, so I was about 10 days overdue. It does something to my psyche to see my roots (grey and brown) growing out...and not anything positive. I always feel better after getting my hair colored and cut. So between the meds and the haircut, I'm doing pretty good tonight...I just hope I can sleep (I had 2 mini chocolate cheesecakes today...homemade and leftover from the Singer's party).

But the very best thing that happened today was I received a condolence gift in the mail. This friend used to live in Tampa (3 short years as her husband was stationed at MacDill AFB). She was here for us when my brother Chris died. She cooked dinners for my family and helped in many other ways (taking over a fundraising activity I was in charge of) while I went to be with my parents. She is such a good friend...a crafting-buddy of mine. She sent a homemade garden stone and on it is a rosary made of red and white stones and a beautiful gold cross in the middle. It will be put in my garden tomorrow...next to my rose bush. It is great to feel so loved and cared for. Just wish she didn't live in South Dakota!

The Four Agreements

Cindy's Adoption blog today was about kids "not loving you." I'm reading a book The Four Agreements. .
It's quite interesting. I've read the book before and am in the process of re-reading it and am actually re-reading and trying to absorb the section on the Second Agreement. It states: "Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." In fact it's quite egotistical to believe that someone's actions is because of you. This idea actually tags onto the idea I wrote about a few weeks ago. If I have multiply choices in how I will act/react in a given situation, so do others. Therefore their actions are based on their choices, not me. This agreement is hard to digest sometimes because I so want to say, "But, if so and so hadn't have done whatever, I would have reacted differently." But then that's stating that my actions are not under my control.
Especially in the role of parent or teacher, kids often see us as Charles Schultz portrayed adults in Charlie Brown: faceless identities that squawk at them. We are "parent" or "teacher" not a person. It is a joy when a child grows beyond seeing us simply as the role we have and instead sees us as a unique person, but in reality, while living at home, that rarely happens.



The Four Agreements TM

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

Get Me to the Church on Time

Settling back into a routine now that we've returned home has helped deal with the pain of losing John. I find myself constantly remembering all the things from last week, and then remembering John, when he was an angel and when he irritated me to no end. I guess coming from a family of 8 kids, family funerals will always end with some interesting stories. Hubby and I have the story of driving to Ellen's funeral (Tampa to DC). We originally left Tampa at noon on Saturday (the girls being 5 and 3 yrs old). Unfortunately, an hour north of Tampa the fuel pump on our van broke. Fortunately, a rest stop was literally right there and we pulled into the parking lot to call AAA. Fortunately, AAA said they could send a tow-truck out immediately. Unfortunately, they sent it to the wrong rest-stop (south of Tampa, instead of north of Tampa). Unfortunately it took 4 hours for the tow truck to finally arrive. Fortunately, our mechanic works out of the north part of town and we had our van towed to his shop. Fortunately, Hubby's cousin met us there and we were able to transfer everything from the van to his car. Unfortunately, we didn't have a vehicle to drive to DC. Fortunately, Hubby's cousin and his family fed us dinner as Hubby and cousin went and got us a van from a rental company. Fortunately, we were able to get on the road at 7pm. Unfortunately, the girls were already tired of travelling and we hadn't left town yet! Somehow we made it to Maryland (where we were staying with friends) in time to drop the girls off, take a quick shower and change and get to the viewing at the funeral home at 6 or 7pm the next night. Kevin hadn't heard that story until last week. [Well, I wasn't going to tell him the story at his wife's funeral...we made it...that's what counted.]
My brother, Mark from California had an even more harrowing experience getting to John's funeral. Planning to arrive late the night before John's funeral, he left home early that morning. Everything was going fine until he arrived at Dulles Airport (DC area). All flights were cancelled because of storms. The next flight was at 10:30 the following morning (John's funeral was at 10 am). So after hours of standing in line to find his luggage, rent a car (the last one on the lot), he drove the 500 miles from Dulles to Sumter. Stopping to change clothes at my parents' house, he arrived sometime after the funeral began, but made it! John was remembered as someone who got things done...a hard worker...determined and deligent. Those qualities are easily seen in all my brothers (and my dad). There's a reason he was like that...he had great examples.

