She Died of Depression

When I think of depression I think of an "ugly" disease. I'm not sure what I think is a pretty disease. Depression is still an illness people don't want to talk about. It carries a stigma with it. Too many people still believe the depressed person needs to just "snap out of it." As if. Cancer saps the life-force out of person's body; depression saps it from the very soul.
A friend of mine died of depression last week. IT is still hard for me to write about it, but so many thoughts about it have been whirling around in my mind, I think if I write about it, they may be quieted.
How does one die of depression? It is often called suicide.
If you knew my friend before she was ravaged by depression, you would never, ever believe she would take her own life. She embodied the notion of letting the Holy Spirit fill her. She was extremely kind. Being less than kind on many occassions, and having to work hard at being kind in others, when I first met "Jane" I didn't think she could be genuine. How can someone not complain, or whine, or find fault with some of the real doobers we meet? But as you got to know her, you knew...she was one of the people you say has a kind heart. I know I never heard her say a bad word about someone else. Never. Reading the messages left on the online guestbook, that sentiment was reiterated over and over. She was at peace with her life and her God. I knew Jane through Engaged Encounter. People you know through something like Engaged Encounter are in a group of special friends. You may not spend a lot of time with them, but having spent a weekend retreat with them, you know things about them on a very deep level and they know the same about you. There is a bond there that is very powerful. I hadn't seen Jane for over a year, and didn't know she was suffering from depression...it was never put out on our prayer chain...because of the stigma of depression. Speaking with her husband after the funeral, he said he had lost Jane long before this...depression had taken away the spark in her that was so key to who she was.
He was devasted, especially because they (doctors and family) thought she was turning a corner in recovery. Depression robs you of your 'will to do,' slowly draining all desire and hope. It is a mental paralysis, making any activity a monumental task. There are a number of anti-depresant medicines that come with a warning, that suicidal tendencies increase at the beginning of taking them. It has been speculated that the medicine removes enough of the mental paralysis that suicide seems viable to the patient because the paralysis leaves faster than the hope returns.
Jane and her husband were extremely active in Engaged Encounter. They held numerous local and district leadership positions. They travelled to most conventions. They touched thousands of lives. The world has truly lost a light, an angel.
The funeral was beautiful. 5 priests concelebrated. All knew her personally, all were crushed at how her illness progressed to this point.
I cannot say that all who commit suicide are clinically depressed, but I do know that just like some cancer patients die of some infection or other complication, and we still say they died of cancer, a depressed person who dies of suicide, really died of depression. And just as family and friends are not responsible for cancer taking their loved-one's life, they are not responsible for the effects of depression either.

St Patricks Day

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St. Patrick's Day is a fun holiday. Low-pressure kind of day...no presents required. Wearing green, eating green food and drinking green beer. I can handle that. The only problem is Hubby gave up beer for Lent so I guess I'll skip the green beer to be nice to him. It's just a feel-good kind of day. I like that.

Two Saturdays ago we went over to Titusville to see Hubby's cousin who hosts an annual music fest which they call "Goat Fest" for reasons to convoluted to try to explain. Just accept it. Their boys (17 and 19) are great musicians who play almost every stringed instrument known to man. Their dad (Hubby's cousin) is of Slavic (Polish) descent and their mom is 100% Greek and their music specialty is....IRISH MUSIC. Go figure. Actually they're beginning to play more Blue Grass music, but it's still kind of funny. They have a gazebo in their huge back yard and invite all their friends to come and listen to or play music. There was a teen-aged girl playing the harp with her younger brother on the violin; a family of 6 playing country-christian music; a middle-aged couple playing 70s ballads. It was just great fun. There was hot dogs, and potluck salads and desserts. We stayed all afternoon and into the night. We had a great time. Both girls came with us. They love their cousins and ended up spending the night and talking 'til 2 or 3 in the morning. Hubby's aunt and uncle, from Pennsylvania, were there too, so we got to catch up with them.

The Singer is home on Spring Break this week. It's great to have her around, although, as is often the case with college-aged children, she has spent more time visiting her friends than with us so far. But she has also been a great chauffeur for the Imp. It's nice to have a break from all her activities.

The Imp has started swimming again with a local club team. She picked this team because a few of her friends from her school swim team are there. She was pleasantly surprised to see Ben there, as well. Ben is the younger sibling of the teenager who died last summer in a ski-jet accident. The family goes to our church. The Imp thinks Ben is great and is glad to have time to be with him.

I've been spending time in my garden. It's lots of fun, and is teaching me some patience...or forcing me to have some. I've got my beans and cucumbers and green & red peppers and lettuces and carrots and cantaloupes. Hubby and I spent Saturday in our front flower garden...pruning the dead away from the freezes and weeding. It looks so much better. We need to put out fresh mulch this week.

