Rain, Rain, Rain

I hate to complain about too much rain. Our water tables our still below 'normal' and I know too well how bad drought conditions can be. But still...I live in Florida for the sun...hence the nickname SUNSHINE state. We've had too many days of cloudy overcast weather with intermittent rain. It's raining right now...ugh. I haven't gotten my sun-time in because when I'm ready to go outside, it'll start raining and/or thunder and lightning. Being the lightning capital of the USA, we take lightning seriously and don't play outside when we even hear thunder. Too many people get hit by lightning. Gray weather makes gray moods too easy.

It's great to have the Singer and Imp back home. Hubby and I had a great time while they were gone. Thursday we went to see "WarGames" at the theater in honor of the 25th anniversary of it's original release. It was wonderful. The theater was full of people our age (give or take 5 years) and everyone laughed at the appropriate places. The movie even stopped in the middle...just like it use to in the 80s. Great nostalgia. Friday evening we went to the beach and the rain stayed away until after sunset...we missed sunset due to clouds, but at least it wasn't raining.
Saturday we worked all day on the yard and pool. It was nice to only have 2 people to schedule around. Unfortunately, Saturday night/Sunday morning had Hubby getting called from work for a production problem. He received 4 calls between 1 and 7 am, and then worked about 10 hours Sunday. By the time Monday morning came, he was ready for a weekend. He is definitely looking forward to this vacation.

Hubby and I hit the sales yesterday to get new swimsuits for our houseboat vacation. Hubby also got a new pair of jeans. Having a 33 inch waist makes pants shopping interesting. They had his size...we bought 'em. Fortunately, they were on sale, too. He got his swimsuit for $8.00 and I got mine for $25.00. Not too bad.

I'm praying that our travel goes well on Saturday...our original flight out of Tampa (that we booked back in March) was cancelled. So we're leaving 2 hours earlier (7 am...that means being at the airport at 5 am!!). We booked through travelocity and they added the new flight but never took out the old, so our itinerary was messed up. I've spent 2 hours the last few days making sure we know when we're suppose to be where for which flight. We now arrive in Phoenix 3 hours earlier. Poor Elaine...we're throwing a wrench in her well-oiled plans. Actually, we don't care if we have to sit at the Phoenix airport for those 3 hours...we just want to make sure we get there.

The Imp starts earning her service hours tomorrow, helping to assemble wheelchairs for 3 hours. An adult has to accompany minors, so I'm taking her and 2 friends. It should be interesting. The week we get back we're working with our church to staff a food kitchen one night. She'll have much of her service hours taken care of before school starts. As part of the IB program she has to have service, active and creative hours each year. Dance class will cover her active hours.

I'm trying to get our financial stuff all on Quicken. I'm hoping the time spent setting it all up will be worth the benefits from using the program. It's tedious to set it up, but the reports and graphs look extremely helpful in tracking our spending. It should be beneficial at tax time as well.

Rainbows

We had a downpour earlier. Severe weather warning beeping at us from the TV. I had to run out to the store and there was the most vivid and complete rainbow I'd seen in years. I could see the whole rainbow and it was so dark, it almost looked fake. It was just nice to take that moment alone and think of the wonderous works of God.

I'm preparing to send the Imp off to Columbus, OH tomorrow morning. Hubby and I will be alone since the Singer is singing in MN at church music camp already. We'll be alone until Sunday night. Unfortunately, Hubby's got lots of work...but I think we're heading to the beach Thursday night for the sunset.

The Singer and I saw Mama Mia at the theaters on Sunday. We both loved it. But there is a song about letting your daughter go...neither of us acknowledged it during the movie, but afterwards we both said we almost reached out to hold the other's hand but were afraid the sobbing that would result might disturb the other patrons. The music was sooo fun. I've always liked ABBA anyways and then a few years back, the Imp was into A-Teens who did remakes of ABBA's songs. I'm glad the Singer and I got to see the movie together.

College Preparations

Monday, the Singer and I went out to USF to see the exact style of her dorm room as she gets serious about buying her room decor including her sheet/comforter set. She is super excited about it all and I'm just glad I'm not going to college. I'm glad she's so positive about the whole thing.
Summer is quickly sliding away. Next week both girls will be gone: the Singer to Minnesota for her church music camp as a small group leader, and the Imp to Ohio to spend time with her godparents (Hubby's brother and wife). It would be really exciting if Hubby could manage time off and we could go to the beach or whatever, but that's not likely to happen. Between our NYC trip in June and our trip to Lake Powell in August he really can't afford to take any time. And he is planning on working more than usual to set himself up to go to Lake Powell. Maybe I'll go to the beach by myself. After they return from their week away, we've got less than a week to get ready for Lake Powell, and when we return from that trip it's a week until the Imp starts and a week and 2 days until the Singer heads off to enter the collegiate world.
I'm still enjoying the fruits of my labor. My cucumbers are delicious, but my plants are looking funky. We've been getting an incredible amount of rain and long periods of cloudiness, so I think they're staying damp too long. My family hasn't tired of the fresh green beans, either.
While slicing a cucumber yesterday, I discovered that talking while slicing a veggie with a very sharp knife is not a good idea. I managed to slice my finger pretty good. It could have been much worse. It really stung with that cucumber juice running into the cut.
I'm enjoying the emails from my family as we plan to meet in AZ to travel to Lake Powell for 4 nights. I really love my family and am very lucky to enjoy them as much as I do. They are all quite witty and I enjoy the banter and side comments in all the correspondence. I can't wait to get a dose of all that in person. After 5 days of it, I'll look forward to coming home, but I've missed them all. And already miss John and Chris not being there. Slicing my finger made me think of Chris and the time he cut his thumb terribly while a chef at Aberdeen Barn. That was over 25 years ago.

