Preparing for Marriage

The Singer is off in Orlando for a Spanish competition that began yesterday afternoon and runs through tomorrow. She just called to tell me that she has completed her impromptu speaking and her play presentation and is essentially off the rest of the day. She and her pals are having a good time sitting out at the pool.

Hubby and I are getting ready to go present a retreat weekend to engaged couples (Engaged Encounter). It is one of our favorite things to do (once we get there). We spent about 6 months writing our talks. Basically we follow an outline about key ideas (you have to know yourself before sharing yourself with someone else, you have to communicate, how you "fight" is as important as what you fight about, you need God in your life to have a sacramental marriage, etc). We had to find examples from our own relationship that supports those truisms (whether because we did things right or the trouble caused by doing the opposite). We've been doing this ministry for over 16 years. I believe it has kept our marriage stable and healthy. There have been many times when Hubby and I have headed off to a weekend upset with each other and barely talking. Somehow reading about our love helps bring it back to the forefront. The fact that we have a lot of time on the weekend to talk with each other without interruptions helps too. It is exciting to share a weekend with 20-23 couples who are in-love. Things are different than when we got married 23 years ago, but they are also very much the same. Respect, love, honesty. These are not qualities that change over time. They are key ingredients to any relationship. Fear of abandonment is a common fear for children and adults. I am blessed because I really don't fear Hubby ever leaving me. Whatever happens we'll stick it out. I may drive him crazy, he may irritate me to no end, but we both trust that we are loved by the other and that God is on our side. With those basic principals as our foundation we'll make it, and thrive.
The hardest part of doing the weekends has always been finding someone to watch the girls. It's not that people aren't willing or that our girls are too much trouble, but it is difficult to entrust your kids to someone else. When we first started doing the weekends, the Singer was less than a year old. At that time I lived near my brother, his wife and his daughter (a little more than a year older than the Singer). I was hesitant the first time we left the Singer with them, but after that it was pretty easy. My sister-in-law loved the Singer and the cousins got along great. When the Singer was just shy of 2 years old, we had to do a retreat and my sister-in-law potty-trained the Singer over the weekend (I had begun the process, but with an older cousin to impress, the Singer was really motivated!). Once the Imp was born, being able to leave the girls together was comforting. I knew the Singer would watch out for the Imp and that the Imp would feel safe with the Singer around. I believe these separations have made it easier for me to let go as the girls have grown and I think it's helped them feel safe without Mom and Dad always there. We used to present at 2-3 weekends a year. Now we do about 1 a year. Family is the foundation of our world. I believe I'm helping to create healthy families for tomorrow and it feels good.

Are You Getting Your Money's Worth?

People frequently ask me if the school I send the Imp to is a "good school." It's a Catholic school and I think often they want to know if I'm "getting my money's worth." I picked this school for it's character, not for its academics. The academics are adequate and in many areas very good. With the huge public school system here, the academic opportunities would be much greater for the Imp at a public school. She would definitely be in the Gifted Program. But acquiring the most knowledge in the shortest amount of time is not the goal I have for my daughters. Every week the principal (a Salesian sister) sends home a letter to the parents. It is more than a bulletin of what is happening. It often is sharing of values and philosophies. The following came home yesterday. This is why I send the Imp to this school.

It is with heavy hearts that we return from Easter vacation following the tragedy at VA Tech University. It is almost 8 years to the day that 13 students were killed at Columbine H.S. Kids killing kids...how does this happen and how can it be prevented? What makes kids "implode"? Is it evil or mental illness?

There are so many questions that we can ask ourselves after the fact, but maybe this tragedy offers us the opportunity as parents, teachers, administrators, counselors, etc. to reflect on our responsibility to the children God has entrusted to our care. We carry an awesome responsibility.

Do we give kids time? Do we offer them faith and reasons to hope? Do we give them experiences of true love where they feel safe and nurtured? Do we pray with our children and for our children? Do we spend TIME with them, allowing THEM to talk and share their feelings? [emphasis mine]
Do we allow them to feel positive about themselves and look positively at
others? Do we teach them to respect others and empathize with others who
have less or feel different? Do we hold them accountable for their actions
and discipline them when necessary? Do we set boundaries and routines for
them so they know what to expect? Do we teach them inclusion and not exclusion?
Do we teach them how to deal with their feelings and emotions? Do we give them
good example and positive role models? Are our kids peaceful and happy with the
simple things in life?

Or do we place unrealistic expectations and pressures on our children? Do we replace our time and affection with money and things? Do we spend more time comparing our kids against other kids rather than appreciate them for who they are and help them be the best they can be? Do we avoid facing the problems our kids may have and finding them the help they may need? Do we know where our kids are when they're not with us? Do we know where their friends are and where they "hang out"? Do we know what they are reading, writing, e-mailing, researching on the Internet, looking at on TV and movies, listening to on ipods? Do we ever notice if our kids are lonely, troubled, quiet, with few friends, depressed with life itself?

St. John Bosco (the founder of the Salesians) was a man ahead of his times and understood kids. His educational system of reason, religion and loving kindness lived in a family spirit tells exactly what our kids and all kids need, especially in this day and age...truth, honesty, faith, love, friendship, and most importantly FAMILY! [emphasis mine]

With every tragedy there will be unanswered questions and regrets. Maybe it is time to simply stop and listen to what our kids are telling us....more often by their actions than their words...and LOVE THEM.

These are not just words to Sr. Kim. She believes them and lives them and is such a great leader. Yea, I think I get my money's worth.

Today is the anniversary of my sister-in-law's (Ellen) death. It still amazes me the impact she has had on my life. I knew her for a very few years really. But I still miss her and think of her and am thankful I did know her and am thankful for the example of "good living" she was.
Without faith, I'm not sure how I would handle death. We need to teach our kids our faith, and do all we can to connect them with God. Without God, life is depressing and hopeless and meaningless. Without God Ellen's death and the death of the 32 at VA Tech have little meaning. With God, goodness can come from this pain. And there is great hope because we already know the end of the story... Good wins! Evil loses!

Easter

It's been awhile since I've written. The girls were off last week for Easter Break. The week before was Holy Week and was an incredible experience for me. Thursday began the Triduum. As any church, my church has its problems, but we do liturgy right. The liturgies of the Triduum are truly moving and spiritual. The girls sang at Holy Thursday Mass, Good Friday service and the Easter Vigil. I love Easter Vigil and am thrilled that the girls really like it and get so much out of it. There is no persuasion needed to get them to Easter Vigil, even though it typically is 3+ hours long. The Mass begins outside and the lighting of the Easter fire. Then the Paschal candle is lit and the candle is processed into a dark church. Everyone in church has a small candle and the Paschal candle is used to light these candles. The church lights up very quickly. It's beautiful and a great way to begin the celebration of Easter. Then we have a number of Bible readings in the dark. Then the church is decorated (flowers and more flowers are brought out to decorate the altar and the baptismal font). When the lights go on, it is a spectacular sight. The church was barren on Good Friday (no holy water, cross covered, no greenery or flowers). Then we have baptisms. We have an immersion font, so our pastor walks into the font and then each baptismal candidate is baptized in turn. We had 14 baptisms this year. It is wonderful to see the looks of happiness on their faces as they emerge and to see the joy on their families' faces. After Mass there is always a reception for the newly baptized and confirmed in our hall and even though it was 11:30 PM by the time we got to the hall, there were many people still enjoying the reception. The Singer got up at 5:30 the next morning to sing at the sunrise service. It was the first year she attended this Mass (which is held in our prayer garden). She loved it and talked about how the sun rose throughout the Mass and it felt like resurrection and new birth. What a great Easter. To have my faith, my husband, my girls and to know they to have faith. I think we're very blessed because I know that both of my parents and Hubby's parents pray for all of us each day. That's quite a comfort.

Good Friday saw me desperately finishing up sewing a bolero-type jacket to wear with my Easter dress. It turned out fine and the Singer wants me to sew her one, too.

Last week we spent 2 days traipsing across the state to look at colleges. Fortunately or unfortunately the two colleges we spent time at both had much to offer. I think the Singer would do well at either. One (UCF) is huge (42,000) and has lots to offer in the sense of variety and opportunity. The other (UNF) is small (16,000) and has a phenomenal business department (the Singer may want to open her own business) but not a great music program. It's a beautiful campus set amidst beautiful trees and 10 minutes from the beach (more a plus to me than the Singer). It has an indoor swimming pool and a good intramural program in swimming. The Imp like UNF better and told the Singer she should go to UCF and leave UNF for the Imp.