Sunday saw us at the beach! We don't usually go to the beach on the weekends during "spring break" time as the traffic there and back is always bad. But, we braved it anyway. With the SEC basketball championship games here, the traffic was even worse. It took us 2 hours to get to "our" beach when it usually takes us 45 minutes! But the beach itself wasn't too crowded and by the time we left at 7:30, it was pretty empty. It was wonderful. The Singer is planning on surprising the Imp on Friday and picking her up from school early (she has study hall last period) and taking her to the beach. It really is wonderful to see how great of friends they are.

Stealing

The story about a stolen bike at USF illustrates so much of what is out of whack in our society. First a college dean (yes that is a position of authority making over $300,000 a year) helps a day laborer take a bike the dean knew did not belong to either of them. His defense, "I failed to consider that the bicycle belonged to someone on our Alzheimer's team." So if it belonged to someone else, it would be okay to take it? His other defense, given in an interview Friday, Rao said he never intended to keep the bike.
"How stupid would that be? I knew the cameras were there."
Well, let's see, how stupid is it to take something that doesn't belong to you without asking? So I guess, I can take Rao's car, as long as I return it...sometime. I'm flabbergasted that he is so flippant about what he did.
On the other hand, that the university then demanded his resignation seems a little overboard. It was wrong, stupid, not well-thought out, but is it really an offense requiring resignation? This all-or-nothing mentality is ludicrous. I'm not sure what the university should do as to Rao...making him buy some bikes for free use on campus may be a good idea. But resignation? Seems like everybody is "failing to consider.." a lot of things.

Makes me think of the book, "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." by Robert Fulghum. Some of those things include... play fair, don't hit people, clean up your own mess, DON'T TAKE THINGS THAT AREN'T YOURS, say you're sorry when you hurt somebody, warm cookies and cold mike are good for you. Yep, pretty simple and unfortunately too rarely followed.
Bottom line. Stealing is wrong.

Valentine's Day...UGH

Valentine's Day is my least favorite holiday. It always has been. In high school, I had few boyfriends...and never it seemed at Valentine's Day. So I was clearly on the outs. Even in elementary school when Valentine's were exchanged with the whole class, I was often still the "new girl" and even if I received cards, I knew they were given out of obligation, not any true affection for me. Now, as a married woman of 24 years, you'd think my opinion of Valentine's Day may have changed. Nope. More often than not, Hubby and I are not in a period of high romance as Valentine's Day approaches. And I hate being told how to feel or act. If we're not operating at the 'newlywed bliss' level in our relationship...any and everything done for me is suspect. Does he really want me to have flowers or is he doing it out of fear of not doing it? (I rarely get flowers, BTW) And how genuine is my love for him, if his failure to 'produce' appropriate gifts causes strife? Look, I love my husband, more than I ever thought I could love another person. He is the single best person to ever come into my life and I am truly blessed to have him decide to marry me. (How's that for over-the-top sugary-sweet sentiment? It is true, though.) But come on, I better show him how much I love him more often than Christmas, his birthday and Valentine's Day. And I'd much rather have him do the dishes, make me coffee, or listen to me ramble at the end of the day than have him give me a diamond we can't afford. Fortunately, because Hubby is so incredibly wonderful, he feels the same. All pressure is off of us on Valentine's Day. We do exchange cards and usually some gift, but refuse to fall into the trap of feeling obligated to plan elaborate nights out, or pay twice the normal rate for a dozen roses. Trust me. Flowers sent on a day that is not "special" will gain more bang for the buck. A get-away planned for March will actually be more romantic than one planned for Valentine's Day. Love is not something to acknowledge periodically, it is something that is lived each day and demonstrated in the little every day stuff. While I have friends who say they agree with me philosophically, they seem to judge their spouses/significant others by how well they 'celebrate' this day. Forget Valentine's Day...just focus on the love.

Milkshake Moments

I'm reading a book "The Milkshake Moment: by Steven S. Little. It's about management, but as often, I'm not looking at the information from the view it was written. I think we as individuals have Milkshake Moments and limit our own responses as much as corporate rules limit us in the workplace. The author uses the example of trying to order a milkshake from room service. The worker states, "We don't have milkshakes." The author then asks for a bowl of ice cream and a tall glass 1/2 filled with milk and a long spoon and makes his own milkshake. The point of the story from the author's view, is the response of the worker in room service. I like to focus on the author's response. This is what I want to teach my children... how to solve their own problems. Many people would have ranted and raved to the worker (who, was after all, only following procedure) and then gotten off the phone, frustrated and still without the coveted milkshake. I want to teach my children not to create their own processes that bind them but to use simple common sense in discovering actions to solve problems. Let's face it, a milkshake that is stirred, not blended (shaken) is NOT the same as a well made milkshake, but given the alternatives...slightly sub-perfect milkshake or no milkshake...well...make do. I'm not trying to advocate accepting every system as it is and not trying to change it, i.e. tell the hotel manager of the event (the following day) and suggest staff training in problem solving. But I'm advocating that the easier person to change is yourself. I often hear, it's not life's circumstances that determine your happiness/contentment but your response to them. I often heard that saying in thought it was encouraging passive acceptance of your situation. But I now know I believe that it's not accepting everything, but working at changing those aspects of your life you do have control over and then accepting that which you don't. I'm only half way through the book and as I enter the endeavor of leading a marriage ministry in my church, I've taken some management ideas out of it. But to me, the truth being taught is more universal than management techniques and applies to life...How many milkshake moments have you had today? Did you find a way to make your milkshake or shrug and say, "we don't have milkshakes."?

