Old Home Movies

Hubby out did himself by having all our VHS home movies transferred to DVDs. Last night we watched about 2 hours worth of them. We watched movies from when the Imp was 2 and the Singer 5. We were rolling on the floor laughing. I thought I was going to wet my pants I was laughing so hard.

Of course, there were bittersweet moments. Watching my brother, Chris, interact with my niece, Lauren made me miss him. He really was a great uncle. And even just watching my own kids as little ones made me nostalgic for having little ones. The come out with the cutest expressions, like when the Singer proudly displayed her "Half swimsuit" (Two piece). I'll be enjoying this gift for a long time.

We hadn't taken any home movies for years, because our old-fashioned camcorder no longer worked (and weighed about 10 pounds). So we invested in a digital camcorder...I really wanted to be able to capture both girls' graduations later this year. The Imp got a digital camera so we've all been playing with editing features on the computer.

Just before Christmas we saw "Enchanted." Definitely a feel-good, wonderfully entertaining movie. Of course, Hubby and I were amazed that the movie captured the personality of the Singer quite so well. There's a line when the princess, Giselle, looks at the New Yorker (Robert) when he laments that he's not sure if his fiancee really knows how he feels, and says, "But have you sung to her?" This is already on our purchase list for when it is released as a DVD and the Singer got the soundtrack for Christmas.

Hubby has really been on a roll recently and took me to the beach for our anniversary. It was a perfect day. We got to the beach around 1 pm and walked the boardwalk, then had lunch, sat on the beach and read and napped, watched the sunset. We then went to our hotel and showered and then went to a family seafood place and had the best shrimp and scallops. The next morning we got up and spent another hour on the beach before check out time. A great way to celebrate 23 years of marriage. I was 21 when I got married. No wonder I feel like Hubby has always been a part of my life. I can't imagine life without him.

Yesterday, a Mass was said for John. It was nice to go to church as a family on the feast of the Holy Family and to be praying for John. The priest talked about the only way for families to survive is to have God an integral part of your life. I really don't know how people get up each day and continue on through hardship with a strong faith. My faith has been my lifeline.

We're off to Bob and Leslie's tonight for our traditional New Year's Eve celebration. Lots of "finger food" (sausage, cheese, crackers, shrimp cocktail, etc. and of course Christmas goodies, too), lots of games (Apples to Apples and Imaginiff

are two favorites) and then at midnight we go outside and watch the fireworks that neighbors inevitably are shooting in the sky. It's low-key but fun. We've done this almost every year since welcoming in 1995. The first years, the kids were put in front of a video that the fell asleep in front of, while the adults played board games. Now we all play together.

I don't even want to think of Wednesday (back to school and work)...ugh. And our beautiful paradise weather is leaving us. We've been having sunny and warm (high 70s) weather. And Wednesday morning it'll be in the 30s! If it brings rain, I won't complain, because we need the rain, but otherwise, I'll just be a very unhappy camper.

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Christmas Preperations

To poorly paraphrase a great writer: "It is the best of times; it is the worst of times." December is the month I dread and look forward to all year. I love getting ready for Christmas. I love the family get-togethers, the baking, the cooking, the family traditions, the Advent calendar count-downs. I love thinking of people I love and trying to decide on the best gift to give them and unlike most people, I love going to the mall to see all the pretty, wonderful things out there and to people-watch. So what do I dread about December? THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME! People tell me, "Don't stress over it all. You don't have to do all those things." The problem is I WANT to shop, to bake, to sing Christmas carols, to read nightly Advent readings as we prepare for the birth of Christ. I WANT to send friends cards, to visit, to watch the great Christmas shows (there are lots of less than great ones, but Charlie Brown, It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street..1934 version are greats) while drinking hot chocolate with my family.

As a rule, I am dismayed by the overuse of gift cards. It seems like a cop-out. Before I get bombarded with the many positives of gift cards, let me qualify. Gift cards, like money, seem so impersonal. Gift cards became the answer to (or contributed to the growth of?) the unreasonable demands of the recipient. "I'd rather a sweater instead of a scarf." "This isn't EXACTLY what I wanted." Somewhere along the way gift-giving became a requirement and somehow the giver was in the hot-seat if the gift weren't just perfect in every way. When I was growing up, I would never have thought to have returned a scarf and exchange it for a sweater. Even if I didn't like the scarf, I would have been appreciative that the giver spent the time picking it out for ME and I would have worn it. Gift cards are so generic...let me do all my shopping in one place and just buy gift cards. As someone else said recently... this season is all about relationships. Somehow receiving the same gift as everyone else on your list takes something away from the uniqueness of this relationship. Having said all that, getting a gift card to Michael's craft store from my scrap-booking friend shows thought and a connection between us. Still, I think people use gift cards because of fear of disappointing the recipient and gifts shouldn't be 'required' or they aren't really a gift.

Ellen's Carrot Cake

Upon request, here is the recipe for absolutely scrumptious carrot cake. I got this recipe from my sister-in-law Ellen about 20 years ago. I don't know where she got it from.

Mix in a large bowl:

1 C Wesson Oil
2C sugar
4 eggs
3 C grated carrots

Mix separately:

2 C flour
2 tsp soda
1 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon

Add second mixture to the first. Mix well. Grease and flour 3 8- or 9-inch pans. Bake at 325 for 45 minutes.