Enjoying My Gardens

This past week has been great. My little garden is producing real food. I'm a novice gardener. I planted 8 bean plants, 6 cucumber plants and 2 tomato plants. They all looked a little sad and pathetic when I first planted them in my new raised garden (gift to me from Hubby). My tomato plants are still kind of hanging out...no real produce and not much actual growth. I'm not sure what the problem is. But my beans and cucumbers look great. I've been picking beans for the last 2 weeks. At first there really weren't many beans but I was so excited I picked the 20 ripe ones anyway. Today I got enough to feed 3 of us a serving. The Imp doesn't eat cooked veggies. The Singer loves them and is so excited to have fresh green beans. The cucumbers are developing. I had to fight off the ants (I used corn powder, red pepper and boiling water), but they seem to be gone. I have one cucumber about 4 inches long...and several more a few days behind. I can't wait to eat them. Even the Imp eats cucumbers. I'm now researching what to plant come the fall. As we don't usually have but one or two nights below freezing our growing season is essentially year-round. I'm also looking into when to plant strawberries...the harvest is usually in late January thru February, so I've got to figure out when to start them so I can enjoy them next year. I'm pretty excited about all this.

In addition to enjoying watching my vegetables grow, I'm enjoying my rose bushes. My Mr. Lincoln (strong smelling very red roses) bush has given me 3 blooms a day for the last few days and still has 7-8 more buds. My Fragrant Cloud (a birthday present from my mom this year) has given me 2 blooms for the past 2 days and still has 5 buds on it. And the Fragrant Cloud lives up to its name. It is wonderful to have the blooms in my house and even more wonderful to sit on my porch and smell them from their bush. We've been fortunate with our rainfall, as I know just to our north, in Georgia, a serious drought exists. The afternoon thunderstorms have taken hold and I enjoy hearing the rain beating down on the roof. Our rivers and aquifers are still several feet below "normal" so we still have water restrictions. The paper said that we would need at least 17" more rain than normal for the summer (wet) months to get things close to 'normal.' And going into our wet season we were 5" below normal for rainfall for 2008.

Illogical choices of this Christian

I read Cindy's blog regularly. As the mother of older adoptive kids, much of her blog concerns dealing with the struggles of trying to raise children who have huge emotional issues caused by the painful emotional scars from their early childhood. As the parent of 2 biological girls, it would seem I have little in common with Cindy, yet I frequently see myself in her description of her kids. Hear me out. I was not abused as a child. I come from a very loving family and have had an 'easy' life. But when Cindy describes the frustration of trying to help/love her children and how so many of them throw her love right back at her, abuse her verbally and physically, refusing to accept the gift she is so willing and so determined to give, I see God dealing with me. I imagine God throwing up His hands, shaking His head, knowing that I am human and that I have an emptiness inside me that He is so willing and wanting to fill/fix. He can fill/fix me, but I must let Him. He won't force it. Yet, for some reason, I resist Him. To totally accept Him into my life, to allow a true conversion, I have to give up parts of myself that have helped me survive thus far. I KNOW turning my life over to Him completely is the best choice. I KNOW God loves me. I KNOW listening to Him in all things would make my life more fulfilling and content. But it's scary to give up the little control I do have in my life. So I see us all as damaged from Original Sin, and struggling to give up our illogical ways. If we know God is the answer, why would we continue to try to do things our own way? Yet I know I do. So thanks, Cindy. You've given me a great 'meditation' theme to chew on today. Why am I so illogical with God's gift?

Another Funeral

I found out yesterday that another teen from my church died. Arielle was 17. She and her twin sister were in the church choir in middle school. 2 years ago March, Arielle was crossing the street in front of her high school (not waiting for the crossing light) and was hit by a car (travelling approx 45 mph). She was in a coma for a few months and then has been home since. Her dad quit his job to stay home and care for her and work on her rehabilitation. There was brain damage and apparently she had a lot of physical pain. This past week she developed an infection, and Saturday she died. So tomorrow I go to yet another funeral. The Singer again will be singing with many others from the choir that Arielle was in. My heart breaks at the struggles this family has had to face these past 2 years and for the pain they are dealing with now. Death is never easy to deal with no matter how strong your faith. But, the death of a child makes me ask the age-old questions...How could God allow this?...Why didn't God answer the prayers of all those praying for her? I hold tight to the knowledge that God's way are not our ways and that my little brain may never understand the why of many things during this life. I have to cling to my faith that God is indeed all-loving and that he has great love for each of us, as unique individuals. I trust He knows best, while still grieving and still angry that these things happen.
The only 'good' thing about this, is that the Imp is away this week at a retreat and will not feel compelled to attend the funeral. She so wants to believe that life is wonderful and does not want to have to face the sadness of death. She was convinced that James' death 3 weeks ago was going to be her last funeral for a while. She kept saying that Uncle John (my brother) died a year ago and that started a terrible year filled with funerals and that James' death (a week before the one year anniversary of John's death) was to end the year and that there were to be no more deaths of people she knew. I'm with her. Enough already! Not having anyone I know die within the next year would be greatly appreciated.