Sewing

I have a nice sundress that I really like but I would prefer to wear it with a sweater or jacket when I go to church. So I went out and bought a pattern for a bolero-type jacket to make a short sleeve white jacket to wear with my dress on Easter. The pattern looked easy. (I know, you can't go by looks.) I've done some sewing and felt confident that I could whip this out in a day or two. That was 4 days ago! Obviously, I've not spent all-day working on it, but still. It has become a matter of pride for me to finish it. This pattern has really frustrated me. I've had a hard time following the directions and think the diagrams are pointless. It's a Butterick pattern. I've had much better success with McCalls and even Vogue. It took me literally an hour to figure out what one direction wanted me to do. I've got the vest-part of the jacket complete and now just have to do the sleeves, but once again have run into a direction I can't easily figure out. I will...eventually, but I'm giving it a break and am hoping that when I go back with fresh eyes, it will all make sense. Despite all the problems, I really like to sew and it's a great feeling to wear something you've made (especially when others don't know you made it.) I made the First Communion dress both girls wore. THAT was hard. Using satin material always makes the job harder as it likes to slide all over the place.
The weather is gorgeous and I ate my lunch out in the sun by the pool. I looked at Crape Myrtle trees this week, too. I want a purple one for my back yard. I think it'll be my Mother's Day gift but I'll get it early.
Hubby and his sister have been busily planning a surprise 60th anniversary party for his parents. His mom found out about it and said very emphatically that she wanted no part of it. It really hurt Hubby's feelings (and mine and his sister's) that she reacted the way she did. I can understand not wanting a big deal made (even though it is not my nature) and since Hubby's dad has been fighting a bone infection and dealing with some other health issues, I can understand him not wanting to have to "entertain" during a party. I think the way it was said was poor. Hubby is also disappointed because his 2 brothers who live in Seattle, WA are not making it home for the anniversary. Being from a large family is great, but with 10 kids, there are 10 very different personalities and opinions. Until yesterday I was looking forward to May 5 and the anniversary party, now I'm just looking forward to it all being over. Sad, but true.
I'm sure by the 5th I'll be in a better state. Hubby and I are flying to PA for the weekend while the girls stay home to study. The Imp's last day of school is May 17th! The Singer has exams the 18-22. Summer is just about here. YEA!!
Gonna go try to figure out this pattern and try not to scream.

Conversion

Both girls had their school plays this week. So the week was jammed packed with play practices and performances. Thank goodness, the Imp's play was during the school day and then Thursday night, while the Singer's play was Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Their both happy to have the plays finished just because they'll have more free time. The weather has been the paradise weather Florida is famous for. Slight breeze, warm (80+), sunny and low humidity (well, lower than our summer humidity of 95%). The sunshine just seems to be calling you all the time. I've been enjoying eating my lunch outside by the pool (while reading my book).
This past week we also had a mission at our church (Sun - Tues). The speaker was amazing and truly inspirational. He began saying he hoped he would make us all uncomfortable at some time during his presentations because Jesus came to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. Conversion was a big topic and how often we learn something new, but don't change our behavior. True conversion requires a change of mind and positive action. Yesterday, Hubby and I went to a day retreat on Theology of the Body (thoughts by Pope John Paul II about why we have bodies and how we should use them). It's really quite amazing. As a married woman, the Theology of the Body really helps me see my role in God's plan. It also makes me see how important the institution of marriage is and how weak it has become. A while ago I was at another get together and the priest there said the crisis in vocations was not really about priests but about married people. Without a strong family (the first church everyone knows) it is not surprising there are not more people hearing God's call. Yesterday, the priest said "as marriage goes so goes the priesthood" Same concept. I've heard so much in the last week between the mission and the retreat my head and heart are a-buzz and trying very hard to absorb it all and ultimately cause conversion in me.

Libraries

Our local library closed the other day as they are tearing it down and building a new (bigger and better) one. There are 27 libraries in my county (all part of the same system). My local library has the 7th largest circulation but was one of the smallest. I am thrilled over the plans for the new library (which will actually be part of a town center...with Head Start and senior programs housed in the same building).

I just don't want to wait for a year and a half! Not only will the new one not be there, but my old one is now gone too. My library was so close to my house that my girls could ride their bikes there and it was located such that we often were passing by it on our way to or from somewhere else, which made "stopping by for a few minutes" very easy to do. I love libraries. I remember when I was 5th and 6th grade in living in Nebraska. I got a new bike for my birthday in May and I spent my summer riding to the library and picking out Nancy Drew books. I've always loved reading and never had a lot of spending money, so the idea that you could borrow books FOR FREE!!! was amazing and wonderful to me. I still feel that way. I love going to new libraries and exploring them. I so relate to the scene in "Beauty and the Beast" where Belle walks into the Beast's library and seems overwhelmed. In my dreams, I have a room just like that!! Books are wonderful and libraries are awesome providing them for free. During the summer I've taken my girls on library field trips as we've gone to visit other libraries in the county. They love going to the one in down-town Tampa which is in a 3 story building. The Imp and I hang out in a different library when the Singer has piano lessons and we've camped out in various other libraries when we have to travel to other parts of the county for various activities and end up with that 1/2 hour or hour of "dead time" (can't go home from school first...not enough time but going straight to the activity gets you there ahead of time). When the girls were little, I'd take them to story time and the puppet shows and the yo-yo man, etc that the library would host. Getting a library card was a right of passage in this house. At age 5, I allowed the girls to get their own card. We made it a huge production, discussing the responsibilities of taking care of books, knowing where they were and returning them on time. They were both so proud when they first got their cards. Until recently (when their extracurricular activities keep them so busy) we would stop at our local library at least once a week...just because. The girls often used that time to get books related to school work as well, but primarily it was for fun. For 2 years, I drove another girl home from school. I don't think she'd ever been in a library before carpooling with us. I took her with us when we'd stop after school. When I taught in middle school, I was amazed at how many students didn't have a library card. It was one of the things I brought up at parent-teacher conferences and sent home in my beginning of the year information (How to help your child succeed? Read. Free reading materials available at your local library, just get a card). I have 3 books on hold ready for pick-up. They're at my temporary library. So I'm off to the library tonight. Bringing the girls so they can acclimate themselves to our library for the next year or so.

Physics Horrors

The Singer has been working on a Physics group project at our house for a few months now. As the group is made up of 4 "A" students all taking Honors Physics, I figured I didn't need to provide much assistance (I provided refreshments and taught them how to use a drill and electric saw). I am shaking my head in disbelief at the calamity of the entire situation. The assignment was to build a contraption that had parts which set the next part in motion. For example, pop a balloon that has marbles in it. The popping of the balloon releases the marbles that then run down a track, fall into a cup and cause a lever to release a pendulum that swings and at the top of the arc of the swing it knocks over a stick attached to string the releases a cd to roll on a track that hits dominoes that fall into another cup that raises a flag. Lots of physics involved (the track has to have enough grade so the marbles continue rolling, dominoes need to be placed so even going up steps there will be enough force to continue to knock down the next domino and so on). Well...they really approached the whole thing haphazardly. Saturday and Sunday had the group working at our house for 6+ hours both days. Saturday had the Singer knocking a sawhorse over on her naked toe (I don't know why she wasn't wearing tennis shoes while working with power tools, but....). I really thought the toe was broken, but simply bandaged it up and told her we'd deal with it later. Sunday before the crew arrived, I took her to a walk-in-clinic. No broken bones, but the doctor did drill a small hole in her toenail to release the pressure from the blood so she wouldn't lose her toenail (it also made the pain more bearable). Sunday night at 8 PM I threw everyone out of the garage. The project still wasn't working, but I was assured it only needed a little "tweaking" to work. So one other girl came over Monday after school so she and the Singer could do that "tweaking". Well, after 4 more hours of work, it still wasn't working. The project was due today. Time was running out. So on Tuesday and Wednesday the Singer worked (about 5 hours each afternoon) fixing the project so it would work. I got to assist (some things needed 2 people to accomplish--a holder and a fixer). I kept making comments like "How did you think that was going to work...it doesn't make sense from a physics point of view...Did you even think about laws of physics while working on this?" The Singer was ready to kill me by the end. She kept telling me "Mom, we were just trying to get it to work." Like that excused their lack of logical thinking. Yesterday, I encouraged the Singer to re-read the directions to make sure everything was done to specifications. Low and behold, a table they had built stuck out beyond the acceptable size limit! Any item that was out of the limit would be disqualified (each working item earned points). Again...how do A students end up with something like that? I am still amazed that these 4 people do as well as they do in school, they seem to have very little common sense from where I'm standing. So the Singer had to dismantle the table (and the entire domino set up on top of it) and rebuild it and then adjust the item before and after the dominoes so everything still worked. We loaded the project into the van about 10 o'clock last night. We dropped it off this morning and we are so glad it's done!! The entire family!
I arrived back home from SC Friday afternoon, so the physics project has dominated the household since then, except for Friday night. We went to see "Wicked", the musical telling the story of the 2 witches from the Wizard of Oz before Dorothy came. The musical score is outstanding and we've had the soundtrack for quite a while, but the 2 actresses playing Galinda and Elphaba were phenomenal!!! They were the characters. Galinda is a flighty, over-the-top cheerleader type, and she played it sooo well. The costumes were spectacular. The whole thing was simply an indescribable event. And what made it even better was watching the Imp and the Singer's reactions. They were enthralled!! The tickets were the big Christmas gift to the family this year. We all wanted to return the next night to see it again. Alas, that wasn't possible! We hope it returns next year!
I enjoyed my trip to SC tremendously. John was able to converse better than at Christmas due to new meds. So we had lots of time talking and laughing. Illness makes many people uneasy, and some illnesses do effect the personality of a person, but spending time with John now is just like spending time with him before he got ill, only now he sits still instead of constantly doing things. He has always been a clown of sorts and has always had a great sense of humor. He still does! While it is heart-breaking to watch his physical body become paralyzed bit by bit, it is still just as much fun spending time with him as it always was.

