Sunday, April 29, 2007
Pool Time
This is late for us to be "openning the pool for the season." But the temperatures have fluctuated so much over the past month, the weekend and good weather hadn't coinsided.
This is what Sundays are all about. Went to church and heard my daughters sing. Came home and enjoyed the afternoon relaxing and preparing for another week.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Preparing for College
Monday, April 23, 2007
Predicting Consequences
The down side of the weekend was the cafeteria. We hold the weekend at a college conference center. (We would love to give them at a retreat center but the one that is close by is booked a year in advance and because it is in demand is actually more expensive then the college. The diocese is in the process of building a retreat center due to open in 2010, I think. I can't wait). Apparently the college kids just got out and the campus was relatively empty, and we seemed to be the only group using the cafeteria. The workers were late for opening for every meal but the real problem were rodents! Yes, rodents. Saturday morning at our first meal, there were multiple traps set underneath the salad bar. The was a rodent caught in one of the (it appeared to be almost rat-sized) and it was still alive. Talk about unappetizing. After being told a worker removed the trapped rat. After that about 1/2 the couples just left campus for meals. Surprisingly they did not complain to us about having to pay for meals they really already paid for in the cost of the weekend. Sunday morning as we were walking to the cafeteria we saw a worker stepping out a back door with another trapped rat! Ugh!
Usually the food at this college is actually very good and mealtime is something to look forward to. Not this weekend.
Arriving home exhausted, as we always do after a weekend, Hubby and I got to deal with a major drama in the Singer's life (I'm not sure how major it will ultimately be, but it's very major to her at this time). Not wanting to go into details to protect the guilty, the fiasco and discussion following has me wondering how we ever know if what we do as parents is right. The Singer's strong self-esteem concerning certain talents she has, combined with her self-perception of lacking in the popularity-race has her making some decisions I'm afraid she will regret later. At 16, belonging universally is a strong motivator. I see so clearly that she doesn't understand the idea of "unknown consequences" and wonder if we have contributed to this by repeatedly stating the consequences of poor choices before hand. "If you don't pick up your toys you will have them taken away." "If you don't clear your plate properly, you have to do the dishes alone." "If you...then you." Has that given her a sense that she can predict the consequences of her choices ahead of time? I tried to tell her that she can't predict all the consequences. Using the example of drunk driving (and no, that is not the current issue with her), you don't know who else will be on the road, their driving abilities, if a cop will stop you (consequence being a ticket as opposed to an accident), and so on. I then tried to explain the "hidden" consequences. If someone hears about the poor decision, their opinion of you could change. If that person is in a position of authority you could limit your choices. For example, someone may be thinking of offering a job or opportunity and upon finding out about a poor decision could decide not to. You may never know about that missed opportunity. The Singer was complaining about her "good Catholic girl" reputation, and how it limits her social invitations, yet she doesn't realize how good her life is because of that reputation. Her was offered her summer job due to her reputation. Our friend needs a good, reliable, responsible person. Without her reputation, the job wouldn't have been offered. She raised money to go to Music Ministry Alive. Many of the people who gave money, gave because the Singer has a reputation at our church of being responsible and spiritual. They believe their money will be well-spent on her. She, herself, has commented how she has been given "second chances" from teachers who are not known for their leniency because of her reputation. She was "chastised" by an adult in front of her peers for some behavior and she felt like it was because she's not allowed to make any mistakes ("My reputation makes adults demand more of me than others"). I laughed. My dear, sweet, naive little girl, you were chastised because you did something wrong. This is what happens. She is so use to being given a nice reminder or whatever she's not use to being publicly reprimanded. She was indignant, believing that adult shouldn't have done it! Being an accomplished 16 year old has gone to her head. Any adult supervising you has the right to reprimand you, dear. And you need to accept it! She's not going to be happy when I walk her up to that adult when we see her next and make her apologize publicly. Where humiliation just to humiliate is not something I advocate, when someone is getting to big for their britches, practice in humility is required. I spent much time during the night mulling over whether this is a blip or a sign of things to come. I don't want to make too much of it, but I don't want to let something get out of hand. Some of the thoughts she shared with us last night were surprising to me.