Letting Go

I spent yesterday and today at the University of South Florida with the Singer for Freshmen Orientation. After the two days, the Singer is walking on cloud nine and is super excited about going to college. YEA! It's so fun to watch her get so excited! The students and parents were separated for most of the 2 days, getting much of the same info...just presented differently. I felt like I wasted 2 days...I kept shaking my head, thinking...my parents never did this for me, they dropped me off, attended a brief 'orientation' meeting, paid the bill (thanks Mom and Dad) and left. I was 500 miles away from home, no immediate family in the area. I was on my own as far as figuring it all out. But hey, if I couldn't figure it out, why was I at college? During the "Emergency Plan" session (where the college tells us what their plan is in case of natural emergencies, i.e. hurricanes, or Va Tech type emergencies) we were told students would be encouraged to go home if a hurricane was predicted to hit Tampa. A father asked, "If my son's roommate is from out of state, is it alright if I take him home?" The police officer didn't understand the question. I did, the man had the mentality that his son's roommate would need parental permission to leave campus with this man. No parental permission is needed...the guy is 18...he can do what he likes...this is NOT elementary school. And by the way, no one is making sure your kid is going to class, either. But that, too was a question. "When will I be notified if my child is failing his class." Uuummm...when grades are posted. But the parent wanted to know ahead of time so they could make sure their child didn't fail. Huh? Then, when the health services said they couldn't give medical information to the parents unless the student signed a release, parents were aghast. "But they're on my insurance." Yea, but they have privacy...they're 18. If you don't want to pay if you can't know, don't. During one session, we read potential scenarios we may face this year (kid calls home for money, homesick, etc). One was...you call his dorm and he doesn't answer. In fact, you call 3 days in a row and no answer...what to do? First, I thought the scenario was out-dated...with cell phones this was very unlikely. All kinds of advice was offered. (Including very good advice to get your student's roommate's cell #.) Then the moderator asked how many parents expected to call their child every day. A good 3/4 of the parents raised their hands. I couldn't believe it. I love the Singer, I enjoy her company, but she needs me to back off so she can figure out things on her own. If she calls me every day...great. But I certainly won't call her each day. Not because I don't care but because she needs to make decisions that are hers, not mine. Then another scenario was about the student having trouble with a professor calling them unfair or too hard. After all the discussion, the moderator said "Now, remember unless it is a very serious issue like sexual harrassment, etc, please let your child handle it. If you feel you need to step in, please don't call the president of the university first." Again, huh?
Today the students went to register for classes. Parents were not allowed. Parents were outraged. "But what if they pick the wrong classes!?!" Well, they worked their schedules out with an advisor and if they chose poorly, they'll figure out how to do better next time. I guess I am in the minority. I think if you can go to college, then you need to handle certain things on your own. I expect the Singer will make some mistakes...and I expect she'll learn from them. I know I am blessed with an intelligent and mature daughter, but I also think many of these parents were hovering and refusing to let their kids go. And as far as I'm concerned the Singer is reponsible for what goes on at college. She needs to keep her grades up to keep her scholarships...if not, she's got to find a way to replace that money. She knows this. She'll keep those grades up. Or not. She also knows that if something extraordinary happens (car accident, long illness, etc) that contributed to a low GPA, we'd help out. But this is her college education, the responsibility is hers. On a lighter note, the moderator was talking about keeping in touch and mention texting and instant messaging. Then she said, "and of course you can use the more conventional methods like email." I must be getting old, I don't think of email as a conventional method of ocmmunication. Go figure.

Graduation Pictures

Megan and Theresa's cake. Party May 18


Graduation bubbles for the party. Megan's request.


Graduation caps made from mini brownies, chocolate covered graham cookies, fruit roll-ups (sliced), and m & m's.


Grandma, Theresa and Grandpa



Theresa and Mom at her graduation, May 13. In Sacred Heart Church.




Theresa and Megan

Megan and Theresa cutting their cake.












Megan singing the National Anthem.






After Meg's graduation.

Mark, Grandma and Theresa




Graduation Week (May 13 - 21) was marvelous. It was so great to have my parents and my brother, Mark here with us. The party was a huge success. I over-prepared with the amount of egg rolls I'd made, but they freeze well.

I'm working on posting Megan's singing of the National Anthem. She sang the school Alma mater, as well, but...we won't post that.

After taking a few days to recover from the festivities, we were hit with bad news. Two young brothers (13 and 14) from our church and that swam on the same swim team as the girls, were in a terrible jet ski accident Memorial Day weekend. The older brother, James, was taken off life-support this past Saturday and died. The younger one is home from the hospital. The Singer was asked to sing at the wake and funeral. The family is very active in our church and school. There were well over 700 people at the wake and funeral. It was heart-wrenching. As the anniversary of my brother's death approaches, it really hit me hard. The father spoke at the end of the funeral and said "At 14 he was a better man than I'll ever be." Very reminiscent of my dad's comments when asked what he wanted included in John's eulogy. James really was an exceptional young man. In addition to the 2 brothers, there are 2 younger siblings. The 4 year old has Downs Syndrome. When his father was explaining to James (at age 10) that his baby brother would always be disabled, James told his dad not to worry. That even though his mom and dad would die before the 4 year old, he (James) would take care of him. He was a Jr Olympic qualifying swimmer, top of his class, volunteered with Special Olympics and volunteered at church regularly. I've been really down about this. My faith has not been shaken, I just feel a little overwhelmed with the sadness of it all.

Early Mother's Day

Wonderful Hubby shared with me today his gift to me for Mother's Day...a raised garden :-) He needed to tell me, so he could ask exactly where I wanted it placed in the yard. I'm pretty excited. I've started tomatoes, cucumbers, and beans. They are almost ready to be transplanted outside. To add to this wonderful news, I'm quitting my job. Friday is my last day. So next week I know what I'll be doing....planting my garden. I also have a number of herbs I'm growing, but I'll keep them in their pots inside so I have them readily available for cooking. I sorta feel like I'm 'playing house.' I hope my plants actually produce something edible, especially since I am travelling this summer and won't be here every day to make sure all is going well...I might even have to pay a neighbor kid to water my bed while I'm gone.