Busy

Last Friday, the girls' little recital was great. It was at a small church (where they take voice lessons) and it was a "Valentine's Evening." There were about 13 or 14 selections. Many were performed by members of the church choir. The "audience" was primarily people over 60 (the exceptions being the young students and their families). The women of the church had all baked and brought desserts. The strawberries were the best! The Strawberry Festival starts this week. I love seeing the giant strawberries grown. I like eating the strawberry shortcake even better! I'm hoping to go see the Christian group, "Casting Crowns" next Saturday as they're playing at the festival.

I definitely have a busy week. I'm off to South Carolina to see John and Gwyn and my parents. I'll get a chance to see my big sister, Elaine, too (for a few hours) before I leave Thursday afternoon. I'll drive to the Florida/Georgia border Thursday night (it's about 1/2 way) and then I'll drive home Friday morning. Next Friday night we all get to go see "Wicked!" I can't wait! We've had the sound track since last Christmas, we bought the tickets last February, and we now are finally going to see the play. The hardest part will be remembering our manners and not singing along with the actors. The music is really wonderful. "Defying Gravity" is one of my favorites. It'll be fun to get all dressed up and go to the Performing Arts Center together. We haven't been in quite a while.

Then next Saturday is the Strawberry Festival and then it's back to normal chaos.

The Imp won her school's competition of the Readers' Digest WordPower Challenge. She then took an online test at school, and she finished in the top 100 6th, 7th and 8th graders in Florida so is off to the state competition on March 19. I'm thrilled. The Imp isn't so excited. She looks at it as a place to fail. I look at it as a place for her to shine, no matter how she does at the actual competition. She does not seek the spotlight like her sister does. As a spotlight hound myself, I don't always understand her.

Lent has started. I found it very telling about our society (and how our religious holidays have become so secular) when the Imp came home from the store last Sunday with a box of Peeps. She wanted to eat them before Lent started since she knew she wouldn't during Lent. I don't know, some thing's off-kilter when you buy Easter candy before Lent which is the time to prepare for Easter. The fact that Lent is 7+ weeks long, tells a little something about the commercialization of all things today. People hunger for fulfillment, but few realize that only God can bring that fulfillment. So many will try to fill up on things and activities. Is the current obesity problem a consequence of Americans turning to food to fill them up instead of personal growth and a relationship with God? I just read yesterday that the average American child drinks 65 GALLONS of soda a year. Whoa! That's a lot of soda. As I was exclaiming about this stat, the Imp tells me many of her classmates, including a close friend of hers, have coke for breakfast! Huh? Her friend goes through a drive-thru on the way to school and gets hash browns and coke each morning. Yuk! I feel my arteries clogging and the pounds settling on me just thinking about eating that each day. The Imp, seeing how appalled I was, defended her friend by saying, "They're so busy they don't have time to cook like we do." I didn't argue with her, but thought "Breakfast doesn't require a lot of cooking time...a box of cereal and milk is a lot healthier and cheaper than McD's every morning." I also know that when I was working we did eat out more than we do now, but I still planned a menu each week and we still had most meals at home. But that is one of the reasons I quit teaching, so I could contribute to the well-being of my family by making our lives less hectic. By being at home during the week, I can get grocery shopping done, do laundry, go to my Bible Study during the day and not have to take away from family time to do that. Our evenings and weekends are still full, but they aren't frantic because I view the 3 pm - 9pm time-frame as my prime work time. I'm not too exhausted to help with homework, listen to little daily problems with friends or at school, make dinner. The saying "If momma isn't happy, nobody's happy," has truth to it. I do set the tone of the family. If I'm calm, the family is much calmer than when I'm stressed out. Hubby is wonderful and is a very hands-on dad, but I'm the one who keeps tabs on the emotional well-being of each individual in the house and the family in general. That's my job, and I like it.

I'm obviously an advocate of stay-at-home moms. I stayed at home for 6 years after the Singer was born. When the Singer was 6 and the Imp 2 1/2, financially things started to fall apart for us (including renters moving out in the middle of the night with no notice). We decided that I would go back to work. It was a hard decision because teaching is a very demanding job, and one that is rarely confined to the time in the school building. But when I went to work, it was with the idea of achieving financial stability (not wealth) so I could then be at home once again. When I was working, we did not change our life-style in that my salary was used to cover working expenses (day care, wardrobe expenditures, increase eating out, gas, etc) and the rest of my salary was but towards our debt and our savings. So after 6 years in the classroom, I could easily leave without an impact on our standard of living. We bought our house with the idea of being able to afford it on one salary. Trust me, the sellers wanted us to upgrade and kept telling us we would qualify for a bigger house, with more extras. We kept saying, "No." We knew what we wanted.
I know there are people who have to have both parents working to make it. But I also know many more people who claim that both parents have to work but in reality they have put themselves in that position. Yes, if you buy a 3500 square foot home, you may not ever be able to make it on one salary. But if you bought a modest home, instead of a huge home, you could. I'm sure the Imp's friend's mom would say she can't afford to stop working (she is a teacher's aide at a private school, so her salary is not large). But I wonder how much the family spends because she works (eating out is very expensive). Our ideas about living "comfortably" are really skewed as a society. A roof over your head (clean, not bug-infested, working plumbing, etc), steady food on the table and a few outfits per person. Anything beyond that is luxurious. Kids don't all need their own room, or 12 pairs of shoes, or the newest Playstation console or game, or an ipod, and on and on. We are financially blessed. But when I look around, my kids have much less "stuff" than most other children their age. I don't feel guilty about it. I'm happy. They know stuff won't make them happy, and much of what they have, they've earned. (Both girls have an MP3 player, both paid for over 1/2 of the cost). I don't worry about them losing their MP3 players, because they know I won't buy them a new one, and they know how hard it was to save that kind of money.

On a different topic, although still on how much I think our society has lost focus. A hamburger chain "Checkers" began an add campaign with RapCat. RapCat is a hand puppet of a cat dressed as a rapper (and he raps, too). As part of the campaign, the company made their bags with lines of where to cut holes to make the bag into a rap outfit for your pet cat. The outrage over the "mistreatment" of cats by putting the bag on them has been way out of proportion. If your cat doesn't like it...don't do it! If that's the mistreatment of animals, how is America's Funniest Home Movies still on the air? The treatment of the animals on those clips is much worse than putting a paper bag on your cat (as an outfit). How many people put outfits on their cats and dogs? How often do the cats and dogs not like it? Should we prevent the sale of animal outfits? [Actually, I wouldn't mind, as I think we spend too much on our pets, but that's another story]. What really floored me with this whole story is that it led the 11 o'clock news AHEAD of a murder! Huh? Somehow we've really gotten off track about what's important.

The Spirit is Alive

Last night I had such a wonderful time. It was moving and fulfilling. 130 people (mostly 8th graders --but also the 4 adults from my class) were confirmed in my church. The bishop was there. Whatever his shortcomings (and we all have them) he has been very visible and accessible to the people of his diocese and he is a great homilist. He shared with us a letter he received from a young lady currently serving in Iraq who he had confirmed about 5 years ago. Her letter was poignant and beautiful. I think everyone had tears in their eyes as he read from her letter that he should make sure that people know forgiveness is the key. She had chosen St. Sebastian as her saint's name, and he had asked her about it. She chose him because he is the patron saint of athletes and she's very athletic. Bishop Lynch told her he always remembered that as St. Sebastian pulled the arrows from his body, he forgave each of his aggressors. She wrote of how little forgiveness she has seen in Iraq and that forgiveness is the only way to peace. Like I said, it was very moving.
So my emotions were running high between the story and watching 4 people I've personally watched grow in faith become confirmed. Then the Singer was the cantor and sang so beautifully. The Singer may not be the best singer ever (although I think she is...and yes I'll concede I may be biased), but she is an awesome cantor because she recognizes her role. As cantor she is not to perform, but to lead and encourage others into active worship. And she believes in her heart all that she sings and it shows! As she stood on the altar singing for the Holy Spirit to come I felt her true supplication that the Spirit would touch all of our lives. She is quite the young lady. I am truly blessed to have my parish and my daughter.

Saturday night the Imp took Hubby to the Father-Daughter dance at her school. It was the first time her school had done this, but it was such a hit, I think it won't be the last. Every girl was announced as she arrived and walked down the red carpet through a lattice archway. "Suzie Smith escorted by Joe Smith." There was a professional photographer there who took pictures of the "couples" and donated all the proceeds to the school and there was a dance instructor who taught the Salsa and the Merengue.

I've been busy crocheting lately. I really love the intricate patterns and designs that are so easily created. I love creating. This past week, I've mainly crocheted bookmarks, and it's great to be able to start and finish a project in a day. I actually gave each of my confirmation students a bookmark for their Bibles. I think I made about 10 bookmarks last week. The previous week, I worked on a bookmark that was wayyy too involved for my tastes, but once I started I wasn't quiting. I think it took me 7 or 8 days to complete. It's nice...but I'm not sure I'll make another one. I don't think it looks much different that the other ones, but it definitely is much harder.