Cindy, my sister-in-law (once removed), has been blogging of the lack of appreciation by some of her adopted children. She mentions that she realizes they have been "cheated" out of some of the things that children should just have (love, care, food, etc), but that while that may explain some of their actions it doesn't necessarily excuse the actions. My thought as I read her entry today was "The Singer has NO REASON for this! She has had unconditional love, support, time, yada, yada, yada her entire life. Obviously the Singer's issues don't enter the realm of serious issues of older children adoption, but a certain amount of the behavior is because they are teenagers and as Michael J Bradley said, "Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy!" The Singer acts so mature so much of the time, it is easy to forget that she is only 16, but oh how I wish I could convince her that my experiences have given me certain insights she doesn't possess.
I spent the day in the county courthouse having been summoned for jury duty. I don't really mind. As a social studies teacher the democratic process is something to marvel at and is really cool. I wasn't selected to sit on a jury, but both judges I saw today stated emphatically that people serving on juries is necessary for our government to function well. I love that patriotic stuff!
Friday, April 20, 2007
Preparing for Marriage
Hubby and I are getting ready to go present a retreat weekend to engaged couples (Engaged Encounter). It is one of our favorite things to do (once we get there). We spent about 6 months writing our talks. Basically we follow an outline about key ideas (you have to know yourself before sharing yourself with someone else, you have to communicate, how you "fight" is as important as what you fight about, you need God in your life to have a sacramental marriage, etc). We had to find examples from our own relationship that supports those truisms (whether because we did things right or the trouble caused by doing the opposite). We've been doing this ministry for over 16 years. I believe it has kept our marriage stable and healthy. There have been many times when Hubby and I have headed off to a weekend upset with each other and barely talking. Somehow reading about our love helps bring it back to the forefront. The fact that we have a lot of time on the weekend to talk with each other without interruptions helps too. It is exciting to share a weekend with 20-23 couples who are in-love. Things are different than when we got married 23 years ago, but they are also very much the same. Respect, love, honesty. These are not qualities that change over time. They are key ingredients to any relationship. Fear of abandonment is a common fear for children and adults. I am blessed because I really don't fear Hubby ever leaving me. Whatever happens we'll stick it out. I may drive him crazy, he may irritate me to no end, but we both trust that we are loved by the other and that God is on our side. With those basic principals as our foundation we'll make it, and thrive.
The hardest part of doing the weekends has always been finding someone to watch the girls. It's not that people aren't willing or that our girls are too much trouble, but it is difficult to entrust your kids to someone else. When we first started doing the weekends, the Singer was less than a year old. At that time I lived near my brother, his wife and his daughter (a little more than a year older than the Singer). I was hesitant the first time we left the Singer with them, but after that it was pretty easy. My sister-in-law loved the Singer and the cousins got along great. When the Singer was just shy of 2 years old, we had to do a retreat and my sister-in-law potty-trained the Singer over the weekend (I had begun the process, but with an older cousin to impress, the Singer was really motivated!). Once the Imp was born, being able to leave the girls together was comforting. I knew the Singer would watch out for the Imp and that the Imp would feel safe with the Singer around. I believe these separations have made it easier for me to let go as the girls have grown and I think it's helped them feel safe without Mom and Dad always there. We used to present at 2-3 weekends a year. Now we do about 1 a year. Family is the foundation of our world. I believe I'm helping to create healthy families for tomorrow and it feels good.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Are You Getting Your Money's Worth?
It is with heavy hearts that we return from Easter vacation following the tragedy at VA Tech University. It is almost 8 years to the day that 13 students were killed at Columbine H.S. Kids killing kids...how does this happen and how can it be prevented? What makes kids "implode"? Is it evil or mental illness?
There are so many questions that we can ask ourselves after the fact, but maybe this tragedy offers us the opportunity as parents, teachers, administrators, counselors, etc. to reflect on our responsibility to the children God has entrusted to our care. We carry an awesome responsibility.
Do we give kids time? Do we offer them faith and reasons to hope? Do we give them experiences of true love where they feel safe and nurtured? Do we pray with our children and for our children? Do we spend TIME with them, allowing THEM to talk and share their feelings? [emphasis mine]
Do we allow them to feel positive about themselves and look positively at
others? Do we teach them to respect others and empathize with others who
have less or feel different? Do we hold them accountable for their actions
and discipline them when necessary? Do we set boundaries and routines for
them so they know what to expect? Do we teach them inclusion and not exclusion?