Father's Day

Today I'm thinking of my dad and how this day must be so hard for him. Someone at the funeral told Hubby that there is a special word for a man who has lost his wife, widower, and a special word for a child who has lost their parents, orphan, but there is no word to describe a parent who has lost a child. Could it be that we just don't want to have to name this indescribable situation?...a parent who's lost a child to death. I can't begin to imagine a Mother's Day without one of my girls. How do you celebrate a day that points out your loss? I know my dad loves all the rest of us and welcomes our celebration of him as our dad, but there still has to be an empty spot in his heart as he misses John (and Chris).

John's funeral was beautiful. I think he would have liked it. Elaine, my oldest sister, was a gem all week. She took care of everyone and everything. She captured John's spirit perfectly in her eulogy. John's little church was packed to overflowing. How comforting to me to see all those people. His high school football coach, Coach Geddings was there. Our high school teacher, Mrs. DuBose came to the visitation the night before. I can't possibly list all those whose presence eased my pain. Cindy showing up was amazing.

I find words evading me. But I am thankful for all the cards and condolences sent my way.

Dealing with Death

Me hugging John (1966)

John and my brother Chris (1969 or 1970)

John and The Imp 1998


John and Hubby last summer

Funny how my last entry was about attitude. That your contentment/happiness in life is determined by the choices you make rather than by the circumstances of your life.

I've been given the opportunity to live out my words. My brother, John, died on Saturday. Exhausted from dealing with ALS, he simply didn't have the energy left to wake up after a nap. ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's Disease) causes the body to become paralyzed bit by bit. Eventually the diaphragm is paralyzed and breathing ceases. So here I am faced with heart-breaking circumstances...the death of my brother. The tears have readily fallen. The anguish of knowing I will never see that twinkle in his eye as a sly smile crosses his face when he's pulling someone's leg is so strong at times it's like a physical punch in the stomach. My heart breaks thinking of his wonderfully amazing wife and her grief. Yet behind all the pain and immediate grief, I'm okay. I believe John is with God. I believe that he continues to live both in heaven and in our memories. It is my loss, not worry or concern about John, that has me reaching for yet another tissue as the tears seem to simply seap out of my eyes.

Nike may have coined the phrase "Just Do It," but John lived it each and every day of his life. How can I not miss that? I am saddened that my daughters won't have him to talk to as they continue to grow, because he offered a special insight into life, so different from my own, yet enriching to them. I am saddened that our nephews, Christopher and Andrew (4 yrs and 19 months) won't remember him. Christopher and John were buds.

My sadness is for the world's loss. A great and beautiful soul is no longer walking on the earth. So my attitude must be to work even harder at making the world a good place to help conteract the loss by John's death.

John's obituary

Devotional

My devotion today was so right on that I had to share it.

The good life-- the on that truly satisfies -- exists only when we stop wanting a better one. It is the condition of savoring what IS rather than longing for what might be. The itch for things, the lust for more -- so brilliantly injected by those who peddle them -- is a virus draining our souls of happy contentment. Have you noticed? A man never earns enough. A woman is never beautiful enough. Clothes are never fashionable enough. Cars are never nice enough. Gadgets
are never modern enough. Houses are never furnished enough. Food is never fancy enough. Relationships are never romantic enough. Life is never full enough.

Satisfaction comes when we step off the escalator of desire and say, 'This is enough. What I have will do . What I make of it is up to me and my vital union with the living Lord.'