I really am super excited about my job ending. It has been a most trying experience. I guess I must have a charmed life because I have never been around someone so negative and, actually, mean. I drive myself crazy trying to figure her out. I keep having hope that tomorrow will be different. But, no, it's not. I think that's what actually caused me to quit was the fact that I felt there was no hope for the situation to change or improve. Since the job was for extra money, and I'm lucky enough to have a hard-working husband in the lucrative field of software development, it seemed silly to drive myself crazy everyday. I was worn out from biting my tongue and playing peacemaker between my boss and the teen-aged part time workers. No one wants to talk to the boss because she is short-tempered, impatient and gets defensive if you ask a question about anything she said or did...even if it's just for clarification. Ugh. I am sad for her, she cannot be happy or content.

I'm also excited about quitting, because I now get to start cooking for my daughters' graduation party. I'm making lots of appetizers that can be easily frozen and warmed the day of the party (May 18). I've had fun browsing the Internet looking for recipes and having the girls tell me their desires. I will, of course, stress about this in that I will constantly be trying to figure out how much food to have...since it's an Open House and lots of people have been invited, it will be difficult to judge. I don't want a freezer full of food left-over, but I'd be mortified if I ran out of food. Well, maybe not mortified but definitely embarrassed.

The Imp performed in the Music Man last week. She was absolutely fabulous. And it's not just because I'm her mom. A number of people went out of their way to tell me how well she did. She pulled off the attitude of Eulalie Mackengnie Shin flawlessly. She had loads of fun, too. Tomorrow she's off to Disney for the 8th grade field trip. Next weeks are final exams. Then by next Friday, other than the actual ceremony, she is done!

The Singer will be recognized, with the other seniors, for their volunteerism at church. I can't believe how grown up she has become. She makes me smile because she often exhibits classical behaviors of teenagers. She swings from sophisticated young woman to Disney Princess-loving little girl. She came home today with some honor cords she's to wear with her graduation gown. Initially she was very serious, and talking about the honor, etc. Then she says, "Don't you just love the color of this one? It's my favorite." With her voice going up an octave and her doing a little dance in place. I am so happy for her. I think she has had a true childhood and while I worry sometimes about how little she knows of the evil out in the world, I'm thrilled she hasn't experienced it first-hand.

Enjoying my two wonderful daughters is the way I'm going to celebrate my Mother's Day...every day.

Mother Theresa and Doing What We're Suppose To

The Imp and I had great conversations on our way home yesterday. Her class watched a video about Mother Theresa. They're studying about social justice and our call to implement/foster it. With all seriousness, and no disrespect, the Imp says "I'm not trying to be 'smart' or anything, Mom, but what's the big deal? Mother Theresa just did what we're suppose to do. I can't believe the kids in my class were so blown away by anyone doing what she did. I thought to myself...Have you not been in class the last 9 years when we were taught this stuff??" We then discussed the difference between simple and easy. God's call to us is simple..."Follow me." For individuals it might be...be a good mom....start a foundation to help someone with a certain disease...visit the sick or the old...teach....lobby Congress. All of these calls are simple but none are easy. The Imp really does have a big heart and she kept coming back to 'but it's what we're suppose to do.' I have to say I felt proud...I think I had something to do with that attitude. When then talked about Pope Benedict's visit. This morning's paper had a quote from Pope Benedict "Is it consistent to profess our beliefs in church on Sunday, and then, during the week, to promote business practices or medical procedures contrary to those beliefs?" The Imp said, "See...he knows...helping people is what you're suppose to do."

I've given notice to my boss. My whole work experience has been...well...different. I've not written alot about it because I don't want to demean my boss. She and I will never see eye to eye on many things...whatever the setting. Additionally, I think she has little if any managerial skills and the fact that she shows little interest or effort in improving in that area, makes it very difficult for me to work with/for her. May 2 is my last day! Hurray!

I got braces today. My mouth is sore. I had braces when I was 12 and the work was excellent. I went from having a very pronounced overbite to looking "normal." I stopped wearing my retainers within 6 years of getting my braces off. My bottom teeth have been moving and becoming more crooked each year. In the last year the movement of my bottom teeth have put pressure on my top teeth and they're beginning to move. I went to the orthodontist basically asking for a retainer so my teeth don't more any more. She said with 6 months of braces my teeth would be straight and then she'd install a permanent bottom retainer. She said my mouth is so small that my teeth would never stay without help. Today, she again commented on the small size of my mouth...all dental workers do. Size of physical mouth is not related to amount of use or volume.

I went to a crop on Saturday. As I was listening to the chatter, I was amazed at how much weight and diet was discussed. As I continued to listen, it seemed to me that there are a lot of people using 'healthy diet' as a way to obsess about their weight and looks. I'm not saying diet isn't important and that limiting artificial ingredients wouldn't make us all healthier. But I just got the feeling that 'eating healthy' was something they did because it's fashionable. Eating healthy, has always seemed to me, is what you do to take care of the body God gave you.

Peeps, Candy Corn and Other "Ruined" Traditions

Did you know that there is Easter (or Spring)candy corn? Yep, it comes in pastel colors. And Peeps, once only seen at Easter is now available at just about every holiday. I don't like this. Knowing candy corn could only be had at Halloween (unless you were like my brother and kept your candy for 10 months after the holiday) gave it a specialness. Peeps at Easter were the same. When you sunk your teeth into that sticky, almost gag-inducing sweetness, you knew you couldn't do it again until next year. We've lost the art of delayed gratification and the traditions that gave meaning to our holidays. Now, I'm not trying to say that the makers of Peeps ruined everything. But when you have everything available anytime, what is there to look forward to? What is there to hope for? The new dress for Easter was thrilling and special (you probably hadn't had a new dress since Christmas). Waiting until your birthday to get that bike or basketball or doll or whatever made the getting it all the sweeter. No wonder parents have to rent limos for their children's 13th party...the kid literally already has everything else. The American Girl doll is now given just because "Suzie" wanted it. No wonder parents rent out GameWorks and invite 30+ kids. "Johnny" already has that 10-speed bike or Guitar Hero for their video system. We seemed to have lost a sense of anticipation. Christmas was so great partly because of that anticipation. The anticipation adds to the enjoyment of the holiday...it makes it begin in your mind earlier...you spend your days dreaming of all the possibilities, knowing most won't happen...but knowing something special will.
I have to admit at Christmas, when I saw Christmas tree Peeps, I was thrilled, since Peeps are the Imp's absolutely favorite treat (she likes to "blow them up" in the microwave...it almost turns them to taffy). And my first reaction was 'great, this will be neat to get these for her.' Then I saw the Spring candy corn and other 'out-of-season' treats. And now, call me scrooge, but I am boycotting any 'wrong' holiday treat or celebration.