Do we teach them how to deal with their feelings and emotions? Do we give them
good example and positive role models? Are our kids peaceful and happy with the
simple things in life?
Or do we place unrealistic expectations and pressures on our children? Do we replace our time and affection with money and things? Do we spend more time comparing our kids against other kids rather than appreciate them for who they are and help them be the best they can be? Do we avoid facing the problems our kids may have and finding them the help they may need? Do we know where our kids are when they're not with us? Do we know where their friends are and where they "hang out"? Do we know what they are reading, writing, e-mailing, researching on the Internet, looking at on TV and movies, listening to on ipods? Do we ever notice if our kids are lonely, troubled, quiet, with few friends, depressed with life itself?
St. John Bosco (the founder of the Salesians) was a man ahead of his times and understood kids. His educational system of reason, religion and loving kindness lived in a family spirit tells exactly what our kids and all kids need, especially in this day and age...truth, honesty, faith, love, friendship, and most importantly FAMILY! [emphasis mine]
With every tragedy there will be unanswered questions and regrets. Maybe it is time to simply stop and listen to what our kids are telling us....more often by their actions than their words...and LOVE THEM.
Without faith, I'm not sure how I would handle death. We need to teach our kids our faith, and do all we can to connect them with God. Without God, life is depressing and hopeless and meaningless. Without God Ellen's death and the death of the 32 at VA Tech have little meaning. With God, goodness can come from this pain. And there is great hope because we already know the end of the story... Good wins! Evil loses!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Easter
Good Friday saw me desperately finishing up sewing a bolero-type jacket to wear with my Easter dress. It turned out fine and the Singer wants me to sew her one, too.
Last week we spent 2 days traipsing across the state to look at colleges. Fortunately or unfortunately the two colleges we spent time at both had much to offer. I think the Singer would do well at either. One (UCF) is huge (42,000) and has lots to offer in the sense of variety and opportunity. The other (UNF) is small (16,000) and has a phenomenal business department (the Singer may want to open her own business) but not a great music program. It's a beautiful campus set amidst beautiful trees and 10 minutes from the beach (more a plus to me than the Singer). It has an indoor swimming pool and a good intramural program in swimming. The Imp like UNF better and told the Singer she should go to UCF and leave UNF for the Imp.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Sewing
The weather is gorgeous and I ate my lunch out in the sun by the pool. I looked at Crape Myrtle trees this week, too. I want a purple one for my back yard. I think it'll be my Mother's Day gift but I'll get it early.
Hubby and his sister have been busily planning a surprise 60th anniversary party for his parents. His mom found out about it and said very emphatically that she wanted no part of it. It really hurt Hubby's feelings (and mine and his sister's) that she reacted the way she did. I can understand not wanting a big deal made (even though it is not my nature) and since Hubby's dad has been fighting a bone infection and dealing with some other health issues, I can understand him not wanting to have to "entertain" during a party. I think the way it was said was poor. Hubby is also disappointed because his 2 brothers who live in Seattle, WA are not making it home for the anniversary. Being from a large family is great, but with 10 kids, there are 10 very different personalities and opinions. Until yesterday I was looking forward to May 5 and the anniversary party, now I'm just looking forward to it all being over. Sad, but true.
I'm sure by the 5th I'll be in a better state. Hubby and I are flying to PA for the weekend while the girls stay home to study. The Imp's last day of school is May 17th! The Singer has exams the 18-22. Summer is just about here. YEA!!
Gonna go try to figure out this pattern and try not to scream.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Conversion
This past week we also had a mission at our church (Sun - Tues). The speaker was amazing and truly inspirational. He began saying he hoped he would make us all uncomfortable at some time during his presentations because Jesus came to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. Conversion was a big topic and how often we learn something new, but don't change our behavior. True conversion requires a change of mind and positive action. Yesterday, Hubby and I went to a day retreat on Theology of the Body (thoughts by Pope John Paul II about why we have bodies and how we should use them). It's really quite amazing. As a married woman, the Theology of the Body really helps me see my role in God's plan. It also makes me see how important the institution of marriage is and how weak it has become. A while ago I was at another get together and the priest there said the crisis in vocations was not really about priests but about married people. Without a strong family (the first church everyone knows) it is not surprising there are not more people hearing God's call. Yesterday, the priest said "as marriage goes so goes the priesthood" Same concept. I've heard so much in the last week between the mission and the retreat my head and heart are a-buzz and trying very hard to absorb it all and ultimately cause conversion in me.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Libraries
Our local library closed the other day as they are tearing it down and building a new (bigger and better) one. There are 27 libraries in my county (all part of the same system). My local library has the 7th largest circulation but was one of the smallest. I am thrilled over the plans for the new library (which will actually be part of a town center...with Head Start and senior programs housed in the same building). 
