What Marriage Should Be

A week ago, I headed off to SC by myself to share the 4th with my family. My brother, Mark, from California had already made plans to visit before John's death. Hubby and the Singer couldn't take more time off of work after the week in June, and the Imp decided to stay home. So I found myself, once again, driving from Tampa to Sumter (about a 485 mile trip). I've made that trip about every 2 months for the past 4 1/2 years...often alone. As I was driving, it was surreal, it was hard for me to get my head around the fact that I wouldn't see John once I finally got there. With 9 hours of driving time, I had lots of time to think, and remembered many of my trips to SC and things I did with John. Of course, I remembered the trip to Ward's Bar-B-Que the last time I was there. John was craving fat-back (a southern delicacy?) and Elaine and Essie (John's nurse) and I took him out to Ward's so he could get a taste of fat-back (think pork rinds, only more fat --ugh). But it was a great memory and I know John enjoyed the outing and the food. I also thought of older memories...of when we were little. I didn't really appreciate John and his sense of humor and his decidedly different approach to life until we were both approaching 30. I always loved him but didn't quite "get him" until I matured. It was sad to think how often he frustrated me during those first 30 years, when if I had only relaxed a little, I could have laughed both at and with him. Makes me look at others who walk to the beat of their own drummer a little differently.

I enjoyed my time in SC immensely. I got to spend time with Mark and my parents. With Mark being 8 years older and living 3000 miles away, we don't spend lots of time together. It was good to catch up with him. My mom and I hit the mall and I got some great "end of summer sale" stuff. But I really enjoyed my time with Gwyn, my sister-in-law. She and I went out to dinner and then sat in her back yard (one of John's favorite places) and got to talk. I've always liked Gwyn, but the last 4 years, I've tried hard to visit John while Gwyn's at work and give Gwyn and John their time...knowing that their time was limited. We visited, but rarely just the two of us. I really enjoyed my time with her last week, and am more convinced then ever that marrying Gwyn was one of John's best decisions. Last week on Oprah, I saw Bob Woodruff and his wife, Lee, speak about his recovery from a head injury in Iraq. At one point, Oprah stated that it was inspiring to see Lee stick by Bob through this ordeal. Lee's response was great...one of surprise that sticking by Bob was seen as extraordinary. She loves him, she's married to him, they're part of each others' lives. OF COURSE she'd be there. The same reaction occurred with Gwyn and John. When John was first diagnosed, people would ask if he were married and if his wife was staying with him. I was confused...Yeah! She's his wife. She loves him. They're in this together...whatever "this" is. They each worked every day trying to make the situation better for the other. John wished he could somehow make it so that Gwyn wouldn't have to see him deteriorate, that he could somehow ease her work-load knowing that it grew each day as his abilities diminished. Gwyn approached her increased work-load as a matter of course....it needs to be done...so let's do it. Their time together was obviously tainted by ALS, but they both worked to make the time they had good and not only about ALS. It is inspiring...because this is what marriage should look like. They demonstrated love. Just makes my heart break to know she has lost her best friend.

While the trip to SC was good and I did have a good time, I am so, so, so happy to be home. Hubby and I have said at least 10 times a day to each other, "It's just good to be with you." We've done nothing exciting or extraordinary, but I'm definitely glad to be home.

Tomorrow night, the Imp has convinced us to all go to the opening night of the new Harry Potter movie. We're going with Hubby's cousin and his family. I can't remember the last opening night I've been too...and in fact, I'm not sure I've ever been. I'm not a crowd person and usually prefer to wait until the theater won't be totally full. But...it should be interesting.