The weather is cold. The coldest thus far this winter. I put a turtleneck on this morning for the first time this season. Tonight there's a freeze warning. I don't like the cold but when it's cold and cloudy, I really feel blah. Today is cold and dreary. No sun shining, wind blowing and COLD. Yuk. Fortunately, I'm off to scrapbook so my day isn't a total loss.

The girls have a voice recital tonight. They'll be singing "Sisters" (the song from 'White Christmas') together. I can't wait. I'm sure I'll be tearing up tonight!

Friends

I received this Friendship email today. I receive lots of "cute" things from multiple people on a regular basis. Sometimes I groan when I see that the mail is a Forward, meaning my friend isn't really writing to me, only sharing with me. But amidst all the clutter some real nuggets emerge. I believe this is one of those nuggets.

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.

DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY,THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT;AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING,WROTE IN THE
SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH. THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ."

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON
A STONE. WHY?"

THE FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT
DOWNIN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT,WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

I know I need to work on the idea of writing good things on stone and bad things in the sand, no matter who does them or how they happened. Life is so much more fulfilling when we don't waste time on things we cannot change and don't dwell on hurts, percieved or real.

Valentine's Day Hype

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we're now being inundated with all kinds of ads telling us that things say "I love you!" Yeah, right. I've always felt uncomfortable about Valentine's Day...if you have to be told to say "I love you," how much does it mean? Fortunately, Hubby shares my views (and he actually is thrilled that his love will not be measured by what he does or doesn't do or buy for Valentine's Day). Would I be hurt if the day weren't acknowledged at all? Probably. I like getting the cards and the gooey words. I don't mind getting a box of candy or a teddy bear to add to my collection. But I definitely do not need a diamond, or a trip or 12 dozen roses or anything else. Hubby tells me he loves me each day...in words and actions (Yes, hearing "I love you" is very important to me). I'd much rather get the day in and day out little declarations of love that to only get them on "special" occasions.
There's a great book about love called the Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley. Gary Smalley actually has written lots of good books about relationships in general and marriage in particular. My primary love language is Words of Affirmation. Tell me "Good job." or "I really appreciate you doing..." and you've charged me up for quite a while. By the same token, if you yell at me or suggest by your words that I'm not doing good enough... I take it to heart and tend to be crushed. Hubby's primary love language is Acts of Service. Many guys have this as their primary love language. They like to DO. So at the beginning of our marriage, I'm drowning him with all these words, and he's busy doing things. I'm hurt because I'm not getting the words I need and he's not responding to my demonstrations of love. He's upset and feels unappreciated because he's not getting the "brownie points" for doing all these things for me. So we had to become bi-lingual. I needed to recognize his little actions (making me coffee, or doing the dishes, or taking out the trash) were great declarations of love and needed to try to do the same for him (fill up his gas tank, move the car seat back after I drove his car, get up first to turn the heat up in the morning). He could understand those things easier than words. Actually, the more proficient you become in each of the languages makes all relationships easier. If you figure out what "speaks" to the other person you can tailor your interactions with them. If they speak Gift Giving then you better have gifts on Valentine's Day (although gift-giving doesn't mean expensive...it's the presentation...Here I have something for you...a flower picked from the yard is a gift). I think Physical Touch is the language that is the hardest to work with. If your primary language is Physical Touch, you really need it. If Physical Touch is not a language you speak at all, someone hugging on you all the time is overwhelming. So you withdraw, and then the other person feels extremely unloved because withdrawing physically is with-holding love. If you can learn the love languages of your children, it's great and helps you figure out how to reach your child easier. (Smalley has a book on Children's Love Languages as well). I know I've blogged about this before but it's so true and impacts my life so much and I was thinking about it again, I had to write more.

Gains and Losses

Last night was my last class with the adult Confirmation group. I will love having my Tuesday nights with my family, and my Mondays and Tuesdays free of planning for the class, but I will deeply miss the people in the class. Trying to teach something makes you really look at it. Trying to teach your faith is mind-boggling, but ultimately brings the teacher closer to God. One person asked, "Now what do we do? Where do we find other places to do what we did here?" Good question. My church has loads of volunteer opportunities and even 2 Bible Study groups, an English and a Spanish prayer group, but they are all rather large groups. (My church has 3000+ registered families). Our class was a small, intimate group that basically went through the creed and discussed topics. There was lots of faith-sharing and a real community feel. It's hard to get that in larger groups. So I've gained more time but also have to say good-bye to a great class.

Tomorrow is my niece's birthday. Lauren will be 18!! That is simply a difficult idea to get my little brain around. Such a lady now. My memories of Lauren include her and the Singer having so much fun together. She's always been a role-model for the Singer who is a year younger. It's really hard for me to comprehend that she is heading off to college (the college-of-knowledge, a.k.a. William and Mary)in a few short months. That also means the Singer isn't far behind! ACK! I'm not ready for this.

A local story gives me hope for the future our country. This man 'did the right thing' (see earlier blog). This incident happened close by and has been in the news off and on since the accident. The man appears to be striving to live his life as best as he can. I admire him greatly, and pray for his future. What a lucky kid to have him as a dad. That the community recognizes his courageous behavior is also encouraging.

Costumes

The Imp's school is putting on "Beauty and the Beast." While she is still a little disappointed that she did not get the role of Belle, she is happy 3 of her good friends were cast as "Silly Girls" with her. Fawning over Gaston is not something that comes naturally to her. And at 13, even pretending to be infatuated with someone can have social ramifications. I'm so glad I'm not 13!
I have been volunteered to help with the costumes. I spent yesterday afternoon at play practice, discussing possibilities with the directors. The entire school (K-8) population has some role in the play. So the 3rd grade girls are all napkins, the boys cups. The 1st graders are all various silverware. So when we plan for the costume we have to consider that we have to make (or create) 30 or so of each costume. The "big" costumes (Beast, Cogsworth, etc) are being rented from a local costume shop...we know when to cut our loses. So we designed the plates, napkins, feather-dusters, silverware, cups and trays. The napkins costume consists of a simple skirt with a large "V" hem. Now my seamstresses are waiting for the measurements of the little girls so we can begin sewing. The feather dusters are also simple elastic-waisted skirts with a boa around the bottom edge. Not difficult, but we're already talking 60 or so skirts to be sewed. Good thing we have moms who like to sew! The production isn't until the end of March. I'll be sure to post pictures when I get them. This is actually loads of fun!
Two years ago, my mom got me a gift subscription to a cooking magazine, "Simple and Delicious." It is a wonderful magazine. I've found loads of great, easy recipes. Every summer, I require the girls to be responsible for one meal each week (and they have to try new recipes). Their schedules are just too hectic to try to do this routinely during the school year. [When they find a recipe they like, they copy it onto a recipe card for their own recipe box, so when they leave home, they'll have a full set of recipes that they have already made and know they like.] Both girls have gotten a number of their experiments from this magazine. Yesterday, I tried a new recipe from the magazine: Switch-and-Go Ribs. 5 ingredients (1 1/2 pounds boneless pork ribs, vegetable oil, 1/3 cup orange marmalade, 1/3 cup teriyaki sauce and 1 tsp minced garlic). Brown the meat in the vegetable oil, then throw the all the rest of the ingredients in the crock pot for 6-8 hours on low. Simple, easy and absolutely delicious! Everyone loved it! Crock pot dinners are great on Tuesdays because our schedules are such that we often eat in shifts. Leave the crock pot on, and people can eat when they can.

These Towels Stink

Late Friday night as we began our typical weekend laundry-fest, we discovered our clothes dryer was not working properly; that is, it wasn't drying the clothes. So Saturday morning while Hubby worked on getting the dryer repaired, I hung the towels outside to dry. Hubby had to work way too hard to get a Sears serviceman out here. I think he spent about an hour total on the phone, talking to multiple supervisors, before a service-call to our house was set up. The problem began when Hubby used the automated service-request system set up on the Sears phone line. At the end of the call, Hubby was told someone would be at our house between 1-4 pm. Not 30 minutes later, we get a call telling us, that "we sorry but no one can make it out today." (okay, not my preference, but Monday will still be okay). "We'll have someone out on Thursday, would 8-12 or 12-4 be better for you?" Huh? How did we get from Saturday to Thursday? So Hubby called to register a formal complaint about Sears not keeping its word. He never raised his voice, was calm, but let them know he wasn't happy, at all. The funny thing, Hubby is so laid-back that had the original automated system told him Thursday he would have swallowed and taken it. It was the change that really got under his skin. At 4:30 pm yesterday we had a very pleasant serviceman fixing the heating element on our dryer. I will add that I'm personally disappointed in this dryer. It is a mere 18 months old and we probably run 5-6 loads a week. Not that much really. And it's already broken? We expect more from a Kenmore. We'll see how long this heating element lasts.
Yesterday afternoon, I bring the fresh, air-dried towels in from out back and ask the Imp to fold them. She picks up the first one and exclaims, "This is really rough and scratchy, and it STINKS!" "Stinks? You've got to be kidding. It smells like outside fresh air." "Well, it doesn't smell like it does when it comes out of the dryer and it's not soft either." The Imp would never survive "roughing it" in any way. Hubby and I laughed at her all afternoon. The idea that people used to dry all their clothes outside really blew her away. But she's glad that the dryer is working well today, drying all her clothes so they smell good and feel soft.