I just don't want to wait for a year and a half! Not only will the new one not be there, but my old one is now gone too. My library was so close to my house that my girls could ride their bikes there and it was located such that we often were passing by it on our way to or from somewhere else, which made "stopping by for a few minutes" very easy to do. I love libraries. I remember when I was 5th and 6th grade in living in Nebraska. I got a new bike for my birthday in May and I spent my summer riding to the library and picking out Nancy Drew books. I've always loved reading and never had a lot of spending money, so the idea that you could borrow books FOR FREE!!! was amazing and wonderful to me. I still feel that way. I love going to new libraries and exploring them. I so relate to the scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle walks into the Beast's library and seems overwhelmed. In my dreams, I have a room just like that!! Books are wonderful and libraries are awesome providing them for free. During the summer I've taken my girls on library field trips as we've gone to visit other libraries in the county. They love going to the one in down-town Tampa which is in a 3 story building. The Imp and I hang out in a different library when the Singer has piano lessons and we've camped out in various other libraries when we have to travel to other parts of the county for various activities and end up with that 1/2 hour or hour of "dead time" (can't go home from school first...not enough time but going straight to the activity gets you there ahead of time). When the girls were little, I'd take them to story time and the puppet shows and the yo-yo man, etc that the library would host. Getting a library card was a right of passage in this house. At age 5, I allowed the girls to get their own card. We made it a huge production, discussing the responsibilities of taking care of books, knowing where they were and returning them on time. They were both so proud when they first got their cards. Until recently (when their extracurricular activities keep them so busy) we would stop at our local library at least once a week...just because. The girls often used that time to get books related to school work as well, but primarily it was for fun. For 2 years, I drove another girl home from school. I don't think she'd ever been in a library before carpooling with us. I took her with us when we'd stop after school. When I taught in middle school, I was amazed at how many students didn't have a library card. It was one of the things I brought up at parent-teacher conferences and sent home in my beginning of the year information (How to help your child succeed? Read. Free reading materials available at your local library, just get a card). I have 3 books on hold ready for pick-up. They're at my temporary library. So I'm off to the library tonight. Bringing the girls so they can acclimate themselves to our library for the next year or so.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Physics Horrors
I arrived back home from SC Friday afternoon, so the physics project has dominated the household since then, except for Friday night. We went to see "Wicked", the musical telling the story of the 2 witches from the Wizard of Oz before Dorothy came. The musical score is outstanding and we've had the soundtrack for quite a while, but the 2 actresses playing Galinda and Elphaba were phenomenal!!! They were the characters. Galinda is a flighty, over-the-top cheerleader type, and she played it sooo well. The costumes were spectacular. The whole thing was simply an indescribable event. And what made it even better was watching the Imp and the Singer's reactions. They were enthralled!! The tickets were the big Christmas gift to the family this year. We all wanted to return the next night to see it again. Alas, that wasn't possible! We hope it returns next year!
I enjoyed my trip to SC tremendously. John was able to converse better than at Christmas due to new meds. So we had lots of time talking and laughing. Illness makes many people uneasy, and some illnesses do effect the personality of a person, but spending time with John now is just like spending time with him before he got ill, only now he sits still instead of constantly doing things. He has always been a clown of sorts and has always had a great sense of humor. He still does! While it is heart-breaking to watch his physical body become paralyzed bit by bit, it is still just as much fun spending time with him as it always was.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Busy
I definitely have a busy week. I'm off to South Carolina to see John and Gwyn and my parents. I'll get a chance to see my big sister, Elaine, too (for a few hours) before I leave Thursday afternoon. I'll drive to the Florida/Georgia border Thursday night (it's about 1/2 way) and then I'll drive home Friday morning. Next Friday night we all get to go see "Wicked!" I can't wait! We've had the sound track since last Christmas, we bought the tickets last February, and we now are finally going to see the play. The hardest part will be remembering our manners and not singing along with the actors. The music is really wonderful. "Defying Gravity" is one of my favorites. It'll be fun to get all dressed up and go to the Performing Arts Center together. We haven't been in quite a while.
