I'm going to try and type this entry out quickly as Hubby doesn't always appreciate the time I spend at the computer and I still have some teacher work to do on the computer, but this idea has been simmering in my mind and I want to write about it before it takes up permanent residence on the back burner of my mind.
I am tired of having people telling me how lucky I am that we can "afford" for me to be a stay-at-home mom. First, I am very appreciative of my blessings and the great job with awesome benefits Hubby has. I'm forever grateful for Hubby and his support of this joint decision. But just to get the record straight...It's not that we can afford this lifestyle, it's that we decided we wanted this lifestyle and MAKE it work. We bought our house with the idea of living on one income. The real estate agent kept trying to get us to buy more house. "You can get approved for so much more." Yea, we've seen where that leads. Our house is a beautiful house and plenty big at 1500 sq ft...as long as I don't compare it to others' with 3000+ sq ft. Our lives and the lives of our kids are fulfilled. We've taken vacations, gone to museums, etc., but we don't take exotic vacations every year, we don't have the latest electronic gadgets, we don't have closets overflowing with clothes (although we do have quite a lot). So when someone (usually a woman) who works a professional job equal to Hubby's and has a husband with a similar job, tells me how lucky I am and how she so wishes she could stay home, but just can't, I want to scream. Now, I'm not silent on the matter, but try not to be too rude. I answer with something along my first statement, "we decided long ago I'd stay home and we've figured out how to make it work. We've had to give up some material things, but think it's worth it." But when the person telling me this has just gotten back from Hawaii (again) and is wearing an expensive matching outfit and has a perfect manicure and pedicure which is kept that way weekly, well, it's hard to not say...Ever heard, put your money where your mouth is? If it's important, you'll make it work. Obviously, I'm not talking about families where both parents work hourly jobs or whose compensation is low.
What brought this latest frustration on? Hubby's office-mate (cube-mate?), who is a few years younger than we are, was telly Hubby how lucky we are that we can afford for me to be at home. Now this man has 2 young children. His wife is a comptroller at a large company in town and they have a LIVE IN NANNY! Well, lets see. If we cut out the nanny alone you could save quite a bit. They had a professional decorator help them furnish their house and they vacationed in the Caribbean last year. Gosh, how do Hubby and I do it on one salary? We live our lives so we can.
On a more positive note, Hubby is out building my new raised bed just for my blueberries. I'm so happy. The weather this week has been gorgeous after a record-setting 10 days under 50 and 10 nights under 32! We had above average temps this week and return to more 'normal' temps next week. Hey, I love normal Jan temps in Tampa...lows in the 50s and highs in the upper 60s. I'm beginning to seriously plan my spring gardens. Need to start the seeds soon since I'll be able to plant outside come March.
4 comments:
Adele, you are very fortunate to be able to stay home. However, the fact of the matter is that there are many families who can't afford it. I know we can't. I've seen my husband's paycheck and there's NO WAY we could live on it. Here in Hampton roads, living on about 475 a week (after taxes) would not be conducive to having the kids in decent schools, living in a decent neighborhood, or even affording the co-pays for the medical bills, let alone saving for retirement. We now live comfortably, but I can't afford a weekly mani/pedi, I shop at WalMart (and the sales/clearance rack at that), we have taken exactly ONE vacation in 12 years...and that was because we could stay with family. Our cars are 11 and 6 years old respectively, and there's no plan on the horizon to replace either one.
So, yes, count your blessings!
"Obviously, I'm not talking about families where both parents work hourly jobs or whose compensation is low."
I understand. At one point, I did have to work for a few years after kids because of a number of financial emergencies beyond our control.
As I said, I am appreciative of my husband's professional job that pays nicely. But my point was that staying home was a conscious decision not something that simply happened. This decision requires us to say 'no' to a lot. And my frustration was with those who could make that same decision (because their husbands make the same or more than mine) and act as if some magic worked in my life and not theirs that allowed this. I am more than thrilled with my life and actually sometimes wonder how I got so lucky.
Hi Adele,
I have struggled with this topic also as I have been a stay at home mom for 25 years. We have had to make sacrafices and choices in order for me to be home.
Kinda scary now that Bob lost his job a few months ago but we are trusting God to provide.
I have observed that there is really no way for mother's who choose to work or those that must work to understand our choice. I just smile and know that I have made the best choice for my family.
I enjoy reading your blog and glad to hear that your girls are doing well.
Diane,
I know I should just be able to let comments role off my back, I know I've decided right for me and my family and I know what I've given up (only material things, so really not all that much). But sometimes....I just have to let it out. Thanks for the support.
We'll add Bob and you to our prayers. If you've read Cindy lately, you know she needs them, too.
Hope your teenager is doing well.
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