A good friend of ours recently got a job doing talk radio on the Catholic Channel (159) on Sirius radio. There's a great article about him, and an audio clip as well. He used to do the local morning show and our girls grew up listening to Gus Lloyd and we miss him getting us to work/school each morning. We don't have Sirius radio, but are definitely thinking about it. If you have it, I recommend listening to Gus. He is, as stated in the article, a genuine sincere "guy next door" person. He's got a quick wit and is enjoyable to spend time with (on the radio, or in person). Hubby and I are blessed to be in a couple's prayer group with him.

Materialism

Cindy's blog led me to read the story, "Digging Out of Debt." I am constantly amazed at how many people feel entitled to luxuries. The quote from the article that really struck me as indicative of so many people's philosophies was made by Suzie Peterson, the mother in the family, "Suzie, however, has no regrets. She saw the vacations as a way to bond with her daughters. 'The cruise was my gift to my family.'" Huh? You need a cruise to bond with your daughters? I bond with my daughters as we do the dishes or wash the car or play board games or over the dinner table. This family of 5 (parents plus 3 children) say they can't live on their MONTHLY income of $8,750. Yes, that was monthly income of $8,750. The whole article was mind-boggling. Recently on some talk-show (I think Oprah) there were families in which the parents complained that their kids were spoiled. Again, HUH? The parents complained the kids were spoiled. Um...isn't that the parents job? To make sure the kids aren't spoiled? After much discussion, the parents said they hated saying "No" to their children. They didn't really like conflict, so they gave in to the demands of their children (some of whom were only 10 years old). The parents whined that they had to give in because the kids would beg and beg and the parents just couldn't take it and had to give in! I sometimes feel like I live in an alternate reality than these people. I taught my children not to beg when they were 2! They both tried the ploy a few times growing up (usually after going to a house of a friend who begged and got what they wanted). In my house we have the "Two Time Rule." This saved us from much aggravation. You can only sing a song 2 times in a row. You can only repeat a statement 2 times. You can only watch the Barney video 2 times in one day. So...asking for the same thing more than 2 times breaks that rule. Consequences are varied but often include the removal of the very thing being asked for. "Can I have ice cream?" "No." "Oh, please.... Can't I have some ice cream?" "No." "Mom....I want some ice cream." Not only do you not get ice cream, but there are no treats (desserts, whatever you want to call them) for a week. As they got older, a simple "Are you sure you want to ask about that again?" from me usually gets the response, "That's okay." They had clothes taken away, toys confiscated, TV time eliminated. Would it be 'more fun' if I could always say "Yes"? Of course, but parenting is a responsibility, not something you do for fun. There are moments of great joy and fun, but that is not the goal.
The biggest problem I see from all this materialism, is that these people are so empty even with all they have. Nothing is ever enough. This is where faith comes in. With faith, you look to God to fill you up, not things. You search out the simple things because they tend to keep you connected with God. How sad, that so many children are being raised with the idea that if only you have ______________(fill in the blank with whatever) you will be happy (successful, fulfilled, etc). No. Nothing outside of God can do that.
Do I get caught up in materialism? Of course. I've been struggling with this lately. I'm going to a surprise birthday party in February. It's friends we haven't gotten together with in a long time. I want to look good. I've been trying to figure out what to wear, and the idea of buying a new outfit has been crossing my mind. She's an interior designer and dresses accordingly. But, these are my friends, and my slacks and top that are a little old will be just fine. Sure beats living in debt! The party's not until February. I still have 3 weeks to wrestle with the temptation of buying a new outfit. Having read the story of the Peterson's, I think I'll be able to resist.

Physics

The Singer and her 3 teammates met here at the house today to begin their physics project. The have to create "Mouse Trap" (for those old enough to remember the game)type contraption that has at least 10 "functions." I listened to tennis ball-launcher, flag raising, dominoes, marbles, popped balloons, etc. all afternoon. I don't remember doing neat kinds of projects like this. I'll take a picture of the final project (due in March). Most of the meetings will be at our house so I'll get to watch it grow.

Weekends and work

Hubby's birthday weekend was very relaxing until...10:30 last night work called and he had to go into work to solve a production problem. He arrived home at 2 this morning and was back at work by 8 am. The job is wearing on him. He's on-call the 1st thru the 10th of every month. But with a recent resignation, he's really on-call all the time. He's not too pleased.

But back to the nice weekend. The Singer woke up early Saturday morning to run to Dunkin' Donuts to get Hubby donuts (chocolate coconut) and coffee. It was waiting for him when he got up. He was very impressed and so glad the Singer has her driver's license. I gave him lounge pants made from Buccaneer material. He loves coming home and putting on comfy clothes and putting work behind him. He'll enjoy these pants for a long time. The Imp got him salad dressing from the pizza parlor we went to for dinner. It really is very good dressing.

The weather is back to being down-right hot. Ugh. A "cold front" should be coming through tomorrow night then our highs will only be in the low 70's and lows in the upper 50's. Yesterday was gorgeous and sitting outside by the pool was a must.

We finally got our house put back together after taking the Christmas tree down and packing away the decorations. We've re-arranged our family room and that always makes me happy. After moving 13 times before heading off to college, I have a need to re-arrange furniture or I get antsy.

With the warm weather comes allergies. I'm sneezing and trying to see through watery eyes and am fighting the sinus headache constantly, and my nose is dripping. Yuk. I try hard not to just pop pills, so the hot water bottle and heating pads have become my constant companions. Coffee is a must in the morning, too. (Is coffee a liquid pill?) The cars have a nice coat of pollen on them. And it's not even oak season yet. Oak season has that nice yellow thick pollen that is everywhere. My girls are very allergic to oak. Right now Cedar and Juniper are the trees in bloom.

Sorry to see the Pats progressing to the next level of the playoffs. I'm really hoping Dungy's Colts put a halt on that next weekend. This household supports Dungy all the way. He did a lot of great things for the Tampa team and for the area. He's a class act. We were sorry to see him go and have 'adopted' the Colts (unless they're playing the Bucs).

Spring training will begin soon. Hoping the Devil Rays get some pitchers.

Don't Know Why I Worry

I don't know why I fret so much about stuff. I truly believe that God is watching out for me and that I'm as happy and content as I decide I'll be. With some financial set-backs in the recent past, I began fretting over our future. "What if..." and "What about..." Once again, things have fallen into place. I will get to continue my consulting work as an moderator for online classes, and I got a phone call today 1) asking for me to conduct an additional workshop for a group I've done workshops for before and 2) asking if they could give my name to another group that was looking for someone to conduct a workshop for them. Somehow it all works out. Always has. I don't mean to sound Pollyanna and I don't believe God rewards us with financial gain. I believe that when we turn to God, suddenly we see all the opportunities and goodness out there instead of seeing all the pitfalls and misery. Guess I'm seeing that glass half-full right now. And even if it's only filled a quarter of the way...it's something. It's all in attitude not circumstances.

Insured Home

While the saga of home insurance continues, as we try to get restitution for a delinquent payment by our mortgage company, we do have our house insured with another company. Miraculously, there is one company that is writing policies in our neighborhood. Looking on the bright side, the cost is less than if we had to go with Citizen's Insurance (the state-run program). Looking at the mounting bills, it is about 1 1/2 times as much as we would have paid had our mortgage company paid the appropriate amount. No use crying of spilt milk, but it may take me a few days to digest this reality in our budget. As to my ability to work, I will be able to work this Spring (Feb-May)session but still have hours of work to get my paperwork to a point where the auditors are happy. Ugh! The worst part of this fiasco is I could have prevented it had I used better foresight. When leaving the classroom, I renewed my certificate. To get the proper endorsement added to my regular certificate required extra money, although I had the courses required for this endorsement. Not seeing what my future would hold, I saved the 30 bucks and didn't get the endorsement written on my certificate. Oh, those 30 dollars is looking very silly at this point in time! The Singer is still dragging her behind after working as a peer minister at a retreat this weekend. She absolutely LOVES going up to the retreat center and helping out. She gets to sing, act and dance (all in God's name). Life doesn't get much better for her. She'd go every weekend if we'd let her, but she gets little sleep and the retreat lasts from Friday night until Sunday at noon. Doesn't give her much time for anything else on the weekend. The Imp begins play practice. She is not too thrilled with the casting. The role of Belle went to her rival in almost all things at school, and she was cast as a "Silly Girl," one of the girls who follow Gaston around and swoon over him. I told her, she'd definitely have to act to carry that off. She wasn't amused. She'll have fun once practice begins as 2 of her good friends are also "Silly Girls." Hubby's birthday is coming up and I'm still trying to finish his gift. Saturday will head out for pizza at a local pizza parlor and then Sunday we'll have his cousin over and eat cake and ice cream. I'm working on my crocheting. It's finally got cold enough to work with yarn. I enjoy doing things with my hands. It helps me not eat while watching TV and frankly most TV isn't engrossing enough to have me give it my undivided attention.