Then next Saturday is the Strawberry Festival and then it's back to normal chaos.
The Imp won her school's competition of the Readers' Digest WordPower Challenge. She then took an online test at school, and she finished in the top 100 6th, 7th and 8th graders in Florida so is off to the state competition on March 19. I'm thrilled. The Imp isn't so excited. She looks at it as a place to fail. I look at it as a place for her to shine, no matter how she does at the actual competition. She does not seek the spotlight like her sister does. As a spotlight hound myself, I don't always understand her.
Lent has started. I found it very telling about our society (and how our religious holidays have become so secular) when the Imp came home from the store last Sunday with a box of Peeps. She wanted to eat them before Lent started since she knew she wouldn't during Lent. I don't know, some thing's off-kilter when you buy Easter candy before Lent which is the time to prepare for Easter. The fact that Lent is 7+ weeks long, tells a little something about the commercialization of all things today. People hunger for fulfillment, but few realize that only God can bring that fulfillment. So many will try to fill up on things and activities. Is the current obesity problem a consequence of Americans turning to food to fill them up instead of personal growth and a relationship with God? I just read yesterday that the average American child drinks 65 GALLONS of soda a year. Whoa! That's a lot of soda. As I was exclaiming about this stat, the Imp tells me many of her classmates, including a close friend of hers, have coke for breakfast! Huh? Her friend goes through a drive-thru on the way to school and gets hash browns and coke each morning. Yuk! I feel my arteries clogging and the pounds settling on me just thinking about eating that each day. The Imp, seeing how appalled I was, defended her friend by saying, "They're so busy they don't have time to cook like we do." I didn't argue with her, but thought "Breakfast doesn't require a lot of cooking time...a box of cereal and milk is a lot healthier and cheaper than McD's every morning." I also know that when I was working we did eat out more than we do now, but I still planned a menu each week and we still had most meals at home. But that is one of the reasons I quit teaching, so I could contribute to the well-being of my family by making our lives less hectic. By being at home during the week, I can get grocery shopping done, do laundry, go to my Bible Study during the day and not have to take away from family time to do that. Our evenings and weekends are still full, but they aren't frantic because I view the 3 pm - 9pm time-frame as my prime work time. I'm not too exhausted to help with homework, listen to little daily problems with friends or at school, make dinner. The saying "If momma isn't happy, nobody's happy," has truth to it. I do set the tone of the family. If I'm calm, the family is much calmer than when I'm stressed out. Hubby is wonderful and is a very hands-on dad, but I'm the one who keeps tabs on the emotional well-being of each individual in the house and the family in general. That's my job, and I like it.
I'm obviously an advocate of stay-at-home moms. I stayed at home for 6 years after the Singer was born. When the Singer was 6 and the Imp 2 1/2, financially things started to fall apart for us (including renters moving out in the middle of the night with no notice). We decided that I would go back to work. It was a hard decision because teaching is a very demanding job, and one that is rarely confined to the time in the school building. But when I went to work, it was with the idea of achieving financial stability (not wealth) so I could then be at home once again. When I was working, we did not change our life-style in that my salary was used to cover working expenses (day care, wardrobe expenditures, increase eating out, gas, etc) and the rest of my salary was but towards our debt and our savings. So after 6 years in the classroom, I could easily leave without an impact on our standard of living. We bought our house with the idea of being able to afford it on one salary. Trust me, the sellers wanted us to upgrade and kept telling us we would qualify for a bigger house, with more extras. We kept saying, "No." We knew what we wanted.