from Wisdom For the Way: Wise Words for Busy People

I love the expression "step off the escalator of desire." How true. This reminds me of a push Oprah had a few years back: to have an attitude of gratitude. We all have tapes running in our heads. "You did that well." "Should've kept your mouth shut." "You can do this." or "You're just stupid." "How come I don't have (whatever)?" "Everyone else has more." "I deserve more." We can change our tapes if we want. Starting each day by thanking God for 5 things (I'm alive could be #1. I am loved by God a good #2) and ending each day the same way, changes the tapes we tend to play for ourselves during the day. If we are cognisant that all comes from God and if we are thankful for what we have, it is pretty easy to be content and stay off the escalator of desire (I really like that...can you tell?). My first year teaching (amazingly 21 years ago), I taught with a group of 5 other young women (like me...most a few years older than me but all under 30) and we ate lunch together. Each day the other 5 women would begin to describe all that was wrong with their husbands. After a few weeks, I began to notice all that was wrong with MY husband and I began to feel angry at my husband (he hadn't changed at all...just my attitude/focus). Their comments and focus had me looking for how my husband wasn't good enough. I enjoyed the company of these women when they weren't discussing their hubbies so I began to interject positive things my hubby did. If they complained about the toothpaste tube being squeezed from the middle, I'd say, "Oh, I'm so lucky. Hubby never does that." If they'd complained about their hubbies not helping in the kitchen, I'd say, "Oh, Hubby always helps me" or "Oh, we have a deal, Hubby NEVER does that. I'm picky and I won't let him near the stove. But he does all the clothes folding. I'm happy with our deal." They didn't have a good response so the conversation usually went to a new topic. But after actively describing how wonderful my hubby was to these women, I SAW him as wonderful. So over a period of a month I went from being content with my hubby, to being angry with him for all his shortcomings, to thinking he was the best thing since sliced bread. He hadn't done anything differently...it was all in my attitude and my focus. Was I looking for the good or was I looking for the bad. Watch what you think and say. Words are powerful. Keep telling yourself your life is terrible and I guarantee, no matter what your circumstances, your life will be terrible. Tell yourself that your life is great and low and behold...it is. As a teacher I saw this phenomenon much too often. Students labelled as troublemakers or underachievers or whatever. They became their labels. If you go into any successful classroom, you will see a teacher looking for and finding the good in their students. Watch your words/thoughts...they are very powerful.

Graduations

As unbelievable as it is, my niece, Lauren, graduated from high school today. That I so vividly remember her as a baby, toddler and little girl is frightening. I am confident that she will do well in anything and everything she undertakes. Her determination is wonderful to behold. She's off to New Orleans this summer with her church to help with the rebuilding there. Last summer was Peru. I'm not sure of all the awards she won, but I'm sure they're abundant and well deserved. I can't wait to hear all about it.

Summer

Partially because I'm a visual person I'm also a list person. I get great satisfaction from SEEING things get crossed off my To Do list. But at the same time, seeing a list that is pages long can be demoralizing. It's summer, so my list has just blossomed. Every year I seem surprised to find myself busier in the summer than the school year. But as a stay at home mom, summer is when my charges are home more. It's also the time for doctors, dentists, orthodontists, and so on.
The Singer, now officially a senior as she so often points out, drives me absolutely crazy. Because she is way too much like me at her age. Her approach to life in our house is "keep it close to the vest and share as little as possible." I made her a skirt, she was trying it on. I asked if it fit correctly or if it was really a little too big in the waist. Her response, "It fits like the skirt we made last summer...I've learned to deal with it." Doesn't sound like a positive response, so I say "Do you want me to take the waist in?" "No...it's okay." The resounding positive is underwhelming. Trying to get her to tell me what she really thinks or feels is exhausting. She is uber polite in her words in the interactions, but the underlying attitude is "whatever...just leave me alone." She so obviously wants any kind of interaction that could be construed as involving conflict to be over that she spews out "yes ma'ams" and "yes, I'll do that" quicker than I can finish saying whatever I want to explain. At least with me, (and I believe with many others as well) negotiations don't come naturally. Life is all or nothing. If I tell her I won't buy her ...whatever...instead of trying to make a deal ("Well, would you pay for half of it?"). I get a cold "yes ma'am." Avoid conflict. It drives me batty! Relationships are all about negotiations. I'm praying that much of this behavior is her age and not hard wiring in her.

Work Ethic

I always enjoy reading Cindy's blog, even though she has 39 children and I only have 2, and even though most of her kids were adopted as older children and mine are my own bio kids, parenting is parenting and what she writes about usually gets me thinking. Sometimes, it gets me thinking about people I meet...we never know the other person's baggage...I think it's helped me be a little less judgemental.
Today, Cindy referenced Success Magazine. As the Singer has embarked on her summer job in an office (legal preparation of medical records) that requires etiquette I'm not sure she has encountered often, the article on business etiquette caught my eye and I've printed it out for her. The top points seem obvious to me, but I've found that nothing is obvious (except the 'out of touch with teens' mentality of parents) to teens.

Top Six Business Etiquette Mistakes & How to Correct Them

1. Improper handshake (the firm, web-to-web handshake is best).
2. Poor eye contact (eye contact, made 40%-60% of the time, is directed in between the eye brows).
3. Lack of dining skills (when in doubt watch the host or hostess).
4. Unprofessional attire in the office (always dress two levels above your position).
5. Ignorance of other cultures (learn the customs of other nations by visiting http://www.state.gov/countries).
6. Cell phone rudeness (keep phones on vibrate or use a low ring tone and use your library voice).