I've Got a Normal Teenager

The Imp decided that she could slide by without doing all her homework. Progress reports came home today. Guess what? She can't. It's not like she's failing or anything, but jeez... not doing homework? And it's not like I don't encourage/nag her to complete it. And for the last 4 weeks she has consistently told me that all her homework was done. "Can I go to the movies?" "Is your homework done?" "YES!" Guess I now get to suffer through her being grounded. Nothing earth-shattering...just tiring. I guess, in some ways, it's nice to know she's a normal teenager....actually I think she's better than a normal teenager, but she'd be hard to live with if she were perfect. She'll get her act together. She knew this was coming. Monday night and last night she cuddled up to me on the couch and asked for help with her homework. She knows that the grade isn't near as important as the effort. So she worked hard at demonstrating how diligent she was by even getting assistance on her homework. Smart kids can be very cunning...and if they aren't practiced at it, very transparent.


Spent time in the garden today. Fertilized and turned the bigger bed getting ready for carrots, cucumbers, peppers and beans. Still harvesting great red potatoes. Trying to keep better records this season.

Been spending time on FaceBook connecting with old friends. People I knew in high school...I graduated 28 years ago!!! Guess I'm getting older.

BBBRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

It's way too cold here in Florida!
Last night we had a freeze warning and tonight we have a hard freeze warning (freezing temps over 4 hours). Bbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Just talking about it makes me cold. In addition, we're having some fierce winds. Hubby and I took a walk today at lunch. Hubby made us turn around early because it was too cold. Actually, I thought it was cold, too, because of the wind. It was swirling right down the back of my shirt and I wasn't happy. Should've worn a sweatshirt with a hood.
I picked 4 potatoes to have with dinner tonight and then tucked all my plants in for the night. I don't have enough old sheets for all my plants, so I may lose some of my ornamental plants bordering my pool area. Actually, many of them will look terrible, but if I cut them back in March will come back this Spring. The ground doesn't freeze so the roots of most of the plants survive.
I'm spending time gearing up for the marriage ministry Hubby and I are starting and trying to raise awareness and money for ALS. http://web.alsa.org/site/TRC.
Next Wednesday, a friend and I are going to see the "Piece by Piece" display here in Tampa for ALS.








Hubby got ballroom dancing lessons for his birthday. I can't wait to start! This weekend we're sitting down and picking a class that fits our schedule. Should be fun. Another couple wants to do it with us...even more fun.

I spent yesterday and today painting the wooden letters the Singer got me for Christmas. The letters spell out "CRAFT CORNER." She cleared a space in her room, set up a folding table and told me I could use the space for scrap booking. She also bought a little plastic rolling cart for me to store stuff in. She left the letters bare wood, knowing I'd have fun painting and decorating them. I drew different craft implements on each letter. It was so much fun to plan and then do it. Now I have to get them hung. I can't wait.

Walk to D'Feet ALS

I just created a team to walk in Tampa's Walk to D'Feet ALS. If you'd like to support me click on the following link http://web.alsa.org/site/TRC and sign up under John's Super Duper Team.

I still miss John soo much.

Christmas Excitement and Happy Birthday

I'm as bad as any kid when it comes to Christmas. Here it is 3 days before Christmas and I'm so excited that I can't sleep. I didn't get to bed until 1 am, then was awake at 6:15. I tried going back to sleep, but my mind raced with all I had to do...and it's all fun stuff (pretty much). Then again, today being the Imp's birthday has me excited as well.
The reading from Mass today is about Hannah thanking God for her child, Samuel. She had prayed for a child and out of thanksgiving was dedicating the child to God. I prayed for a child, as well. I was so thrilled when I knew I was pregnant and when I awoke early on the 22nd in 1993, and determined I was in labor, my heart swelled with joy. After a short labor, Theresa arrived right at noon. How wonderful to hold her. Christmas had a new meaning, holding a newborn at that time. I pray daily that the Imp will be dedicated to God, that she will hear His call and like Mary, simply say, "be it done to me according to your Word." And I pray, that like Mary, I can support my child in whatever undertaking God calls her.
It's hard to believe the Imp is 15. Images of a driver's permit dance in her dreams. She still has to take an online drug course, so we have at least a few more days until she can get it.
It's almost Christmas!