Icing:

1 lg pkg Philadelphia Cream Cheese
1 box powered sugar
1 C chopped pecans
1 stick butter
1 tsp vanilla

Cream butter and cream cheese until soft. Add vanilla, sugar, pecans and mix. Do NOT ice until cake is well cooled. Enjoy!

Thanksgiving week/weekend was great. Hubby was home all last week and we got tons crossed off our "to do" list. A toilet replaced, 2 sink stoppers replaced, a tub re-caulked, gardens weeded, pool deck cleaned, and then we decorated for Christmas (minus the tree). We're hosting a family Christmas get-toghether this Saturday and wanted the house to look Christmassy for the occassion. We don't usually decorate this early. We won't decorate the tree until Dec 22. The Imp always asks to decorate the tree on her birthday.

Speaking of birthdays, December is a busy month. My dad, sister and two brothers have December birthdays. Then there's the Imp and my brother-in-law (who was actually born on Dec 25). The 29th is our wedding anniversary.

Hubby and I are trying to get our shopping list together. No, we didn't partake of the Black Friday sales. We enjoyed staying home much more and I bet I still find great sales for all the items I'll buy this year.

Family Dinners

I haven't blogged in a while...and people are inquiring about my whereabouts...so here I am.

The current topic amongst many moms is the new movie, "The Golden Compass," due to arrive in theaters in early December. There has been extensive debate over the dangers presented in the Harry Potter books, with sorcery, the occult, etc. No matter where you fall in your opinion about Harry Potter's appropriateness for children, most agree that it is basically a story of good vs. evil and good wins. The love Harry's mom had for him is more powerful than all the evil of Voldemort (a love that had her sacrificing her life for his). "The Golden Compass" has been compared to the Narnia and Lord of the Rings series. Both of those series are accepted Christian analogies. "The Golden Compass" is written by a professed atheist, Philip Pullman (I don’t profess any religion; I don’t think it’s possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words ‘spiritual’ or ‘spirituality’) His stories are anti-God, and anti-church. I can agree that some stories are simply that, stories. I can agree that a single movie seen once by a child will probably not be a pivotal point in their spiritual growth. I also know that evil exists and that evil spreads in insidious ways. I haven't decided whether my girls will be able to see this movie..."banning" it gives it a great allure. And the Singer is 17. She 'll be off to college in the fall and will be deciding these things for herself soon. But, I will discuss the movie with them and tell them why I have reservations about them seeing it, and for them to be aware that the author does indeed have an agenda.

The past few weeks have been great family/home time for us. With swim season over we have a lot more time together and that time is less rushed. Our dinnertimes have returned to being a leisurely family event. Last week we somehow ended up talking about marriage and we shared with the girls that we had written our own vows. The Imp smiled and shook her head. "What are you smiling about?" I asked. "You guys are our own personal chick flick." We all laughed and it was just good fun. Last night, the Singer shared that Mr. Shindler (brother of the famous Terri Schiavo and former teacher at her school) had come to speak to her religious ethics class. So we spent an hour talking about end of life issues. The Singer asked us if we had Living Wills..and we had to admit we didn't. Updating our wills is on our "List of things to do" and has been for years. Now that the girls have asked us, I'm sure it will get done in the near future as they'll continue to ask. It is wonderful to be able to discuss such topics with my children. And it gives great insight into where they are in their spiritual development and beliefs.

The Singer is going on a "homeless retreat" this weekend. Her youth group is going to a church in a poor area of town and in addition to other activities, will have a dinner similar to what a homeless person would get at a 'soup kitchen' and will spend the night outside in simple tents on the church grounds. They are allowed to bring the clothes on their backs (and they are allowed to dress warmly) plus 3 additional items (not bags filled with items, but individual items). I am already praying for the "success" of this retreat. The Singer was lamenting that most of her close friends from the youth group won't be attending. I told her that being alone was a big part of homelessness for many. She's just glad there is a "Praise and Worship" time scheduled (she'll go anywhere if she's allowed to sing...especially praise and worship songs).

The Imp spent the day at Bishop McLaughlin High School yesterday. We're trying to discern which high school would be the best for her. She had a good time and the school is really state-of-the-art. She takes the entrance test for Tampa Catholic this Saturday and took the writing test for the IB program last Saturday.

A friend of ours, a radio talk-show host, will have Zig Ziglar on his show soon (I don't remember exactly when). I am envious of all the neat people he gets to meet in his job.

I am glad I don't live in Maine. The Portland school system wants to give the pill to middle school students, and another wants to require every high school senior apply to college. A group of parents were discussing condoms being available at middle schools, and a mom said, The supporters of this say 'IF they're going to have sex, we want them to be safe. We're not encouraging sexual activity.' She wanted to ask the supporters if their husbands' travelled for business would they give their husband a condom before he left and say, "Honey, I know you won't cheat on me and have sex, and I don't want to encourage you to have sex, BUT if you do..please be safe." I know it's not a perfect analogy, but it made me laugh.

College Football, John and the Y Chromosome

USF's Bulls were ranked at #6 for college football at the end of last weekend. They won again yesterday. They're 5 - 0! I really miss John. I don't usually follow college football (professional football has always been interesting to me) but I know he'd know all about the rise of USF. They've only had a football team for 7 years, so their rise is remarkable. It's nice to watch the local news and hear about a team other than the Gators. (They lost, by the way! 3-2..Ha!). I haven't followed USF football and know John could give me a reader's digest analysis on the key players, the coach and the program. Then, I'd feel prepared to watch the rest of the season. Alas, I'll have to learn this on my own.