Whirlwind Spring

March was a whirlwind of activity, especially with Easter and having to buy a new van. We love our 2008 Toyota Sienna (although it is A LOT larger than the 2000 Sienna). I feel like I'm driving a truck.

With the Singer graduating HS and the Imp graduation Middle School, from now until the end of May is packed with activities.

The Imp is in the Music Man and is the mayor's wife, Eulalie Mackenzie Shin. She informed me Monday (after being off of school for 10 days, and both she and I having time) that I needed to procure her costumes. As the mayor's wife, she has the most costume changes. After all, the mayor's wife would not wear the same thing twice. In addition, she needs an "Indian" costume (as part of the city's July 4 celebration) and a Statue of Liberty costume. I have 3 weeks! She had all this information 2 1/2 weeks ago. I'll be sewing some, visiting Goodwill and stressing over this more than she will. She has total faith that MOM will have all her costumes ready for dress rehearsal.

The Singer is off for 2 days to the state Spanish competition. Senior-itis seems to have hit hard...ugh. She's practiced hard for the competition (something she wants to do) but has done little else for school lately. AP exams are around the corner. I'd hate to see 3 quarters worth of work thrown away because of senior-itis. In the long run, she'll be happy to get the college credits and regretful if she has to sit through a class she has essentially already taken. Last night she comes to me and says she needs money for meals for this trip. It's 10:00pm. I had about 5 dollars in my purse. I told her, lack of planning on her part did not constitute an emergency on mine. I gave her the few bucks I had and told her she had to come up with the rest...I don't carry lots of cash...cash cards work almost everywhere, and I wasn't going out to get cash at 10:00pm, especially since I'd asked her on Tuesday if she had everything she needed for the trip since she leaves from school today. She won't starve and she'll face the consequence for her lack of planning. This is the perfect example of senior-itis hitting. She has been a planner since 5th grade and is normally very on top of things. Is this regression part of the push-pull of growing up and getting ready for college? It's driving me batty.

We've got our NYC trip planned, and tickets purchased. We are all so excited to be going in early June. None of us has ever really been to NY and we should have lots of fun. We're doing a package thing...going on the Ground Zero tour, walking Manhattan, seeing Wicked on Broadway, and so on. I can't wait. I told the girls they better start walking daily 'cause we're going to walk and walk and walk in NY and I'm not dealing with whining about how tired their legs/feet/whatever are. They better keep up. The joy of travelling now is that I don't have to deal with toddlers and worry about naps, or strollers, or any of that stuff.

We also got our airline tickets for our Lake Powell trip in August. I'm not sure which trip I'm looking forward to most. I love taking vacations with just my immediate family (we've only done it a few times, but it's fun), but I also love being with my brothers and sisters and their families. I can't wait to experience the hustle and bustle of NYC and see the sites and be immersed in American history. How cool! Yet Lake Powell offers a different kind of history...history of God's creation and power. And the relaxing pace of the great outdoors and not having 12 tours and not having to be anywhere at any particular time is extremely appealing. In between the two 'big' trips, the Singer will go to St. Leo's to help run a youth retreat for a week, and the Imp will attend a week-long youth retreat there (not the same week). The Singer will attend Music Ministry Alive again this year in MN. The Imp is off to see her Godmother for a week. Her Godmother, Anita, has two grown sons and is looking forward to a week of "girl-time." Anita was here over Easter and the two of them have planned what shopping centers to hit on which days and Anita is going to teach the Imp how to make a real Italian meal (Anita's parents came to the USA as teens/young adults from Italy) including making pasta from scratch. They should have a blast.

I've given notice at my job. I'll work until the beginning of June. This has really been a challenge. A big part of the problem is that my boss and I have basic personality differences. I recognized it from the start. And I've tried to work around that. I've wondered about (and prayed about) if I was suppose to be setting some kind of example. The tension in the office is often palpable. Her response to anything done differently than she would is that it is wrong. I feel I've done alot for the office, both from an organizational point of view and from setting procedures of how to handle things. I told Hubby that I was like Mary Poppins, I'd taught what I could and now it was time to move on.

Speaking of work..gotta go get ready.

Winning at Life

I began today very melancholy. I was missing my little brother, John, terribly. I don't know what set it off, today is not any kind of anniversary or special day. But I just felt very sad that I would never see him again. When I get this way, I feel the hole in my heart that was created when he died. It is a very real (almost physical) feeling...that something vital is missing.
I began thinking of when John was first diagnosed with ALS. We talked for quite awhile on the idea of "fighting" a disease. Both of us agreed we didn't really like that expression. The disease simply is. It is not fighting you...it just is. The battle is not with the disease, the battle is about living. And thinking of that, cheered me somewhat, and made the hole in my heart a little smaller. I remembered John's famous saying about football (and life) .""As long as there is a second left on the clock and you're behind, there's something you can do to win," he said. "Even if you lose, you take the lessons and apply them to the next game.". John may have died much too young, but trust me, he did not lose. He left many lessons that we can take with us in the rest of our journey through life.