Happy New Year?

A week into the new year and I'm not real thrilled with 2007. Friday we received a notice in the mail that our home insurance had been cancelled. Cancelled? Huh? What? Our mortgage company is suppose to pay the insurance. What happened? Well, if you live in Florida, home insurance is a crap shoot from the get-go. Many companies don't write home insurance in Florida, claiming the threat of hurricanes makes it financially unwise for them to do so, (insurance companies have seen bigger profits the last 5 years than ever...even with Katrina and 2004 year of 4 hurricanes to hit Florida). But I digress. Apparently (we figured this out after 6 phone calls and much time on hold on a Friday afternoon), our mortgage company underpaid our 2006 insurance by $30.12. So, our insurance company cancelled our policy, even though our mortgage company had already paid our $1000+ insurance for 2007. Go figure. Desperate to have some coverage (sure that lightning would strike our house over the weekend and us without any insurance), we traipsed to AAA on Saturday morning. Apparently, some insurance companies are setting homeowners up for such short-falls and therefore have a "valid" reason to cancel the insurance. If a company cancels too many policies without valid reasons, they can lose their ability to write other types of insurance in Florida. Our former insurance company is not writing new policies in Florida, therefore we can not simply get new insurance. In fact, no company is writing insurance for our neighborhood (much of which is a flood zone...even though no hurricane or major flooding has occurred in the 11 years I've lived here.). Our only option, Citizen's Insurance. Citizen's Insurance is a state-run, last resort insurance option for people like us, who can't get insured. It is typically much more than a private company's (to prevent a competitive nature...the state doesn't want to take business from private companies, just provide insurance when nothing else is available.) In our case, our insurance would more than double. What a head-ache. And they wonder why growth in Florida has slowed drastically? We are hoping to get this resolved and have our former insurance company re-instate us, especially since it was our mortgage company that 'messed up.' I'm sure this won't go away quickly. Prayers for a resolution (and no fires or floods) are appreciated.
Of course, troubles rarely come in single instances. I also found out Friday that I may not be able to continue working as a moderator for on-line courses. Even though I've done much work for these courses beyond simply moderating (editing, suggesting revisions, creating moderator documents to streamline the entire process). Apparently, I don't have the correct credentials, or more aptly, I don't have my credentials accurately portrayed on my teaching certificate. With our financial challenges, even losing one "session" (Spring, Summer, Fall are the sessions) could make life more stressful. Again, I'm hoping for some resolution but as I'm no longer in the county system because I don't teach in a county school and as the State Department of Education doesn't like to work with individuals, but with district personnel, it could take a while. Again, prayers are appreciated.
And finally, even though this does not affect me directly, it has me upset. Very good friends of ours, married for about 18 years, are speaking of divorce. It tears me up. Partly because I don't believe that divorce is the answer, but instead that they are in a spirally situation and do not have the resources to step back and regroup. The daily 'grind' of kids, family, and jobs create so much pressure the energy left to devote to the problems of the relationship is almost nil. They the wife may give it some work this week, but hubby doesn't see it, so wife thinks, "Why bother?" then hubby tries and wife doesn't react the way he envisioned. And the cycle of destruction continues. I believe they each care deeply for the other and in different circumstances they'd have made it. I guess, I just wish for everyone the marriage we have. I do, in fact, have the very best husband in the world. Marriage is work and I do get upset with him and yell and sometimes even wonder where is this relationship going? But I'd say, as a rule, we both approach our disagreements with the idea of solving a problem, not waging a war. We've gotten beyond "who's right?" to "how are we going to make this work?" Not speaking of my friends, but I've seen too many people approach disagreements with their spouses as preparing for battle. Ugh! [I've seen parents approach their children the same way, it doesn't usually work very well.]
On a positive note, vacation was absolutely wonderful. Have 2 weeks with Hubby off of work was beyond wonderful. We got to spend time with my family and we had a blast playing "Apples to Apples" with them. Lots of laughter. We also played "Imaginiff" with Hubby's cousin's family. Another great family game for various ages. The girls are doing well. They're back to school and swimming. The weather is hot (they like it, I don't). I'm ready for our 2 or 3 weeks of winter. If we don't get a freeze or two, the mosquito's will be horrendous this summer. Besides, I'd like to wear a few of my sweaters this year (it was even warm in Sumter when we went to visit!)

Christmas Peace

I just read Cindy's post.
I wanted to comment on Christmas and the sad memories it can generate. It is very sad for us to remember hard Christmases. The Christmas after my brother, Chris, died was very hard. But that is what Christmas is for: to let us know that the sadness is temporary and something so much better awaits. While I teared up reading Cindy's post (especially when reading about Ellen), I also felt God's peace. Christmas is not the gifts and parties and cookies and tinsel and all the other material goodies that abound. "Peace on Earth" is what the angels said Jesus was to bring. When I remember Ellen and Chris and others I love that are no longer here, I am filled with personal sadness...my loss of their presence. But I am also filled with such a peace. I am not perfect and there are days when I think my heart will literally break with sadness over my losses. But Christmas is a time of peaceful contemplation over God's plan. Our pastor said in today's sermon, "Christmas is the most peaceful celebration of the year." If it's not peaceful, I've lost sight of the meaning. And yes, I often lose sight, and am very stressed trying to make happy memories of the season. But when I stop and reflect, and sit outside and look up at the sky and hear the quiet and think of the joy brought by any baby, Christmas: Jesus' birth, brings me contentment.
I say all this as I stress over the Singer still not being totally better and worry about our trip north on Tuesday and how I'm going to get everything done.

More Stones?

Wednesday saw the Singer getting progressively better throughout the day. Even though she had not specifically seen the passage of a stone, we thought she must have passed it as she was doing so much better. Thursday she woke up and went and took her exams. After coming home, she began to have pain again. Last night the pain was bad and she had to take medication so she could sleep. Today, the pain is better, but she is a bit nauseous. We're not sure if she has another stone, or if the first one is just taking its time to move along. We're pumping fluids into her (although, it's harder today with her being nauseous), and praying. She looks peaked. The sad part is she spent Thanksgiving vacation recovering from her wisdom teeth out, now she's spending Christmas vacation laid up in pain. I wish I could make it all better for her.

The Imp turns 13 today. She's spending the day watching PG-13 videos of movies she wanted to see at 10, 11 and 12 but wasn't permitted to. The Singer was suppose to have the movie-marathon party with her, and she is in the same room, but not exactly with-it.

I got Christmas cookies baked, but now they need decorating. Usually this is a family affair. I think I may be doing it solo this year. The weather is overcast and it's humid and sticky outside. The weather and the Singer's illness are getting me down. I'm trying to focus on the reason for the season and look on the bright side of things.

Kidney Stones

We've had a fun couple of days. The public school children have been on vacation since last Friday (12/15). My girls have exams this week. They are not happy at all. The Singer, known for keeping things (especially unpleasant things) close to her chest, came in my room at 1:00 am this morning crying in pain. "It hurts, Mom! It hurts!" After waking up to realize what is going on, I try to assess the situation. Her pain is in the abdominal region, front and back. I immediately think of kidney problems. As I had a severe kidney infection when I was pregnant and 3 rounds with kidney stones afterwards, I know kidney pain is excruciating. [When I had my kidney infection, I told my husband, if this is what giving birth is like, I'm not doing it. Fortunately, giving birth isn't as painful.] Hubby, knowing the Singer would never have come in our room in the middle of the night, unless she was really hurting, was getting dressed, as I continued to probe for information. 5 minutes after she came into my room, the two of them were off to the emergency room. It is a terrible feeling to be at home, knowing your child is in pain and not knowing for sure what the problem is. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep. Hubby called a while later saying she had a kidney stone. He also told me she was acting like Hermione, worrying about the exams that were scheduled for today. A chip of the ole' block. I was so glad it wasn't appendicitis or worse, a ruptured appendix. They got home about 4:15 am and then Hubby ran to the pharmacy for meds. He finally got into bed about 5 am. He's sleeping now. The Imp slept through it all. If the stone passes and she's feeling better, the Singer will take her last 2 exams tomorrow. If not, she won't take them until after Christmas break. She just got up and is fretting over finishing her Christmas presents (she's making something for Hubby and the Imp). Not too driven, is she?
I'm tired, but up now. I may be able to nap later, but there's no way I can go back to sleep, now. I've got cookies to bake, and presents to buy. Not to mention the Imp's birthday on Friday!
Better go get started.