The Singer is dating a freshman at USF (also the drummer for the youth choir at church) and he's trying to get tickets to next week's game against UCF. The Singer, who has shown less than zero interest in football previously, asked Hubby if he would watch today's pro games with her and teach her something about football, she could use a tutorial by John, as well. Eric, her boyfriend, played high school football and loves it. It's hard not to smile at how cute it all is...remembering that I learned about golf only after meeting Hubby. She actually stayed for 1/2 of her high school's game Friday after singing the national anthem because he came. (They would have stayed later but it started pouring rain...the Singer demanded to leave).

My children bring great humor to my life. There are public service announcement commercials about how different activities add years to your life. One of them states that singing adds 15 years to your life. The Singer and Imp both now feel immortal, as they sing constantly. Another one says laughter adds 7 years. Hubby thinks he has it made as he walks around singing in the house, which causes the girls to laugh, which causes him to laugh! He says he's just trying to keep us all healthy.

The Imp went to a birthday party of a boy in her class last night. The party began at 6pm. Driving the Imp home last night we inquired about the party. She said it was good, but that she was rather insulted by the all the boys' behavior at the beginning of the party. "Here we were, at a party, and what were the guys doing? Sitting on the edge of the chairs, eating chips and pizza, WATCHING FOOTBALL ON TV. [the USF game] The girls were all standing together on the other side of the room and I said, 'This is a party...they should be talking with us.' So the about 5 other girls went with me and we stood in front of the TV so the boys would have to talk to us." Hubby and I were howling. Hubby's saying, "eating, watching football with friends...sounds like a great party to me." The Imp replied, "D....A......D! You have a party to talk with your friends." Hubby, who just finished reading Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus said, "Perfect example of that Mars/Venus thing going on." The Imp then says, "Yea, sometimes I think the world would be better off without a Y chromosome." What a hoot!

Living with Loss

I've had two weeks of thinking about death and dying. The week of the 17th had us attending a rosary prayer service and the funeral of the Imp's friend's (JuJu's) mom. She was only 43. The rosary prayer service was designed by the Salesian Sisters who run the school the Imp and her friend attend. The whole experience was "fitting." The sisters really did a wonderful job of recognizing the grief at losing a loved one, while remembering that our Christian faith gives us hope, even in death. The school is right next to the convent where the sisters live. Inside the convent is a small chapel. The students have always had access to the chapel during their lunch/recess time. A special candle was lit in the chapel for JuJu's mom. JuJu can go in there anytime to find quiet and feel close to God and her mom. The Imp says, the two of them go into the chapel everyday after lunch, on their way to recess. She says they usually stay just a few minutes, but it makes them both feel better. This is why I am so pleased with the school. Academically it is above adequate but below exemplary. But that's okay by me, if the Imp is having her soul nourished. This is real life stuff and the staff at the school is teaching the students how to deal with real life in a Christian way. The whole way JuJu's mom's illness/death has been dealt with speaks of grace and class.

The funeral of JuJu's mom was nice, too. The priest was a little long-winded, just repeating himself, but not everyone can have someone like Father Ashmann give the homily at their funeral. [Fr. Ashmann gave the homily at John's funeral and was extremely eloquent and full of the Spirit.] The really nice thing was seeing 20 of JuJu's classmates there. Most of them sat together in two pews of the church near JuJu. It warmed my heart to see them pulling together for her.

Last Monday was John's birthday. He would have been 42. I still don't always realize he's gone. He was so full of life...always, that it is almost incomprehensible that he isn't still living. I then found out that my nephew, in Iraq, was involved in a "skirmish" and thankfully only suffered a concussion and temporary hearing loss. We all feel like John was on guardian angel duty watching over Byron.

Today is Ellen's birthday. It is hard to grasp that she has been gone over 11 years. It's hard for me to comprehend that the Imp has no memories of her. Ellen loved holding the Imp when she was a baby, and always seemed to enjoy the Singer, too. The Singer has only the vaguest of memories of her. How sad that they never really got to know her. On these days, I am amazed at the ability of my brother, Kevin, and my sister-in-law, Gwyn, to continue on. Ellen exhibited great grace and faith as she lived and died with breast cancer and John exhibited great grace and faith as he lived and died with ALS. But, Kevin and Gwyn have exhibited incredible grace and faith in living each day since their losses.

Fortunate?

I found out Thursday that my parents had a "small" fire in their basement on Wednesday morning. While you would never say someone who had a fire in their house was fortunate, someone was watching out for my parents. The fire began with the dehumidifier in the basement (don't know the specifics). My parents go to church every morning, and are often gone much of the day. My mom returned home around 11:30, and smelled smoke when she went in the house. After she checked the appliances on the first floor, she found the smoke coming from the basement. She quickly got the portable phone, went outside and called the fire department. They arrived in about 10 minutes. The fire, itself, was contained to 1/2 of the basement. They feel so fortunate that no one was hurt. They feel so fortunate that my mom got home when she did. They were set to leave town for a week the next day. If the fire had started after they left town, the whole house would have burned. The unfortunate and inconvenient part is that fires are messy...really messy. The efficient air unit quickly dispersed the smoke and soot throughout the house. EVERYTHING is covered. They're staying on base right now, as they get the house cleaned. My dad is glad his office (the other half of the basement) didn't burn. Most of his books in his office are warped, but readable. His computer is shot. I am so thankful they are okay and know this is not something that's going to be cleaned up in a day or two.