I've also spent a lot of time the last few days thinking about what 'freedom' really means. Gus Lloyd's reflection yesterday really got me thinking. I do believe that we are the best we can be...the most fulfilled...the most free...achieve the most...are in fact happiest, when we listen to God. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve committed the sin of wanting to be god-like..to eat from the tree of good and evil so they would know all that God knew. This full knowledge, has us seeing the truth about ourselves, our "nakedness." We are scared to turn ourselves fully to God because we fear the outcome. Not just the fear that God may ask of us something we don't like, but more the fear that God may reject us in that nakedness. If we present our all and are rejected....ooh. I believe this fear of rejection is because we feel unworthy of this magnificent love and we reject Him before He can reject us. As Christians, we "know" that God will not reject us,in fact, Jesus demonstrated that quite emphatically. But our feelings of unworthiness make it difficult for us to act on our belief that God loves unconditionally. When people in our lives let us down, it chips away at our belief that "anybody" could really loves us no matter what. On days I am able to give myself over to God, I may "work harder" and face things I don't really want to, but ultimately I feel more content and feel my heart complete.

Accident

Driving home from South Carolina, I called Hubby to 'check in' and find out home everything was going. He began the conversation with "Now, everyone's okay but..." Everyone's okay is not the balm people mean it to be. What exactly is okay? Not dead? Not in ICU? Let's face it, if someone were hospitalized, but stable and expected to improve, wouldn't you say, "Everyone's okay but..." So I'm invisioning one or both of my girls in the hospital. Wondering if they fell. Got ill. WHAT??? Of course, Hubby, wanting to be exact, takes forever to get the pertinent details out.

While driving the Imp to school (in the Toyota van), he was in a right turn lane. Traffic abruptly stopped in front of him. The Office Max truck coming up behind him didn't stop on time. The back end of the van was really smashed. The impact was more on the left side of the van, so the driver's door and the sliding door on the left won't open.














I'm just so happy they weren't in the Corolla (both because it's brand new and the Corolla would not have protected them as well as the van did.)

We took the van in for an estimate...but we know the cost of repair will be more than the blue book value of a 8 year old van with 138000 miles on it. Ugh. Not the end of the world by any means, but still a major inconvience.

The Singer has decided on USF Honor's College. We're glad she'll be close to home, but also want her to live on campus. She's excited. It's a relief to have the decision made. http://http://www.usf.edu/Academics/Honors-College/index.asp

The Imp will be attending Robinson IB for high school. I think it'll be a great place for her and it's nice to have the decision made.

We're off to a Casting Crowns concert tonight. Yea! It's wonderful that the girls like this music, too. It'll be a lot of fun. http://www.castingcrowns.com/site.php

Car Trip

I left Tampa Thursday afternoon (4pm) to drive to Kingsland GA (halfway point to my parents). It is usually a 4 hour drive. A few mile south of Ocala (90 miles north of Tampa...less than 1/2 to Kingsland) traffic came to a halt. 2 1/2 hours later and 5 miles further down the road, I was able to exit the interstate and head over to 301 to continue my trek. Ugh. I talked to Hubby while sitting in traffic, and he looked on the internet and found out that a man had died in a traffic accident just a mile north of where I got off the interstate. Apparently, he was in a SUV and side-swiped a semi-truck, propelling him into the medium where his SUV flipped and he was ejected. Guess sitting for 2 1/2 hours really isn't so bad in the scheme of things. I had no one waiting for me, and could sleep in on Friday. AND I had a book on tape. Definitely a life-saver on trips.
I'm sitting at my dad's new computer, the one he got after the fire in their house, waiting for my little brother and his family to arrive for an overnight stay. My nephews are the absolutely cutest and most enjoyable 2- and 5-year olds around. I installed some software on my dad's computer for him and am working on getting the sound to work properly.
It's great to be here. The fun has begun, my nephews are here!

Colleges, cars and marriage

Time passes so quickly, it's scary.
I took the Singer to FSU last Monday for a campus tour. The campus is beautiful and actually has hills (a novelty in Florida). But the Singer wasn't impressed. From the tour it appears the school is very science oriented...the Singer is NOT. She's thinking of going into education and when she asked the tour guide about the College of Education, not much was said. We definitely got the impression that education was a step-child there. USF has an honors program for education majors (SCATT). I happen to have been in that program not long after it had been established. The Singer had no idea and was thrilled that I could tell her so much about it. USF has over a 99% placement rate for its education graduates. Another pro for USF is that it has offered the most scholarship money and a good friend of hers is going there and wants to room with her. It appears her decision is made, and she'll be putting in for room assignment in the next 2 weeks. We're quite proud of her accomplishments. In addition to the scholarship money offered by USF, she just found out she is a finalist for the Watson Scholarship offered to IBM employees' dependants. It's looking like she won't have much out-of-pocket expenses.
Now we're left with the decision on the Imp and high school. The IB program definitely has some remarkable qualities. In addition, it is significantly closer than Bishop McLaughlin. But we still have a few weeks before having to pay a non-refundable registration fee at Bishop.

Last night, Hubby and I went and picked up our brand new Toyota Corolla. This is our 4th Corolla and 5th Toyota in the last 25 years. Our old Corolla still runs, but has a mean shimmy and loud engine. We've had it for 12 years and got it with 42,000 miles on it. It's been very good to us. Our new Corolla is deep blue (indigo ink pearl) and since it's been 8 years since we purchased our last car, it's quite an event. The girls were a little disappointed that we got "another Corolla" which really is quite "boring." We told them, they can pick the vehicle when they're footing the bill. The sales rep at the dealership was refreshingly easy to work with. Within the first 3 minutes, he sized us up as ultra-conservative (economically) and that we had already done our shopping before arriving at the dealership. We had our draft from our credit union due to our pre-approval. We had option and packages circled on our printout from researching Toyota's online, and we had our Consumer Reports print out as well. We had picked our car and had a test drive within 30 minutes. The financial guy was a pain...trying much too hard to sell us an extended warranty (even after we told him, more than once, we had made up our minds). Hubby finally said, "Look, we're buying a Toyota Corolla because of its dependability...are you telling me I'm wrong?" It sure feels decadent to drive around in the new car. We figure we'll have this one for 10-12 years as well. Our Sienna is 8 years old and has 135,000 miles. It purrs like a kitten and we've not done much work on it, other than standard wear & tear maintenance (new tires, brakes, etc).