PSOW National Business Etiquette Week Tips

1. Email is never private and lives forever in cyberspace. Plus, you don’t know who has been Blind Carbon Copied. Never sound angry, condescending or illiterate. (Anything in writing has more power than something simply spoken once...be careful what you write anywhere--my own comment)
2. If unsure which is your bread plate remember left to right is B-M-W: Bread-Meal-Water.
3. During business encounters (even social ones) don’t discuss “hot” topics like religion, diets or money.
4. Remember someone’s name by using it 3 times in a conversation: when being introduced, during the conversation and when saying goodbye.
5. A dirty or tattered business card is a “deal breaker”—always have a clean supply on-hand.

The good news about the Singer is that her boss (a friend of mine) called me to tell me she was impressed with the Singer's work ethic. Thank goodness. I recognize that what I see at home is not what my girls present to the world at large. But both Hubby and I feel like we've had to fight to overcome the entitlement attitude so prevalent in society to try to teach our girls a strong work ethic. Hubby's dad worked 3 jobs sometimes to keep food on the table. He did it because it was what he needed to do. Fortunately I married his son who has the same work ethic embedded in him. I know Hubby's example has been great for the girls, but with the allure of the entitlement attitude, you're never sure what's sticking with your kids. It's nice to know some of the good stuff does stick.

While speaking about success, this story is quite amazing. A homeless teen graduating with a 3.7 GPA and off to college. He's been homeless for 2 years! This is the kind of story I point out to my kids...this is what I mean when I say "It is not what happens to you, but how you respond that determines your future." This is an example where hard work and the idea of 'just keep on moving and working' brings about a better outcome. It doesn't matter what road you're on, if you stand still you'll eventually get run over.

Birthdays and Graduations

Having celebrated my birthday and receiving multiple graduation announcements, the passage of time is being thrown in my face. I don't feel any older. More experienced (and hopefully wiser), but not older. How can all of these children, kids who I held as babies, be graduating from high school and getting ready to embark on their first true step of independence? Not possible. When did they go from toddlers to adults? Time is such a relative term, and the years have somehow slipped by. A reminder to make every minute count...it's gone all too soon.

My Mr. Lincoln rose bush is in full bloom! I've had 14 roses in the last 5 days and have at least 10 more buds developing on the bush right now. I love the smell of the Mr. Lincolns. I'm battling aphids, so yesterdays clipped roses were put on the back porch table, not in my house. The drought is oppressive. I got a crepe myrtle tree for Mother's Day and it's planted near my rose bush, so my roses have been getting daily watering...hence the abundance of blooms. Most of my other plants are indigenous and drought resistant so are surviving but not thriving. We're about 10 inches below normal for our rainfall thus far this year. The extended forecast shows the highest chance of rain for Saturday with a 20% chance. Ugh. The pool water is evaporating as I watch, as our relative humidity is down, too. Between the cost of gas and our use of water, our monthly budget has to be redone or we'll not be living within our budget.

The Imp is celebrating summer. Her last day was last Thursday. Even though the Singer is taking her last exam as I write, I gave the girls their Summer Survival Bags last Friday. They were a big hit. I always include "Unlimited Reading" coupons. The Imp has already used one of her coupons. She and the Singer hit the library Monday and each came home with an armload of books. The Imp promptly went to her room and began reading. She came out for dinner and then was back in her book(s). At 10:00 pm she told me she was using her coupon and she proceeded to read until 4:30 the next morning.

The Singer has a busy summer scheduled for herself. She is working 9-5 at an office each day, in addition she is swimming each morning from 6-8 am. I'm encouraging her to swim only 3 days a week, so she has some "down time" but she is determined to be ready to win some races come the high school swim season in August. I hate to put roadblocks in front of her goals...so I'll wait to see how things play out. I'm actually impressed with her drive to work towards her goal. She also wants to continue her piano lessons throughout the summer, but is willing to drop the voice lessons until the fall. She is excited about her summer schedule so I'm holding my tongue about her overdoing it. I am insisting she take off the week before school starts so she feels like she has had some relaxation before her Senior year begins. She was recently elected President of Mu Alpha Theta (math honor society) and the president of a newly formed organization made up of members from all the honor societies. The organization is to foster more service and activity from the honor societies and to coordinate those efforts. So she's already begun to plan Pi day as an activity for Mu Alpha Theta (March 14----3.14). Her energy level is inspiring.