Other sad news. Saturday, we found out that the Imp's best friend's mom had died. The mom, Dawn, had fought cancer a few years back, and was diagnosed with kidney cancer this past summer. We knew the prognosis was poor, but didn't realize how sick she really was. The Imp, my child who cannot stand to see someone sad, is wishing she could make it all better, but knowing she can't. I think she is able to be more of a comfort because of experiencing John's death so recently. It seems the universal response to this kind of thing is "I don't know what to do or say." That is magnified when it happens to teen-agers who don't know what to do or say under normal conditions. My heart goes out to the Imp's friend and the whole family. It's going to be a long year for this little girl.

Children's Health and Success

Recently, it has been almost impossible to pick up a newspaper, or turn on a news show and not hear something about the obesity epidemic. While, obviously, food choice (and amount) plays a significant part in this problem. It seems to me, we are once again approaching this issue from a very simplistic view. Obesity isn't about food, it's about lifestyle. Two articles recently published about studies in England support this idea.
The first article from Scientific American states

The Sleep Council said "junk sleep" could
rival the consumption of unhealthy junk food as a major lifestyle issue for
parents of teenage children.

Both of my girls need sleep (probably just the recommended amount, but when so many people don't get that much, it seems they need "extra" sleep). I can tell when they've not had a enough sleep, or simply need a little more because of the stressors in their lives. Yesterday, the Imp was sooo tired. She's been getting 8 1/2 hours of sleep, but with her friend's mom ill, she's been using lots of emotional energy through the day. The Imp is an intelligent girl who tends to do well in school and takes most things in stride (I've called her my poster child for "don't sweat the small stuff.") Her Algebra class has to do a project involving stocks and charting their fluctuations. The Imp, discovered that with a $4 increase, her chart wasn't big enough to show the stock's progress. She had already redrawn her charts because she had made the increments so big, small fluctuations (under $1) really couldn't be seen on her charts. Bottom line, she needed to redraw 3 charts. She began yelling about the "stupidity" of the project and then burst into tears. The Imp rarely cries, especially in frustration. She was just too tired to handle the normal irritations of the day. She was sent to bed early last night, and I'm sure today will be not be flustered by things like redrawing graphs.
I feel like I'm a lone voice in the wilderness advocating sleep for my kids. We have a "no telephone calls after 9 PM" rule. That is partially to make sure the girls' sleep is not impacted by the telephone. It has taken years for some of the Singer friends to understand we won't put her on the phone if the call at 10:00pm. What is more amazing, is the parents of these friends imply I'm the crazy one, because often the calls concern homework. We've had to take the Singer's cell phone away at night, because her friends were 'texting' her all through the night...12 midnight, 2 am...anytime and all the time. Our sanity requires some down time. We don't need to be that connected.
I was glad to see the article seemed to be supporting my beliefs. But near the end of the article, it stated

"Teenagers need to wake up to the fact that to feel well, perform well and look
well, they need to do something about their sleep."

I don't think it's teenagers who need to wake up to the fact that they need more sleep...it's their parents. That's the parents' job, to teach the teenagers healthy habits so they can be successful in life.

The second article is from BBC. Here the value of play is emphasized. We've sent our kids to private schools for primarily religious reasons. But as I watched the public schools take away any kind of recess, it gave me another reason to keep my kids in private school. The Imp is in 8th grade. She has 20-30 minutes (depending on how quickly or slowly she eats her lunch) to play outside with minimal adult supervision. While she no longer plays ball on a regular basis (most of the time, it's girl-talk time), for years, she climbed monkey bars, swung, played kickball and various other outdoor fun. As a former middle school teacher, there were days, I had to take my students outside and let them run for 10 minutes before starting class. There was just too much pent up energy in these 12 and 13 year olds, and I'd be fighting a losing battle to ask them to sit still, when they'd already been sitting still for 6 hours. Many schools have cut back on recess to allow for more "academic" time. I argue that taking recess away will hurt the academic scores, more than additional teaching time will help. If the student isn't engaged, it doesn't matter what the teacher is doing. Kids need time to be kids.

The experts say that play - especially
when it takes place outdoors - is crucial to a child's health

An increase in traffic, parental fears about abduction by strangers and a
"test-driven" culture of education have all contributed to the trend.

My solution to obesity? Give recess back, take electronics out of the bedrooms and let kids sleep.

Scrapbooking

Today I've been able to spend time "scrapping." It's been a long time since I've worked on my scrapbooks and the first thing I have to do is sort the pictures. I came across a box full of pictures from the early 80's and before. I found this picture of my brothers, John and Chris, that my mom has been looking for. So this is for her.

Next week, my friend and I are going to start scrapping every other Monday. We're both excited. Having a partner makes you scrap, instead of seeing all the other things that need to be done. A few years ago, we scrapped every Thursday for over a year and a half (a short break during the summer). That was wonderful, and I got much done. I'm anxious to get started again.

Ellen's Carrot Cake

Tonight, Hubby and I have are monthly get-together with 5 other couples. I love the fellowship and faith sharing, but the real pull is the great food. We have potluck. The host couple makes the main meal and the rest of us bring the sides. People always bring really good stuff. I can hardly wait to go and eat...especially because we're bringing dessert. And I made Ellen's carrot cake. I really met Ellen in August of 1988 (I had been introduced before...she was my sister-in-law, but this was when I moved closer to where she lived and got to see her more regularly). And I can't remember exactly but it might have been that year's Labor Day cook-out to which she brought her, now famous, carrot cake. I had never been a big carrot cake person (chocolate is my middle name). And I tried the cake more out of politeness than anything (mumbling to myself...doesn't she know real desserts have chocolate?) Then I tasted it. It was heavenly! I had to have the recipe. I have no idea where she got the recipe but it is more than good. Since then, I often choose this dessert to bring places and always get rave reviews. And it's always nice to remember Ellen.