We just got back from a wedding rehearsal dinner. The Singer is singing a solo at the wedding tomorrow, and the Imp is the "Greeter" by the guest book. The couple getting married seems to have much going for them, primarily their belief in marriage and that being married doesn't guarantee "happily ever after." That's something they must work at. They are very much in love and their lives are centered on their church. When Fred proposed (yes, he had an audience...long story) I had tears in my eyes, he was so eloquent. He asked Marie to enter into a life with him and God and that he believed with God's help they would make it. He has a giving spirit and we all love him.

Between some things I've read recently and this marriage, I've been thinking about God's call to individuals vs. God's call to married couples. Theoretically and/or theologically, would God call two people married to each other in different directions? Would God call the husband to be a missionary, and not also touch the wife's heart in that direction? If a married couple truly felt called in different directions, would you assume one of them wasn't listening to God very well, but in fact, was listening to their own wants/desires? It is disquieting for me to imagine what I would do if Hubby and I felt called to two opposing 'vocations' where if one of us said "yes" the other would have to say "no." How does a couple approach such an impasse? Could I say 'no' to my call 'for my husband?' If I insisted I indeed had a calling, wouldn't I be implying that he didn't? I don't believe in divorce, but is divorce preferable to saying 'no' to God? And what about smaller issues that couples may disagree on. If I think 'fudging' on our tax return is immoral, what do I do if Hubby insists? (This is not to imply anything against Hubby...he wouldn't knowingly 'cheat' on anything.) As I have been contemplating what I want to do when I (I mean my kids) grow up, I have thought extensively about becoming a family counselor (my Christian beliefs would be a driving force). This kind of dilemma would be hard to deal with. I believe many (or at least too many) marriages/families struggle because of the lack of some basic skills at living together. The hardest part of dealing with those families, would be any unwillingness to learn. As a teacher, not a new phenomenon. But could I handle the situations that didn't have a "good solution?" Whatever the answer to that question may be, I think I'm willing to try...and in fact may be called to do so. Fortunately, Hubby thinks this is a great idea. Some more prayer and discernment are needed. Not something to act on tomorrow, but definite food for thought.

Verbiage and Its Limits

I am amazed that I have posted so few times. I've 'written' so many posts in my head. I like writing and find writing is a form of therapy. It helps me see things from a different perspective.
Verbose (characterized by the use of many or too many words; wordy) and loquacious (talking or tending to talk much or freely; talkative; chattering; babbling) are words aptly used to describe me. My elementary report cards often had words like "chatty" and "talkative" in the Teacher Comment section. Words help me make sense of my world. I am delighted when I discover a word that really narrows in on a meaning, especially when it helps me explain something. Recently, I was reading "Depression for Dummies" and it described this disease as 'insidious' (intended to entrap or beguile: stealthily treacherous or deceitful) and I thought "YES, that's it exactly." I sometimes feel a little like Archie Bunker as I say a word, and then wonder if I've used it correctly. Even at 44, I still use a dictionary regularly. I love it when I'm talking and one of my girls asks me what a word means. Often, defining a word is harder than using it in context. And there are many words whose connotative meaning is slightly different than its denotative one.
I contend that one reason (besides my inherent nature) that I am verbose, is my years teaching. As a teacher, I've been trained and conditioned to explain the same concept in as many different ways, using as many different words as I can. With each additional description I may be reaching an additional student. Hubby must often tell me, "Uh, I got it the first time. Please leave the teacher outside." I didn't really discover thesauri (or thesauruses) until high school. What goldmines of absolutely exquisite words. I have dictionary.com and thesaurus.com on my favorites. My girls call me 'geeky.' That's alright.

My discourse about words came about because I attended a funeral yesterday. One of my very good friend's husband died suddenly of a heart attack last Thursday evening. I had spoken with my friend, but yesterday was the first time I'd seen her. I had no words. "I'm sorry for your loss," quite an understatement. "I'm here for you." yea, I am, but in reality, she'd much rather her husband. At the memorial she got up to speak and said "He was the love of my life. My best friend. That's all there is to say." So how do you possibly offer words to bring comfort to someone whose lost that? Fortunately there are ways to communicate without words. We hugged (clung to) each other. I told her I'd call her. We hugged again. I know she knows I care. I know she knows I have an inkling of what she's going through as she's held my hand through John's illness and death. But still I felt so helpless. I wanted to have the words to 'make it all better.'
Terry was 65. He'd retired 5 years ago. Elizabeth's in her late 50's. She retired last year. They were building a house on the river. A gorgeous house (as someone described yesterday as 'a bungalow version of Buckingham Palace'). They were to move into it in February.
Can't find the words to describe my feelings.

Old Home Movies

Hubby out did himself by having all our VHS home movies transferred to DVDs. Last night we watched about 2 hours worth of them. We watched movies from when the Imp was 2 and the Singer 5. We were rolling on the floor laughing. I thought I was going to wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

Of course, there were bittersweet moments. Watching my brother, Chris, interact with my niece, Lauren made me miss him. He really was a great uncle. And even just watching my own kids as little ones made me nostalgic for having little ones. The come out with the cutest expressions, like when the Singer proudly displayed her "Half swimsuit" (Two piece). I'll be enjoying this gift for a long time.