We put up and decorated our tree Saturday. We often wait until the Imp's birthday...we've always tried to make her feel special and not just a part of Christmas celebrations. But because of her sleep over tonight, we needed to decorate the tree earlier. The Singer got me an early Christmas gift, the Casting Crowns Christmas CD. We played that as we decorated the tree. One of the girls favorite parts is looking at all the ornaments they've gotten, especially their "Make-A-Wish" ornaments they get each year from my mom. They lay them out and make pronouncements about the prettiest, the most elegant, etc. The Singer tends to think the current year's ornament is the best. The Imp, of course, will be a different one.

I wrote the yearly Christmas letter. I know some people hate them. I figure, if you don't want to read it...don't. But I have skipped a few years and always get comments about how much far-away friends like getting the overview of our lives.

Time to finish up my Christmas cards, so I can mail them by Christmas.

Winter in Florida

Enjoying the beautiful, sunny, balmy weather the last few days while seeing images of ice and snow on the Weather Channel reminds me of why I like living in Florida. My stuffy nose, watery eyes, and sinus headaches remind me that the wonderful weather also allows/encourages year pollen. There is always some plant blooming. My girls are highly allergic to oak pollen (the yellow/green stuff that will coat everything) and suffer through February and March every year. I do react to oak (especially when the pollen is 2 inches deep on everything) but my time of suffering is when the cedar/juniper trees are pollinating. The Pollen Alert let me know that we are indeed in the cedar/juniper season, not that my nose hadn't already informed me of this. But I guess I'd rather the allergies than the ice and snow.

I actually like snow...in moderation, but my last winter up north (Maryland) was 1993/1994. Our area had 16 winter storms...13 were "wintry mix" translated to ice, sleet, slush and all around miserable. Living in a townhouse with no garage, having delivered a baby in December and with a 3 1/2 year old to entertain, it was an unpleasant experience. Remembering the claustrophobic feelings of being trapped indoors, isolated from everyone, unable to get out even in our tiny yard, makes me grateful that I'm in Florida now.

The school year is winding down. The Imp is taking her Algebra II exam right now. She's got 2 exams tomorrow and 1 on Friday. She really stresses at this time of year. She gets sooooo excited about Christmas and her birthday she can barely sit still, but she knows she has to focus on academics. Then she worries that her excitement will prevent her from focusing enough. I'm often called into her room at 10:30 with her asking me to tuck her in, and rub her head so she can calm down enough to fall asleep.

Hubby normally saves vacation so he can be home during the school break at Christmas. This year with our extensive vacations to NYC and Lake Powell, he's short on vacation and has to work through the 23. The Imp is a little down about this, because he's normally home on her birthday on the 22nd. She's having 5 girls over on the 22 for a sleep over. The 23rd we'll celebrate her birthday with her cousins, and then it's Christmas Eve with her choir singing at the 7pm and Midnight Masses. Our tradition has been to go out to dinner at Bennigan's after the evening Mass. The Bennigan's we go to has always been opened on Christmas Eve because it was attached to a hotel. "Our" Bennigan's is now closed. So we are researching to find another venue for our Christmas Eve tradition.

After Midnight Mass we'll head home, put Baby Jesus in the manger, sing a few carols, have hot chocolate (even if it's hot outside) open one present each and finally send the girls to bed sometime around 2 or 3 am. Then Santa gets to start his work. Christmas day we tend to stay home, in our pjs, and enjoy our small little family. We'll be travelling to SC to see my folks on the 27th. My dad just turned 80. He doesn't seem that old to me.

I picked 2 green peppers yesterday and have a few cucumbers still growing. Living in Florida has its perks.

Life's Not Fair

I hate it when I let something I know I shouldn't, get me down. Friday I found out that my homeowners' association dues are being raised, significantly. The reason...because so many people didn't pay their dues last year...primarily because they foreclosed on their houses. Ugh. I play by the rules and I get to pay MORE? My pollyanna view of life doesn't think life should be this way, but as I often tell my children...life isn't fair and trying to make it so will only frustrate and exhaust you and life will still be unfair. But I'm still angry over this and it's not like my anger is doing anything except raising my blood pressure. And once I got angry about this it seemed there are a lot of other things to be frustrated/angry about.

We had our annual extended family Christmas get together yesterday, and overall it was great. I love getting ready for it, even though I tend to drive my immediate family crazy the week of the party. I enjoy cooking and baking for it and I tend to enjoy the 20 people who tend to come. But as I was still reeling from the unfairness of large increase in my dues, every little thing set me on edge. I was feeling "put upon" because I'm the only one who will host this get together...and let's face it, the hostess does a whole lot more than everyone else, even when the dinner is potluck. Then little comments drove me batty. And I was left wondering where is the line between letting little comments slide and acquising to a view I don't believe in. Just because we're family doesn't mean we agree on anything much less everything. But if someone knows I am a happily practicing Catholic, why would they dis the Catholic church? I don't want to start a huge philosophical debate but when do the little digs they make about the Catholic church reach a point where not saying something suggests I agree with them. Let's face it, it's fun to tell Sr. Mary Elizabeth stories and the like. And an organization as large as the Church is an easy target. But when are do the jokes cross the line into true harsh criticism and denunciation of the Church? And I knew I was in a 'bad' mood going in...so I felt my ability to distinguish degrees of acceptability to be lacking. So I found myself leaving many conversations to "check on the food" so I wouldn't scream. And then negative people try my patience anyway so by the time everyone left at 9pm, I was totally exhausted. Thinking over yesterday, I still don't have a definitive way to decide when to let comments slide and when to take a stand. I like to have clear cut rules to live by. This has left me unsettled. And I'm not happy one little bit.