Survival Awards and Dreams

I'm always "writing" blog entries when I read something interesting, or troubling, or thought-provoking. My writings don't always make it from my head to the computer.

I read this interesting, thought-provoking article about educating students. The teacher's suggestion was right on target. I'm not sure policy makers and law-makers know about these individual students.

Here I am -- another month of teaching gone by -- contemplating our school's
monthly awards: Perfect Attendance, Outstanding Citizen, Outstanding Scholar,
Superior Writer, Great Reader. . . [and] all I can think of is: How about an
award for Psychological Survivor, Emotional Duress Survivor? In other words,
awards for just coping with life.

It made me want to send all of Cindy's kids an award. And it made me think how Cindy tries so hard to minimize the effects of the traumatized pasts of her kids (And maybe Cindy needs a reward for "just coping with life") But it also made me remember so many of my students who showed up at school with the odds stacked against them, and my frustration with the emphasis on passing written tests. Don't get me wrong...students need to master skills in order to succeed. But not everyone will master those skills at the same age. And if we (and I don't mean just the schools) addressed some of the other issues, so many more students would be able to concentrate enough to master those key skills. How can 'Tommy' learn about anything when he's not sure how long he'll be at this school or in that home. I had many 'Tommy's' who were shuffled between homes...first mom's, but new boyfriend doesn't get along with Tommy. Then dad's, but dad has no patience and tells Tommy if he messes up he'll be sent away. Tommy messes up and is sent to live at his aunt's. After a month or two, Tommy's aunt is a her wit's end and sends Tommy back to mom's. Tommy can't focus on much at school, and being transferred from school to school (because all these people are not in the same school zone) there's no continuity to school. If Tommy has anything else going against him...ADHD, or lower than average intelligence, or a learning disability, his chances of making it successfully through the school system is slim. If Tommy showed any progress, he should get an award, but he was still "below level" so no awards came his way. And so many 'Tommys" stopped dreaming of a better tomorrow, or never dreamed at all.
People need to be able to dream. Faith Hill's song "Fireflies" talks about being taught to dream. That's what kids need.

Two more thoughts:

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
--Beverly Sills,

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get
tired."
--Jules Renard,

Real Mothers Never Give Up or Give In

Reading Cindy's blog makes my heart hurt because of her pain. Reading her blogs, I never doubt she will get up tomorrow and keep on keeping on. She's got God on her side and I know she knows it. But all mothers (even those of us who have the "perfect angels"?) get tired of the constant repetition of our jobs and the condemnation we often seem to get from our children we are so desperately trying to teach. Most of us want to teach them first and foremost, that they are loved and lovable. For Cindy, that's a big order since most of her children come to her believing love is the stuff of fairy tales and that if love were real, they would definitely not be candidates for it. But the quest to believe you are lovable is not limited to those with abusive/neglectful pasts. Watch any 2-year old and see them test their parents to see, "Am I truly lovable?" Watch any teen-ager, and much of their actions beg that they be told they are lovable no matter how outrageous or foolish their behavior is.

Today's reading at church was from Luke 12:

"I have come to cast fire upon the earth; and how I wish it were already
kindled! "But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until
it is accomplished! "Do you suppose that I came to grant peace on
earth? I tell you, no, but rather division; for from now on five members in
one household will be divided, three against two and two against three.
"They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against
daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and
daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."

This has always been a passage that has caused me discomfort...mother against daughter, daughter against mother. Not a comforting thought, but the priest today said that those who live The Truth will always cause discord with those around them. It made me think of how tired I get telling my girls, "No, you may not wear that." "No, I won't buy you that...it's not appropriate." "No, you may not listen to that music in this house." "No, you may not...." And I'm so tired because of the resistance they give to me, not once but over and over again. Maybe this is the daughter against mother?? If I'm doing my job, I will cause discord, unease in those around me. Whether or not that's exactly what is meant by this passage, I did take encouragement from this passage and felt like I could continue saying "NO" even though I often feel like giving in. I wonder, am I being too strict? Am I making them social pariahs? Today I answer, I am teaching them Truths. Better a social pariah than a heavenly pariah. God is on my side. So whatever my "battle," big or small, as the mother I can't give up or give in. I must continue teaching them truths and The Truth...they're all lovable.