I know there are people who have to have both parents working to make it. But I also know many more people who claim that both parents have to work but in reality they have put themselves in that position. Yes, if you buy a 3500 square foot home, you may not ever be able to make it on one salary. But if you bought a modest home, instead of a huge home, you could. I'm sure the Imp's friend's mom would say she can't afford to stop working (she is a teacher's aide at a private school, so her salary is not large). But I wonder how much the family spends because she works (eating out is very expensive). Our ideas about living "comfortably" are really skewed as a society. A roof over your head (clean, not bug-infested, working plumbing, etc), steady food on the table and a few outfits per person. Anything beyond that is luxurious. Kids don't all need their own room, or 12 pairs of shoes, or the newest Playstation console or game, or an ipod, and on and on. We are financially blessed. But when I look around, my kids have much less "stuff" than most other children their age. I don't feel guilty about it. I'm happy. They know stuff won't make them happy, and much of what they have, they've earned. (Both girls have an MP3 player, both paid for over 1/2 of the cost). I don't worry about them losing their MP3 players, because they know I won't buy them a new one, and they know how hard it was to save that kind of money.
On a different topic, although still on how much I think our society has lost focus. A hamburger chain "Checkers" began an add campaign with RapCat. RapCat is a hand puppet of a cat dressed as a rapper (and he raps, too). As part of the campaign, the company made their bags with lines of where to cut holes to make the bag into a rap outfit for your pet cat. The outrage over the "mistreatment" of cats by putting the bag on them has been way out of proportion. If your cat doesn't like it...don't do it! If that's the mistreatment of animals, how is America's Funniest Home Movies still on the air? The treatment of the animals on those clips is much worse than putting a paper bag on your cat (as an outfit). How many people put outfits on their cats and dogs? How often do the cats and dogs not like it? Should we prevent the sale of animal outfits? [Actually, I wouldn't mind, as I think we spend too much on our pets, but that's another story]. What really floored me with this whole story is that it led the 11 o'clock news AHEAD of a murder! Huh? Somehow we've really gotten off track about what's important.
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Spirit is Alive
So my emotions were running high between the story and watching 4 people I've personally watched grow in faith become confirmed. Then the Singer was the cantor and sang so beautifully. The Singer may not be the best singer ever (although I think she is...and yes I'll concede I may be biased), but she is an awesome cantor because she recognizes her role. As cantor she is not to perform, but to lead and encourage others into active worship. And she believes in her heart all that she sings and it shows! As she stood on the altar singing for the Holy Spirit to come I felt her true supplication that the Spirit would touch all of our lives. She is quite the young lady. I am truly blessed to have my parish and my daughter.
Saturday night the Imp took Hubby to the Father-Daughter dance at her school. It was the first time her school had done this, but it was such a hit, I think it won't be the last. Every girl was announced as she arrived and walked down the red carpet through a lattice archway. "Suzie Smith escorted by Joe Smith." There was a professional photographer there who took pictures of the "couples" and donated all the proceeds to the school and there was a dance instructor who taught the Salsa and the Merengue.
I've been busy crocheting lately. I really love the intricate patterns and designs that are so easily created. I love creating. This past week, I've mainly crocheted bookmarks, and it's great to be able to start and finish a project in a day. I actually gave each of my confirmation students a bookmark for their Bibles. I think I made about 10 bookmarks last week. The previous week, I worked on a bookmark that was wayyy too involved for my tastes, but once I started I wasn't quiting. I think it took me 7 or 8 days to complete. It's nice...but I'm not sure I'll make another one. I don't think it looks much different that the other ones, but it definitely is much harder.
The weather is cold. The coldest thus far this winter. I put a turtleneck on this morning for the first time this season. Tonight there's a freeze warning. I don't like the cold but when it's cold and cloudy, I really feel blah. Today is cold and dreary. No sun shining, wind blowing and COLD. Yuk. Fortunately, I'm off to scrapbook so my day isn't a total loss.
The girls have a voice recital tonight. They'll be singing "Sisters" (the song from 'White Christmas') together. I can't wait. I'm sure I'll be tearing up tonight!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Friends
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY,THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT;AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING,WROTE IN THE
SAND:TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH. THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE:TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ."