On a positive note, another old friend contacted me on Facebook. This is someone who made my first years of college so good. I consider her a dear friend and am glad we'll do more than exchange Christmas cards, now that we've connected through Facebook.

Thanksgiving morphs into Holiday Stress

Thanksgiving was wonderful. The Singer came home Wednesday afternoon, and she and the Imp immediately began chattering and continued long after Hubby and I went to sleep. We were just the 4 of us for dinner...we tend to like the low pressure of this meal. The girls don't like turkey so we had grilled steaks and then added to our menu from Sarah's recipes. The potatoes were once again supremely tasty. I always forget what Sarah calls them; we call them Smoshed Potatoes. For dessert we had her Black-Bottom Pecan Praline Bars. Traditionally I make Mrs. Apel's Fudge Pie and the girls were hesitant to agree to the menu change, but as it turned out, the black-bottom part of this recipe is very similar to Mrs. Apel's Pie. [And Mrs. Apel's Fudge Pie is really called Sam Raburn's Fudge Pie...but our neighbor from when we lived in Oscoda Michigan, Mrs. Apel, made this pie and then gave us the recipe. We've always called it Mrs. Apel's Fudge Pie. This was one of Chris' favorites. I always think of him when I make it. So the meal was scrumptious and the company enjoyable. Then the girls convinced us to take them to see Madagascar 2. The Imp is a penguin lover and has been walking around telling us, "Did you know there are 37% more penguins in Madagascar 2 than in Madagascar 1?" The moving was light and entertaining. It also made me miss my nephews, as the movie openned with a rendition of "Move It, Move It" and I can see in my mind's eye little Andrew performing this for everyone on the houseboat in Utah.

I spent Friday baking Creme Horns (a.k.a Lady Locks or Clothespin Cookies). This was by request of the Imp as she had some at a Ference Family wedding and loved them. So I got the recipe from Hubby's mom and set aside Friday for accomplishing this task. It is a labor-intensive endeavor, but worth it. The pastry dough needs to be rolled out 4 times with an hour in the fridge between each roll out and 2 hours of refridgeration before baking. So you don't really get baking until 5 hours into the task. Then you cut 1/2 inch wide strips and wrap them around old-fashioned clothespins covered in foil (or as I did, around 5/8 inch dowels cut to fit my baking sheets) I can fit 4 "cookies" on each dowel and 4 dowels on a sheet. I made right around 100 cookies. Then you have to make the creme filling and pipe the creme into the pastries. I like doing this kind of baking, but I hate "losing" a day to other accomplishments at this time of year.

Friday night we had game night with Hubby's cousin and family. We played Imaginiff. We were rolling on the floor laughing...always a good thing to do.

Now it's November 30...less than 4 weeks until Christmas and the stress level visibly increases. December stressors: birthdays: my dad's, my sister's, my brother's and my other brother's, my daughter's and my brother-in-law's. Our wedding anniversary. Family Christmas party which we host (I tried getting someone else to host and the party didn't take place that year.) Travel to South Carolina for family visit. Christmas cards (with letter). Christmas gift giving. House decorating. Baking for parties, and cookie exchanges. The worst part of all this is that each of these things are things I WANT to do and celebrate. And I want to make everything "just so" (notice I did not say "perfect" but I do have an expectation of how each of these things should be.) I know I create some of the stress by my own expectations and I actively work at trying to alter my expectations. And in addition to all these to do's, it is also suppose to be a time of spiritual preparation for the birth of Christ. So I have personal expectations in the spiritual realm, as well. Actually, it's the 'day to day' stuff that drives me batty during this time. Can't we skip all our regular obligations during December? No extracurriculars, no meetings, etc. THen I'd have the time to do things the way I'd like. I'd rather cancel December meetings/obligations and have them throughout the summer. Oh well...gotta go...I'm presenting the lesson on Tuesday for the Confirmation class on the Corporal Works of Mercy and I need to finish the powerpoint.

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day. To think that on November 11, 1911 many people truly believed that the 'War to end all wars' was over and so was the reality of world wars. Unfortunately, there will always be those who want more...power, land, resources. Thank goodness there are people willing to serve our country to protect it and all it stands for. I am especially thankful to my dad, Billy Ellis, Retired Air Force, my father-in-law, Ivan Ference, WWII veteran, various other family members including my Uncle Don and currently my nephew, Byron, who recently became a Ranger and is scheduled to be deployed again in May. I am thankful that they gave up so much to protect my rights...my right to be sharing my beliefs on this blog. The United States of America is not perfect, nor are her citizen's, but the beauty of the USA is not what she is, but what she can become as there exists the constant desire and willingness to work towards making her better.
Thank you to all veterans.