School Choices

School is well under way now. The Imp has settled in and is basically okay with her classes and teachers. Her science teacher will be the thorn in her side all year, but hey, you can't have all your teachers be great.
The Singer came home from school the first day and exclaimed, "I'm never gonna make it through this year!!!" Trying to be sympathetic and not laugh at her dramatics, I inquired about her day. She proceeded to tell me that her classes were going to be hard. [This realization astonished me, as she's taking AP Spanish, Government, Calculus, and English; dual enrollment Anatomy and Physiology; Shakespeare; and Catholic Morality. I'm not sure how she thought her classes WOULDN'T be hard?] After more investigative work on my part (kids rarely tell the real problem outright), I discovered that her AP Spanish was the class really worrying her. Apparently she sat through the first class, not understanding most of what the teacher said. To keep afloat in that class would require extensive time, and she didn't see how she could give it that much time and still keep up in all her other classes. So Thursday she talked to her Spanish teacher and her guidance counselor and she's now taking Honors Spanish IV. She was worried about dropping an AP class hurting her chances of getting in to college. Of course, her friends fueled that worry with comments of "Colleges want you to take the most rigorous courses. Even if you get lower grades. You can't drop an AP class." Ugh. Thankfully, her guidance counselor told her graduating with 6 AP credits and a dual enrollment credit was fine. I know life has changed, but I didn't take ANY AP classes and still was able to get into William and Mary...go figure.
The college search is revving up. Hubby and the Singer are off to UCF for an official tour on August 29. Then the 3 of us (possibly the Imp, too) are head to FSU on Sept 10. We're hoping that these visits will help her get a feel for the campus and help her decide which she prefers.
While doing the college thing, the Imp is stressing over high school choices. And while it seems early, we've got to have applications to the Catholic schools and the magnet schools in by January, and if we decide on a Catholic school, registration payments (non-refundable) are due early March. So I'm praying for lots of patience and guidance this year.

Hubby's off to work already today. He'll put in 8 hours or so today. We've gotten spoiled with him rarely working more than 45 or 50 hours a week, and we don't even usually notice as he often works for an hour or two at home in the evenings. When he first started working for IBM back in 1988, a 50 hour week felt like vacation. In fact, he usually would work for 3 or 4 weeks at 70-80 hour/wk, and then the next 2 months would be 50-55 hour weeks, then things would pick up and a deadline would be coming and the 70-80 hour/wks would resume. I'm not sure how either of us survived that. He use to get up at 4:30 to be at work by 5:15 am. Then he'd come home about 5 to have dinner and spend time with me and the Singer, and then he'd go back into work around 7:30 and stay till midnight. When we talk about that time in our lives, we both marvel at the resiliency of youth.

The girls are waking up and I need to go start my Saturday chores.

I Love Teaching

I'm off this morning to the Imp's school for the opening day Mass. It's the feast of the Assumption (all about Mary) and as the school (due to the Salesian Sisters) is dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary, it's a big deal. The principal is awesome. Traditionally, she'll give out free ice cream at lunch on big days celebrating Mary. The Imp now knows those days...what a great way to teach kids and have them associate Mary with good things.

After Mass, I'm off to St. Frances Cabrini Church in Spring Hill (about an hour north of here) to meet with the DRE (Director of Religious Education) since I'm doing a workshop for the catechists (teachers) there next Saturday. I love teaching teachers. I have a couple of 2 to 4 hours workshops I've written for catechists. The approach is a little different than "regular" teachers since the majority of these people are not educators by profession, but "just" volunteers trying to make a difference. The workshop I'm giving at St. Frances focuses on some of Harry Wong's teachings (he's an educational guru), and basic classroom management. I get to stand in front of a crowd and bounce around and get excited. I'm so glad. I really love teaching, period. The last few years I was in the classroom, it had so much about "appearances" and I spent way too much time defending myself to parents who seemed to care about grades and not necessarily learning. But preparing a lesson, the presenting it...that is a good day!


I typed the above in earlier today and had to run out to get to the Imp's school on time. I'm red-faced, as her school is NOT having Mass today (they have for the last 4 years! They're having their opening Mass NEXT week! Oh well, I'm off the St. Frances, and now have to figure out when I AM going to Mass.

Working

Three weeks into work and I'm loving it, and am very frustrated with it. I've spent 2 weeks trying to re-install all the programs that were on the old hard-drive onto the new hard-drive. Yes, I got to replace a hard-drive my first week at work. I would rate my computer knowledge about a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10, and as such, I am the most computer savvy in the office (kind of scary, isn't it?). So I've been dubbed, by default, our IT specialist. Huh? I didn't have email for over a week on the new hard drive, so I had to go to another computer to look up email. My boss expects email to be checked frequently as that is one way she communicates with us. I still haven't figured her out. Our office is comprised of 3 rooms plus a storage room and 1/2 bath. The total square footage may be 450 sq ft. It's small. So I'm not sure why she has to email me to give me information. I was wearing a step counter, and haven't been able to get over 700 steps at work (and that's even going outside at lunch!). It's about 10 steps to the bath and not even that from my desk to any other desk in the office. It's actually been fun having to use problem solving skills at work, however, I'm not sure my boss gets how much time it takes to work some of these kinks out. If the help desk tells me to turn off and unplug my computer and then wait 1 minute before plugging back in and starting up again, that's a lot of time. And sometimes, it requires doing that more than once before a problem is solved. I don't get the feeling that she has a good sense of time...how much time any one activity takes and so I get the feeling she is disappointed when work isn't completed on her time schedule. I've still got one more program to get loaded onto the hard-drive and then we'll be set (hopefully). Overall, I'm enjoying work and working only 6 hours is gravy!

The Imp started school and is miraculously in the homeroom she wanted to be in. At a Catholic K-8 school, much time is spent in homeroom: 15 minutes each morning and afternoon and a 1/2 hour before lunch for AR (accelerated reading) time. It is also the class you go to whenever the schedule is different and there's "extra" time at the beginning or end of the day. She is excited to be in 8th grade (big kid on campus) and is looking forward to high school where there will be a bigger pond to swim in. The Singer starts back tomorrow. So we haven't really gotten our "school year" rhythm down.

