She Died of Depression

When I think of depression I think of an "ugly" disease. I'm not sure what I think is a pretty disease. Depression is still an illness people don't want to talk about. It carries a stigma with it. Too many people still believe the depressed person needs to just "snap out of it." As if. Cancer saps the life-force out of person's body; depression saps it from the very soul.
A friend of mine died of depression last week. IT is still hard for me to write about it, but so many thoughts about it have been whirling around in my mind, I think if I write about it, they may be quieted.
How does one die of depression? It is often called suicide.
If you knew my friend before she was ravaged by depression, you would never, ever believe she would take her own life. She embodied the notion of letting the Holy Spirit fill her. She was extremely kind. Being less than kind on many occassions, and having to work hard at being kind in others, when I first met "Jane" I didn't think she could be genuine. How can someone not complain, or whine, or find fault with some of the real doobers we meet? But as you got to know her, you knew...she was one of the people you say has a kind heart. I know I never heard her say a bad word about someone else. Never. Reading the messages left on the online guestbook, that sentiment was reiterated over and over. She was at peace with her life and her God. I knew Jane through Engaged Encounter. People you know through something like Engaged Encounter are in a group of special friends. You may not spend a lot of time with them, but having spent a weekend retreat with them, you know things about them on a very deep level and they know the same about you. There is a bond there that is very powerful. I hadn't seen Jane for over a year, and didn't know she was suffering from depression...it was never put out on our prayer chain...because of the stigma of depression. Speaking with her husband after the funeral, he said he had lost Jane long before this...depression had taken away the spark in her that was so key to who she was.
He was devasted, especially because they (doctors and family) thought she was turning a corner in recovery. Depression robs you of your 'will to do,' slowly draining all desire and hope. It is a mental paralysis, making any activity a monumental task. There are a number of anti-depresant medicines that come with a warning, that suicidal tendencies increase at the beginning of taking them. It has been speculated that the medicine removes enough of the mental paralysis that suicide seems viable to the patient because the paralysis leaves faster than the hope returns.
Jane and her husband were extremely active in Engaged Encounter. They held numerous local and district leadership positions. They travelled to most conventions. They touched thousands of lives. The world has truly lost a light, an angel.
The funeral was beautiful. 5 priests concelebrated. All knew her personally, all were crushed at how her illness progressed to this point.
I cannot say that all who commit suicide are clinically depressed, but I do know that just like some cancer patients die of some infection or other complication, and we still say they died of cancer, a depressed person who dies of suicide, really died of depression. And just as family and friends are not responsible for cancer taking their loved-one's life, they are not responsible for the effects of depression either.

St Patricks Day

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St. Patrick's Day is a fun holiday. Low-pressure kind of day...no presents required. Wearing green, eating green food and drinking green beer. I can handle that. The only problem is Hubby gave up beer for Lent so I guess I'll skip the green beer to be nice to him. It's just a feel-good kind of day. I like that.

Two Saturdays ago we went over to Titusville to see Hubby's cousin who hosts an annual music fest which they call "Goat Fest" for reasons to convoluted to try to explain. Just accept it. Their boys (17 and 19) are great musicians who play almost every stringed instrument known to man. Their dad (Hubby's cousin) is of Slavic (Polish) descent and their mom is 100% Greek and their music specialty is....IRISH MUSIC. Go figure. Actually they're beginning to play more Blue Grass music, but it's still kind of funny. They have a gazebo in their huge back yard and invite all their friends to come and listen to or play music. There was a teen-aged girl playing the harp with her younger brother on the violin; a family of 6 playing country-christian music; a middle-aged couple playing 70s ballads. It was just great fun. There was hot dogs, and potluck salads and desserts. We stayed all afternoon and into the night. We had a great time. Both girls came with us. They love their cousins and ended up spending the night and talking 'til 2 or 3 in the morning. Hubby's aunt and uncle, from Pennsylvania, were there too, so we got to catch up with them.

The Singer is home on Spring Break this week. It's great to have her around, although, as is often the case with college-aged children, she has spent more time visiting her friends than with us so far. But she has also been a great chauffeur for the Imp. It's nice to have a break from all her activities.

The Imp has started swimming again with a local club team. She picked this team because a few of her friends from her school swim team are there. She was pleasantly surprised to see Ben there, as well. Ben is the younger sibling of the teenager who died last summer in a ski-jet accident. The family goes to our church. The Imp thinks Ben is great and is glad to have time to be with him.

I've been spending time in my garden. It's lots of fun, and is teaching me some patience...or forcing me to have some. I've got my beans and cucumbers and green & red peppers and lettuces and carrots and cantaloupes. Hubby and I spent Saturday in our front flower garden...pruning the dead away from the freezes and weeding. It looks so much better. We need to put out fresh mulch this week.

Sunday saw us at the beach! We don't usually go to the beach on the weekends during "spring break" time as the traffic there and back is always bad. But, we braved it anyway. With the SEC basketball championship games here, the traffic was even worse. It took us 2 hours to get to "our" beach when it usually takes us 45 minutes! But the beach itself wasn't too crowded and by the time we left at 7:30, it was pretty empty. It was wonderful. The Singer is planning on surprising the Imp on Friday and picking her up from school early (she has study hall last period) and taking her to the beach. It really is wonderful to see how great of friends they are.