Technology

A friend of mine from high school contacted me on Facebook this week. How cool is that? I hadn't heard from her in over 20 years, not that I'm that old or anything. Technology has definitely made a difference in keeping my family close. With people in 3 different time zones, some with small children, some with none, and all kinds of different jobs, email can reach people on their time. I write an email, send it and my parents and all my brothers and sisters can keep up with what's going on. I don't have to worry, 'Did I tell you this?' because everyone was told. For over 7 years, email has kept us connected. It was great 7 years ago when we were planning a surprise party for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. That was fun and so much easier with email.
Before email we tried to stay connected by sending an 'add-on' letter through the family. Person 1 wrote a page, put it in an envelope and sent it to Person 2, who added their own page and sent both on to Person 3, and so on. Eventually, Person 1 would received the envelope with all the letters from the family. Person 1 would then remove their original letter and add a new one. It actually made it through the rotation once or twice. This kind of slow information sharing is so foreign to the youth of today. Snail mail is rarely used. How sad. It just feels good to get personal mail. In fact, I'm making a small Halloween box for the Singer to send to her at college. You know someone really thought of you if they send you paper mail.

The Rays won last night! Sheilds did a great job. Although David Price in the last game of the playoffs was quite spectacular. 3 more wins and the Rays will be World Champions. To think it was LAST year that they had the worst record in the league. More than one person has commented that maybe dropping "Devil" from their name has helped. I love hearing the cowbells ring while watching the game on TV, but don't know if I could handle the din of noise in person.

The Imp is off to an overnight, straight from school, so I'll have time to sew today. Less than 2 months till Christmas and I've got lots of creating to do. Speaking of creating, I've had a blast scrapping the last few weeks. The all day crop on Saturday was simply wonderful. It was amazingly well-organized, tons of goodies and freebies, and I got much done. I've managed to get through the graduations from this past May and am now working on our trip to NYC. My goal is to to have Utah completed by Christmas. Crops are neat because you can see so many different types of scrapbooking. My purpose/goal of scrapping is to create an attractive display of our family's history. I write more than alot of people...I want to remember the event. I include non-perfect, out-of-focus pictures because I'm not making a contest-winning product, but one for my family. There are many new gadgets/accessories people are using in their books: brads, ribbons, 3-D stickers, etc. I think they take up too much room. And many designs show a single photo on a page with lots of other stuff. Not my style. I really like my books. You can definitely see a progression in my style from when I first started, but the last few books are pretty uniform. Everyone says the number of pictures taken sharply declines with an empty nest. I figure, I'll finally have time to catch up on my back-logged pictures.

Rays Disappoint Me

The Rays game last night was emotionally arduous. I was convinced our young, dedicated, energetic boys would tear up the Red Sox once again. Winning would have clinched a World Series trip. With home runs in the 1st inning and going into the 7th with a 7-0 lead, life was looking very good. But, alas, it was not to be. The pitching was distressing to watch. Hubby, normally quite enthralled with Joe Madden, had choice words to hurl at him and the TV set. Losing 8-7, with a Boston walk-off win, left Hubby wound tight. I am normally content with the size of our house, but last night, what I wouldn't have done for additional rooms in which to hide. Those who know Hubby as a level-headed, calm and apparently unflappable guy would not have recognized the impassioned loon traipsing through the house. I think he saves up all his frustrations and pent-up emotions and lets them loose during athletic competitions. As he is normally sedate, I'm never really sure how to handle his potent responses in such instances. So I went to bed. Let's just hope the Rays come through in Game 6 here at home.

Last weekend was a whirlwind of events. John Angotti, Christian musician, came to our church. He offered free workshops (on liturgy and music ministry) on Saturday and performed a concert Sunday evening. The Singer, having attended Music Ministry Alive (MMA), knew his name and music. But more importantly to her was the fact that Bobby Fisher (musician, not chess player) was coming to play guitar with John. Bobby Fischer has taught/performed/witnessed at MMA. So of course, the Singer was home for the weekend. To complete the Singer's fulfilling weekend, we were asked to pick Bobby Fisher up from the airport! Oh my! The Singer got to call him on his cell phone so we knew where to meet him. I don't think life gets much better than that. Well, maybe it does. The teen choir at our church got to sing with John (and Bobby) during the concert. The Singer got to sing a verse of a song solo. Watching her entire face light up while performing with a Christian band was pretty wonderful. The Imp, taking after her father, was more low-key about the whole thing, but still enjoyed herself immensely. The concert was unbelievably wonderful and spiritually lifting.
Lest, Hubby and I, simply enjoy the weekend offerings, we were hosting our couples' prayer group at our house on Saturday night, and the Imp had her first Homecoming dance to attend.