We had a terrible thunderstorm last night. The news said there were more the 1200 lightning strikes in 10 minutes. I believe it. It was the most intense storm we've had this year. Our pool filled up to the rim again, and we had to drain it and I hate doing that...it just feels wasteful. Our back yard is a swamp. But believe me, I am not complaining. It's wonderful to get so much rain. We're still under average for the year, so let it rain. My gardens are being invaded by weeds which grow so fast you can almost see them growing, especially with this much rain interspersed with heat and sunshine.

Portable Shelters?

Unbelievably, school is right around the corner. The Imp starts next Thursday (next Tues night is "Back to School Night" where we go and get to see what homeroom she's in, and there is a parents' meeting. The Imp, sharing characteristics of her mother, came into my room at 1:20 am this morning, telling me she couldn't sleep. The pre--school jitters have begun. Once school begins, she'll be fine, but the next week or so could be rough...on both of us. I don't do well on interrupted sleep. Not to mention, she comes into my room, stands by my bed puts her face very close to mine and whispers, "Mommm" "Momm" so I open my eyes and find myself staring into a face. Inevitably, I jump. Because of this response, my kids don't like to wake me up in the night (I've told them that standing back a little might help....).
The Singer is off to Music Ministry Alive. She is sooo excited. She was chosen to sing a solo at the closing program. She's pretty happy. It seems she's been gone a lot this summer...getting us ready for her going off to college, I guess.





Check out this story about PODS. No, not Portable On Demand Storage, although the same company, but Portable On Demand SHELTERs. Make sure to watch the video, it gives a tour of these cozy "homes". It sounds intriguing, having a small space to stay in, on your own property, as you recover from a catastrophic event (hurricane, wild fire, etc). I wouldn't want to stay in one for long, but having them so easily portable is really a plus. Here in Tampa, we know that hurricane season starts in May, but we don't usually start watching until August. August and September are the months we tend to get hit. Wonder if there's a way to tie this into solving the homeless problem?

Production vs Service

My first few days at work have been interesting. I still don't know what my job title is or job description or job expectations (other than "jack-of-all-trades"). But despite the lack of concrete, sequential, neatly packaged directions (which I thrive on), I'm still having fun. I enjoy being with other adults during the day. I also enjoy being able to contribute to my family's finances even just a little. Being a stay-at-home mom has been/is very important to me, but a continual struggle has been feeling like a "free-loader." I know all the arguments about the economic (not to mention emotional and spiritual) value to my family because of me being at home. I believe it and know my decision is right and am not sorry for choosing this life at all. However, "Pull your own weight." echos in my mind and in a society that values production over service and money over ... well just about anything, it is easy to fall into the trap of feeling unproductive. Being at home also means that I spend most of the money. I do the shopping and get the car fixed and pay the bills and pick up the dry-cleaning and so on. Hubby puts gas in the car and while that has become a bigger expenditure than it use to be, it doesn't add up near as quickly as all of my purchases. The Imp needed a new uniform skirt, new tennis shoes, and new uniform shirt. The Singer needed new school shoes and new tennis shoes. Those purchases plus the various school supplies that they need, and I've spent significantly more than I do in a "normal" month. My paycheck will make me feel better and provide us with the ability to do some of the extras (family vacation, to name one) we haven't in a while. I'm very blessed.

The Gift of Grief

The Unwanted Gift of Grief is a book I picked up in Chicago last week. Saturday night (while still in Tampa) a group of friends of mine were discussing grieving. Another friend lost his mother a few months ago and some people couldn't understand the length and depth of his grief. Walking through the grief process myself, I know that grief is ultimately personal and individual. My grief for John is different than my grief for my brother, Chris....for a number of reasons ranging from the suddenness of Chris' death to the fact that I'm 5 years older than I was when Chris died. I began reading this book and kept saying "YES! That's exactly it!" I'm tempted to write all the passages I've already highlighted in the book, but I've highlighted too much and cannot pick the most pertinent or most moving quote. For anyone who's lost someone...even a long time ago, and for anyone who knows someone who's lost someone, this book is a must. To me, this book approached grief intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. It has made me feel better simply because it has validated my grief process.

Chicago was wonderful. The details are unimportant. I had much time of sharing with friends, made new friends and had time to personally think. I spent one morning at the Loyola Museum looking at an exhibit on John Paul II and his friendship with a Jew, Jerzy Kluger, who ultimately helped JPII visit Israel. It was so interesting and provoking. I'm such a history buff, that the history itself was intriquing. But to recognize what the Pope went through before becoming pope was inspiring. Near the end of the exhibit, there was a model "Wailing Wall" like the wall in Israel where John Paul stopped to pray. There was paper for you to write a prayer on and put it in the wall. The museum will be taking all those prayers to the Wailing Wall in Israel when the exhibit closes. Pretty neat. Yes, I left a prayer.