The Imp's summer plans include making it to Bush Gardens at least once a week. She and her cousin, Sean, want to ride Sheikra (in its newest form---without a floor) as many times as possible. She's helping with Vacation Bible School, attending volleyball camp and is continuing to swim, as well. Her swim lessons are at 4:15 in the afternoon and is only 2 days per week.

My summer plans include sewing the Singer 2 new skirts (we got the material yesterday) for her to be able to wear to work, re caulking the girls' bathroom, and I'm busy working on crocheted bookmarks. I'm hoping my sister-in-law can sell them at the fall sale they have to benefit the Sumter Muscular Dystrophy Fund. Right now I have 18 different samples I plan to bring to show her in July. Then she can pick 4 or 5 styles that I can then make 10 or so of each style (in various color combinations). A few of the bookmarks I've made are not on the selection list as they are simply too time-intensive to make to sell. One is call the Celtic Lace. It took me at least 10 hours to make that. It's gorgeous, but....
Celtic Lace:


Tasseled:


Cross:


Elegant Shells:


Snowflake:


Lace Fan:


Butterfly



The Singer wants to buy a digital camera with her summer earnings. I'm excited as I should then be able to post more pictures.

Like-Minded People

Saturday the whole family went to a picnic with a group Hubby and I belong to. The group is a couples' prayer group, Teams of Our Lady (TOOLs). Normally, just the couples (6 couples on our current Team) meet once a month for a meal and then sharing on a spiritual book we are studying. Occassionally, we get the families together. Hubby and I have been on this team a little less than a year, and so our girls have not had a chance to interact with the children of the other couples. We met at a house on a lake. Lots of oak trees providing shade, a huge yard, a dock to fish off of, a swimming pool, etc. It was absolutely gorgeous. There were about 20 kids there and after the first few minutes of awkward introductions, they were off and running (literally) and were acting like they'd known each other for years. The Imp came home with an email address to keep up with one of the girls she met. It was so wonderful to share an afternoon and evening with other families of like values. We didn't hear any swearing (from adults or children). It was rejuvenating for me as I didn't have to fight an uphill battle with my children. They didn't come asking to do things I disapproved of. All the children have similar home rules. There was no peer pressure to be worldly cool. They all know they have strict parents and they all know they'd have serious consequences for misbehavior. So I enjoyed just sitting back and not worrying about what my kids were doing as they ran around the yard, even when I couldn't see them. In addition, Hubby and I got to spend time with 5 other couples and talk and share about everything and nothing. Lots of great conversations including one about the Christian symbolism of Spiderman 3. And every so often you would hear an adult say, "It is so nice to have this group to support us as we try to live Christian married lives." If you want to run a marathon, a great way to ensure success is to train with other marathon runners. If you want to lose weight, join a support group. If you want to work out, get a buddy. The research is there. We are social people and social support for our endeavors increases our chances for success. The same is true for marriage. If we want to have healthy, successful Christian marriages and families, we need to get support from others. It's hard upholding Christian morals with the commercialism and materialism and ME-ism that abounds. Last night I heard one little boy tell another, "My parents won't let me see that movie." and the reply was "Neither will mine." End of conversation.
Hubby and I really believe that marriage is a work of art in progress. In order to keep the art beautiful you need lots of tools. Good communication is a key tool required for any successful relationship. We talk to engaged couples all the time about adding tools to their marriage toolbox. We've used that analogy for years. When we joined Teams of Our Lady and found out the acronym was TOOLs we thought, "Perfect. This organization is a great tool to keep a marriage tuned-up." There are lots of different marriage support groups, some formal and some informal, but getting together with like-minded people is a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon/evening.

Andrea

Subtropical Depression Andrea is churning in the Atlantic. Let's hope that this is not indicative of the Hurricane season which doesn't officially begin until June 1. The winds from the storm are actually making the winds in Tampa come off the Gulf which is a good thing. There were over 250 wild fires in Florida yesterday. On Monday the wind was from the north and the air was thick with smoke. Even going outside to simply get the mail caused my eyes to water and my throat to burn. No sitting out at the pool on Monday.
Yesterday and today were gorgeous days. Unfortunately, no rain. We are experiencing serious drought conditions. And unfortunately, Andrea is not dropping moisture on us. We could use a small tropical storm to sit upon us for a day or two and drop some rain. Wildfires are a serious problems. One in Sarasota on Monday was apparently caused by someone throwing a cigarette butt in the median of I-75. The windy conditions are making containing the fires difficult.