The Little Things

Somehow, it is always the little nit-picky things that drive me crazy. Maybe this gets my emotions out so I can stay calm for the big issues and disappointments in life. Hubby thinks I'm going to make myself sick when I get stuck on Angry over the "little" things. The Imp is a great kid. She's had some trouble doing as well as she normally does on her reading tests this year (tests about stories they've read in class). Her text is actually divided into a group of smaller books. They're working out of Book 2 now. Semester exams are coming up. The exam will cover the same material she didn't do well on the first time around. So, I decided she and I would review the stories together and correct her previous tests to prepare her for the exam. I thought that was a reasonable idea. So she went to her teacher to ask to take Book 1 home so she could study. She was told, "No." Perplexed but not undaunted, I e-mailed her teacher, asking for a copy of the stories (I don't care if I have the book, copy the stories on the copier, the Imp needs the stories to study). After getting no reply for 2 days, I sent another request. The response, "She doesn't need the stories to study because we're reviewing in class." Huh? Since when do teachers discourage extra studying at home? I really don't get it. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out the rationale. Why say no? At the end of her response she said if I still had questions to come in this afternoon. You bet I will. But that in itself is what pushes the anger buttons. Like we all (I know she's busy, too) don't have enough to do without me having to spend all this time so my kid can have the materials necessary for her to reread some stories before an exam! It really irks me that I'm going to have to go in to school and literally demand/beg for materials for my child to study. This is a private school. I'm paying money to be treated this way. Because the Imp is intelligent and tends to do well, teachers sometimes brush issues off with, "She'll do good enough." I'm sorry, this really isn't about the grades, it's about preparing for exams. And shortcuts is not what I want to teach her. So, I'll spend today stewing over this, trying to stay calm. I have no desire to treat anyone unkindly, but it's these little things that really drive me batty.

The Best of Times; the Worst of Times

December is my favorite month out of the year. December is also the month where I sleep the least and am in a perpetual state of angst. I absolutely love all the holiday preparations. I love to make gifts (I'm making the girls and Hubby something...can't say what 'cause they may read this), I love planning the gift-giving, I enjoy the lights and the music everywhere, I love the parties, the baking and the school performances. I love the wrapping and bow-tying. Decorating the house is pure fun. And the festive attitude is refreshing. So how can such wonderful things cause such angst in me? It's simple, I want to do everything...I want to go to the zoo and see Santa's reindeer, I want to go to the free Christmas concert downtown and the one the next night at church. I want to drive leisurely through neighborhoods looking and exclaiming at the outdoor lights and decorations. I want to bake cut-out cookies from scratch and decorate them. I want to bake Polish sweet bread, geiba, which is an all day messy affair (my recipe makes 12 loaves, and you have to wait for the dough to rise and everything). I want to make crafts for everyone and everything. I want to volunteer at Santa's workshop where little kids shop for their parents. And amidst all that, I still have to do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, make dinner and check homework. The girls still need to go to swim and voice and dance and whatever. I still have to prepare lessons for church classes. That's the part I don't like. Can someone please figure out how to put all that day-to-day stuff on hold during December? Summer vacation is great. I think we should have December off so we can enjoy it! I made beef stew yesterday in the crock pot. Great smells permeating the house. But, I'm ready for a dinner-making vacation. When I said that out loud, the Singer said, "Great, we'll eat out every night!" Not exactly what I was thinking (unless she'd like me take the money budget ted for her gifts to pay for all the junk. Besides, fast food has really lost it's appeal to me. I use to love it all, but everything is too salty and greasy and not tasty enough). So my pie-in-the-sky dream is to have a personal assistant during December to grocery shop, chauffeur, cook regular meals, clean the house, etc so I can do all the fun stuff. Gotta run be Santa's helper at school.

Fender Benders

We finally got the car fixed after the Singer ran into a parked car. The accident isn't quite as clueless as it sounds, but it has taken me a while to stop the recurring "How did you hit a parked car?!" running through my head (with a sore tongue from biting these words back from being yelled at the Singer). A huge monster truck was parked (perpendicular)with its "tail" sticking out and a huge trailer hitch sticking out from underneath its bumper. Sitting low in the car (as opposed to the high view of the minivan) the Singer didn't see the hitch and scraped the right front fender up against the hitch. The truck and hitch were totally unaffected. The fender was bent in such a way as to make it impossible to open the front passenger door. Hubby and I debated the pros and cons of getting a 10 year old car with 100,00+ miles on it fixed. If the door would have opened, it would have been a no-brainer (spray rust-oleum on the fender to prevent rust and leave it). However, Hubby drives the girls to school every morning in the car, and having the front passenger door not open wasn't appealing to him for a long-term option. So we had it fixed. There went 1/2 our Christmas budget. And yes, the Singer is paying us back, but it's on the installment plan. Add to that the cost of having 4 wisdom teeth removed and painting the outside of the house and finances seem tight now. I said "seem" because we are financial conservatives and our definition of "tight" is not the same as others. Hubby and I went out to Village Inn (Perkins type restaurant) for a piece of pie and coffee to plan our holiday budget. This is an annual tradition. First, by going out, we know the girls won't hear, and it makes us stay calm since we're in a public place. It went pretty well, but neither of us enjoyed seeing our current balances in our checkbook or on the Visa card.
The girls are busy making the gifts they'll give to their friends. They're both making pillows for their friends and we're making "Cookie mix in a jar" for the teachers.
Hubby's out finishing up painting the trim on the house. It's cloudy with a 30% chance of rain, but we're praying for it to hold off. The Imp is at the local high school taking the SATs. She'll be exhausted when she gets home. And I'm putting off doing my online work. There's just over a week left in the course and I'm getting inundated with people turning in 10 assignments at a time (half of which will only be 1/2 done). But duty calls. So I'll go.

Reason for the Season

Last week I complained about the commercialism today (people camping out for a game!). Yesterday, I received an email that let me know there is still hope for the world and that there are many young people willing to make a difference. I received my niece's Christmas wish-list. She's a senior in high school, and obviously very grown up. Her wish list is for people to contribute to World Vision (buying things like vaccinations, books, animals, etc). The kicker and the part that makes you believe in Christmas is her closing comments, "What's great is it's perfectly fine if more than one person gets the same thing! Please note that this is not in addition to another gift--this is what I want for Christmas, so please treat this like you would any other gift. There should be no "material accompaniment." This is a serious request, not merely politeness. I got this idea after my experiences in Peru this summer; I want to see that at least some children get what they need this Christmas instead of myself receiving things I don't." Viva l'esprit de noël.

Lauren, thanks for making my day, my week, my season.

On a lighter note, this calendar entry is for Cindy.

Its COLD

The Singer seems to have survived her surgery to remove her wisdom teeth just fine. She had sedation before the Novocain in the oral surgeon's office and felt quite good for a while. Yesterday afternoon she was in pain and we gave her percocet. Today, she gets Tylenol. Her face is not that swollen and I think she'll be just fine.

Last week, PlayStation released a new game system. It claims to have incredible graphics, speed, and so on. PlayStation released a limited number. So people camped out to be the first in line to buy this! We're not talking about 20 year-olds (who always do crazy stuff...part of the definition of 20). There were some youngsters there, but there were also 40 and 60 year-olds! Today's columnist, Daniel Ruth, describes my feelings pretty well.

It may be very expensive. It may be technologically the mother of all whiz-bangs. It may be this season's Cabbage Patch doll, only with more bells and whistles.
But PlayStation 3 is still nothing more than a toy.
So you there; yes, you, the 44-year-old cyber-geek with a mortgage, and diapers to change, and, like, you know, a real job: Stop it. Stop it right now!
Altogether Now
Stop standing in line like some refugee waiting on a bowl of gruel, all to blow between $500 and $600 on - altogether now - a toy!
This may come as something of a Saul falling off his horse on the way to Damascus epiphany moment for you, but in time Sony will make enough PlayStation 3s so that anyone who wants one will be able to purchase the toy.
Fights have broken out. Riots have erupted. Shots have been fired between PlayStation 3 suckers eager to be either the first one on their block, or in the morgue, to possess - yes, once again, a toy would be the operative word here.

Still, do you know what will happen if there is no PlayStation 3 left behind by Santa? Nothing, that's what.
Locusts will not descend upon the fruitcake. The sun will rise. The umpteenth rendition of chestnuts roasting over the open fire will still drive you crazy, and your brother-in-law, the one with the ankle monitor, will still drink all your liquor.
And if that perfectly dreadful imp in your life still wants to throw a post-assassination attempt Saddam-esque hissy fit because you failed in your effort to become a homeless person for the sake of an overpriced soon-to-be obsolete TOY, here's what you tell the ungrateful kiddo:
"Life is full of disappointments, my child. And you just experienced one of them. It could be worse. You could be in Iraq. You could be some orphan in Darfur. Tom Cruise could be your father. Are you getting the drift of this?
"Instead, all that happened is you didn't get a toy. Stop whining. Go clean your room. And here, have some fun with this piece of coal.

Thursday is Thanksgiving so the "give mes" have arrived. Every store, every commercial will tell you and your child (or other loved ones) that without this one gift you either aren't loved or don't love others enough. The latest commercial that has me hitting the remote when it comes on is for a jeweler. It uses the great, classic scene from "It's A Wonderful Life" [You want the moon? I'll lasso the moon for you] to sell their jewelry. Let's leave the classics out of this, could we please? I'll be using the remote often in the next few weeks, as I can't stand so many ads because they appeal to a mentality of greed and materialism. Ugh.

Time to go paint the house. We got it pressure washed yesterday and the cracks filled in. Now we need to protect the deck out back from the paint splatters and hopefully it will be warm enough to paint then. It is down right cold here in Florida. We don't normally see these kinds of temperatures until January. It was in the low 40s last night with wind chills in the 30s [news flash: we don't do 30s in Florida...it's why we moved here!]. The high today is suppose to be 60. The normal high is in the 70s. And it's windy and cloudy. It's dreary. If I wanted this I'd live in New England.