What Marriage Should Be

A week ago, I headed off to SC by myself to share the 4th with my family. My brother, Mark, from California had already made plans to visit before John's death. Hubby and the Singer couldn't take more time off of work after the week in June, and the Imp decided to stay home. So I found myself, once again, driving from Tampa to Sumter (about a 485 mile trip). I've made that trip about every 2 months for the past 4 1/2 years...often alone. As I was driving, it was surreal, it was hard for me to get my head around the fact that I wouldn't see John once I finally got there. With 9 hours of driving time, I had lots of time to think, and remembered many of my trips to SC and things I did with John. Of course, I remembered the trip to Ward's Bar-B-Que the last time I was there. John was craving fat-back (a southern delicacy?) and Elaine and Essie (John's nurse) and I took him out to Ward's so he could get a taste of fat-back (think pork rinds, only more fat --ugh). But it was a great memory and I know John enjoyed the outing and the food. I also thought of older memories...of when we were little. I didn't really appreciate John and his sense of humor and his decidedly different approach to life until we were both approaching 30. I always loved him but didn't quite "get him" until I matured. It was sad to think how often he frustrated me during those first 30 years, when if I had only relaxed a little, I could have laughed both at and with him. Makes me look at others who walk to the beat of their own drummer a little differently.

I enjoyed my time in SC immensely. I got to spend time with Mark and my parents. With Mark being 8 years older and living 3000 miles away, we don't spend lots of time together. It was good to catch up with him. My mom and I hit the mall and I got some great "end of summer sale" stuff. But I really enjoyed my time with Gwyn, my sister-in-law. She and I went out to dinner and then sat in her back yard (one of John's favorite places) and got to talk. I've always liked Gwyn, but the last 4 years, I've tried hard to visit John while Gwyn's at work and give Gwyn and John their time...knowing that their time was limited. We visited, but rarely just the two of us. I really enjoyed my time with her last week, and am more convinced then ever that marrying Gwyn was one of John's best decisions. Last week on Oprah, I saw Bob Woodruff and his wife, Lee, speak about his recovery from a head injury in Iraq. At one point, Oprah stated that it was inspiring to see Lee stick by Bob through this ordeal. Lee's response was great...one of surprise that sticking by Bob was seen as extraordinary. She loves him, she's married to him, they're part of each others' lives. OF COURSE she'd be there. The same reaction occurred with Gwyn and John. When John was first diagnosed, people would ask if he were married and if his wife was staying with him. I was confused...Yeah! She's his wife. She loves him. They're in this together...whatever "this" is. They each worked every day trying to make the situation better for the other. John wished he could somehow make it so that Gwyn wouldn't have to see him deteriorate, that he could somehow ease her work-load knowing that it grew each day as his abilities diminished. Gwyn approached her increased work-load as a matter of course....it needs to be done...so let's do it. Their time together was obviously tainted by ALS, but they both worked to make the time they had good and not only about ALS. It is inspiring...because this is what marriage should look like. They demonstrated love. Just makes my heart break to know she has lost her best friend.

While the trip to SC was good and I did have a good time, I am so, so, so happy to be home. Hubby and I have said at least 10 times a day to each other, "It's just good to be with you." We've done nothing exciting or extraordinary, but I'm definitely glad to be home.

Tomorrow night, the Imp has convinced us to all go to the opening night of the new Harry Potter movie. We're going with Hubby's cousin and his family. I can't remember the last opening night I've been too...and in fact, I'm not sure I've ever been. I'm not a crowd person and usually prefer to wait until the theater won't be totally full. But...it should be interesting.

Worrying

I think I may finally be growing up. I have always been a consummate worrier. Stressing about possible happenings that rarely, if ever, occur. Worrying gains us nothing but stress. We're told to trust in God and NOT to worry. So for years, I've been working on this problem of mine.
Having said all that, I do believe there is a thin line between worrying and planning. Thinking of possible outcomes to plan for them is different than worrying, although I often find myself crossing between planning and worrying and back again.
Being a stay-at-home mom has made me worry a little less, especially financially. Living on one income is not easy, especially if you play the comparison game to other families. We give up much by having me be at home. But, if I really look, I lack little, if anything in my life. Our financial situation seems to be cyclical. We do well...budget balanced, few "catastrophic" bills, etc. and we feel like we're doing great. Then within a few months, a number of things will happen (like the year our van needed hundreds of dollars of repairs, our tenants moved out of our rental home in the middle of the night without saying anything, and school tuition rose 10%). But, looking back, somehow things worked out. A few years ago when Hubby and I were weighing our options, we decided that plan A was the right plan, but that somehow I'd have to bring in $2,000 in the next 10 months. I had no obvious opportunities immediately in front of me, but we made the decision anyway, with the idea I'd begin looking for work shortly. Not 2 weeks later, I was offered a contract for curriculum work...for $2,000.
Here we are again, sailing along for the last two years with little true concerns. Then our home owners insurance tripled in February, unexpected travel out of town, wedding anniversaries and weddings, the Singer banging up the car...and once again the financial mountain seems to loom ahead. Troubles with my certification making my contract work unavailable indefinitely. Ugh. Then, 2 weeks ago, a friend called me, asking if I'd be interested in working part-time (4 days a week, 9am - 3pm) with flexibility based on the girls' school calendar. Her office is a mere 5 minutes from the Imp's school. It's a small office (two full time employees), and I'd be doing a lot of organizing and cataloguing...my strengths for sure. We met for lunch on Tuesday and I start training mid-July and begin in earnest when the girls return to school in August. Wow! What timing!
I'm not trying to be Pollyanna. Things COULD have been different. If I hadn't been offered this job, we'd have to cut back on things. I don't sit around waiting for God to solve my problems, but trusting in God makes the problems seem more manageable and helps me put the proper perspective on the issues. Does it really matter if we get a new couch, or replace our worn carpet, or take a trip to New York City or buy the new bestseller, or drive a beat up car, or miss the latest movies at the theater? We've got each other and a roof over our heads, and food on the table...the rest is gravy.