The Imp went to Homecoming with a group of girl friends and had a great time...her biggest complaint was how hot is was (well...it has been unseasonable warm here...above 90 all week). Fortunately, the Singer did carpool duty and got the Imp where she needed to be. My sister, kindly asked if I had sewn the dress the Imp wore. No I did not. But we have gotten good use out of it. It was purchased last January for a wedding where she was Guest Book Hostess. She then wore it for 2 of her graduation events, and then for our night out on Broadway when we went to NYC.

Kids have school off today, for a teacher professional day. My garden awaits me. My lettuce and onions are coming up nicely, unfortunately not many of my strawberry seeds have produced plants. Next year, I'll purchase plants, not seeds. Much of what I've read, after I purchased seeds, recommends starting with plants. Live and learn. But the real work awaits me in my flower gardens...WEEDS. Ugh. Tomorrow Hubby will mulch while I'm off at an all-day (10 am - 10 pm) crop.

Rays the Roof

The Tampa Bay Rays won the ALDS! A Cinderella story for sure. Last year (and a few other years as well) they were dead last in the standings. This year they won the division series! We're all stoked. It's hard waiting until Friday to watch them play. The game should be great...and against the Red Sox.

I was watching Miracle on Ice and was struck by the cultural differences between 1980 and today. It's hard for me to believe that it's been almost 30 years since then. 1980 in many ways marks the beginning of my life as an adult. I graduated high school in 1981. The 80's are fresh in my memory, I'm not sure what happened to the 90's (I gave birth in 1990 and 1993...so I guess that decade is obscured by motherhood) and the time since 2000 is marked by very emotional events which seem to over-ride other memories: 9-11, Chris' death, and John's illness and death. Anyway...the coach of the American hockey team comments that only 20 guys will make the team out of 220 million Americans. The population in 2007 was estimated to be over 300 million. That's a lot more people sharing this land than 30 years ago. It's mind boggling to me to imagine that many people living relatively peacefully together.

I'm busy scrubbing down my house as we are hosting Teams of Our Lady prayer group at our house Saturday night. I love this group of couples...I know they really don't care what my house looks like. But I want it to look nice. I'm cooking a crock pot chicken dish. Saturday is also the Imp's first Homecoming. Her girl friends are meeting here before heading off to the dance. So things will be a little hectic between now and Sunday.

Next week, I'll get the opportunity to scrap bunches. My friend's hubby is out of town next week, so she's scrapping every day...I'll make it over 2 or 3 days and then the 18th is a Krop for Kids that we're attending. I love it when I can crop all day and support foster kids at the same time. And I'll savor every minute as it could be my last big crop for a while. Economic times being what they are.

Hubby is watching Christopher West speaking on Theology of the Body. He is such a dynamic speaker and has such wisdom to share. I love listening to him, so I'm off to sit next to Hubby and enjoy being married to the greatest guy.

Fireproof Your Marriage

Last Saturday morning, Hubby and I went to see Fireproof. For a super-low budget film, made by volunteers, it was quite good. We went with another couple and had lunch together afterwards. [As an aside, I'd much prefer to see movies in the late afternoon or evening, but since the price of tickets is now $9.50 for prime-time showings, we've resorted to seeing before noon showings at $5.00...and Saturday we had a free movie coupon from our moviewatchers membership so we both saw a new release movie for $5.00.] Marriage is something that is on my mind often. I believe family is the foundation of a society, and that God intended families to have a mom and a dad. I know people who've attended marriage counseling and been told things I think are destined to undermine the marriage, not help it.
Hubby and I have been involved in the marriage preparation program, Engaged Encounter, for over 18 years. It's a great ministry and being involved in teaching couples tools to use to keep a marriage healthy has benefited our marriage immensely. But I think there is not enough support for married couples who are NOT thinking of divorce. Something to nourish a marriage so that it is strong and healthy, not simply surviving. The couple we had lunch with mentioned the Covenant of Love program. So I am now working on getting this program started at my church. I've had a meeting with our Director of Faith Formation and am proceeding along. I'm am really excited about this undertaking. The Director mentioned the idea of having a program for married couples to a few couples at church and she said the response was overwhelmingly positive. She said, "The people are starving for something like this." So, I've a new mission.


The movie mentions the "Love Dare" and I'm thinking of purchasing that book, to have as a reference in dealing with anyone I love but who I'm frustrated/disillusioned with. Apparently lots of people think it'd be a good buy as mentioned in this article. I was scrapping with some friends and the talk got around to our teen aged children. One mother was sharing how hard it was to FEEL loving toward a know-it-all teen. I think the Love Dare would be a great tool in living with teenagers through their obnoxious stages. Some modifications would need to be made, but it still seems like a good idea.