The in-laws' 60th Anniversary party was wonderful. We arrived home about 1:30 am on Monday morning, totally exhausted but very happy we went. They were very surprised and having most of their children show up at 7 am Daily Mass on Saturday was probably the best gift we could have given them. It was great to see so much family. Hubby's sister, Chris and 6 of her 7 (one is in Iraq) children (plus their children) all showed up. It was heart-warming to see all the little cousins running around. And all but 2 of my in-laws' children came, too. It was a full house and lots of laughter and catching up.

The girls are in the middle of exams so the house is full of stress. Mother's Day is fast approaching and they are torn between working on things for Mother's Day and studying. They'd rather work on Mother's Day things, but know that school comes first. The temptations to procrastinate abound. The best part of Mother's Day is that my birthday follows shortly afterwards. SO I get a whole week of "Queen of the House." The best part of being queen is that I don't have to plan any meals, grocery shop or do laundry. I get a week off! Normally, I end of doing some of all of these things, but to know I don't have to is quite rejuvenating. I think a trip to the beach come Sunday may be in order.

Summer Time

Summer fever has hit. I don't want to be inside. The pool calls me. Unfortunately there is much to be done in the house. Ugh. I'm busy cleaning because friend (distant cousin) is coming to stay with the girls this weekend as Hubby and I are off to his parents' 60th wedding anniversary. This nice young lady will be staying in our bedroom (the room that traditionally doesn't have to be spotless when guests come). So I scrubbed the bath down yesterday. Today the bedroom (including dusting the ceiling fan and washing the curtains). I'd hate for someone to feel like the house was dirty. We're really not going to be gone long but having someone here to be an adult and a deterent to poor choices brings peace of mind.

Next weekend is Mother's Day. One of my favorite holidays. I've received some great gifts over the years. One year, the Singer made me a powerpoint presentation about how she was glad I was her mom. Another year, the Imp made a poster board with drawings of our whole family being happy together. In many ways, Mother's Day is a celebration of family, not just me. The added benefit for me is my birthday is just a few days after Mother's Day, so I tend to get a week of celebration and the two sort of mesh together. I enjoy being the center of attention and look forward to see what creative things my kids have done for me. This year, I've asked for a crepe myrtle tree and various other plants as well as a Dirt Devil broom/vac. Coupons are big gift items in this house. That is, homemade coupons. I've requested a coupon for someone else to clean the kitchen floor and a week of someone else planning the meals (I'll even help cook them, just someone else please decide).

While Mother's Day is on my mind, I've also been busy working on the girls' Summer Survival Kit. It has become a tradition they won't let me drop. It started probably 7 or 8 years ago. Both girls were in school and I bought a small tote for each of them and put in a gift card to the movies, a gift card for the book store, a gift card for an ice cream, sunscreen (each having their own personal bottle has helped them put it on), sand toys for the beach, some sort of activity book, all-day TV coupon, PJ day coupon, no chore day coupon, and a slip of paper for each camp (usually one or two) they were attending that summer. This has helped them not ask for so much over the summer as what's in their bag is what I'm willing to give towards their summer entertainment. In addition, when they were younger, this is where I introduced however we would track their summer reading. One year I made a bunch of circles out of construction paper (about 3-inch diameter). I turned one circle from each girl's stack into a bookworm's head. As they read a book we'd write down the title and author and add it to their worm. It let them see how many books they'd read.
I love the summer when schedules are calmer and there's more time to just be with each other. The school year gets so hectic. It's hard to balance having time to do nothing with having the girls participate in things they enjoy. Even with as busy as they are, both have given up activities they enjoy. There is so much out there. Swim is their big activity, requiring 3 practices a week per girl (M,T,W for the Imp and MWTh for the Singer) but requiring someone to be at the pool 4 days a week. It's such a great activity for both of them but it certainly is time consuming. Summer is the time for them to get bored and then figuring out something fun to do. TV, computer and video games have pretty strict time limits over the summer (during the school year they're so busy, it's really not necessary to limit it...but summertime would have them become coach potatoes. Not because they don't enjoy other things, but it's the path of least resistance.) The Imp's last day of school is May 17. The Singer has exams until May 23. The countdown has begun around here. The Singer is preparing for her AP exams now and is trying hard to control her stress level.