Best news of the weekend: the Buccaneers beat the Redskins. (Sorry John). The worst news, we still have to watch them play 6 more games!

Maturation

It takes me a while to type my blogs. My mind works so much faster than my fingers that I often lose my train of thought (my mind is on subject #8 and my typing is still back on subject #2 and then I forget what subjects #3-7 even were). I spent about 30 minutes yesterday typing along. I'm not sure what I hit, but I lost it all. :-( I was not a happy camper.

Friday, the Imp got stung by a wasp as she was getting into the car on her way to school. This was her first wasp-sting and fortunately her reaction was relatively mild. I'm always on high alert when my kids get bit or stung. They're both asthmatic and my brother, Kev, carries (or carried) an epi-pen because of his strong reaction to a bee-sting. So Friday, I whisked the Imp in the house, put alcohol on the sting, and gave her benadryl. I had her sit on the recliner as I did my morning kitchen chores so I could keep my eye on her, asking every few minutes, "How's your breathing? Is your chest tight? How's the arm?, etc" It was driving her crazy. After 20 minutes, I figured she was alright and I jumped in the shower so I could take her to school. She slept about 45 minutes (the benadryl). She was fine. In fact, there wasn't much swelling when I picked her up from school Friday afternoon.

Saturday night was another first. The Singer took the Imp out to the movies. Just the two of them. [They saw "Flush" and both were disappointed with it.] I am definitely entering (in the middle of?) a new phase of my life. My girls are very independent and my role in their lives is more along the lines of advisor/big limit enforcer than the micro-managing required when they were younger. Hubby and I went to a "Smart Discipline" presentation at the Imp's school on Friday night. After listening, it became clear that we were beyond many of the things discussed. We worked very hard when they were little and it seems we are reaping the benefits. Oh, we still have run-ins and problems with the girls...but they're not the rule and having to remind them to do the dishes or get to bed seems pretty minor, especially because when they are reminded, they tend to say "Okay" and do it! The Singer has become the confidant of the Imp. They really do like each other and have fun together. They both wanted to go to the movies together and both had fun on their "sister-time." Sunday, they were the cantors at church. A number of people came up to Hubby and I afterwards to comment on their obvious affection towards each other. I'm not kidding myself into thinking that my job as parent is over. It's just very different than previously. It takes some getting use to. There is a certain amount of sorrow over the passing of what was, and a certain amount of amazement of where we are. (Sort of like dropping them off at kindergarten for the first time).
As I'm entering this new phase, the next phase (the kids out of the house) looms over me. What will I do then? I don't ask that as if I will have nothing to do, but more there will be so many possibilities, of those choices what will I do? Will I go back into the classroom? Not really appealing right now. Will I get my master's so I can be marketable to become a trainer? Get my master's in another field? Get an office job, 9-5, no emotional ties and commitments like in education? Continue doing what I'm doing? I have 6 years to figure it out. No rush. But it's closer than it was and the signs of the girls' maturation are all there. I better be ready when they move on.

Not My Job

I thought this picture just about sums up what is wrong with the world today. "It's not my job!"

Teaching Frustrations and Rewards

I spent over an hour yesterday dealing with a teacher in my on-line course who simply did not want to take responsibility for her own work. It was exhausting and frustrating that I had to spend that much of my time telling her, yes I do expect her to complete the work as described in the course, and yes I will return work that does not satisfy requirements. She repeated a few phrases over and over. One was "but I'm not even getting college credit out of this course," as if it is only appropriate to do professional work if you get college credit. She does get 60 in-service points (which implies 60 hours worth of work and is considered equivalent to 3 college credits). She was complaining that I was sending too much of her work back to her to redo. I think I'm sending too much back, too, but for different reasons. I think if you can't follow directions, after about the 4th time you fail. I didn't tell her that, but really, how hard is it to follow directions? I suggested she simply reread the directions before sending me her work and double check that she had done everything as asked. Her response "I spend so much time doing the work and you want me to spend more time!" I then suggested that taking the few minutes then could save much time later as she wouldn't have work sent back to her. I spent 30 minutes preparing for my telephone conference, reviewing exactly what I had written to her, what I had returned and why. 2 activities were returned because she labeled them incorrectly (and she has to turn in a final portfolio of her work, so labeling correctly is important). All she had to do on those 2 items was correct the label. One activity was returned because she sent me a blank chart as part of the activity. The completed chart was the bulk of the activity. Then 3 others were returned for not following directions. One activity had them summarizing internet articles. The URL address was required. She didn't include them. She said I was being nick-picky. I replied that I couldn't evaluate her summaries without seeing the original. She then got indignant and said, "Are you accusing me of making the summaries up?!?!" "No, I'm trying to do my job professionally!" UGH. I had to get that out of my system. I have 29 participants this course. 4 have already successfully completed the course and have turned in some great work. But there are always a few that drain you. There is a lot of resistance from some teachers about this course because it is required in order for them to keep their certificates. The courses are about teaching English Language Learners (students whose first language is not English). It is a new law (5 or 6 years old) and the first deadline that will result in losing your teaching certificate is approaching. So I get teachers who don't want to take the course, who don't like having ELL students in their classes, and don't want to be bothered. If they turn anything in they think that's good enough. So I'm the bad guy. Most people think since I work with adults it is easier than when I was in the classroom with children. Not really. You have the same distribution of personalities, but you tend to expect more of adults so are frustrated more easily with their shenanigans.

I am having fun teaching Adult Confirmation. Right now I only have 5 people in my class. They are all so wonderful. Most have not been active in learning about their faith since they were in elementary school. Most are in their mid-20s. They are hungry for information and ways to strengthen their faith. Last night, we did an activity that involved a lot of Bible verses that they had to look up. They loved it! It feels great watching them discover things. A definite high point after yesterday afternoon.

The weather is gorgeous today. We had lots of rain yesterday, which we desperately needed and today the air is clear and brisk. Makes me want to spend the day outdoors. Right now I have to go back some cookies for a school function. I'm trying to get that done quickly so I can spend some outside time before going to my hair appointment and then afternoon pickup.

Head Lice and Hairdryers

Yesterday as I was reading the paper I came across an article about killing head lice with a hairdryer. For those of you, who have never dealt with head lice, be thankful. For those of you who have dealt with head lice, things are looking up. I have two daughters with very thick hair. Florida is a haven for all sorts of critters, lice included. Every spring there seems to be an outbreak of lice at one of the school's. When they were little we had quite a few infestations. [When the Singer was in Kindergarten she had them 3 or 4 times...I finally figured out one her best friends had it and was really never lice-free]. The amount of time required in removing head lice from a child with long thick hair is incredible. This doesn't take into account the time in cleaning the bedding, any clothes worn in the last week (jackets, hats, etc), cleaning brushes, etc. But great news....a scientist has created a hairdryer to kill lice! My brother, Kevin is just bemoaning that this wasn't discovered 10 years ago when as a single Dad he got to deal with lice on a little girl with super, super thick blonde hair (blonde hair makes seeing nits difficult). Lice still give him nightmares, I'm sure. As usual, just talking about head lice makes my head itch. Ugh.

I'm not sure where the time goes. I work on a lot of different projects/committees and find that it takes longer to do 4 hours worth of work on 4 different projects than to do 4 hours worth of work on one project. The time it takes to get materials out for each project and the time it takes getting into the mind-set for each project adds significantly to the overall time. I think I may need to curtail my involvement for my sanity. Last week, I taught the Adult Confirmation class (I write the lesson plans), ran a meeting for a intergenerational catechesis (I also type the minutes and email reminders about 'to dos' for everyone), went to a class I'm taking, and presented a 2 1/2 hour workshop on teaching tips to volunteers who teach "Sunday School." In between, I kept up on my moderating my online course, ran the house [car-pool, dinner, clothes,]. I would have preferred to have spent the same amount of time and energy on one activity than being spread around.

Both girls have decided to join the club swim team. Last night we sat down with our current schedule to see when they could fit swim in. The Singer thrives on keeping a busy schedule, and in years past, has done better academically when she's busy. I think when she's busy, she knows she has to plan and use her time wisely. When her schedule is more open, she tends to put work off with the thought of "I can do that later," and then she runs out of time. The Imp has never had this much extracurricular activities, but she wants to give a try. I told her she's got to stick it out until Christmas. [Club teams swim year-round, so you can't really say stay until the season ends.] They're both starting voice lessons, too. The Singer has had lessons before, and is thrilled to be going back. The Imp would like to get a speaking role in her school's production of Beauty and the Beast this spring. The Imp thinks confidence (stage presence) is something she needs to improve and thinks voice lessons will help that. The voice teacher, Miss Melissa, is wonderful. Not just as a voice teacher but as a role-model and responsible adult figure in their lives. I know the Singer talks to Miss Melissa about problems and issues in her life. It's an outlet for her and a support for her.

I'm so looking forward to December. I'll be finished with the course I'm taking, my online work finishes up (and won't start again until January), the intergenerational event at church will be over and I'll get to spend time baking and preparing for Christmas. I just have to make it through November.