I began purchasing Christmas gifts. With the economy like it is and with the extravagant vacations we took this past summer, Christmas will be relatively small this year. I made a trip to JoAnn's and with my 40% off coupon I bought quilted material to make "Vera Bradley" type purses. I also purchased sale material to make each of them a night-shirt. I'm crocheting an afghan, that Hubby knows about, but will be wrapped and put under the tree (although he'll probably use it before hand as he is perpetually cold and believes you can never have too many blankets/throws/afghans). I'm keeping my eyes open for good deals and will start putting things away for December. The hardest thing is the Imp having a Dec 22 birthday. Someone planned poorly on THAT, didn't they?

I've got lettuce and onions peaking through the soil. I'm so impatient. I plant the seeds and want to harvest the next week. Doesn't quite work that way. I know now why I didn't garden earlier in my life...I didn't have the patience then. I enjoy hand watering my veggies, pulling the few weeds and savoring the quiet of gardening, even for a few minutes each day. Hubby and I call it "inspecting the back 40" as if our little plat of land were a multi-acreage ranch. But to us, our home is wonderful and we're very thankful to have it. A friend is also starting to garden and when I thin my onions and lettuce, I'll give some plants to her. I over-planted the seeds...I'll know better next time. It's nice to have someone to talk dirt with.

Remembering John

John Patrick Ellis











John, we miss you. Happy Birthday.

Home for the Weekend

Friday was a great day. The Imp called at 2:50 to say swim was cancelled...I told her, "Run, catch the bus." thus saving me from driving the 35 minutes to the school and the additional 45 minutes home (Fridays' traffic gets worse by the minute after 3:00pm). The Imp was NOT happy about riding the bus...her first time. Fortunately she found a friend. She was home a little before 4:00pm, hot and tired. "There's no air condition on the bus!" Yep, knew that. She had worn a top with straps instead of sleeves to school, thus had a jacket on over it (to stay in dress code). Not a problem usually as the classrooms tend to be chilly. But she was afraid to take the jacket off on the bus for fear of being nabbed. I don't think she would have been, but I didn't tell her that. If she chooses to wear that top, she'll have to be willing to deal with the consequences. I was glad to know she wasn't willing to break the rules.

Friday evening, Hubby went and picked up the Singer from USF and pizza on the way home. We threw in a rental (Eragon) and had pizza, salad and popcorn in front of the TV. The Imp slept in the Singer's room with her and they stayed up late catching up on sister stuff.

It was just nice to have the Singer around. The Imp was ecstatic and her mood was rather positive all weekend.

Saturday the Singer ran errands for us (yea!), taking the Imp with her. The errands should have taken about 1 1/2 hours. It took them 2 1/2 hours. I didn't mind. Saturday night we ate on the back porch (Hubby had cleaned the entire deck area during the day) in very pleasant weather. In honor of the Singer we had fresh green beans, and for the Imp we had some delectable potatoes courtesy of Sarah's recipe. The Singer had made lemon bars during the day for desert.

Going to church together on Sunday was comforting and then we went to see "Ghost Town." It was better than I had anticipated. We all laughed out loud.

Of course the washing machine ran all weekend (it wouldn't have to run so long if it weren't on its last leg...it occasionally doesn't drain after the rinse cycle and it fills at an exceptionally slow pace. In fact, we often use buckets to pour water in to expedite the process.

I took the Singer back to USF this morning. She doesn't have class until 11:45 on Mondays!

The weekend was a great rejuvenating time for all of us.

Dropping Off Your Kids to the Government

In August I saw an article about the "Safe-Haven" law passed in Nebraska. It is a very generally worded law allowing for much interpretation, but basically says you can drop your child (up to age 19) off at a 'safe' place if you cannot or don't want to care for them. Ouch. “All children deserve our protection,” said Sen. Tom White, who helped broaden the measure. “If we save one child from being abused, it’s well, well worth it.” But I worry, will children who already feel unloved not have that notion proven to them when their parent does indeed drop them off...even in a fit of anger/frustration/helplessness. I get upset when I hear of married couples casually threatening divorce/abandonment during an argument. I believe that is very damaging to a relationship. Once you've said that you are contemplating ending the relationship, the relationship becomes less secure and trust between the individuals lessens. Now imagine a parent flippantly telling a rebellious, pain in the rear teenager, "I'm gonna drop you off..." You can't take that back. And isn't part of the security of parents is that they DON'T give up on you.

Today I saw the next article about 2 children (11 and 15) being dropped off in Nebraska. I hope no foster/adopted children in Nebraska read that. They already fear that nothing (especially relationships)lasts...now they know it's true.

Beyond being very afraid of the emotional damage this law can do to countless children, I wonder what the state is going to do with them? The foster care system is already short of parents. Who is going to care for (and I use the word care as in seriously caring what happens to them...not just feed and clothe them) these children?

Wish I had some great answers on how to save children, but I don't. I do believe Nebraska missed the boat on the safe-haven law and hope they repeal it.