We hadn't taken any home movies for years, because our old-fashioned camcorder no longer worked (and weighed about 10 pounds). So we invested in a digital camcorder...I really wanted to be able to capture both girls' graduations later this year. The Imp got a digital camera so we've all been playing with editing features on the computer.

Just before Christmas we saw "Enchanted." Definitely a feel-good, wonderfully entertaining movie. Of course, Hubby and I were amazed that the movie captured the personality of the Singer quite so well. There's a line when the princess, Giselle, looks at the New Yorker (Robert) when he laments that he's not sure if his fiancee really knows how he feels, and says, "But have you sung to her?" This is already on our purchase list for when it is released as a DVD and the Singer got the soundtrack for Christmas.

Hubby has really been on a roll recently and took me to the beach for our anniversary. It was a perfect day. We got to the beach around 1 pm and walked the boardwalk, then had lunch, sat on the beach and read and napped, watched the sunset. We then went to our hotel and showered and then went to a family seafood place and had the best shrimp and scallops. The next morning we got up and spent another hour on the beach before check out time. A great way to celebrate 23 years of marriage. I was 21 when I got married. No wonder I feel like Hubby has always been a part of my life. I can't imagine life without him.

Yesterday, a Mass was said for John. It was nice to go to church as a family on the feast of the Holy Family and to be praying for John. The priest talked about the only way for families to survive is to have God an integral part of your life. I really don't know how people get up each day and continue on through hardship with a strong faith. My faith has been my lifeline.

We're off to Bob and Leslie's tonight for our traditional New Year's Eve celebration. Lots of "finger food" (sausage, cheese, crackers, shrimp cocktail, etc. and of course Christmas goodies, too), lots of games (Apples to Apples and Imaginiff

are two favorites) and then at midnight we go outside and watch the fireworks that neighbors inevitably are shooting in the sky. It's low-key but fun. We've done this almost every year since welcoming in 1995. The first years, the kids were put in front of a video that the fell asleep in front of, while the adults played board games. Now we all play together.

I don't even want to think of Wednesday (back to school and work)...ugh. And our beautiful paradise weather is leaving us. We've been having sunny and warm (high 70s) weather. And Wednesday morning it'll be in the 30s! If it brings rain, I won't complain, because we need the rain, but otherwise, I'll just be a very unhappy camper.

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Christmas Preperations

To poorly paraphrase a great writer: "It is the best of times; it is the worst of times." December is the month I dread and look forward to all year. I love getting ready for Christmas. I love the family get-togethers, the baking, the cooking, the family traditions, the Advent calendar count-downs. I love thinking of people I love and trying to decide on the best gift to give them and unlike most people, I love going to the mall to see all the pretty, wonderful things out there and to people-watch. So what do I dread about December? THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME! People tell me, "Don't stress over it all. You don't have to do all those things." The problem is I WANT to shop, to bake, to sing Christmas carols, to read nightly Advent readings as we prepare for the birth of Christ. I WANT to send friends cards, to visit, to watch the great Christmas shows (there are lots of less than great ones, but Charlie Brown, It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street..1934 version are greats) while drinking hot chocolate with my family.

As a rule, I am dismayed by the overuse of gift cards. It seems like a cop-out. Before I get bombarded with the many positives of gift cards, let me qualify. Gift cards, like money, seem so impersonal. Gift cards became the answer to (or contributed to the growth of?) the unreasonable demands of the recipient. "I'd rather a sweater instead of a scarf." "This isn't EXACTLY what I wanted." Somewhere along the way gift-giving became a requirement and somehow the giver was in the hot-seat if the gift weren't just perfect in every way. When I was growing up, I would never have thought to have returned a scarf and exchange it for a sweater. Even if I didn't like the scarf, I would have been appreciative that the giver spent the time picking it out for ME and I would have worn it. Gift cards are so generic...let me do all my shopping in one place and just buy gift cards. As someone else said recently... this season is all about relationships. Somehow receiving the same gift as everyone else on your list takes something away from the uniqueness of this relationship. Having said all that, getting a gift card to Michael's craft store from my scrap-booking friend shows thought and a connection between us. Still, I think people use gift cards because of fear of disappointing the recipient and gifts shouldn't be 'required' or they aren't really a gift.

Ellen's Carrot Cake

Upon request, here is the recipe for absolutely scrumptious carrot cake. I got this recipe from my sister-in-law Ellen about 20 years ago. I don't know where she got it from.

Mix in a large bowl:

1 C Wesson Oil
2C sugar
4 eggs
3 C grated carrots

Mix separately:

2 C flour
2 tsp soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon

Add second mixture to the first. Mix well. Grease and flour 3 8- or 9-inch pans. Bake at 325 for 45 minutes.

Icing:

1 lg pkg Philadelphia Cream Cheese
1 box powered sugar
1 C chopped pecans
1 stick butter
1 tsp vanilla

Cream butter and cream cheese until soft. Add vanilla, sugar, pecans and mix. Do NOT ice until cake is well cooled. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving week/weekend was great. Hubby was home all last week and we got tons crossed off our "to do" list. A toilet replaced, 2 sink stoppers replaced, a tub re-caulked, gardens weeded, pool deck cleaned, and then we decorated for Christmas (minus the tree). We're hosting a family Christmas get-toghether this Saturday and wanted the house to look Christmassy for the occassion. We don't usually decorate this early. We won't decorate the tree until Dec 22. The Imp always asks to decorate the tree on her birthday.

Speaking of birthdays, December is a busy month. My dad, sister and two brothers have December birthdays. Then there's the Imp and my brother-in-law (who was actually born on Dec 25). The 29th is our wedding anniversary.

Hubby and I are trying to get our shopping list together. No, we didn't partake of the Black Friday sales. We enjoyed staying home much more and I bet I still find great sales for all the items I'll buy this year.