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON
A STONE. WHY?"THE FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT
DOWNIN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.BUT,WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
I know I need to work on the idea of writing good things on stone and bad things in the sand, no matter who does them or how they happened. Life is so much more fulfilling when we don't waste time on things we cannot change and don't dwell on hurts, percieved or real.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Valentine's Day Hype

There's a great book about love called the Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. Gary Smalley actually has written lots of good books about relationships in general and marriage in particular. My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. Tell me "Good job." or "I really appreciate you doing..." and you've charged me up for quite a while. By the same token, if you yell at me or suggest by your words that I'm not doing good enough... I take it to heart and tend to be crushed. Hubby's primary love language is Acts of Service. Many guys have this as their primary love language. They like to DO. So at the beginning of our marriage, I'm drowning him with all these words, and he's busy doing things. I'm hurt because I'm not getting the words I need and he's not responding to my demonstrations of love. He's upset and feels unappreciated because he's not getting the "brownie points" for doing all these things for me. So we had to become bi-lingual. I needed to recognize his little actions (making me coffee, or doing the dishes, or taking out the trash) were great declarations of love and needed to try to do the same for him (fill up his gas tank, move the car seat back after I drove his car, get up first to turn the heat up in the morning). He could understand those things easier than words. Actually, the more proficient you become in each of the languages makes all relationships easier. If you figure out what "speaks" to the other person you can tailor your interactions with them. If they speak Gift Giving then you better have gifts on Valentine's Day (although gift-giving doesn't mean expensive...it's the presentation...Here I have something for you...a flower picked from the yard is a gift). I think Physical Touch is the language that is the hardest to work with. If your primary language is Physical Touch, you really need it. If Physical Touch is not a language you speak at all, someone hugging on you all the time is overwhelming. So you withdraw, and then the other person feels extremely unloved because withdrawing physically is with-holding love. If you can learn the love languages of your children, it's great and helps you figure out how to reach your child easier. (Smalley has a book on Children's Love Languages as well). I know I've blogged about this before but it's so true and impacts my life so much and I was thinking about it again, I had to write more.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Gains and Losses
Tomorrow is my niece's birthday. Lauren will be 18!! That is simply a difficult idea to get my little brain around. Such a lady now. My memories of Lauren include her and the Singer having so much fun together. She's always been a role-model for the Singer who is a year younger. It's really hard for me to comprehend that she is heading off to college (the college-of-knowledge, a.k.a. William and Mary)in a few short months. That also means the Singer isn't far behind! ACK! I'm not ready for this.
A local story gives me hope for the future our country. This man 'did the right thing' (see earlier blog). This incident happened close by and has been in the news off and on since the accident. The man appears to be striving to live his life as best as he can. I admire him greatly, and pray for his future. What a lucky kid to have him as a dad. That the community recognizes his courageous behavior is also encouraging.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Costumes
I have been volunteered to help with the costumes. I spent yesterday afternoon at play practice, discussing possibilities with the directors. The entire school (K-8) population has some role in the play. So the 3rd grade girls are all napkins, the boys cups. The 1st graders are all various silverware. So when we plan for the costume we have to consider that we have to make (or create) 30 or so of each costume. The "big" costumes (Beast, Cogsworth, etc) are being rented from a local costume shop...we know when to cut our loses. So we designed the plates, napkins, feather-dusters, silverware, cups and trays. The napkins costume consists of a simple skirt with a large "V" hem. Now my seamstresses are waiting for the measurements of the little girls so we can begin sewing. The feather dusters are also simple elastic-waisted skirts with a boa around the bottom edge. Not difficult, but we're already talking 60 or so skirts to be sewed. Good thing we have moms who like to sew! The production isn't until the end of March. I'll be sure to post pictures when I get them. This is actually loads of fun!
Two years ago, my mom got me a gift subscription to a cooking magazine, "Simple and Delicious."
It is a wonderful magazine. I've found loads of great, easy recipes. Every summer, I require the girls to be responsible for one meal each week (and they have to try new recipes). Their schedules are just too hectic to try to do this routinely during the school year. [When they find a recipe they like, they copy it onto a recipe card for their own recipe box, so when they leave home, they'll have a full set of recipes that they have already made and know they like.] Both girls have gotten a number of their experiments from this magazine. Yesterday, I tried a new recipe from the magazine: Switch-and-Go Ribs. 5 ingredients (1 1/2 pounds boneless pork ribs, vegetable oil, 1/3 cup orange marmalade, 1/3 cup teriyaki sauce and 1 tsp minced garlic). Brown the meat in the vegetable oil, then throw the all the rest of the ingredients in the crock pot for 6-8 hours on low. Simple, easy and absolutely delicious! Everyone loved it! Crock pot dinners are great on Tuesdays because our schedules are such that we often eat in shifts. Leave the crock pot on, and people can eat when they can.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
These Towels Stink
Yesterday afternoon, I bring the fresh, air-dried towels in from out back and ask the Imp to fold them. She picks up the first one and exclaims, "This is really rough and scratchy, and it STINKS!" "Stinks? You've got to be kidding. It smells like outside fresh air." "Well, it doesn't smell like it does when it comes out of the dryer and it's not soft either." The Imp would never survive "roughing it" in any way. Hubby and I laughed at her all afternoon. The idea that people used to dry all their clothes outside really blew her away. But she's glad that the dryer is working well today, drying all her clothes so they smell good and feel soft.
A good friend of ours recently got a job doing talk radio on the Catholic Channel (159) on Sirius radio. There's a great article about him, and an audio clip as well. He used to do the local morning show and our girls grew up listening to Gus Lloyd and we miss him getting us to work/school each morning. We don't have Sirius radio, but are definitely thinking about it. If you have it, I recommend listening to Gus. He is, as stated in the article, a genuine sincere "guy next door" person. He's got a quick wit and is enjoyable to spend time with (on the radio, or in person). Hubby and I are blessed to be in a couple's prayer group with him.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Materialism
The biggest problem I see from all this materialism, is that these people are so empty even with all they have. Nothing is ever enough. This is where faith comes in. With faith, you look to God to fill you up, not things. You search out the simple things because they tend to keep you connected with God. How sad, that so many children are being raised with the idea that if only you have ______________(fill in the blank with whatever) you will be happy (successful, fulfilled, etc). No. Nothing outside of God can do that.
Do I get caught up in materialism? Of course. I've been struggling with this lately. I'm going to a surprise birthday party in February. It's friends we haven't gotten together with in a long time. I want to look good. I've been trying to figure out what to wear, and the idea of buying a new outfit has been crossing my mind. She's an interior designer and dresses accordingly. But, these are my friends, and my slacks and top that are a little old will be just fine. Sure beats living in debt! The party's not until February. I still have 3 weeks to wrestle with the temptation of buying a new outfit. Having read the story of the Peterson's, I think I'll be able to resist.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Physics
Weekends and work
But back to the nice weekend. The Singer woke up early Saturday morning to run to Dunkin' Donuts to get Hubby donuts (chocolate coconut) and coffee. It was waiting for him when he got up. He was very impressed and so glad the Singer has her driver's license. I gave him lounge pants made from Buccaneer material. He loves coming home and putting on comfy clothes and putting work behind him. He'll enjoy these pants for a long time. The Imp got him salad dressing from the pizza parlor we went to for dinner. It really is very good dressing.
The weather is back to being down-right hot. Ugh. A "cold front" should be coming through tomorrow night then our highs will only be in the low 70's and lows in the upper 50's. Yesterday was gorgeous and sitting outside by the pool was a must.
We finally got our house put back together after taking the Christmas tree down and packing away the decorations. We've re-arranged our family room and that always makes me happy. After moving 13 times before heading off to college, I have a need to re-arrange furniture or I get antsy.
With the warm weather comes allergies. I'm sneezing and trying to see through watery eyes and am fighting the sinus headache constantly, and my nose is dripping. Yuk. I try hard not to just pop pills, so the hot water bottle and heating pads have become my constant companions. Coffee is a must in the morning, too. (Is coffee a liquid pill?) The cars have a nice coat of pollen on them. And it's not even oak season yet. Oak season has that nice yellow thick pollen that is everywhere. My girls are very allergic to oak. Right now Cedar and Juniper are the trees in bloom.
Sorry to see the Pats progressing to the next level of the playoffs. I'm really hoping Dungy's Colts put a halt on that next weekend. This household supports Dungy all the way. He did a lot of great things for the Tampa team and for the area. He's a class act. We were sorry to see him go and have 'adopted' the Colts (unless they're playing the Bucs).
Spring training will begin soon. Hoping the Devil Rays get some pitchers.